A Forever Kind of Guy: The Braddock Brotherhood, Book 2 (32 page)

“Hayley, what’s going on?” Ray’s voice was deadly cold. It was like ice water poured on her, forcing her to get hold of herself.

She lowered the towel and looked at him. Her chin came up. She reminded herself this had been her decision. She’d done what she thought was best for Fletcher.

“Fletcher’s being put up for adoption.”

“What!” Ray exploded. “How? When? Why didn’t you tell me?” He looked stunned, devastated. Hurt.

“I wanted to. But…I couldn’t.”

“I think I deserved to know.”

Hayley nodded. “You did. I couldn’t tell you. It was hard enough—” Nope. She wasn’t going down that road of self-pity. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Ray sighed. He stared at her as if he didn’t quite know what to make of her or what to do or say next. “I thought you were going to keep him,” he said quietly.

Hayley sniffed. “I can’t.”

“Can’t?” Ray asked. “Or don’t want to?”

Hayley felt Ray’s question like a blow to the heart. That she’d been asking herself the same kinds of questions didn’t make it any easier to bear. “
I can’t.
I’m in no position to adopt him,” she told Ray evenly. “Not financially or emotionally. If things were different for—if I hadn’t made a deal with Carlos—”

“What deal?”

“Carlos only agreed to relinquish his parental rights if I agreed not to adopt Fletcher.”

Ray stared at her as if he didn’t know how to respond to that. She stumbled on, knowing she couldn’t make him understand. “At the time I thought it was the right thing to do, but now…” Hayley had never felt so defeated. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t support him. I can’t protect him.”

“What do you mean you can’t protect him? From what?”

Hayley lifted her chin. “From Carlos.”

“Carlos is in jail.”

“I sincerely doubt he’ll always be locked up.” Hayley didn’t know how to convey to Ray her very real fear that given the opportunity, Carlos would eventually find a way to exact his revenge. It might be days, weeks or months from now, but she couldn’t convince herself that Niko’s warnings were entirely unwarranted. She had little faith in the alarm system Ray’d had installed. Carlos could gain access, execute an attack and be long gone before the authorities arrived, especially since Perrish relied on the limited policing presence of the county sheriff’s office. “I’m doing what’s best for Fletcher.”

“Hayley, that little boy needs you.”

“There are things Fletcher needs that I’m not in a position to provide. Like you weren’t when Caroline decided otherwise. How did it feel, Ray, to have someone expect something from you when you knew you weren’t ready to give it? Huh? Because that’s exactly what you’re asking me to do.”

She’d raised her voice without meaning to. Inside was another voice that told her she’d blown it, she’d lost everything. She’d made a huge mistake she wouldn’t be able to undo.

Ray stared at her for a minute then everything seemed to drain out of him. “Damn. You’re right. You’re right. I’m sorry. You say you’re not ready, I should accept that.”

Hayley breathed in a deep, shuddering breath, hoping it would ease the tightness in her chest. “I can’t. I can’t do it alone.”

“What if you weren’t alone?”

“But I am.”

Ray stared at her. Seconds ticked by. “I thought…you and me…hell, I don’t know what I thought. So he’s gone? You didn’t even let me say goodbye?”

“No. No. He’s only gone for the day. DCW does these picnic events at Suwannee County Park where children available for adoption can meet prospective adoptive parents.”

“Oh yeah,” Ray said. “I’ve heard about those. It’s sort of like going to the pound to look at puppies. See if any of them are what you want.”

“Ray!”

“Well, it is. I saw one of those news magazine stories about it a year or two ago. Those kids go in all filled with hope that somebody’s going to want them, take them home, that they’ll finally have a family. And you should see how disappointed they are when no one picks them.”

Hayley started to tremble. She’d seen the same news story. At the time all she could think about was how close she’d come to being one of those kids. If she hadn’t had a grandmother and later, an aunt who’d taken her in when her own mother’s inadequacies became too much, she’d have ended up in DCW custody.

“I just don’t see how Fletcher can fit in with my plan—”

“Oh yes. Your
plan
. Your plan to move to L.A. and leave everyone who loves you behind.”

