Yesterday's Heroes (Consortium of Chaos Book 1) (32 page)

His prisoner jingled at him and he
glared down at her.

“YES, I’m
sure
I can drive
stick.”  He threw the car into gear and sped from the scene with his truck
filled with paper.  “
DO NOT BOTHER ME WHILE I AM DRIVING, INSECT!”

******************

Librarian pressed “enter” on her
laptop and then sat back in her chair in the Consortium of Chaos Command Center. 
She had just stolen $30 million dollars from a bank on Broadway without even leaving
home.  Probably not what Fabricator had MEANT when he told them they all had to
rob a bank at noon today, but this was a much more effective use of her time.  Now
she could focus more on her
other
project….

***************

Holly pointed the candy-cane
striped railgun at the ceiling.  “Okay people, ONE MORE TIME! 
FROM THE
TOP!”

Her hostages tried AGAIN to get the
tune right, but for some reason, they seemed to be the ONLY people on the face
of the planet who didn’t know the words to
Jingle Bells
.  She was
finding this VERY annoying.  What the hell, right?  EVERYONE knew this song!

Nope.

They weren’t even trying.  She
kicked over one of the chairs in the waiting room in frustration.  “Listen
folks, I really hate to tell you all this…but you’re TERRIBLY off key.”  She
paused.  “And another thing…WHY is there no Christmas tree in here?  No
decorations at ALL!  Huh!?!”  Her eyes narrowed.  “This place isn’t making me
feel holly-jolly.  Nope.  Not holly-jolly at
ALL
.  …In fact, it’s making
me feel
DISTINCTLY
Grinchy.”  She leveled the railgun at a large stuffed
Easter bunny on someone’s desk.  “….And that
fluffy little bastard
isn’t
helping!”  She fired the weapon and a round was propelled through the bunny at near
the speed of light.  The cotton stuffing of the toy filled the air, as most of the
pink fabric surrounding it was instantly vaporized as the projectile tore
through it.  The rest of the charred shreds of the rabbit hit the window twenty
feet away with enough force to break the glass.

She looked down at a little girl sitting
in front of her on the floor…and reached into her pocket for a candy cane.  The
child grabbed it and happily started to eat it.  Her mother did NOT look joyful
about it though, and glared at Holly as if she had done something wrong.  What
was
HER
problem now?  Did she hate Christmas or something?

The child grinned at Holly.  “I
like
you.  You’re pretty.”

She nodded in agreement.  At
LAST
someone in this bank with some sense.  “Yes.  Yes, I am!  Thank you, Zoe. 
I’ll put in a good word for you with the elves.”  Her voice took on a sing song
quality as the excitement of the moment took over.  “I think
some
pretty
little girl just might get that ‘Malibu Darcie’ doll she wants this year…”

Oh, how exhilarating!  To be here
to see a child’s dream come true, and help her on her path.  Truly an honor. 
The magic of the season was a miracle that everyone should be privileged enough
to witness at some point in their lives.  She felt a great surge of pride to be
associated with it, even if it was just in her own small way.  She was
practically vibrating with enthusiasm now.  Yay!

She pointed at the vault.  “Now go
wrap me my fucking GIFT, and I’ll pretend I don’t see the EASTER BASKET on your
manager’s desk…”  She turned to glare at the man.  “…Which is REALLY low by the
way,
BILLY JACOBSON
.  You little traitor!  I DISTINCTLY remember my dad
giving you a bike on your sixth birthday, and THIS is how you repay him? 
HUH?!?  He makes your childhood magical and you
STAB HIM IN THE BACK
!” 
She leveled the weapon at him.  “I should just put you on my PERMANENT naughty
list right here! 
RIGHT NOW!
”  She paused as she saw the woman sitting
next to him.  “Oh…those shoes are CUTE!  You get those at Drews or Omer’s? 
Cause I’ve seen similar shoes at both, but they didn’t have those little
strappy things, and I think those were kitten heels.”

The woman pulled her feet under her
in an effort to keep the footwear from being stolen.  Holly’s eyes narrowed. 
That wasn’t very nice.  The people here were not at ALL in the holiday spirit. 
What was
WRONG
with them?  Were they ALL Scrooges or something?  She was
about to ask them just what the hell their problem was, when the front door of
the bank was thrown open.  Holly whirled around preparing to vaporize the first
hero through the door…

“Hands up, ya fucks!  I’m The Cynic
and this is a rob…”  Cynic trailed off as he saw Holly.  “…Oh shit.  We fucked
this up, didn’t we?”

