18 Things (29 page)

Nate shifted out of his towel and swept an arm from side to side. “Do you know how long the boat is?”

I shook my head.

“I asked the owner at the marina this morning before we got on. Eighty-eight feet.”

I whistled, peering over the side. “Impressive.”

He squeezed my shoulder. “Not as impressive as you.”

My head snapped up. “Whatever.” But oh my gosh! I suddenly wanted to kiss him so badly.

I nodded toward Tammy standing at the other end of the yacht—she was out of earshot and lighting a cigarette. “I just wish I had a body like hers. It’s not fair some girls get all the perfect parts.”

Nate leaned down and whispered in my ear, his face tight. “You really don’t get how beautiful you are. I much prefer the natural, All-American-girl-next-door look.”

I eyed Nate as he straightened to full height. “Did you just compliment me by calling me wholesome?”

Breathing out a sigh, he asked, “Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not the best compliment I’ve ever received, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.”

Tammy dropped her cigarette into the water below, then sauntered down the steps toward the cabins. My concern for her was like a buzzing in my ear, but I shook the thoughts from my head for now.

After all, I was on vacation.

“Okay, each time we pass a fudge shop, we go in and eat some,” I told everyone when off the boat a half-hour later. A fudge shop was the first stop on our island tour. In fact, the whole island carried the thick aroma of the world-famous Mackinac chocolate.

“No way.” Mom exhaled loudly. “I already laid down on the bed to zip up these jeans.”

Tammy threw her head back in laughter. “I love your mom.”

I offered Mom my best puppy dog face. “Come on. Just for a sample at least? We’re on vacation! Calories don’t count here.” I never needed an excuse to indulge in a piece of creamy peanut butter fudge, but I thought my argument was sound.

Mom stared off into the distance and answered in a monotone voice. “Fine.”

I linked my arm with hers as we strolled along the shoreline, splitting a slice of peanut butter pecan fudge. Lots of horse-drawn carriages passed by. The island banned motorized vehicles, creating the atmosphere of a simpler time. A few minutes later, we stumbled upon a bike rental shop, providing us with the perfect outlet to explore the island.

Nate’s eyes lit up. They were never consistently blue, just like the ocean. Sometimes they sparkled blue-green; other times the irises reflected a very deep blue, black almost.

“Hey, Olga,” he shouted. “Check this out! You wanna rent a two-seater?”

I felt a rush of affection for his childlike ways and wanted to reach out and touch him, but I restrained myself.

While everyone picked various bikes according to their liking, Nate and I settled upon ours, then headed toward the high rocky buffs where a colorful forest loomed. The ride felt like a marathon of mountain biking as we zoomed over the gazillion trails throughout the island. Thankfully, the weather was overcast. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds every so often, so I wasn’t sweating too profusely when we arrived at the popular Grand Hotel.

“Have you ever seen anything more picturesque in all your life?” Loria asked as we parked our bikes.

The sign read the hotel had the world’s longest porch, measuring 660 feet long. Dad and Robert walked inside to inquire about a tour while the rest of us waited on the porch looking over the grounds.

Mom’s eyes were wide and shining. “What I would give for a garden blooming with lilacs like this.”

“Look.” I pointed toward the pool. “It’s shaped like a serpent.”

Kyle grinned. “And it’s about as big as a football field. I hope we can go swimming.”

Tammy rubbed her arms as a breeze blew over us. “Only if it’s heated like the hot tub.”

Loria sauntered over and stood next to me, placing her hand on mine as I leaned over the porch railing. “So, I see you’ve created quite the movement at Grand Haven High.”

I flashed a shaky smile. “What do you mean?”

“Well, as supporting alumni, Robert and I receive the
Bucs’ Blade
in the mail every month. We’ve really enjoyed your bucket list feature.” Her eyes widened a bit, and her compliment felt genuine. “And it got us thinking about creating a scholarship there in Conner’s honor. And we want to tie it together with your ‘18 Things’ list.”

Shuffling a step back in surprise, I said, “Really? How?”

She beamed at me. “You know how the last issue of the paper in May always features a humorous Most or Best whatever list. Like a spoof on those awards for the yearbook, Most Spirited and so on?”

Sweeping my hair back in a ponytail, I entered planning mode as I had a total ESP moment. “Oh, I totally understand where you’re going! We could have a writing contest to submit the best item on their list of eighteen things, and then, the newspaper staff and you and Robert could vote on the best picks for like Most Poignant, Most Scary, Most Athletic, Most Humorous, and Most Ambitious.”

She nodded. “Exactly. Do you think Mrs. Cleveland would go for something like that instead of her usual list of satire?”

The gray clouds parted and sunlight filled the porch, like something straight out of a movie, a total light bulb moment. “I think so, but she’ll need details, and fast, if you’re going to pull this off within two months. Do you want to keep it at the five categories I named or just do one best overall?”

“Five sounds perfect.” Loria leaned forward, and I peered over the side to view what she might might be looking at.

The view of lovely landscaped grounds, couples leisurely walking along the shoreline, and romantic horse trail rides took my breath away.

After a few minutes, Loria leaned back and smiled at me. “We could do five thousand dollars for each student for the next four years. Does that sound okay?”

A small gasp escaped my lips. “That’s twenty-five thousand dollars each year!”

I was sure she’d already calculated the math, but I couldn’t help myself from observing the obvious.

Loria shrugged. “We already had more than that set aside for Conner’s college education, so it seems fitting for other deserving students to receive those funds, especially members of his graduating class.”

Mom leaned in between us and wrapped an arm around each of our shoulders. “This is a wonderful plan the two of you are creating. You and Robert are very generous.”

Dad interrupted our moment by returning with a reddened face. “We paid ten dollars a head just for the self tour!”

