18 Truths (9 page)

I couldn’t give up, even though my limbs begged me to. I kept pushing as I saw the boy slipping underwater. When I finally reached the spot where he was a moment ago, I sucked in a deep breath and kept my eyes wide-open as I sank below the surface. Luckily, the bright pier lights shone down on the water, otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to see a thing. Riel had changed the simulation from sunlight to almost total darkness in a matter of seconds.

Luckily, the guy hadn’t sunk deeper than about eight feet. I swam with long, powerful kicks and grabbed him by the shoulders.

My eyes bugged as I got a close-up of his face and realized they’d used
my
Conner in my test, not just some lookalike. A wave of shock and fear paralyzed me. Hysteria revved up inside me like a flywheel, and I let Conner go. Watching him float to the top, I fought nausea. Could I puke under water? Hyperventilate in a panic attack and drown? Conner’s face stared down at me, shimmering through the water, an ethereal light surrounding him. Getting farther away, his body receded until becoming a point of light, like a fading bright dot at the center of a turned-off television, and it was not until I touched the bottom that I noticed I’d let myself sink. The depth must’ve been thirteen or fourteen feet here, and this realization scared me into action.

Launching like a torpedo, I slammed my arms and legs against the water full-force until I reached him. I held him up underneath his arms, my hands claws on his shoulders, and lunged toward shore, throwing my whole body into a swim I was certain could win an Olympic medal. Quivering now, my teeth locked in a titanic rigor, but not from the cold. I chanted in my head,
I am weightless. My arms are fast, my legs are strong. I can do this all day long.
I knew the power of believing was the key to this test. I heaved forward with adrenalized strength. The drizzle increased to a steady rain, water spraying down on me like a shower. I turned around, looking for a lifebuoy, for anything to appear, but it didn’t. No easy way out. Waves pounded over us, and I started to choke and buck and thrash—a scream tearing loose from me—as I struggled for air. One last wave crashed over us, and then I busted to the surface, fake-Conner in tow.

Nate ran out to meet us, knee deep in water, then carried Conner to the sand and laid him there before turning to me.

“Olga?” He gripped my arms, maybe a little too harshly. “Are you okay?”

My head snapped from side to side, examining Conner’s face, then Nate’s.

“Nate, meet Conner.”

My voice was icy with control even though I breathed harder than any asthma attack as I flipped him over on his stomach. I straddled him, pushing down on the middle of his back with both hands. Water gushed from his lips, and I repeated until the flow stopped. I was a girl possessed, a spirit guide in training on a mission, as I flipped him over onto his back, then immediately delivered CPR breaths. I was all thumbs when I tried to rescue him last year, but not this time. I ran my own reality show now—driven, hopeful, believing that what didn’t happen before could happen this day.

Remembering what I did wrong before helped me now. To onlookers gathering around us, it must’ve looked like a senseless frenzy, but I controlled the chaos here. I took his pulse. Nothing. Still not breathing. I screamed and slammed my fist down on his chest, desperately trying to wake him.

I wouldn’t give up. I slapped his face. “Fight!”

“Hey, what are you doing?” Nate shouted.

I ignored him and gathered all my wits and strength to remember the steps on how to save a life. Step one: open Conner’s airway, tilt head, and put my ear to his mouth. Step two: listen for air flowing, look for chest movement. None. Step three: pinch his nose, and start mouth-to-mouth again, big enough to make his chest rise. Step four: watch his chest fall. Repeat.

My muscles strained tightly with the déjà vu feeling, but this time I knew the outcome. Because this time felt different, like the kiss of life instead of death. When I checked for a pulse, there was one. Water tickled my feet as a wave crashed against the shore, and I laughed. Water didn’t feel scary in this moment; it felt like the soft hand of God reaching out to me.

Conner’s body convulsed, coughing violently, and it was like watching a rebirth. But not his. Mine. Our eyes locked, inches apart, and I felt his breath on my face, so thankful it wasn’t his last. Not here, at least. I shook all over as a sound escaped my lips, something between laughing and crying.

His eyes were so intense on me, his voice was a hoarse whisper. “Olga, you saved me.”

That brief statement set my teeth chattering beyond control. I wanted to say something, but my voice twisted into a sob, and I wept quietly as the ambulance pulled up. This was the part I missed before because I had been knocked unconscious by the sailboat boom. I watched as the door crashed open. They loaded Conner on the stretcher, packing heating blankets around him and placing a clear oxygen mask over his mouth. I stood up, staring at his gray face in the moonlight. I grabbed his hand, running my fingers over his, and somehow, he felt warm.

“I never told you this, but I love you.”

This might’ve been surprising for Nate to hear, after all this time. This moment, I knew it wouldn’t be enough. No trace of the words I just confessed registered on Conner’s face. I felt my heart break again. I wanted to stay with Conner now more than ever. Terror shot through me at the thought of going on without him, but what choice did I have?

