A Good Woman (32 page)

“You’ve been very kind to us,” Annabelle said gratefully.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she said gruffly. “You’re a good woman. I can see what a wonderful mother you’ve been to her. Somehow, in spite of everything, you’ve managed to become a doctor. And from what I’ve been told, you’re a good one.” Her own physician had discreetly checked, through connections he had in France. “In spite of what my son did to you, you’ve recovered, and you don’t hold it against the child, or even against me. I’m not even sure you hold it against him, and I’m not sure I could have done that in your place. You’re respectable, responsible, decent, hard-working. You worked like a Trojan during the war. You have no family behind you. You’ve done it all on your own, with no one to help you. You were brave enough to have a child out of wedlock and make the best of it. I can’t think of a single thing about you not to respect or like. In fact, I think you’re quite remarkable, and I’m proud to know you.” What she said brought tears to Annabelle’s eyes. It was the antidote to everything Antoine had said.

“I wish I could see it the way you do,” Annabelle said sadly. “All I see are my mistakes. And all people seem to see, except for you, are the labels others have put on me.” She confessed one of her darkest secrets then, and told her she had been divorced before she left the States, and told her why. It only made Lady Winshire admire her more.

“That’s quite an amazing story,” she said, thinking about it for a moment. She wasn’t easily shocked, and the story of Annabelle’s marriage to Josiah only made her feel sorry for Annabelle. “It was foolish of him to think he could pull it off.”

“I think he believed he could, and then found he couldn’t. And his friend was always close at hand. It must have made it even more difficult for him.”

“People are such fools sometimes,” Lady Winshire said, shaking her head. “And it was even more foolhardy of him to think that divorcing you wouldn’t blacken your name. It’s all very nice to say he was trying to free you up for someone else. Divorcing you for adultery in order to do it only threw you to the wolves. He might as well have burned you at the stake in a public place. Really, men can be so ignorant and selfish at times. I don’t suppose you can undo that very easily now.” Annabelle shook her head. “You just have to tell yourself that you don’t care. You know the truth. That’s all that matters.”

“It won’t stop people from slamming their doors in my face,” Annabelle said wistfully. “And Consuelo’s.”

“Do you really care about those people?” Lady Winshire asked honestly. “If they’re mean-spirited enough to do that to you, and to her, then they’re not good enough for either of you, rather than the reverse.” Annabelle told her about her recent experience with Antoine then, and she was outraged. “How dare he say things like that to you? There is nothing more small-minded and downright vicious than the self-righteousness of the so-called bourgeoisie. He would have made you miserable, my dear. You were quite right not to let him come back. He wasn’t worthy of you.” Annabelle smiled at what she said, and had to agree. She was sad about what had happened, but once she had discovered who Antoine was, she didn’t miss him. She just missed the dream of what she had hoped they would have, but clearly never would. It had been an illusion. A beautiful dream that turned into a nightmare with his ugly words and assumptions. He was far too willing to believe the worst of her, whether true or not.

Consuelo came bounding into the room then, excited about all the horses she had seen in the barn, and the ride on the pony. And she was even more so when she saw her room. It was a big, sunny chamber, decorated in flowered silks and chintz, and it adjoined her mother’s room, which was more of the same. And that night at dinner, they told her about her new double name.

“It sounds hard to spell,” Consuelo said practically, and both her mother and grandmother laughed.

“You’ll get used to it,” her mother said. She was more grateful than ever for Lady Winshire’s legal acknowledgment of her child. It might avoid her ever being called a bastard again, by someone as cruel as Antoine.

They played cards after dinner, and eventually all three of them went up to bed. Consuelo was already half asleep and leaning against her mother. In the end, she slept in Annabelle’s bed. And she headed straight out to the barn again the next morning as soon as she was dressed.

The two women talked easily all day, about assorted topics, everything from politics to medicine to novels. Her ladyship was intelligent and extremely well read. Their exchanges reminded Annabelle of the ones she had shared with her own mother, and she had given Annabelle much to think about with their conversation on the first day, about Annabelle not being daunted by the labels people had put on her unfairly. She kept reminding her throughout the weekend that she was a good woman. It made Annabelle feel proud of herself, and not like the pariah she had been when she left New York. Antoine’s words had just been more of the same, and worse because they came from someone she loved, and whom she had believed loved her.

