Authors: Sam Baker
‘Good to go?’ the sub asked as Gil speed-read the end of the story. Fluffy, but not too fluffy. And, like he said, no one would read it anyway.
Gil nodded and the sub’s right hand shifted slightly, his finger twitched, and the page vanished from his screen. The move was barely perceptible. All that work and then … Gil tried not to let it gall him. His last front page sent to the printers and that was it?
He knew it made him sound like an old fossil – he was, practically Palaeolithic – but he missed proper print. He wasn’t asking for hot metal, he wasn’t that much of a dinosaur, although he’d liked the linotype machine when he was an apprentice on Fleet Street. The smell, the noise, the
commitment
of real print. The sense that, once you’d decided, that was it, there was no going back. It was a big decision in those days. What you thought, what you chose to go with, it mattered.
Digital was too easy.
Don’t like it? Change it. Try this, move that. Up a type size, swap the headline with the picture. Better before? Put it all back where it was then. No problem … After all, by the time this was printed, it would be old news, already replaced several times over by something newer and more exciting online. Truth was, he was glad to be retiring five years early. No one bought a paper nowadays, not like they used to. Give it a few months and they’d be giving the thing away. If they bothered printing it at all.
‘So, what’s to say about Gilbert Markham?’
As if on command, Gil began to slink backwards. Shoulders drooped, head down, making himself as invisible as possible. Not easy when you’re six four, but over the years he’d turned shrinking into an art form. The glasses helped, he found. One of the reasons he’d never bothered with contacts. If he could only drift as far back as the bar he could fortify himself with another pint. He’d need another, and a chaser, to get through this.
Fat chance.
‘Come on, Gil,’ someone from the sports desk shouted. Gil tried to remember the man’s name, if only to mark his card, but it escaped him. ‘It’s your big moment, get yourself up there.’
Nev, that was it. He looked like a Nev.
Thank God there wasn’t literally an up. Gil had never been one for a stage. Up at the front of this crowd, in the back room at The Cricketers was bad enough. Nev’s jeer was joined by a second from one of the subs and a combined third from half the news desk; until even Gil could see he was making more of a spectacle of himself by refusing.
‘So,’ the new editor repeated, ‘what’s to say about Gilbert?’
‘For Christ’s sake,’ Gil muttered, pushing his way to the front of the room, grudgingly accepting the affectionate pats that greeted his passage. ‘Call me Gil. Haven’t been Gilbert since I accidentally burnt down the Boys’ Brigade hut when I was seven.’
‘Gil joined the
Post
, back in …’ The man paused, making no pretence of not looking at his hastily unfolded notes. He’d only been there six months, less. He hardly knew Gil. Why would he, when most of his time was spent cutting staff and trying to deal with falling circulation, the crash in advertising revenue and the paper’s transition to digital?
‘Back in …’
‘1985,’ Gil supplied, taking his place at the front and instantly dwarfing the younger, squatter man. ‘Probably around the time you were in primary school.’
Gil remembered his first day clear as a bell, like it was yesterday – and all those other clichés he expected the subs to strike out. Life flashing before your eyes … Wasn’t that meant to be when you were dying? From where Gil now stood it was same difference. London had been wet and sticky that summer; the worst combination. Jan, pregnant with Karen, was hot, heavy and worried. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy. If he were being unkind, he’d say Karen started the way she intended to go on: bloody-minded and difficult.
Lyn was due to start junior school, house prices in Greenwich were soaring, and riots bubbled under the urban sprawl. Jan’s mother was never off the phone worrying about the safety of her only daughter and granddaughter; though they lived nowhere near Brixton, or Tottenham for that matter, and trouble was brewing in Liverpool and Manchester, too. London was different, apparently. His own mother wasn’t much better. The decision to move back north to head up a news desk, have a higher standard of living, better schools, a house twice as large for half the price, eventually made itself. He cracked when Jan accused him of not worrying about his kids having a safe place to grow up, a decent community, decent neighbours …
The things her mum said Gil was trying to deprive her of for the sake of his blessed career.