Her mouth fell open in shock. 
Steven was COVERED in blood.  Head to toe.  “JINGLE
BELLS
, Cynic!  What
the in the Blue Christmas happened to YOU!?!”

He shuffled into the bank, dripping
blood on the carpet in a steady stream and sat down on one of the chairs in the
waiting room.  He took a bloodied sheet of paper out of his pocket and pointed
at it.  “Well see, I was SUPPOSED to rob the bank on Chamberlin, but what I
ACTUALLY tried to rob was the Chamberlin Bank, which as I found out only AFTER
I burst in there, is a BLOOD BANK.  It took me a little while to catch onto
that fact, though, and after trying to…umm…
convince
…the employees there
to hand over all the cash, I had a little accident in,”  He made little air
quotes.  “…’the vault’…which as it turned out was just the blood freezer.   Anyway,
my face was sure red in more ways than one, as you can see.”  He spat his gum
into the planter and took another piece out of his soaked pocket and popped it
into his mouth with his blood covered fingers.  “Luckily, I improvised and
decided to make the best of the situation, and after taking all the money those
lab tech geeks had in their pockets, I decided to rob the CLOSEST bank instead…” 
He paused.  “….In
retrospect
, maybe I should have just looked at the
list and seen which banks were listed as alternates instead, huh?”  He chewed
thoughtfully for a moment.  “Nah.  I STILL say this is MY bank to rob!”  He
stood up and pointed at the cashier.  “You there, ugly chick!”  He pointed at
the vault.  “You can forget what ‘Holiday Barbie’ over there told ya.  Go fill
ME
some bags of cash.  NO DYE PACKS!  I’m red enough, already.”

Holly’s eyes narrowed.  “This is MY
bank, Cynic. 
Go find your own!
”  She gestured to his empty hands.  “You
don’t even have a
GUN
for god’s sake!  Come on, man!  Have some PRIDE in
your work! 
How can you commit armed robbery if you’re not even armed!?!
 
I really don’t know what…”

The manager made a break for the
door and Holly waived a hand and her magic caused the door to slam shut in his
face.  He tumbled back into the bank.  “SIT DOWN,
BILLY!
”  She
straightened her Santa hat and pointed the railgun at him.  “You sit there and
shut up, or I’ll hit you so hard, next Christmas you’ll be nestled all snug in
giftwrapped pieces
beneath my fucking tree!” 
She turned back to Cynic
her voice returning to its usually chipper self.
 
“This is MY bank, and
Candice doesn’t have to fill any OTHER robber’s bags; only mine.  I was here
FIRST!”

Cynic got to his feet.  “Big talk
for a chick dressed like someone who works with one of those lame
MALL
Santas!”

Her mouth fell open in shock…that
was just…that was just…  “BASTARD!”  She charged him and tackled him right over
the coffee table.  “I’ll cut you open like a Christmas goose, Steven!”

The manager took advantage of the
distraction to escape.  Holly watched him go and then glared at Cynic.  “
Oh,
Sugar Plums!” 
She pounded both gloved fists down on her thighs.  “
NOW
look at what you did!  I lost my bank manager thanks to you!”  She raised her
voice to call after the fleeing man as she stood up again.  “
MY DAD KNOWS
WHERE YOU LIVE, BILLY JACOBSON!  REMEMBER THAT!  CHRISTMAS IS COMING, MY DEAR
OLD MAN!!!
”

Then the burglar alarm went off.  

She pushed Cynic again.  “And NOW
you let them hit the alarm!  BRILLIANT job at bank-robbing, Steven.  I had everything
under control until YOU got here!  I was even teaching them to
sing!  This
robbery was going to make them better people, and teach them the true meaning
of Christmas!”

He scoffed and tried to wipe away
some of the blood out of his eyes with a handful of glossy pamphlets on
retirement planning he grabbed from one of the desks.  “Well, guess we’ll just
have to start killing everyone, then.”  He blinked around the office, still
trying to clear some of the blood away.  “You wanna start with the kid or with
Candice the Ugly Cashier?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Just grab a
bag of cash and let’s get out of here.”

She grabbed several bags and Cynic
took the entire cart of money from the vault, and wheeled it towards the
street.  Holly looked over her shoulder to call back inside.  “Now remember,
Zoe: be a good girl and my dad will come through!  Don’t be like that Jacobson
jerk!  He’s going to get coal!”  She lowered her voice, her eyes narrowing.  “…Which
I’m going to use it to
burn his house down.”