On the last day, at lunch in the garden, Consuelo’s grandmother had a surprise for her. She had one of the grooms join them at dessert, when they served Consuelo’s birthday cake, and he was holding a hatbox tied with a big pink bow. Both Consuelo and her mother thought she was being given a riding hat to wear when she came back. And then Annabelle saw the box shake slightly and began to suspect what was in it. The groom held the box firmly while Consuelo undid the bow and cautiously took off the lid. And as soon as she did, a small black face was peering at her and leaped out of the box into her hands. It was a little black and fawn pug puppy, just like Lady Winshire’s own dogs, and Consuelo was so excited she could hardly speak as the little dog licked her face. Both women were smiling at her, and Consuelo turned to her grandmother and threw her arms around her neck.

“Thank you! She’s so wonderful! What shall I name her?”

“That’s up to you, my dear.” Lady Winshire was beaming. This unexpected grandchild had become a great joy in her life.

They were all sad to leave each other when Consuelo and her mother got back in the car to return to Dover, for the long boat and train trip back to Paris. Lady Winshire reminded them to come back soon. Consuelo thanked her again for the puppy, who still didn’t have a name, but was very excited to be going on the trip. And Lady Winshire reminded Annabelle discreetly that she’d be sending her the papers about Consuelo as soon as they were drawn up.

She stood on the front steps waving as they drove away, and Consuelo played with the puppy all the way back to Paris. She told her mother it was the best birthday she had ever had, and it had been good for Annabelle too.

The day after they got home, Annabelle wrote to the attorneys and told them not to sell the cottage in Newport. And in her office the next morning, she asked Hélène to book passage on a ship to New York in June, with a return to Paris in July. She had taken all of Lady Winshire’s advice to heart.

Chapter 26

I
n the third week of June, Annabelle, Consuelo, and Brigitte set sail on the
Mauretania.
It was the same ship her parents and Robert had sailed on, going to Europe, on their final, fateful voyage. Knowing that was poignant for Annabelle. They left Le Havre on a brilliantly sunny warm day, and had two beautiful staterooms side by side on an upper deck.

The
Mauretania
was one of the largest, fastest, most luxurious ships afloat. Annabelle had also sailed on her sixteen years before with her parents. And she had reserved two of the magnificent ship’s largest staterooms. Frequent travelers loved her for her spacious cabins, even in second class, which was rare, and particularly in first.

Consuelo was beside herself with excitement. Brigitte was nervous about the crossing. She had had a distant relative in steerage on the
Titanic,
who didn’t survive. And she started crying and crossing herself almost the moment they came on board, talking about the earlier disaster, which annoyed her employer. Annabelle didn’t want her frightening Consuelo, and reminding her of how her grandfather and uncle had died. Brigitte was sparing them no details, of all she’d heard and read about at the time, including the screams from dying people in the water.

“Is that true, Mama?” The child looked up at her with wide eyes. She couldn’t even imagine a ship this big going down. Consuelo knew the story, but not the details.

“Some of it,” Annabelle said honestly. “Sometimes bad things happen, but not very often. That was a long, long time ago, and many, many, many ships have gone back and forth across the ocean since then without a problem. This one has been traveling safely for eighteen years, and there won’t be icebergs in our path on this trip. Look how beautiful and sunny it is, and how big the ship is. I promise you, we will be fine,” she said gently, and flashed a warning look at Brigitte over the child’s head.

“The
Titanic
was bigger… and what about the
Lusitania?”
Brigitte insisted, and Annabelle wanted to strangle her for frightening her child.

“What’s the loofamania?” Consuelo asked, getting the name garbled.

