365 Ways to Live Happy (35 page)

Perhaps your ten-year-old son struggles to keep up with his peers in math, your younger sister has body-image issues, or your spouse recently was denied that promotion he was promised. Let them grapple with their issues but be their cheerleader. Remind them that there are good alternatives to blaming or feeling self-pity. Point out what is truly unique and special in them. During times when loved ones are down, you can cheer them on to success. In a frank and loving discussion, help them figure out three goals that will enable them to be better at what they aspire to do and to also have a healthier self-image.

If you know an individual who is going through difficult times or who lives alone without much social contact, donate an hour of your free time to listen to her talk about life and the difficulties she faces. Humans need social contact, but not everyone's life circumstances allows for such interaction. Your company, even for an hour, can raise someone's spirits. Your time of listening can mean a lot to someone who believes there is no one in the world who cares if she lives or dies. You don't have to solve her problems, but just be a supportive and sympathetic listener. Your company might enable her to relieve some of the pressure she feels in her ongoing life struggles. You take brightness into her life through the generosity of your time and thoughtfulness.

If you have a family member or friend who is always negative, try to understand why he interprets everything in the worst possible light. Show him a more positive way of viewing the world. For example, maybe your husband is complaining that his daughter wrote on his Father's Day card that she loved him, but also asked why was he always so negative. Empathize with his hurt feelings first, and then try to discuss (without judging) how his personal views are affecting his relationships with her (and maybe everyone else). Work out a plan that you can implement together to help him develop a more positive take on things.

Your personal stories can inspire someone to achieve success or to believe in herself, overcome adversity, or just feel a little happier when her mood is dark. Comforting someone lost, alone, or sad is a way of expressing your spiritual or religious belief and spreading happiness. You can help an individual displace the negative energy in her life with something positive. A personal story can help people who have lost hope to regain control of their lives and begin to search for answers to their own problems or find new meaning. Let your stories help others appreciate their own positive qualities rather than their accomplishments.

Recovering from an addiction is an ongoing process that requires a lot of work. But even before the work begins, the addict has to have the courage to admit he has a problem. Alcoholism is a disease that requires treatment by professionals, people who understand the many facets of addiction and who can help break the addiction cycle. If you have recovered, attend an AA meeting and offer to tell your personal story and insights about beating the addiction. Be a friend or a sponsor for someone who is trying to reclaim his life. Your story can lift and inspire another to stay on the path to health, wholeness, and happiness. In you they see an exemplar for making good choices.

When you meet people who are positive-thinking and content with their lives, ask them what makes them feel that way. Ask them if you can interview them as part of the research effort you are doing for an article about happy people. Pose questions in a way that will draw out their answers — not simply as yes or no — but rather as long and thoughtful responses. Encourage them to share their tips for cultivating a happy life. Then, work up a short article about what you've learned and see if you can get your local newspaper or neighborhood flyer to print it.

The statement, “I am proud of you,” is something people don't hear very often. Yet hearing it does so much for the hearer's self esteem. It should never be a substitute in families for the words, “I love you,” but rather reinforce your bonds with children, lovers, and friends. Be generous with your encouragement and praise. It costs you nothing and can mean happiness for those who hear it. Show through your example that happiness isn't success, lots of money, the latest model of car in your garage, or having your child graduate from MIT.

If shopping makes you happy, just think how good you'll feel shopping for goods that are eco-positive; meaning that they have been created in ways that have a positive impact on people and the planet and do not harm animals. And telling your friends, business associates, and relatives to do the same means you will be spreading happiness around your community and elsewhere. For thousands of products, go to
http://worldofgood.ebay.com
.

Think of three things you can do that don't cost money but that can benefit the world. You could pick up trash along your daily walk. With the rainforest disappearing at an alarming rate, you could plant a tree or two. Recycle, if you don't already. Hold open a door for a mother with a small child and a stroller. Give a laborer a fresh bottle of water when he's working up a sweat. Implement as many ideas as you can and feel the joy of knowing that you are truly making the world a better place, one selfless action at a time.