Hayley flinched, but she lifted her chin. “My plans for L.A. were made before Steffie died. Do you know what Fletcher’s life would be like if I take him with me? He won’t be with me. He’ll be in day care a lot of the time because I’ll be working full-time and going to school. And there isn’t on-site day care like the Y, either. I know Fletcher will be better off with a family here. You can’t tell me the plans I’ve made for myself aren’t what’s right for me.”

“Maybe not, but here’s what I can tell you, Hayley. Plans can change. They aren’t set in stone. Sometimes they change because you choose to change them. Or circumstances come along and change them whether you want them to or not. There’s no reason to stick with a plan out of sheer stubbornness when it’s not working. And there’s no reason to hang on to it just because you’re afraid of where life might lead you without it.”

“I can’t—” The argument she’d formed in her head trickled down to words that stuck in her throat.

What if Ray was right? Had she made a terrible mistake with Fletcher? Perhaps no one would want him. But what if someone did?

Could she, should she risk Carlos’s wrath and adopt him? That sick fear that Carlos would seek retribution against them both if she did swamped her.

“If you’re so sure you know what’s best for Fletcher, maybe you should adopt him.”

Her quiet words dropped like pebbles into the pond of silence between them. Ray stared at her. “Maybe I will,” he responded softly.

There didn’t seem to be anything left to say.

A single tear rolled down Hayley’s cheek. She bit her lip, willing herself not to fall apart in front of Ray.

“I have to—I’m going to—” She turned and ran. Hayley made it to the bathroom and got the door closed. She hadn’t eaten anything, but the knots in her stomach didn’t care. When the spasms passed without much of anything else happening, she sat for a moment on the edge of the bathtub. She rubbed at her temples, trying to think what to do next. If anything.

Nothing had changed. She was still in no position to adopt Fletcher. Nurture him. Care for him. Protect him from Carlos. She had no extended family, virtually no support system, except for Ray. And as she well knew, there were no guarantees that any guy was going to stick around when the going got tough, no matter what he said or what she wanted to believe. Her own mother had hardly set an example she’d want to follow on how to raise a child.

Of course she had Andre. And Paige. But Andre lived in Jacksonville, and she had no intention of returning there to live. Ever. Once in L.A., she’d be working full-time for Paige. There wouldn’t be a convenient day-care center attached to her office. She’d have to put Fletcher somewhere, with someone else watching him. How was she going to fit in work and go back to school and be a single mother? It could be done. Women proved it all the time. But at what cost? To themselves? To the children?

And how fair would it be to Fletcher to keep him simply because she could? Even if part of her wanted to? Even if she were willing to risk defying Carlos, surely there were other, better parents for Fletcher, hopefully an intact family unit where he could thrive and be happy. Why couldn’t Ray understand that?

She reminded herself that she’d never fully explained her fear of Carlos to Ray. She should explain everything to him, tell him about Niko, lay it all out for him, make him understand. Surely Ray could also see that she could barely take care of herself, and she was also struggling to support herself and Fletcher as it was. Money wasn’t everything, and it was certainly no guarantee of a happy childhood, or so she’d heard. But Fletcher needed so much. She’d never be able to give it to him unless she stuck with her plan, got her degree, created some kind of future for herself.

No. Even though it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do, giving Fletcher up was still the right thing for him.

She eased the bathroom door open to find her worst fear realized.

Not only was Fletcher gone. So was Ray.

Ray drove with pure concentration, his fingers gripping the wheel. He couldn’t think about Hayley right now or whether he’d done the right thing taking off as soon as the bathroom door closed. All he could think about was Fletcher.

When she’d told him Fletcher was gone, Ray’s heart had dropped like a stone. He thought she’d meant he was gone for good, not just for the day. Somehow, in his head, he’d already adopted Fletcher, though he hadn’t realized it until he thought he’d lost him. He had this picture of Fletcher and Hayley as a permanent part of his life, although he hadn’t acted on making that happen. He hadn’t expected Hayley to pull the rug out from under him by deciding to put Fletch up for adoption without telling him.

Though to be fair, she had no obligation to tell him, and the more he thought about it the more he had to admit, she’d been trying to tell him that all along. And who was he really, to her? Just some guy she’d known for a couple of months. Some guy she’d been sleeping with for a couple of weeks. How would she know, and why should she believe he was also a guy she could count on to stick by her forever?

