A Cry For Hope (8 page)

I broke myself from my beautiful daydream when the music finally ended, and I lifted my head from Jamie’s chest. “I think I’m up for the adventure.”

I spent the morning working the front counter in the bakery so my mother could finish up the wedding cakes that she was working on. I loved being busy. It kept my mind form wandering and dwelling on things. I had woken to Jamie’s reply to my text message. I was a little disappointed just to see
Thank you
from him.  The unrealistic side of me was hoping for an
I love you so much. I can’t live without you
response
.
The time on the text was 2:14 a.m. Part of me wondered what he was doing up
so late, the other part of me didn’t want to know.

When I heard the bells on the door chime, I looked up from the cupcakes that I was restocking. “Hope, you’re just a Jack of all trades, aren’t you?” Mr. Abate asked as he entered.

I smiled widely. “Just helping out in the front. Trust me, I did not inherit my mom’s talent for baking.”

“Well, I just came in to place my desert order for the diner for next week.”

“Oh! Let me go get my mother,” I said.

I started to walk off to the back before he stopped me. “One second, Hope. I wanted to talk to you about something.” He suddenly looked serious.

“Yeah, sure,” I said.

“I know that you and Nick are going out to dinner tonight, and I know what great friends the two of you have always been. Yesterday, when he saw you…well, that was the first time I’ve seen him smile since he’s come back. I just don’t want you to get your feelings hurt if he snaps at you for no reason or his mood seems to shift from one second to the next. He’s got a lot going on. I don’t feel like I’m at liberty to tell you anything, but I’m sure that he may feel comfortable enough at some point in doing so. I just don’t want you to get your feelings hurt. Just remember that he doesn’t mean it.”

“Okay,” I said, appreciatively.

“Oh, hi, John!” My mom’s smile was a mile wide, almost matching the smile that appeared on Nick’s dad’s face at the sight of her. I studied the two of them as they flirtatiously stared at each other a little longer than they should have.  My mother wrote down his order while I took care of the customers that had just walked in. I smiled to myself when I heard the two of them laughing and flirting like two teenagers.

“I’ll see ya’, Hope!” Mr. Abate shouted as he was heading out the door.

“See ya’!” I shouted back with a smile.

I waited until all of the customers had left, then went in the back to where my mother was putting the finishing touches on a double-tiered wedding cake. “That came out beautiful!”  I said.

“It really did, if I do say so myself.”

“Still not as pretty as the cake that you made for my wedding.” I smiled.

“Well, of course not. That was a very special wedding cake for a very special bride and groom,” my mother said with a comforting gaze. I sat down on the stool and sighed. “Have you talked to him?” she asked, reading my thoughts.

I shook my head. “I texted him happy birthday yesterday and all I got back was a thank you. I’m just so afraid that we’ve lost each other forever.”

My mother put down her piping bag and sat down next to me. “Hope, this is the hardest thing that the two of you will ever have to go through as parents, and as husband and wife. There are days that I will just start crying when I think of him. I can’t look at anything with Scooby Doo on it. I get hysterical, remembering how much he loved him. Just give yourselves time to grieve. If you two can get through this, your marriage will be able to withstand anything.” I nodded and wiped away the tears. “We’re all healing, Hope. It’s just going to take time.” She pushed my hair from my face and kissed me on the cheek. “So, how about homemade pizza for dinner?” she asked.

“Oh, Mom, that sounds great, but I actually made plans to have dinner with Nick tonight to catch up on old times.”

“Well, that sounds like fun!” 

“Speaking of Nick, his dad’s not bad, is he?” I asked with a smile.

“Yeah, he’s a nice looking man,” she said, going back to her cake, pretending to be disinterested.

“Mmm hmm,” I teased.

She finally looked up from her cake and playfully smacked me with the dishtowel that she had hanging over her shoulder. “Go help the customer that just walked in, you!” she laughed.

I opened the front door and smiled at the site of Nick, standing on the front porch. “Hey, you! Come in for a sec. I have to grab my purse.”

“Hey, Mom, you remember Nick, right?”

My mother looked up from her laptop and smiled. “Of course I do.”
“How are you, Mrs. Foley?” Nick asked.

“I’m good and call me Mary.”

Nick smiled and nodded. 

“Ready?” I asked as I grabbed my purse.

“Yup,” Nick responded.

“Have fun!” my mother shouted as we headed out the door.

“So where do you feel like eating?” Nick asked.

I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me.”

“Hmmm…. how about Henry’s?”

Ouch!
Henry’s was a bay front bar and restaurant that was once dubbed as mine and Jamie’s spot.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Are you sure?” Nick asked, seemingly picking up on the hesitation in my voice.

I nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine,” I said, putting on my best fake smile.

