“He
peed
on himself?” Pimple asked.
“Puddles stuck for a long time afterward. It wasn’t until he took command of Wolf Squadron that he managed to stamp it out.”
“Sir, that is the most wonderful thing I’ve heard.”
“Good. I’ll expect extra pickles on my sandwich. And coffee. Black.”
“Yes, sir.”
A finger poked Tolemek in the back, and he jumped, whirling.
“Looking for someone?” Cas asked, lowering her arm.
Even though she was a foot shorter than he and looked more curious than stern, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. He was fairly certain that fearsome ex-pirates and research scientists appointed by the crown were supposed to be above eavesdropping.
“Yes.” He leaned a hand casually against the flier. “You.”
Lieutenant Pimples jogged past on his lunch-acquisition errand, pausing to look at them. And to wonder how long Tolemek had been standing there? No, he barely glanced at Tolemek. Instead, he gave Cas a quick, shy smile.
“Pimples,” Cas said by way of greeting, her tone neutral.
“Good to have you back, Raptor.” Pimples saluted her, his smile broadening, then he ran off.
An admirer, was he? Tolemek hoped he had nothing to worry about from a gangly insecure kid named after the pockmarks on his face.
“I was hoping to talk to you today,” Tolemek said. About the sword, he almost said, but there was a tenseness about her eyes, an expression that had grown familiar of late, and he doubted she wanted to be questioned on her decision. “About coming up with a weapon that might work against dragons,” he said instead. He would be happy to talk to her about his experiments, thus making the statement not quite a lie. And maybe he would bring up the sword at the end.
“Oh. All right.”
Aware of the general standing by the railing, Tolemek asked, “Do you want to see my new lab?” He believed he would get more honesty from her if they spoke in private. Then he doubted the decision, wondering if she would think he wanted to get her back there for sex. The lab
did
have a bunk in the corner, but he’d gotten the message from their recent encounters that she didn’t want anything to do with anyone, physically or emotionally. “The king must expect miracles, because he gave me some fancy new equipment.” There, that addition should make the request seem innocent.
And it was. He didn’t want to trick her into anything, except explaining her reasoning with the sword. It was probably too late to change her mind about being the one to wield it, but it might not be. Captain Kaika was on the airship, too, and she’d said she would accept the responsibility if the king wished it. Tolemek didn’t want anyone to wield that monster, but he hated the idea of Cas doing it again. What if she
did
lose control, magical phrases notwithstanding, and the sword made her kill Sardelle? Or slice Zirkander’s head off while he was flying her? That would destroy her even more surely than killing Apex had.
Cas smiled faintly. “Have you been making ice cream again?”
“Not yet, but I could.”
She waved toward the nearest hatchway that led below decks, and he took the lead. They passed soldiers lugging up shells for the big artillery weapons mounted at intervals around the deck. Tolemek doubted they would bring down a dragon. He had more hope for his own work. If he came up with something—and he was trying to, based on the same acid he had created to destroy the dragon blood powering the Cofah fortress—Cas wouldn’t need to risk herself with the sword. Besides, he found the idea of fighting a dragon with a sword ludicrous. Even with a flier, how would a person ever get close enough to hit it?
Tolemek ducked through the low hatchway and invited Cas inside. She wrinkled her nose at the chemical scent, or maybe she was noticing that there weren’t any chairs. He usually stood up when he worked, so he had barely noticed that the bed was the only place to sit. Maybe if he moved some of the gels he had running, they could sit on the counters. He eyed the low ceiling. If he hunched.
Cas did not comment on the lack of seating. She walked past the counters to the inner bulkhead that held the built-in bed and sat on it. She leaned her elbows on her thighs, clasped her hands together, and looked up at him. Her expression made his heart ache. Usually, she seemed older than her twenty-three years, serious rather than playful, confident rather than uncertain. For the first time, she appeared younger than her age, small and lost.
“What is it?” he asked quietly, sitting and mirroring her position on the opposite end of the bed.
