8 Weeks (13 page)

I needed that time …

I knew that at this point, Shelly wasn’t ready to forgive me or change her mind about wanting a divorce, and I couldn’t handle the thought of her giving up without giving me the shot we’d agreed upon.

I physically, and emotionally, could not handle even the thought …

I tried to smile and laugh with everyone, but I knew my mom was watching Shelly and me carefully. Especially after she came back inside after talking to Shelly. I wondered what they’d had to say to each other, and my imagination was rampant with possibilities.

Scott could tell something was wrong too, and when we went to the kitchen to put candles on the cake, he pulled me to the side.

“Everything alright, bro?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered to him. It always seemed like my mom heard everything, and I didn’t want her coming in the kitchen to batter me with questions. “Shelly asked me to come by later to talk.”

Scott clapped his hand on my shoulder.

“Let me know if you need anything, and try not to let your anxiety show …”

“I was trying not to,” I countered.

“Well, your acting sucks,” Scott replied as he lit the candles. “Don’t quit your day job.”

That got a real grin out of me, so I whispered, “Asshole,” as I carried the cake out, which earned me a glare from my mother.

Once the cake was devoured, we didn’t have to stay long, because Craig had made plans to meet up with some of his friends. So, Shelly and I made our goodbyes rather quickly, and after promising my mother that I’d come by in the next few days, I followed Shelly to her house.

I didn’t jump right out of the car after I parked; instead, I took a few minutes to try and calm my nerves. I looked up and saw Shelly waiting for me at the door,
“
Quit being such a pussy
,”
I muttered to myself, then took a deep breath and got out of the car.

I followed her wordlessly into the house, and back into the kitchen. She motioned toward the table, so I walked over and grabbed a seat.

I wondered momentarily if I’d ever see any part of the house other than the kitchen.

“I’m so mad at you,” Shelly said softly. The sound of raw pain in her voice made my stomach clench. She sat and looked at me, her face shuttered. “I need you to tell me everything that happened that night.”

I looked at her for a moment, wanting to make sure she was sure that this was what she wanted. When I met her stony glare, I took a deep breath and began to recount that night in Vegas.

“We started at the craps table. We spent a lot of money and had a lot of free drinks in about an hour. We skipped dinner. I don’t think we meant to, it just kind of happened. We went from Bellagio to Paris, and then took a cab to the other side of the strip. We would stop and gamble and have some drinks, and then we ended up going to a club.. I guess it was the lack of food and the insane amount of shots we did at the club that really fucked me up. Once we said that we were celebrating Scott’s bachelor party, everyone was buying us shots. I was trashed before midnight.”

I paused, my stomach in turmoil and my palms starting to sweat, but Shelly just sat there watching me silently, almost as if she was trying to separate herself emotionally from the conversation, so I continued on.

“I remember telling the guys I had to go, and they kept ragging on me, calling me a pussy, a lightweight, and whatever else they could think of to try and get me to stay, but I was too fucked up to care. They said they got me in a cab, and told the driver where we were staying. They even gave him some cash … I don’t know. I don’t remember anything from that point on.” I wrung my hands and stared into Shelly’s eyes, which were starting to tear up.

“When I woke up, I was naked and in bed with the worst hangover I’d ever had. I couldn’t make it to the bathroom, so I puked in a trash can by the desk in the room. I don’t know how long I threw up, but I heard the toilet flush and looked up, expecting to see one of the guys walk out, but it wasn’t one of the guys.”

“What did she look like?” Shelly asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Shelly ... it doesn’t matter,” I said, desperate for her to stop. I didn’t want to hurt her more than I already had.

“It matters to me,” she replied. “What did she look like?”

“She was blonde. Tall and blonde,” I responded, my voice laced with regret.

“Where did you meet her?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you had sex with her.”

“I don’t know, Shel.”

“Maybe you didn’t have sex with her then, if you can’t remember,” Shelly asked, and I got a glimpse of hope through the tears that were falling down her face.