We walked into the restaurant. I held my breath and fought the pain in my heart, remembering this all-too-familiar place… the site of Jamie’s and my first date; hanging here with Jamie, Tina, and Alex until closing; dancing with Jamie out on the dance floor. The memories were strong and so bittersweet.

We took a seat in one of the booths and each ordered a beer. I looked over the menu, deciding on a burger.

“So, Hope, what has you so spooked about his place?” Nick asked as he closed his menu.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Just old memories.”

“Of your husband?”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

He looked at me sympathetically. “Do you care to unload?”

I shook my head. “It still hurts too badly to talk to anyone about it, Nick. I’m sorry.”

He held up his hand. “Don’t be sorry. I completely understand.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, just as the waitress came over and took our order.

“What about you, Nick? What’s your story?” I asked.

“My story… You got a few months?”

“Ah, come on. It can’t be that bad.”

“Well, I was supposed to be getting married today.”

My smile quickly disappeared. “What happened?”

“Well, Angie and I were engaged for two years. She planned this beautiful wedding. Beautiful dress, big cake, about two hundred people, sent the invitations out. Three weeks ago, I told her that I couldn’t do it.” I saw the pain shooting through his dark brown eyes.  I reached over the table and took his hand in mine. “I can’t start a new life until I can get rid of the painful memories in my old one. The things I’ve seen will haunt me forever. I almost feel like I don’t deserve to have happiness in my life.”

I didn’t know how to respond. All I knew was that I was able to relate to him. “Did you tell her how you were feeling?”

“I did, but she’s devastated. That’s why I’m here. I needed time away to sort things out. I still love her more than anything. I just don’t know if I can be the husband that she deserves.”

I rubbed my thumb over his hand. “You are a great guy, Nick. Don’t ever doubt that.”

The waitress came over and placed our food in front of us. I watched and laughed at Nick as he ate one of his onion rings.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“You take the breading off your onion rings and leave the onion behind.” He nodded and smiled.

“That’s what my Charlie used to do,” I said before I could even stop the words. Normally, I didn’t speak about Charlie to anyone because it still hurt too much.

“Who’s that? Your husband?”

I looked away, feeling my eyes begin to swell with tears. “No, Charlie was my son,” I said, finally finding the strength to look at him again.

“What happened, Hope?”

“He drowned.”  I wasn’t going into any more detail. It was too painful to relive that horrible day. Dr. Draven wasn’t even able to pull it out of me in our therapy sessions. It was a memory that I kept buried deep inside and never wanted to revisit.

The pain in Nick’s eyes deepened. “Oh, Hope, I am so sorry.

I nodded. “Yeah, well, that’s why I’m here. My husband and I have become complete strangers. I know that, deep down inside, he blames me for it. He can’t even look at me.” He gazed into my eyes, trying to offer some support.

I decided to change the subject. “You know, I forgot how great the burgers are here,” I said, taking a bite.

Nick flashed me an adorable grin and followed my lead, taking a bite from his burger. After we were done eating, we moved over to the bar and had another drink so we could listen to the band that had just gone on.

I was having a great time, talking about the carefree happy days of our past. I had temporarily forgotten all of the sadness that even existed. When he wasn’t away or living on base, Massachusetts was the place that Nick called home. He had met his fiancé through a friend of his three years ago. I listened as he told me all about her. I saw the pain lift from his face when he spoke about their happy times together and it made me smile. “Nick, don’t just give up on something that you love so much. The two of you sound like you have something so strong. Don’t walk away from that.”

“I’m working on it.” He took a sip of his beer and hung his head when the band began to do a cover of “Angie” from the Rolling Stones. “Ah, take the knife and twist it deeper,” he said jokingly, but I could see the pain in his eyes.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile. “You know the best way to face your pain?” I stood up and took his hand. He looked at me strangely before standing up. I led him through the couples that were already on the dance floor and found an open spot. He wrapped his arms around my waist, I wrapped mine around his neck. “Do you remember Missy Ahern’s twelfth birthday party, dancing like this in her basement?” I smiled.

He began to laugh. “Yeah, I do! But I think you were taller than me back then.”

I looked up at him and smiled. Clearly, that wasn’t the case anymore.  He pulled me closer and I rested my head on his chest, hoping that I was providing him with the same sense of comfort that he was providing me. I closed my eyes when I felt the familiar burn as I imagined swaying back and forth in Jamie’s arms.

Two weeks had passed and my need to talk to Jamie intensified. I was helping my mother at the bakery and managing to keep my mind busy. It was the night that was hardest, lying in my bed and wishing that Jamie was there with me. But I held strong and, in doing so, I was losing more and more hope each day that the two of us would be able to work things out.

“I can’t believe tomorrow is the first day of May,” my mother said as she put the finishing touches on her cupcakes.

“Really?”  Truth be told, half the time I didn’t even know what day of the week it was. Since the day I walked out the front door of the place that I once called home, the days just meshed together.