“I thought I wanted to be alone, that it would be torment being on the airship and surrounded by so many people again, but with that sword here… I’m afraid of being alone. It’s like I can feel it, the way Sardelle says she can feel magic. It makes my skin crawl, and I can’t stop thinking about everything, reliving that day. Over and over. If I close my eyes, I see it, the queen, the explosion, the floor falling away. Apex’s death.”
“Cas.” Tolemek wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms, but she still had her hands clasped, her shoulders hunched, as she stared at the floor between her boots. “Why did you volunteer to deal with it again?”
“If something happens…” She flexed her hands, her gaze shifting to her palms. “I didn’t want anyone else to have to have anyone’s blood on their hands. Not a friend’s blood.”
“So you’re going to sacrifice yourself?” he asked, feeling incredulous.
That
was what had prompted her decision?
“You can’t sacrifice someone who’s already dead.”
“You’re
not
dead.”
“Part of me is,” she whispered. “And the rest… it’s not fair, is it? When fate spares one life and takes another without any weight given to who might deserve life more?”
Tolemek scowled, both at the idea that she believed she was condemning herself to more blood on her hands and at the idea that Apex’s life might have been worth more than hers. “It’s
not
fair, but you can’t blame yourself for being the one who survived.”
“No? Not even when the person who died did so by my hand?”
“Not when a magical blade guided that hand, no.”
“I picked that sword up. I knew it was… strange, but I didn’t hurl it into the sea, like I should have.”
“You didn’t know. You should blame the asshole who made such an idiotic weapon in the first place. Some thousand-year-old version of me who didn’t think through what he was creating and ended up making something that could kill friends as well as enemies.”
For the first time, Cas looked over at him. Yes, she wasn’t the only one who’d had innocent people die because of choices she had made. She should blame him for his past every bit as much as she blamed herself for hers, but she never had.
“Why can you accept faults in others that you can’t accept in yourself?” he asked softly, barely aware that he had spoken the words aloud.
“I don’t know,” she whispered back, her green eyes glistening with moisture. “It’s a flaw.”
He scooted closer. This time, he spread his arms to hug her without hesitating. She squinted her eyes shut and leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder.
“It’s a strength.” He kissed her neck, then rested his face against her hair. “If you don’t let it kill you.”
“I’m afraid,” she said into his shoulder. “I’m afraid it’ll happen again. I’m afraid I made a mistake. But I can’t take it back. I don’t want anyone else to have to live with this.”
He stroked the back of her head. “How about I come up with some mighty dragon-slaying concoction that doesn’t kill friends and that will make it so you don’t have to take that sword out of its box?”
“I’d appreciate that.” For the first time, her voice held a hint of hope.
He closed his eyes, praying he could do what he was promising. He did
not
want to disappoint her, or see her hurt again.
“Good,” he whispered. “I’ve missed being appreciated by you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Just come by and murmur approvingly at my formulas now and then.”
She snorted and leaned back enough to look at his face. Some of those tears had made their way to her cheeks, leaving wet lines. Seeing that made his throat constrict with emotion, made him wish he could fix everything for her, but at least she wore a slight smile now.
“Even the strange glowing goos?” she asked.
“Especially them.”
“All right.”
He told himself to release her, that he needed to get back to work, so that he would
have
a dragon-slaying concoction by the time they found the dragon. But it had been weeks since she had smiled up at him like this.
“Cas, I—”
She slid her hand around to the back of his neck and leaned closer to kiss him. At first, he was so surprised that he merely sat there with his lips hanging open. But his body reacted even if his mind had forgotten what to do. He kissed her back, pulling her into his lap before he thought better of it. Having her arms around him, the warmth of her body against his, filled him with heat and desire. For the first time in a long time, she kissed him ardently, with passion he’d forgotten she had.
He might have happily pulled her back onto the bed with him, but his mind started working again, and he realized that her passion was because he had promised her a way to avoid the horrible fate she’d been expecting out here. If he came up with something and she didn’t have to touch that sword, then he would deserve this, but not before then, not when he wasn’t sure there was time to make anything. Maybe he had been foolish to speak so quickly, to get her hopes up. He hadn’t expected it to lead to this, to something he’d forgotten just how much he wanted.
A timer dinged on the other side of the lab. If it hadn’t, he might have found it impossible to pull himself away. But he had to check the results. For her.
