A Forever Kind of Guy: The Braddock Brotherhood, Book 2 (21 page)

Paige had expanded her empire to include an online membership program, a series of thirty-minute DVDs and weekly spots on the top-rated L.A. morning show.

No doubt about it, Paige had a lot on her plate, and she hadn’t offered Hayley a job out of pity, but out of necessity. She needed someone she could trust, and who understood the way she worked, to take some of the load off her. The idea of relocating to L.A. to escape her past held immense appeal. But Hayley wondered now how fulfilling the work itself would actually be. Would she be impacting anyone’s life in a positive way? Or would she simply be helping to make the beautiful people more beautiful?

“Are you going to tell me what’s bugging you,” Ray asked, glancing at her again, “or are you going to make me keep asking?”

She shook her head. “It’s everything and it’s nothing. When I figure it out, I’ll let you know. There’s really no point to discussing this program at the Y, since I’ll be moving to L.A. anyway.”

Ray cleared his throat and coughed a couple of times, but he didn’t say anything.

Once they were home, Ray carried Fletcher to his bed. The boy barely protested the change of venue, but clutched the ragged bear when Hayley put it next to him and covered him with the sheet.

Ray dragged his feet toward the door with Hayley trailing behind him. He wondered if she knew how much he didn’t want to leave. It wasn’t late. A little after eleven. But she hadn’t suggested he stay.

He got to the door but instead of opening it he turned around to face her. He’d hug her good-bye. That was all he’d do. Maybe a little peck on the cheek.

When she looked at him he thought,
Screw it
. Maybe she thought she was on her way to L.A., but he was going to do everything he could think of to change her mind. He threw caution to the wind, stepped toward her, cupped her head in his hands and gave her a real kiss. On the mouth. Like before, he could sense her initial reaction to resist. She held back her instinctive response again, but this time he wasn’t going to let her get away with it.

He moved closer and purposely deepened the kiss. Her lips parted, and his whole body went rigid at that small triumph. It wasn’t going to be enough. Not tonight.

He kissed her until she grew pliant and accepting before he maneuvered her to the sofa and sank down on it with her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and in seconds he had her where he’d been wanting her for weeks. Underneath him. Warm and willing.

Kissing Hayley intoxicated him. She was firm and vibrant. Even her hair had a thickness and healthiness so much different than Caroline’s wispy strands. No. He wasn’t going to think about Caroline. He wasn’t going to make comparisons.

Hard to say when things changed. He kissed her and she responded. When he nuzzled her neck, trailed his tongue down along her collar bone, she gasped in response. He moved on to the tiny bit of cleavage available, exploring with his lips and tongue while his fingers loosened the buttons of her blouse.

Second base
came the ridiculous thought. Like he was in high school all over again, making it with a girl for the first time. But then again, it had been so long, it sort of did feel like the first time. For sure it was the first time with Hayley, and he wasn’t going to rush through it. He was going to savor and enjoy and make it last, make it memorable. Make it good. For both of them.

While he was trying to figure out if her bra had a front or back clasp, she burst into tears.

Not exactly the response he’d been looking for.

She wiggled around to get out from under him. He sat up and let her. She sat for a minute weeping. Ray didn’t quite know what to do or what to say. Although it had been a long time since he’d made love or attempted to make love to a woman who wasn’t his wife, he couldn’t recall one ever bursting into tears simply because he’d unbuttoned her top.

“Are you okay?” he finally ventured, kicking himself for asking such a stupid question. Obviously, she was
not
okay.

“I need a tissue.”

Hayley rose and went into the bathroom. He thought he heard her mutter “Dammit” before she came out of the bathroom and went into her bedroom. When she did not reappear, Ray followed.

He found her sitting on the edge of her fluffy pink-and-white bed, dabbing at her nose while tears continued to leak from her eyes, drip down her cheeks and onto her still-unbuttoned shirt. She’d turned on the small lamp on the nightstand.

He leaned against the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his chest, chewing the inside of his lip, having no idea what to do. Should he stay? Should he go? Should he ask what was wrong?

“Looks like I’ve lost my touch,” he finally said.