“Brigitte is just scared and being silly. I promise you, we’re going to have a fantastic trip. And we’re going to do lots of fun things in New York, and see my old house in Newport.” For different reasons, she was as nervous as Brigitte. She wasn’t worried about the ship sinking this time, particularly in peacetime, but it was going to be her first time back in New York in ten years, and she was anxious about what it would feel like, and about facing the ghosts and traumas she had left there. But she agreed with Lady Winshire. It was all part of Consuelo’s ancestry, and she had a right to see it, and learn more about it, just as she did about the Winshire side. And Annabelle couldn’t hide from it forever. It had taken her a long time to go back. The war had been a good excuse not to for a long time, and medical school later. But the war had been over for nearly seven years, Consuelo’s entire lifetime. It was long enough. But she didn’t need to hear the details of the sinking of the
Titanic,
courtesy of Brigitte, complete with dying screams from the water, thank you very much. And she told her so in no uncertain terms when Consuelo stepped away to pet someone’s dog. There were many traveling on the ship. And children for Consuelo to play with.

She asked Brigitte to start unpacking, to keep her busy, and Annabelle took Consuelo to see the swimming pool, the spectacular dining room, the game rooms, and the dog kennels on another deck. They had left her pug at home with Hélène, who adored her. Consuelo had named her Coco.

As the ship pulled out of the harbor, all three women stood on deck and watched France disappear slowly behind them. Consuelo was begging to go play shuffleboard, and Annabelle had promised her they would that afternoon. And that night, she and her mother dined in the stately dining room. This was a very different trip from the one Annabelle had made coming to Europe ten years before, when she had rarely left her stateroom, and she had no idea what lay in store for her when she reached her destination. All Annabelle had wanted then was to flee the people who had blackballed her in New York. And now, at last, ten years later, she was going back.

Everything went pleasantly, until on the third day out, Annabelle saw an older couple standing near the shuffleboard game, with a younger couple who were obviously their married children. They were staring at her, but she pretended not to recognize them, as she and Consuelo drifted past. Annabelle instantly began an animated conversation with her daughter, so she didn’t have to acknowledge the people she had recognized at once. They had been acquaintances of her parents. As she and Consuelo walked past them, she heard the older woman speak to her husband in an undervoice that carried clearly across the deck.

“… married to Josiah Millbank…don’t you remember…Arthur Worthington’s daughter… some dreadful scandal… she had an affair and he divorced her… she ran off with the other man to France…” So that was what they thought, Annabelle realized with a shudder. And they still remembered. She wondered if they all did. It had truly been a life sentence, and she was never to be paroled or pardoned. She was an adulteress forever.

It shocked her to realize that some people thought she had gone to France with a man. Just hearing it made her want to run to her room and hide. And then she thought of Lady Winshire’s words to her. “Hold your head high, Annabelle. You’re a good woman. You don’t care about them.” And as she listened to her words echo in her head, she realized that Lady Winshire was right, to some extent. She did care, she didn’t want to be a pariah, she hated the labels they used on her… adulteress being the worst of all… but she wasn’t an adulteress and never had been. She had been faithful to her husband, she had been a good woman then, and still was now. Nothing had changed, divorced or not. And after all these years, what did they care about why she had gone to Europe, or with whom? None of them had been there for her, to support her, console her, or embrace her in the losses she had sustained. Her life might have been different if they had. But if so, she would never have gone to Europe, become a doctor, or had Consuelo at her side. So she was the winner in the end.

On their way back from another visit to the dog kennels, to visit with a sweet black pug, Annabelle strolled past them again, holding Consuelo’s hand. And this time she looked the woman in the eye, and acknowledged her with a nod. Annabelle was wearing a chic cloche hat that matched the gray silk suit she had purchased for the trip, and she looked very stylish, and no longer American, but French. The moment Annabelle nodded at her, the woman rushed forward with a broad, false smile, gushing words of greeting.

“My goodness, Annabelle, is that you? After all these years! How are you, and what a beautiful little girl. She must be yours, she looks just like you…is your husband on board?”

“No,” Annabelle said, shaking hands politely with both of them, “I’m a widow. And this is my daughter, Consuelo WorthingtonWinshire.” Consuelo curtsied politely in the pretty dress she’d chosen to wear that day, with white gloves and a hat.