Read A Different Kind of Normal Online
Authors: Cathy Lamb
A Different Kind of Normal (16 page)
“I’ll keep my heels up or I’ll take them off.” She brought her leg up to hip height and twisted her ankle. She had flown in last night, after telling me, there was “no way in the world I would miss out on your first official date with Ethan!”
She had then called my brother, Caden, and told him, Damini, and the triplets to get ready for “Jaden’s Raft Date with the Sex Doctor, Ethan.” I’d had to call the raft company to add another raft. My brother’s family had all arrived early at my doorstep.
“Lucky me to be here on your first date with Ethan,” Caden said, winking at me. “I’m a witness to love. That’s why I’m wearing my red T-shirt. For love.”
“Yeah, a date, date, date,” Damini said, then giggled. “Jaden’s Raft Date with the Sex Doctor, Ethan.”
“Did you need to say that to Damini, Mother? She’s a young innocent.”
“Yep. Young and innocent,” Damini said. “I’m corrupted now.”
“It’s all titillating, if you ask me,” my mother said, twirling a diamond earring. “I’m hopeful for you.”
“What’s a tit-a-lating?” Damini asked.
“Is there nothing that you think that doesn’t come out of your mouth, Mother?” I hoped Ethan found my cinnamon rolls mouthwatering.
My mother winked a perfectly made-up eye at me. “No, sugar, there isn’t.”
“Sex doctor!” Hazel yelled, brandishing her sword.
“See what you’ve done,” I protested. “Hazel, don’t say that!”
“Sex doctor!” Heloise giggled and Harvey said, “Ha ha ex!”
I put my hands to my ears and groaned.
The triplets were in their best river-rafting gear: Heloise was dressed as a ninja. Hazel was a pirate with a purple tutu and a sword, and Harvey was a princess in a sparkly white dress with an army helmet on.
“Hazel is wearing the tutu because she had a fight with Heloise, who wanted to wear it with her ninja outfit.” Caden sighed. “Harvey is a princess because he saw a princess on TV last night who was magic.”
“I magic now, Aunt Jaden,” Harvey said. He waved a star wand.
“I fight!” Heloise said, karate-chopping in the air.
“I a dance pirate,” Hazel said. “Dance pirate! I got a patch on my eye. You wanna patch, Aunt Jaden?”
I hugged all three of them before they ran off to “hug” Slinky the lizard.
“Mom, those heels are pretty,” Caden said, “but you can’t wear them or you’ll sink the raft. Wear your pink tennis shoes with the white stripes. They’ll still match with your outfit.”
Caden is always helpful with clothes.
My mother tapped her heels, prickly impatient with our silly fashion advice. “I won’t poke the raft, and changing will ruin the flow and pinkness of my outfit.”
“But remember, Nana Bird,” Tate said, Damini sitting next to him. “Nothing can ruin your shining beauty.”
That brought a smile to her face, and she kissed Tate and Damini, then scooted off to find her pink tennis shoes to match her pink pants, pink T-shirt, and shiny pink jacket with gold buckles.
Damini said, “I can’t wait to hang out with your boyfriend.”
I scowled at Caden. Caden coughed into his hand. “Now, Damini . . .”
“What? Aunt Jaden has dreamed about marrying Dr. Robbins for years. But she can’t even date him because he’s Tate’s doctor, but she doesn’t know if he’s interested, anyhow. . . .” She eyed me. “You’re in lovey-dovey kiss kiss kiss with him, aren’t you? I can tell by the way you’re dressed.”
“What about the way I’m dressed? He’s Tate’s doctor, Damini. I’m in jeans and a green T-shirt.”
“Tight jeans,” she observed. “Tight T-shirt. You have big boobs, Aunt Jaden. Do you think I’ll have big boobs?”
“I don’t think you’ll have any boobs,” Tate said. “I think you’re a sea monster. They don’t have boobs.”
“Shut up, Tate,” Damini said, wrapping an arm around him.
“I can’t shut up. I am destined to be a truth-speaker and you’re gonna be a no-boobed sea monster. Maybe you’re a boy. A boy Martian.”
“I am not a boy Martian!”
“I see that you didn’t deny being a sea monster, did you?” He scooted out of the nook to avoid Damini’s wrath.