Working on a national was working on a national, but when the job on the
Post
came up it was too good to turn down. Trouble was, he’d been there ever since. Risen to Assistant Editor/News; covered when the boss was off (holidays, Christmas); pulled more than his fair share of lates in Jan’s eyes. Editors came and went, but the top job eluded him, time and technology moving faster than he had a mind to. When he’d joined, the public image of a journalist was a hard-bitten hack in a trench coat with a book of off-the-record contacts. Now it was run by suits, marshalling whichever twelve-year-old with a camera phone happened to be in the right place at the right time, and was happy to sign away their rights for exposure.
What a cliché he’d been back then.
What a cliché he still was.
‘You with us, Gil?’
The editor was frowning; the rest of the room had fallen silent and was staring in a way that made Gil uncomfortable. Tolerant was the only way to describe the expression on the younger faces. Like he was an elderly relative at a difficult funeral.
‘Senior moment.’ Gil mugged at the news desk. ‘Comes to us all, guv.’
‘Glad to be rid of you then, mate.’
‘Give me a gold watch and I’ll race you to the door.’
‘Ah, about that: what’s five letters …’ He was grinning. The new editor never grinned. It should have been a warning. ‘… and ends in E-X?’
A smile broke across Gil’s face. He knew head office would see him right. Tight bastards these days, dicking around with pensions, changing contracts for the worse, but he’d put in the time and they knew that. From his jacket pocket, the one furthest from Gil, the editor produced a box, black leather or something that would pass for it. Emblazoned across the top in foil was one word:
Timex.
The room dissolved.
‘You really think we’d send you off after twenty-seven years with a couple of warm pints and a Timex?’ That the younger man’s cuff had ridden up to reveal a Rolex Day-Date didn’t make Gil feel any better. Gil was meant to say,
No, of course not
. Set himself up for the next fall.
New guard and old locked eyes. There was no hint of a smile in either of them. No mutual respect. No amicable passing of the baton from one generation to another. ‘Yeah,’ said Gil, loudly enough for the rest of the room to hear. ‘I think you would.’
With the solid weight of the door between her and the outside world, Helen breathed more easily. Now she was inside, the dregs of last night’s migraine nudged its way forward, bringing the exhaustion that always accompanied a night spent in fugue. Crossing the grand entrance hall into the ancient kitchen – a shrine to sixties Formica, probably state of the art once – she filled a glass with cloudy water from a rusting tap, pipes hammering as she did so, before fumbling in her bag for aspirin.
For a full migraine she’d need stronger pills. But these would take the edge off the aftermath.
Stronger pills
… Helen’s sense of ease slipped away. On the worktop beside her bag lay a dead packet, each of its sixteen plastic pips squashed flat. She squeezed each one anyway, one after the other, heart sinking further with each pip. Empty. Every single one of them.
Shit.
She closed her eyes and felt the room lurch as the nausea of the night before washed back. This had nothing to do with side effects. In her hurry to leave, she’d forgotten to get a new prescription. Without it …
Helen downed two aspirin, took a third for luck, and leaned against the huge butler’s sink. She counted down from ten, trying to imagine her next attack without the drugs. If she was lucky it might be weeks away.
If she wasn’t …
Using what little daylight remained, Helen began a tour of the house. It wasn’t necessary, logically she knew that; but she’d been doing it almost as long as she could remember. It was a stupid ritual. One of many she’d adopted over the years. Whether for luck, safety, or as some sort of offering to a god she didn’t believe in, she wasn’t sure. Art had mocked her for it often enough. ‘What do you plan to do,’ he’d asked once, ‘if you find a psychopath lurking under the bed?’ She’d bitten back her first retort and just shrugged. She didn’t have an answer then and she didn’t have one now, but she looked anyway. Everyone had their decompression rituals.
Doors, windows, under beds, were hers.
Shuddering, she pushed Art from her mind. She’d feel better once she’d checked the locks, she always did.
As she passed the door that led to the pantry, a noise stopped her. She froze on the spot, listening intently. There it was again. Small but insistent, growing gradually louder … A scraping, like a branch on a windowpane, or fingernails on a blackboard. Leaning on the handle, Helen pushed open the door and jumped back. Whatever she’d been expecting, it wasn’t a mangy black tom glaring at her from the middle of the pantry floor, hackles up in fury. The room was dank and smelled of mould, the result of endless drizzle seeping through the missing diamond of the lead window that the cat had obviously used to break and enter.