“Cas,” he whispered, forcing himself to remove his lips from hers.
“Mm?” Her fingers had drifted higher, and they curled into his scalp, sending shivers of delight through him.
“I want this—you—but I have to get back to work. Otherwise…”
She lowered her hands to his shoulders and leaned back. “I understand. Do you need any help?”
“I don’t think so.” Belatedly, he remembered that he had originally lured her back to his lab under the pretext of wanting advice.
One of her eyebrows twitched. “So you just wanted to check up on me?”
“I’ve been worried about you.”
“Thanks.”
His own brows did some twitching. He hadn’t expected her to actually appreciate it, or that she would admit it if she did. She so rarely shared her feelings.
“You’re welcome.” He slid a hand through her soft hair again, then eased her aside and stood to check on his experiments.
“Tolemek?” Cas asked softly.
“Yes?”
“Do you mind if I stay here? The sword is in my cabin.” Her lips twisted with displeasure.
“If you don’t have any work you have to do, I
expect
you to stay here. How else would you murmur approvingly at my goos?”
She smiled again, and his heart soared. He had wondered if she would ever be able to do that again.
“Good,” she said.
• • • • •
Ridge couldn’t see the dragons anymore, but he did not allow himself to feel any relief, lest it be premature. Tylie, back in Duck’s flier after quick apologies and an even quicker stop to pick her up, had promised him she would look for caves where they might hide. They were following the rocky cliffs and steep slopes of the Blades now, heading north and further east as he led them in the direction of the mines. Had the visibility been better, he might have seen Galmok Mountain in the distance, but they were still a couple of peaks away and flying slowly. Duck’s battered craft could barely manage enough speed to keep them aloft. Ridge hoped the engineer he had worked with at the outpost was still stationed there.
There are a few caves on the southern face of that mountain up ahead, General Ridge.
Tylie spoke quietly and tentatively into his mind.
He had never communicated with anyone except Jaxi and Sardelle this way, but he might as well get used to random voices in his head if he was going to spend so much time with budding magic users. Sooner or later, Tolemek would probably butt in too.
He looked back at Sardelle. Her eyes were closed, and he couldn’t tell if she was sleeping—or unconscious.
She’s not drooling
, Jaxi informed him.
Just a light doze.
Jaxi sounded tired enough to doze—and drool—herself.
Possibly so, but that would take creating condensation from the air, and that sounds like too much work right now. I suggest this cave.
Jaxi flashed an image into his mind of a steep, scree-littered slope up ahead.
Ridge recognized the spot. He didn’t know these mountains as well as the coast back home, but he had still flown through them on his way into and out of the mining outpost.
Are you sure it’s necessary?
Ridge asked.
We’re less than twenty miles to the outpost.
It’s necessary
, Jaxi said.
The dragon?
He beat up Phelistoth, left him for dead, and he’s gaining ground on us again. I can sense him at the edge of my range.
“Follow me, Duck,” Ridge said. “We’re going to investigate a cave.”
A long moment passed before Duck responded with a subdued, “Oh.”
I guess he figured out why,
Ridge thought. He hadn’t wanted to say too much over the crystal, where Tylie could hear. Maybe she already knew Phelistoth had lost the battle, but if not, Ridge didn’t want to be the one to tell her.
I think he’ll recover eventually
, Jaxi said.
If the gold doesn’t go back for him. Dragons are good at healing themselves. Even if they don’t use their magic, their wounds regenerate quickly. It’s another reason why they’re so tough to kill.
As if Ridge and Duck had even been able to pierce the gold dragon’s scales. He’d felt utterly useless out there, and he’d been cursing himself since the dragon first appeared in the sky. Why hadn’t he demanded better weapons to take along? There had to be a weapon out there that would do
something
. After all, Angulus had a secret facility making bombs or rockets or whatever it was. But no, Ridge and everyone else had assumed that the ship that had a dragon-slaying sword and was actually looking for the dragon would be the one to find it. Why had he not suspected that he and Duck might chance across it? He hoped his message had gotten through to someone who had been able to relay it to General Ort.