It wasn’t real. This isn’t real.

When the ambulance pulled away, everyone clapped around me. Real or fake, I lifted my hands to the sky anyway and told God thank you, taking a deep breath of fresh salty air. In that moment, it didn’t matter how badly my lungs burned.

Nate’s shadow moved in front of my closed eyes before whispering in my ear. “You are brave.”

I supposed courage might’ve been doing what needed to be done even though there was nothing in you that wanted to do it. “Maybe I am brave.”

He pushed the wet hair back behind my ears with trembling fingers as tears streamed down my face. “Not maybe. You did it.”

I grabbed his head in both hands, then pulled his mouth to mine. We locked together in a fierce kiss, fueled by passion and fear.

Then the whole world disappeared, and we were back at headquarters.

Gasping, I pressed a hand to my chest. Riel grabbed my other hand and pulled me to my feet. Reluctantly, he helped Nate stand, too.

“You’re back just in time for lunch. Pleased, Lover Boy?”

“Did we…?” I couldn’t finish my question, too afraid to hear the answer.

“Pass?” Riel titled his head, studying me. “Yes. Congratulations.”

He patted me on the back, and the whole thing felt awkward, like I was his puppy and he was my master. He seemed to sense the uncomfortableness and pulled away.

“After lunch, Ruth will go over some last minute reminders in your exit counseling session. Enjoy your weekend. School starts on Monday.”

Riel gave me one last glance before popping his wings out, and then he was too beautiful to behold, so I looked away.

he next night, I sprawled out on my bed at headquarters and studied the contents of my backpack. Nate sat across the room in a desk chair, doing the same thing. His iPod Touch blared
Some Nights
by FUN. I nodded my head along to the lyrics, which seemed very fitting for our situation since the self-deprecation the song spoke of threatened to overwhelm me at any moment.

Nate happened to have his iPod Touch in his pants pocket when we were brought into this other realm, which was lucky because his playlist was his life. I felt very grateful for the music at the moment. I watched him, studying every inch of his body. He sported a pair of jeans and a T-shirt which featured a storm trooper on the front, the words ‘Do not conform to this world’ written underneath the image. Our closets at headquarters were magically filled with clothes just the right size and style for us. Apparently, God was a fan of Star Wars too, which made sense considering how popular the series continued to be over the years.

Nate’s chin dropped to his chest, and his coffee colored hair covered one eye, his tanned fingers scanning the pages. I ached for those fingers to touch me in the same way. As if he sensed my ogling, he looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back, which was all it took for him to amble over to where I rested on the bed. He dropped to his knees on the carpet and gently pushed me backward. He lifted my T-shirt until the fabric rested just above my bellybutton and then pressed his lips to my navel sweetly.

“Nate, we should really keep studying so we’re prepared.”

The truth was I couldn’t stop thinking about finding Conner. No way could I tell Nate that after all he had done to help me this past year and with all the guilt he felt over his car accident. I didn’t want to lie either. So, as the saying went, silence was golden.

He sighed. “I only study when I can’t think of anything better to do, and this, this is definitely something better.” His lips traveled just above the waistband of my jeans before turning his gaze toward my face. “I really wish we could’ve had kids one day. You would’ve made a great mother. You know that was my Hell, right? When Riel took us there for a moment that first day we met him? I sat on your bedroom floor and watched you swallow an entire bottle of pills, and I couldn’t stop you from hurting yourself. You didn’t care about anything else.”

His face remained stern and constant. I could count the number of times on one hand when I’d seen him so serious. “What was your Hell? Did it have to do with me?”

Regarding his expression, I knew I should tell him the truth, but I couldn’t. Somehow, the truth would change us, and I didn’t want that. “Yeah, mine was about losing you, too.”

He nodded his head. “I figured as much. It’s our greatest fear, isn’t it?”

Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes, but of course, he mistook my sadness for another reason. The impulse to kiss him took over. Pulling him onto the bed with me, I enveloped him in a sea of passionate kisses on his mouth and neck before trailing more down his shoulders, arms, and hands. I took in his warmth, his smell, letting his closeness calm me. My hands slipped through his fine hair as he mimicked my path of kisses before kissing my navel again. I flashed him a mischievous smile, beckoning him to come closer with my index finger. He slid on top of me, elbows resting on either side of my shoulders, pressing his forehead to mine.

“How far do you think we can go before they stop us?” I whispered.

He gave me a look of pure hunger.

I licked my lips, and then arched upward, bringing my mouth to his. The spark between us had never felt so strong, and I began to think that maybe emotions came more easily in this realm. I felt like my whole life I’d been riding a bike with training wheels, and now I’d advanced to driving a motorcycle. And our free will still seemed to be intact because nobody stopped him when his hands roamed over my body… and mine his. Except the thought that my impulsiveness was really an evasion, a camouflage for the truth, put an end to what I’d started.

“I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but maybe this isn’t the best way to prepare for our first assignment.”