I choked back a giggle at the contrast of Robert’s charitableness and Dad’s cheapness.

But the price was money well spent. We visited the horse stables, collected rocks and shells on their private beach, and built a giant sand castle. In the afternoon, the boys played bocce ball in the Tea Garden. The girls enjoyed a spot of tea while cheering them on, in a civilized manner of course. Some guys who looked to be college age drove past on a golf cart at full speed until the driver caught sight of Tammy, and distracted, he swerved to the side, dumping the two riders sitting on the back of the cart onto the dirt.

“Oh!” Sean yelled. “Epic fail!”

I slurped tea from my flowered china, trying not to laugh. I’ve always thought it was weird how people love to laugh at failure.

But these dudes didn’t seem fazed at all. While one of the guys stood and brushed off, he yelled back, “Whatever! That was exactly as fun as it looked!”

The driver laughed and then directed his attention back to Tammy. “Waz up? Did I just die and go to Heaven, because you must be an angel. Why don’t we go for a ride? I’ll show you how to fly.” He winked the creepiest wink in history.

And the amateur comedy show didn’t end there.

Tammy shook her head and smirked. “I don’t believe in dating college guys who major in idiocracy, so I’m thinking I’ll just go.”

She turned and marched in the other direction.

I made a quick decision to follow her. Even though the guy was a total show-off, it wasn’t normal behavior for Tammy to ignore anyone’s advances, even if she did have a boyfriend.

“Good one,” I called from behind.

She kept a steady pace, and I half-jogged to catch up.

“Hey, I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Turning around, her eyes grew wide, like I uncovered a secret.

“What?” Her voice didn’t sound calm at all.

“Even as a genius with zero common sense I can tell something is up with you,” I replied with a shrug.

At those words, she burst into tears. “I wish I had your IQ. Then I wouldn’t be flunking out of high school two months before graduation.”

Now it was my turn to say, “What?” Her usual brave face was gone and I wrapped her in a hug, her shoulders shaking, and felt myself start to cry, too.

I didn’t say anything else while I let her cry it out. After the tears stopped, I reached into my over- the-shoulder bag and then handed her a Kleenex.

“Thanks. And sorry.”

“Tammy, don’t apologize for crying.”

“I haven’t cried in ten months, since my dad almost died in the hospital.” She wiped the dampness from her face. “So, um, I need to like, keep a two-point-five GPA to retain my cheerleading scholarship. And yesterday afternoon, my guidance counselor called me into the office. As of right now, it’s two-point-two.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, the row of silver rings on her hand glinting in the sunlight. “My whole life I’ve been waiting to get outta Grand Haven and my craphole of a life with my dad. I just can’t believe I let this happen. I’m so stupid!”

She collapsed on the grass, and I squatted next to her.

“You are
not
stupid.” My voice was stiff, reminding me of my own protective mother. “You are smart, confident, and accomplished. You were Prom Princess last year, Homecoming Queen this year, voted Most Involved in our poll for the
Bucs’ Blade
, Class President, Head Cheerleader, president of the Booster Club. Plus, you have your modelling job outside of school and take care of your dad. I mean, I don’t know how you could even expect to maintain a two-point-five with all the things you do for everyone else.”

Flinching, she said, “What are you talking about? I’ve lived my whole life for myself, made all the decisions according to what I want, and learned not to have expectations. Now I know why. All it gets me is disappointment. At least I’m successful at being a failure, right?”

I pressed my lips together, thinking of how to respond. Once again, I found myself asking, what would Conner do? “Hey, it’s not too late to fix this. I can help you study. We’ll go to the counselor, see what else we can do to bring up your grades. Maybe there are extra credit projects you can do or something. And it wouldn’t hurt to talk to the counselor about how you’re feeling, too. What’s your Dad say about all this?”

She pulled at the necklace around her neck. “Didn’t tell him.”

Slowly releasing a deep breath, I gauged how hard I should push. “Why not? I mean, he’s been recovering without any relapses, right?”

“Hasn’t had one drink in the past ten months—the longest I’ve ever seen him last. But that’s the catch twenty-two, ya know? It’s like I keep him at arm’s length because I’m scared he’ll disappoint me again. And because even though I love him, I don’t want to get close now. I want to leave and hold onto that hurt, let it carry me outta here.”

“You should tell your dad you love him,” I said.

She looked at me with huge eyes. “It’s weird you say that because lately he’s been telling me he loves me all the time—and how proud he is of me. That’s another reason I don’t want to tell him about maybe losing my scholarship. What if it makes him drink again?”

The sun was barely visible through the darkening clouds, but at least it was still there
.

“Look, you are not responsible for what your dad does. You need to release yourself from that burden. Just like I had to release my guilt over what happened to Conner. And you need to let people love you. You deserve love. But you need to give in order to receive, too.”

She crossed her ankles and leaned back on her elbows as thunder rolled in the distance. “He knows I love him though. Nobody could love that man
but
me.”

I pointed at her. “See? That’s the hurt coming back, mad at him for not being there, and you need to let the pain go, too, because it’ll hold you back. We all fail at one time or another. One day, maybe twenty or thirty years from now, you’ll probably do something hurtful to your kid and need to ask for forgiveness, and you’ll look back on this time in your life, glad you forgave your dad.”

Sitting up, Tammy wrapped her arms around her waist. “But I don’t know if I can get out those words, and yeah I know nobody’s perfect or whatever, but some are more perfect than others. And my dad was an ‘other.’ I feel like I should punish him for making me miss my childhood. Like if I actually say I love you to him, it’ll excuse everything he did.”

I nodded, plotting out what to say next. “Well, the Tammy I know does
not
have a problem with communication. We hear you loud and clear all over school.”