She’d insisted she wasn’t in a position to parent her stepsister’s child no matter how much she might want to. She was struggling, not only financially but with her own sense of inadequacy. Plus she was dead set on moving to L.A. There was no doubt in Ray’s mind that Hayley truly believed she was doing what was best for Fletcher.

But doing what she thought was best for Fletcher was clearly tearing her up inside. Somehow, some way, Ray wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t going to let that little boy go without a fight. And if Hayley wasn’t ready to make that kind of commitment, he’d wait until she was.

For a split second during Hayley’s explanation, he’d thought about throwing out some kind of proposal. “Marry me.” The words had flashed through his head, but even as they did he knew it wasn’t the time or the place. Hayley would think he was asking because of Fletcher. Like he was going to save them or something. While it was true that marriage to him would solve a lot of what Hayley viewed as obstacles, he didn’t want her to marry him so he could bail her out.

Hell, Hayley couldn’t even tell him she loved him. He knew she did. He’d known it before he’d told her how he felt that morning. But if she wasn’t ready to say the words to him, a marriage proposal would send her running for cover.

One thing he’d learned the past couple of years was patience. With himself and with other people. Not everyone arrived at the same destination at the same time. Sometimes you had to wait for them to catch up.

Even if committing to her was a foregone conclusion in his mind, when he proposed there’d be a ring and a more romantic setting than her side of the duplex in the middle of an argument. And it would be about the two of them and no one else.

He arrived at the county park in record time. It was easy to locate the picnic area adorned with balloons and a banner proclaiming the event. There were lots of kids milling around and almost as many adults.

Ray got out of the car to assess the scene. He doubted they let anyone walk into the fenced area, which included a playground, a large, covered picnic area and a couple of charcoal grills. Bunches of balloons were attached to the support pillars and some of the tables. A brightly decorated refreshment area offered cold drinks, snacks and ice cream. Ray saw Callie Maxwell near the entrance, huddled with some other adults and a couple of kids. He scanned the playground through the lenses of his sunglasses. The sun was unmerciful, the temperature somewhere in the mid-nineties, humidity in the hundreds probably. Vaguely, Ray wondered why the state couldn’t find a nice, air-conditioned facility to hold these events. At least there were lots of mature trees to provide plenty of shade.

He spotted Fletcher sitting by himself on a swing at the furthest end of the playground. He wasn’t swinging. He sat scuffing the toe of his sneaker into the dusty mulch below. Ray decided to bypass the huddle of DCW personnel and walked around the perimeter of the fence until he was as close to Fletcher as he could be without vaulting over the chain link. He’d taken a route that put him behind Fletcher when he stopped.

He stood for a moment watching the boy. It didn’t take long, maybe thirty seconds. Fletcher’s head came up. He stilled. He looked around then glanced over his shoulder and spotted Ray. He almost smiled and that made Ray grin.

Ray hunkered outside the fence, and Fletcher jumped off the swing and ran to him. Ray gripped the chain link with his fingers and waggled them at Fletcher. “Hey, buddy. How you doing?”

Fletcher slid his fingers beneath Ray’s and stared at him. “Are you having fun?”

Surprising him, Fletcher shook his head. His lower lip protruded and his eyes clouded. He was trying to keep himself from bursting into tears.

“It’ll be okay, buddy. You’ll see.”

“Mr. Braddock.”

Ray glanced up to see Callie Maxwell making her way toward them. He took off his sunglasses and wiped the perspiration off his forehead before replacing them. “Ms. Maxwell.” He returned her greeting, but he stayed where he was, not willing to break his contact with Fletcher.

“Can I help you?” she asked when she was close enough. Her gaze took in his fingers entwined with Fletcher’s.

“Yes,” Ray said. “I think you can. I’d like to adopt this little boy.”

That statement gained him access to the picnic area where Callie explained what sounded like a long, drawn-out procedure for adopting Fletcher, which involved home visits and background checks. A plan he’d already decided to circumvent any way he could. He’d probably need a good lawyer to cut through the red tape.