That brought a gurgling chuckle out of her. She shook her head. “It’s not you. It’s me. I’m such a mess. I wish I could make you understand.”

He came toward her. “Try me.”

He sat down on the bed next to her, nudging her with his arm. That had the effect of bringing on more tears.

“Stop being nice to me. It makes it worse.”

He reached across her and grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on the nightstand and mopped at her face. “Frankly, I’m not sure how it can be any worse.”

She tried to smile, failed, turned and buried her face in his chest. Ray’s arms came around her, and he smoothed her tumbled hair. After a bit he said, “Come here.” He scooted up on the bed to the pillows, and she came with him. He wanted to keep her snuggled against him, but she moved away and lay facing him, her head on the other pillow, her hands tucked up under her chin. At least the tears had stopped.

“Why didn’t you run when you had the chance?” she asked. “That’s what most guys do when a woman turns on the tears.”

“Hey, I survived your burnt frozen pizza and the migraine headache. You don’t think a few tears are going to scare me off, do you? A tough guy like me?” He pounded his chest for emphasis.

“Maybe you’re a sucker for a damsel in distress,” Hayley suggested softly.

“Maybe I am.” It was easier to agree with her than argue. Maybe she saw herself as a damsel in distress, but that wasn’t what he saw when he looked at her. He saw someone tough and smart struggling to get through every day. Someone who wouldn’t give up even when she wanted to. Someone who would do the right thing no matter what it cost her personally. Besides, Hayley seemed to have forgotten what every damsel in distress needed.

A hero.

He’d had that chance once before and he’d failed. He’d be damned if he’d fail again.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or are you going to keep stalling?”

She smiled at him. She actually smiled. Her tears dried up as if they’d never been there. Her eyes sparkled, the lashes spiked and damp. He leaned forward and kissed her slightly parted lips. He wanted her to trust him. He wanted her to be able to be honest with him. Because if he’d learned one thing from his past, it was that without honesty and trust, any relationship was a sham. He wanted something real with Hayley. And if that meant getting her to bare her soul to him, she’d have to do it. Assuming she wanted the same thing, that is.

They were lying face-to-face, inches apart. She looked into his eyes. “I had the biggest crush on you in high school.”

Whoa. What? “In high school?”

“Oh yeah. Beginning my freshman year. You were a junior. You didn’t know I was alive. But every time I saw you, the ripple effect hit me.”

“The what?”

“The ripple effect. It’s this feeling that runs through me, makes me all tingly inside. Starts in my tummy and sort of ripples out from there. Makes my brain turn to mush. I can hardly talk or think.”

Ray grinned, delighted. “I have that effect on you?”

Hayley nodded. “Scares the hell out of me.”

Ray’s grin vanished. “Why?”

“Because I only ever felt that with one other guy.”

“Oh wait, let me guess. Your ex-husband.”

Hayley nodded. “I was completely head over heels in love with him. I lost all perspective. In fact, I think I lost myself.”

“Until he pulled the rug out from under you.”

Hayley nodded again. “I was lost. I had nothing and no one and I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t. It’s been over a year since my divorce was final and I…and I—” Her eyes filled with tears again. “I feel like such a failure. How can I be so clueless?”

Ray reached over and pushed strands of her hair over her shoulder. He took the crumpled wad of tissues he’d dropped on the comforter and dabbed at her fresh tears.

Hayley sighed. “That first day, when you came to the door?”

Ray nodded. He remembered it well.

“I knew who you were. The ripple effect hit me and all I could think was, ‘Oh no, not again. I’m not doing this again. I know better.’”

“Your ex-husband taught you well, huh?”

When Hayley didn’t say anything, Ray asked her another question. “But there’s one thing you’re forgetting. Do you know what it is?”

Hayley shook her head.

“I’m not your ex-husband.”

“I know you’re not,” Hayley told him quietly. “But I’m still me.” She wondered if that would make any sense to him. Probably not. He was a guy, after all. Guys didn’t get that kind of female mumbo jumbo.

“So you’re afraid of making the same mistake, let’s say with me, that you made with him.”