“You’re a pain in my keester, Tate!” She ran after him, both of them laughing.
“You told her I wanted to marry him?” I hissed to Caden, who squirmed and pulled on his ponytail, which, today, was in a braid with a red ribbon as was Heloise’s, Hazel’s, and Damini’s hair. “Tell her not to say a thing to Ethan, not a word. I’d be so embarrassed.”
Caden yelled to Damini, “Damini, don’t say a word to the doctor about how Aunt Jaden wants to marry him, you got that?”
“Got it! I won’t say that Aunt Jaden wants to marry the sex doctor!”
“If you do, Damini, I’m going to . . .” Caden paused, brow furrowed. “Your punishment will be . . .” His face scrunched up in concentration. “It’ll be something bad, Damini! Zip it, okay?”
“Zip it!” She laughed. “I’m zipped.”
“She’s zipped,” Tate yelled. “A zippered sea monster.”
The triplets came thundering back in.
Hazel raised Slinky the lizard in the air. “I hug Slinky!”
Heloise jumped. “I ninja.”
Harvey grabbed a spatula and yelled, “I a damn princess!”
My mouth dropped. Caden groaned. “I said damn once and now he won’t quit saying it! Stop it, Harvey. Don’t say damn.”
“But I a damn princess!”
With much to-do and confusion, the lunch hauled out in bags, we finally clambered into Caden’s truck and my car and headed out to the river, the sun peeking over the horizon. When we were down the block, we realized we didn’t have Harvey and had to drive back to get him. He was waiting on the porch with Slinky the lizard. “Slinky lonely,” he told me.
Driving to the river, I was so excited I could hardly sit still and I could not stop smiling.
A whole day with Ethan!
“Remember, dear family, I’m threatening you,” I yelled before we all left the second time. “Don’t embarrass me or I won’t cook for you again.”
I heard Tate take a quick inhale.
Damini turned to me, eyes bugging out of her head. “Are you serious, Aunt Jaden?”
“Totally serious.”
“That be bad!” Heloise the ninja said.
“Bad!” Hazel echoed.
“Damn bad,” Harvey said.
“That’s a petticoats-on-fire problem,” Damini said.
I heard my mother laugh. “Burn those petticoats!”
“Okay, Aunt Jaden,” Damini said. “I’ll behave and keep my mouth in my control. I will. And your shirt
is
tight, but you look pretty and I hope I have knockers like that one day.”
is
tight, but you look pretty and I hope I have knockers like that one day.”
“Thank you. And whatever you do, Damini, don’t hit Dr. Robbins with your leg.”
She grinned. “I probably won’t.”
I have always treasured Damini’s grin. When she joined our family when she was four, she had one leg, huge, sad eyes, and seemed to be semi-checked out of this world, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to rejoin it. She was scared of loud noises, crying, the dark, boxes, closets, being alone, anyone angry, and, oddly, men in hats. She had a habit of huddling in corners.
She wouldn’t go to bed without an extra sack lunch she would eat in the middle of the night. She would sneak into Caden’s and Marla’s bedroom to sleep on the floor. Her favorite person next to Caden and Marla was Tate. She clung to him.
She still clings to him.
Damini didn’t smile for six months. Her first smile? Tate picked her up and showed her a butterfly. She didn’t speak for six months, either. When she did speak, she spoke English in short, but full sentences. Her first sentence? I love you.
I have always, and will always, treasure Damini’s grin.
“Dr. Robbins,” Tate yelled. “Dr. Robbins!”
Ethan turned. Instantly, he smiled.
I about melted. I love that smile.
Tate barreled into him and hugged him as usual, while all I could do was gape at Ethan, how tall he was, how broad, how the autumn sun glowed around him as if he were sporting a gold cloak. He was comfortable but sexy. Friendly but sexy. Smart but sexy. And he was happy to see me! He was! I saw it in that split second.
Then I saw
her.
her.
A
woman.
A woman with my Ethan.
woman.
A woman with my Ethan.
An evil, spidery, donkey woman.
My mother’s red-lipsticked mouth twitched. “His face lit up like a drunken sailor’s when he saw you, witch daughter, but it appears he has a Barbie beside him.”