“We were both naked, Shelly. And although I don’t remember meeting her or having sex with her, it’s the only logical conclusion that I can come up with.” I was sure my face reflected the regret that was filling my heart.

“So we’ll never know … Not for sure,” she surmised sadly.

I reached out my hands to hers, then took them back when she flinched.

“No,” I replied softly, although my entire being wanted to scream out loud.

It was like we were back to square one. Back to the night of our anniversary, like the last five weeks didn’t matter. I was crushing Shelly all over again. “I don’t think I’ll ever know for sure.”

Shelly nodded, then brought her hands up to wipe her face.

“I need you to go now.”

My heart dropped, and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and hold her until both of our hearts were whole again.

“Shelly, please …” I started, but the look on her face stopped me. I stood up, but stopped and asked before leaving, “Will you still see me on Saturday?”

“I’ll let you know,” she replied, then brought her haunted gaze to mine. “I’m so mad at you,” she said again.

“I know,” I replied. “I’m sorry.”

Chapter 28 – Shelly

“What do you think?” I asked Sasha, pushing my shirt up my arm to show off my new tattoo.
Strength
was written in script across the inside of my left bicep.

“That looks wicked!” Sasha said, running her finger gently along the script. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t go with you and Gaby. There was no other time I could show that house, and I really wanted the commission.”

“How’d it go?” I asked as I moved up in line. We were waiting at the local deli to order our lunch. They had a killer Greek salad.

“I got it,” Sasha said with a beautiful grin. She looked gorgeous with her red hair pulled back into a high ponytail and wearing a sophisticated, yet sexy, gray pinstripe suit.

“’Atta girl,” I replied, putting my hand up for a high five.

I stepped up to the register to put in my order, then shifted to the side to wait for Sasha to put in hers.

I glanced up when the door jangled, signaling someone’s entrance to the deli, and my heart fluttered when I saw it was Cal.

I took advantage of the fact that he hadn’t yet noticed me, and I looked him over slowly.

He had always been the hottest guy I’d ever seen.

He still was …

He was dressed for work, so he had stains of grease scattering his clothes, and his hands had streaks of gray … Like he’d tried to wash up, but hadn’t had time to get his hands totally free of grease. I’d always thought he’d looked hot when he was working. Some people may be turned off by the mess, but not me. I’d always loved knowing that Cal was a strong, capable man who could make something that was broken, whole again.

His hair was mussed, like he’d spent the better part of the day running his hands through it, and his face was dark with the shadow of a day-old beard.

As I watched him, my body became flushed and aware, as if it was attuned to the fact that my mate was in the vicinity.

“Shit,” Sasha said from behind me, causing me to jump. “You’re making me horny … You’re looking at Cal like he’s on the menu, and you’re starved.”

“Shut up,” I hissed at her, but she just chuckled and yelled out, “Hey, Cal!”

I shot her a look that I hoped conveyed that I wanted to chop her into bits, then turned and smiled as Cal walked over.

“Hey, Shel … Sasha,” Cal said when he got close enough for us to hear him. “I’m just picking up lunch for TJ and me, how’s it going?”

He had a smile on his face, but his eyes looked troubled as they searched my face.

Things hadn’t ended well after Craig’s birthday, and I hadn’t contacted him yet to let him know whether I still wanted to go out Saturday or not. I’d been able to think of little else … but it seemed like our relationship is all I’ve thought about and I still had no idea what to do about it.

I loved Cal, and I probably always would, but I didn’t know if I could continue to be his wife … And I didn’t know if I could continue giving him hope.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Sasha said suddenly, walking off quickly to give Cal and me privacy, her heels tapping across the linoleum as she did.

“How’s it going?” I asked.

“How’ve you been?” Cal asked at the same time.

We both chuckled nervously, him looking toward the register, while I looked around the room, neither of us meeting each other’s eyes.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” I said softly, running my hand through my hair with a sigh.

“Hey, what’s that?” he asked, his hand coming up to touch the beginning of my tattoo.

I lifted my sleeve up to show him the word, then pulled it back down.