With a little effort, you can retrain your impulse to blurt out commonly used negative words and phrases in your speech in favor of using positive words that are carefully chosen and thoughtfully offered. For example, phrases like, “there's always room for improvement,” “I've seen better from you,” or “good enough, but no cigar” are not helpful and, in fact, suggest that someone's actions or thoughts have come up short and don't meet your expectations. You don't want to hear that kind of response, so stop when the impulse arises to say it. Consider positive, helpful feedback and comments. Speak honestly but caringly so as to inspire greatness from others and generate happiness during the process.

If you are outraged by child labor in places like China, India, Uganda, or Togo, join forces with humanitarian and legal organizations, grassroots groups, and concerned coalitions to end such illegal and inhumane practices. A crime in many parts of the world, child labor nevertheless continues. In the handmade carpet industry of Asia, children, whose small hands are best suited for making tiny knots, are often trafficked or kidnapped and sold into debt bondage to work in factories. They made be paid half an adult worker's wages yet work for long hours and without proper food or drink. Hazards to their health are many, including respiratory problems (from inhaling fibers), skin punctures from working with sharp tools, and even deformities and impaired vision. The carpet industry is only one of many that use child labor. If this cause speaks to your heart, get involved in making a difference in a child's life. Lend your voice and support to those pressuring all countries of the world to abolish child labor.

In light of the armed military conflicts being waged in hot spots throughout the world, peace seems like a complicated issue. Yet, some would say that peace begins with you, the individual. Exemplars of peace include the spiritual leaders like Buddha and Jesus and social reformers and pacifists like Mohandas K. Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr., among others. All were visionaries who rallied others around them through their ideas of love, compassion, and harmony. Achieving peace, it seems, will take individuals in great numbers to stand up for and demand peace as a fundamental human right. The Dalai Lama said that peace has to begin first with each person finding inner peace. Join those who believe that, as citizens of the global community, peace is pre-eminently important. Work for a culture of peace and happiness, not just for the few but for everyone, everywhere.

Your efforts to get others to help you sponsor a single mother's college education could make a huge difference in her quality of life and in the lives of the children she is raising alone. For a single mom, getting a degree or professional certificate may seem impossible, a fantasy. Many single mothers work multiple jobs just to feed and clothe their brood. Often they live paycheck to paycheck and hope they don't get sick. Yet they frequently catch the colds and illnesses that go around because their fatigue and stress reduces the ability of their immune systems to fight off such opportunistic infections. Many do not have health insurance. Research supports the idea that higher education for single mothers benefits society. You don't have to do it alone; ask five business colleagues or friends to join your effort.

You see them, sometimes in wheelchairs with limbs missing, sleeping in shelters, under bridges, in alleyways, or abandoned buildings — places where they can escape inclement weather and where they can feel safe enough to close their eyes. There are roughly 46,000 homeless veterans today who have been classified as chronically homeless, according to the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans. The U. S. Department of Veterans Affairs claims that four percent of them are female. For more information, see
www.nchv.org
. Helping veterans to find affordable housing, access to health care, and earn a livable income are three things you and your members of your community could do to help. Think of three other things in your power to improve the life of someone who has served this country and then do them.

You may know of someone, perhaps even a family member, living in a retirement community, an assisted-living facility, or a nursing home. Many such facilities have a center where residents may gather for special programs or for planned social events and activities. You can spread some good cheer by volunteering some of your free time to a senior center to give a talk, organize a music recital, lead a songfest, lecture, or teach a class. Today's senior citizens are not quite like previous generations of seniors. They like stimulation, care about good health, eat right, appreciate lifelong learning, and enjoy socializing, even if their options are limited to conversations with others living in their community. Most likely, whatever you do will be appreciated and the topic of happy conversation long after you've done your bit.