I felt a green jealousy monster with fangs swell in my chest. He had brought his girlfriend! I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. But of course he had a girlfriend. I had been daydreaming about our relationship for so long I was deluded. I had imagined he cared for me. He didn’t. He was Tate’s doctor, that’s it. He was kind.
I fought off a flood of emotional doom as I studied Barbie. All done up. Wearing tight white jeans, white T-shirt, white coat. Lots of makeup. Lots of platinum hair. I would bet her oversized watermelon boobs were false. She was skinny in a way that said she did not believe in eating.
Ethan introduced Tate to the woman and, as so often happens with people who do not make up “normal” in our society, who are different in one way or another, the woman reacted to Tate and to General Noggin with her most basic emotions: Disgust. Fear. Mortification.
Disgust toward my boy, Tate.
Fear of my son.
Mortified that someone had an oversized head and uneven eyes.
I hated her on sight.
“I don’t like that bitch,” my mother said, in her normal voice, as if she was saying, “Pass the sugar, please, for my tea.”
“I don’t, either,” Caden growled.
Damini, no stranger to discrimination, said, “I think she’s a blond zombie in a horror movie.”
Tate saw, immediately, the woman’s disgusted expression. We all saw his face fall, a fall I’d seen a thousand times. The rejection always,
always
hurts, no matter how many times it’s received.
always
hurts, no matter how many times it’s received.
“I think I can head-lock her with no one noticing,” Caden said, quite loudly. “Put her out for a few hours. She’ll wake up later feeling fairly refreshed.”
“These things can be done quietly,” my mother said, fiddling with the large designer glasses she wore. “No one needs to know.”
“Now can I hit her with my leg?” Damini said.
“I think that would be appropriate,” I said. “Forget what I said at the house.”
“Balls and tarnation, we’re going rafting,” my mother said, zipping her shiny pink jacket with the gold buckles. “Why is she dressed up in that . . .
white
outfit?”
white
outfit?”
I almost laughed. My mother, all in pink, disdainful of the Barbie’s white outfit.
“We’re going rafting with Barbie,” Caden mused.
“Barbie!” Heloise said. “I no like Barbie.”
“I put my Barbie’s head in dirt,” Hazel said.
“I a damn Barbie,” Harvey said.
I strode up to say hello and to
hit
that woman if she did anything else rude to my sweet son, Caden and my mother following. I saw Tate yanking himself back together. “Yanking myself back together” was a catch phrase Tate used for rebooting after dealing with one ignorant, insensitive, rude member of the public after another. Tate shook the woman’s hand, and she dropped hers almost immediately, as if he were grossly contaminated.
hit
that woman if she did anything else rude to my sweet son, Caden and my mother following. I saw Tate yanking himself back together. “Yanking myself back together” was a catch phrase Tate used for rebooting after dealing with one ignorant, insensitive, rude member of the public after another. Tate shook the woman’s hand, and she dropped hers almost immediately, as if he were grossly contaminated.
Between bites from the green jealousy monster, I realized I was surprised. I would not have imagined Ethan choosing a mean, shallow Barbie doll. Not at all.
“This is gonna be cool, Dr. Robbins,” Tate said, turning to Ethan.
“It is, buddy. You’re in my raft, that’s for sure.” I saw Ethan glare at the Barbie.
“Oh, I don’t think—” the Barbie protested.
“You don’t think what?” Ethan said, his voice sharp.
“I’m sure . . . I’m sure he wants to be with his family.”
Ethan glanced at me, my mongo-sized brother with the red ribbon in his hair, the triplets in their costumes, Damini, and my mother. I had left a message that the gang was coming. He’d called back and said he was delighted. He had actually sounded delighted. He knew who my mother was. He had met her and my brother, too, many times.
“Hello to the Bruxelles!” He ambled over and shook hands, hugged my mom. Heloise kick-boxed as a greeting, Hazel said, “Argh! Hello, matie!” and Harvey, in his princess dress, said, “I damn magic.”
Damini said, in all seriousness, dark eyes honest, “I have to keep my mouth closed around you because I’m not supposed to say anything or Jaden won’t cook for us again.”
Ethan appeared a mite confused and I shot Damini “the look” to get her to clam up. Caden put his hand over her mouth.
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