“Tattoo,” I responded.

“I like it,” Cal said, his eyes still on my arm.

“You do?” I asked, not sure I believed him.

He must have heard the disbelief in my voice, because he looked at me with a puzzled expression.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know …” I said with a shrug. “I just didn’t think you would.”

He peered at me quizzically for a minute, then looked me over before a hurt expression crossed his face.

“Is that what all of this has been about?” he asked with a wave of his hand. “The piercing, the hair, and now the tattoo … Are these all things you’ve wanted to do, but somehow thought that I wouldn’t allow you to do?”

I cleared my throat, uncomfortable, and for some reason suddenly feeling guilty.

“Um … I don’t know, I guess,” I stammered. “I’ve always wanted to do these things, but I didn’t think you’d like it, so I never did.”

“Jesus,” Cal exclaimed, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “I want you to do what you want to do … I always have. If you want to tattoo your entire body, shave your head, and dye yourself blue … go for it. I’m not your ruler, Shelly, and I can’t believe that you’ve ever thought that I would dictate what you could or couldn’t do.”

“It’s not like that …” I said, trying to explain, but the hurt radiating off of Cal was palpable, and it suddenly didn’t seem like anything I’d say would help.

“It sure as hell seems like that, doesn’t it. Is that what you think of me, of the last six years of our relationship?” Cal took a step closer to me, his voice low so as not to broadcast our fight to the entire restaurant. “No wonder you’re so quick to give up … I thought we were in a partnership, Shel. I’ve never expected you to ask my permission to do anything. I
love
you, for who you are, and I want you to do what makes you happy.”

My heart pounded loudly in my chest, and I felt a mixture of regret and fear running through me.

“Cal, you’re taking this the wrong way. Yes, I’ve always wanted to do the things I’m doing now, and I didn’t because I didn’t think you’d like it.” His eyes narrowed at that, and I rushed on, hoping to make him understand. “Not because you wanted to dictate what I did or didn’t do, but because you liked me so much the way I was that I didn’t want to change anything. I wanted you to find me attractive …”

Cal’s face smoothed out at my words, and when I was finished, he stepped even closer. Close enough that I could smell the mixture of sweat and grease on his body, and see his chocolate eyes darken as he said, “Never doubt how attractive I find you, Shelly. You were hot as hell before, and you’re hot as hell now. There isn’t anything that you could do to your appearance to make me not want you. I want you every minute of every day, Shelly. I promise you that.”

“Cal, your order’s ready,” the guy behind the counter shouted out suddenly, causing me to jump.

My heart was beating rapidly and my breath was shallow. When he turned to grab his order, I stood there for a moment, trying to gain my bearings.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Cal said as he moved passed me toward the door.

“Cal,” I said quickly.

He turned and waited for me to say what I wanted.

“Text me about Saturday,” I said. He nodded and walked out, leaving me feeling more conflicted than ever.

Chapter 29 – Cal

I stood in Shelly’s kitchen … again, waiting for her to finish getting ready. I’d told her to dress up and be ready to go at six, but when I’d arrived she asked me to give her a few more minutes.

I checked my watch, saw that we still had enough time, then glanced around the kitchen. This was the first time I’d been here during the day, and the place had “Shelly” written all over it.

She’d gone with a blue and yellow theme, which made me think of U of M, although I’m sure that wasn’t her intent. There were colorful appliances, towels, and yellow flowers in blue-pitcher-style vases. It looked fresh and homey. Shelly had a knack for making a house a home, no matter where she lived.

I sighed as it hit me …. I may not ever live with her again. I probably needed to remove myself from Scott’s home and find a place of my own, but I didn’t want to. I could be honest with myself and say that above all, I was hoping that after our next three dates, I’d be moving in here with Shelly.

Did that make me optimistic or naïve?

I probably needed to come up with a backup plan. It was time for me to give Scott his space back, and figure out what I was going to do with myself, if Shelly still wanted a divorce when this was done.

After the events of the last week, I had to admit that things weren’t looking good for “Team Cal.”