The two faced off.
‘Stay, if you want,’ Helen said after several seconds in which it became clear that the cat had no plans to back down. Her voice sounded louder than she’d expected and they both jumped.
Eye contact broken, the cat hissed, showing yellow fangs, and darted towards the window.
Beside the pantry, a second door led through to several outhouses, the nearest of which doubled as a utility room. Beyond was a courtyard. In one corner, below tiles that obviously leaked, was a carriage. It had probably been a prized possession once. Today it was a ghost, rendered pale by decades of bird shit from pigeons in the rafters above. An arch through the rear of the courtyard led to a walled garden with a lychgate gate onto the Dales. At least, according to the letting agents’ details.
She’d seen pictures of Wildfell before she arrived, of course. The courtyard garden, a couple of ostentatious family rooms. It looked big, which didn’t matter, and remote, which did. She wanted somewhere she was unlikely to be bothered by neighbours. But now she was here and in, and could see the house in all its ruined glory, it was vast. Far larger than she knew what to do with. More run-down than she’d been told. And far closer to civilisation than the letting agent had let on, situated on the cusp of the moors and the Dales. Estate agents lied, it seemed, and so did photographs.
The red-brick Elizabethan frontage was built on to something even more ancient. According to the details, it had been a prep school in the post-war period; a boarding school for boys up to thirteen, which shut for undisclosed reasons. In the eighties it tried – and failed – to become a conference centre. In the early nineties it shut again. Though the agent didn’t say so, she suspected it had been shut on-and-off ever since. Family dispute, was all he said when she asked why the house didn’t just get sold to developers. Certainly, he had seemed peculiarly keen to let it to a single woman in search of somewhere quiet to work.
Dusk was falling as she locked the door to the outhouse, feeling its flimsy lock rattle in a way that cranked her anxiety up another notch. Then she retraced her steps to the entrance hall. Like everything else in the house it was huge and faded, several doors leading off.
A vast dining room with a mahogany table that would seat twenty at a squeeze. A study with walls lined with antelope heads. A billiard room with a table torn to reveal a heavy slab of slate beneath rotting baize. A red ball sat alone at the side. Helen slung it into the pocket as she passed and it fell through the threadbare net, landing with a crash that made her jump, before rolling away across the marbled floor. The air of abandonment was even more apparent in the drawing room, where a chandelier, two sofas and five chairs were all shrouded under sheets. A huge, gloomy portrait of an imperious man in breeches and knee boots glared down from above the fireplace. The hairs on her arms rose, as if the temperature had dropped a degree or two when she walked in. Not damp like the pantry, more … chill. Wrapping her arms around herself, Helen rubbed at them in a futile attempt to warm up. Then she checked the windows. They were all shut. She pulled the curtains anyway, drab and heavy with dust. Anything to obscure the gloom outside.
The house seemed endless. Big rooms giving on to smaller rooms giving on to staircases, which in their turn gave on to a hidden underworld of servants’ pantries and store cupboards that Helen decided to ignore, bolting the door firmly top and bottom when she returned to ground level. Upstairs were bedrooms; her own, chosen late the previous night by default, no better or worse than any of the others. It was huge, its ceiling so bowed she feared it might fall in at any moment. As she paced its floor, her boots squeaked on utilitarian grey-blue carpet, at odds with the rest of the bedroom furniture, an assortment of hideous hand-me-downs from elderly relatives who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
With the light fading, Helen flicked the switch and a bulb flickered to half-life, barely concealed by a too-small panelled lampshade. In the darkening window, her reflection watched her make her inventory; black eyes sunk in a pale face that seemed to hover against the gloom, until she snuffed it out with the flimsy curtains. An old dark wood chest of drawers stood in one corner, two careless coffee rings interlocking on its surface. A wardrobe with a bevelled oval mirror between its double doors almost matched the chest of drawers, but not quite. Against the end wall sat the bed, little more than a single, in which she’d woken that morning.