“Sort of.”

“Because of this ripple effect thing?”

“Sort of. But it’s more than that. I had all these plans with my friend Paige when we were in college. We were going to start a business together after we graduated, but it never happened because I let my relationship with Trey get in the way. I dropped out of school, but Paige graduated and put her company together without me. I’ve got a chance to start over by moving to L.A. and working with her. I finally have a plan and I’m going to stick to it. I don’t want to let anyone mess it up for me again. And right now, it’s like déjà vu all over again.”

“Except for one thing,” Ray reminded her.

“I know. You’re not him.”

“No. I’m not. He was an idiot to throw away what he had with you. I wouldn’t.”

“But I didn’t think he would, either,” Hayley said softly.

“So you were wrong once; that means you’re guaranteed to be wrong every time? No one ever gets a chance with you because you might end up getting hurt again?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Ray didn’t bother to hide his annoyance. “Yeah, you sorta did.”

“What do you want me to do, Ray? Set myself up for another fall? I’m telling you I know myself. And I know I won’t survive it again. I’m barely getting by after the first time.”

“And I’m telling you I wouldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t hurt you. I wouldn’t walk away.”

“But what if I end up hurting you? What if I’m the one that walks away?”

“I don’t think you will. But that’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

“But I’m not ready to take that chance. No matter how much I might want to. I’m not there yet.”

“Then I’ll wait.”

“You’ll wait?” Hayley’s smile lit up the room. “For how long?”

“As long as it takes,” Ray told her stubbornly.

She leaned over and kissed him on the lips then snuggled closer to him, and he welcomed her. She settled her head in the crook of his arm, her arm curved across his chest.

He played with her hair, lifting up individual strands and letting them fall. “You know, you’re not the only person here who’s had a tough time.”

“I know. But you’re not as scared of it happening again as I am.”

“The hell I’m not!”

She slanted her gaze up at him. “You sure don’t act like it.”

He grinned at her. “I told you before, I’m a tough guy.”

“Yeah, you are,” she agreed, patting his chest. “In here, where it counts.”

He picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “I’ll make you a deal, okay? I won’t give up on you. And you’re not allowed to give up on yourself. What do you say?”

“Hmm. Deal.”

He could barely hear her. She was falling asleep. He let go of her hand and slid down a little further on the pillow so he could wrap one arm more securely around her. Surprising himself, he fell asleep too.

When Hayley woke the next morning, the first thing she saw was a man next to her. Ray. Memories of the previous evening flooded back, and she smiled at him even though he was sound asleep. She could see traces of the teenage boy she’d worshiped from afar in his relaxed expression. His hair made a dark slash against the pink and white pillow. He looked more manly than usual with her feminine, frilly bedclothes as a backdrop.

She’d encouraged Ray last night, and she shouldn’t have. She didn’t know why, but it made her feel good to know that he believed in her, that he’d wait for her. But he shouldn’t. And she shouldn’t let him. Because she wasn’t going to stay here. She had a plan, she reminded herself. A good one.
Stick to the plan!

She eased off the mattress. She was still dressed, her clothes a mass of wrinkles from sleeping in them, but she didn’t care. She buttoned her shirt as she tiptoed down the hall. Fletcher was still asleep so she went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She’d poured the first cup when she heard a knock on the door.

She peeped through the sidelight to see Callie Maxwell on her doorstep. Great. Another one of Callie’s unscheduled visits. Hayley was sure the random visits were to give the social worker an opportunity to catch her clients off-guard. It didn’t give them time to clean the house or hide anything they wouldn’t want her to see.

She opened the door because she had no other choice. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Miz Christopher.” Callie looked her up and down, taking in her disheveled appearance.

They were back to formalities. When Callie was Roscoe’s girlfriend, they were on a first-name basis. But in her capacity as a DCW social worker, they were not. Hayley wondered if Callie would notice she was wearing the same outfit she’d had on yesterday at the park, or that she hadn’t yet bothered to run a brush through her hair. Not much seemed to escape the social worker’s keen gaze.

“I have coffee. Would you like a cup?”