The girl nodded happily, still
sucking on the candy treat.

Holly and Cynic took off down the
street, with him still pushing the cart of money.  They were getting some very
strange looks from the other people on the street for some reason.  They
reached the corner and realized that neither of them had thought of
transportation once they actually LEFT the bank.  Her sleigh was blocks away
and
lord only knew
how Cynic had gotten to the crime scene.

He started trying to hail a cab,
and she pushed him.  “No one’s going to stop for you, moron!  You’re covered in
blood!”

He pushed her back.  “At least I’m
not some PSYCHO dressed as Santa and carrying a fucking SHOTGUN!”

She gasped.  “And what exactly is
WRONG with my outfit?  Huh!?! 
I
look completely normal;
YOU look
like a serial killer!”

They dashed through an intersection
and Cynic tried to keep the cart from overturning.  “Well, I know who my first
fucking victim is going to be: the first delusional WACKO dressed as Santa that
I see!”

She slowed down and tried to look
inconspicuous.  Keep it casual.  Blend in.  “Big talk from a man without
powers!”

He sounded insulted and whistled
for a cab which ignored him.  “Hey, I got powers, honeybunch.  Make no mistake
about that.”

“Oh yeah?  What can you do?”

“I was bitten by a
leprechaun
during the Great Leprechaun War, and now I’m their fucking
KING
.”  He waived
his hand trying to attach a cabbie’s attention, causing a trail of blood to be
flung from his arm.  The spray landed on a woman walking passed and she
screamed and ran.  Cynic ignored her and rolled his eyes.  “Stop asking stupid
questions.”

She flipped him off and went back
to trying to call a cab.  Still…it WAS Christmas so maybe someone would take
pity on them.  And it was their only option, as neither of them felt like
running.  She casually reached for a bag of money from Cynic’s cart, and threw
a large stack of bills into a homeless man’s guitar case.

Cynic gasped.  “My loot!”  He
glared at her.  “Fucking hell, Holly!  Give your OWN cash to the drunks if….”

She pushed him.  “
It’s the
holiday season! 
We need to
remember
that or…”

He cut her off.  “It’s nowhere NEAR
the holiday season you, fucking
psycho!
  It’s
April!
  The closest
holiday is TAX DAY and Easter and…”

She pushed him.  “Don’t you DARE
mention Easter to me!  EVER!”

He pushed her back.  “Oh yeah? 
Easter.  Easter!  EASTER!”  He drew in a breath and bellowed it at the top of
his lungs.  “
EEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSTTTTTTTEEEEEERRRRRR!” 
He turned around
and grabbed a man as he passed by and pointed at her.  “This is my friend
Holly…she LOVES Easter!  Everything about it!  The eggs, the fattening chocolate,
the bun…”

She decked him.  He stumbled back a
step, and then charged at her.  They were in the middle of pulling each other’s
hair when a taxi pulled up.  They stopped at the same instant, and Cynic
unloaded the bags into the back and hopped in beside her.  The cabbie looked at
them, apparently not even in the least bit curious about what their story was. 
He must have been a cabbie in this city for a while.  “Where to, Santa?”

Cynic buckled his seat belt.  “Ummmm…” 
He turned to look at her.  “Where the fuck did you park the reindeer?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Maple and
Park, please.”

Cynic smiled.  “Yeah, Maple and
Park.”  He paused and turned to whisper to her.  “Uh…do you have any money?”

Damn.  She shook her head no.

Cynic leaned forward.  “Hey buddy? 
Can you break a $100 bill?  Or accept gold ingots?  ‘Cause that’s all we got at
the moment.”

Suddenly, someone dressed like an
old-timey aviator leapt over the top of the cab as if on a trampoline, and as
the driver turned his head to watch to see where the guy went…the cab ran over
some skinny dude dressed all in white.  The cab slammed into the frail looking,
oddly dressed man, and he was propelled backwards onto the street.  He rolled on
the ground, clutching his obviously broken arm.

She and Cynic looked at each other
at the same moment as they both recognized the Freedom Squad hero “Paper.”

Uh-oh…

A group of other heroes ran by the
windows of the cab in pursuit of a villain that Holly didn’t recognize…which
could only mean that they were trying to chase down Multifarious. 
On foot.

She laughed.

Yeah. 
Good luck with that one,
boys!