Words Heard in Silence (69 page)

Charlie cupped her face in his hand and then leaned in to place one very tender kiss on her lips. "You will always hold a very special place in my heart, dear Lizzie."

"And you in mine, Charlie. If she ever hurts you, I shall take her to task over it."

"Thank you, dear, but I think she is, if anything, even more protective of me than you are."

"Good." She smiled. "Then she is certainly the right woman for you."

"She is. Now you, dear, need to finish getting ready for your evening. And I must go off and be polite to the political branch of the army."

Lizzie stood and walked Charlie to the door. She held his arm and gave him serious consideration. "I think I shall have to find you a very special wedding gift, General Redmond. One that both you and your new wife can enjoy."

"Of course, we would both be honored by anything you gave us. Until tomorrow?"

She laughed. "Tomorrow. Good night, Charlie."

Charlie walked through the chilly night, deep in thought.
Lizzie had fantasies of a life together? But Lizzie could have any man she wanted –– and often did. Why me? She knows what I am, and still she had fantasies? Oh, my.

W
ashington, which was usually marred with soot from thousands of chimneys and mud from hundreds of horses and carriages looked bright and sparkling with the morning frost. It was a stark contrast to the dark, cramped lamp-lit offices of the Quartermaster’s staff.

Charlie spent most of the morning at the War Office, discussing provisioning of the troops for the coming spring campaign. He worked his way patiently through a veritable battalion of clerks until he finally found himself across the desk from an old colleague from West Point. Together, they bemoaned the crookedness of military suppliers, but no real resolution to the boot problem was found. Finally, he took his leave and strolled up to Capitol Hill and Lizzie’s quietly elegant home.

A knock on the door brought the same stiffly formal butler as on the previous day, but a much warmer welcome. Lizzie was waiting for him in the private parlor, wearing a deceptively simple day dress, with a fur-collared overcoat waiting on the chair.

"Good afternoon, Lizzie. I cannot thank you enough for your assistance. I brought the shopping list Rebecca gave me." Charlie looked a little embarrassed.

Lizzie rose from the chair and smiled at her friend. "It is my pleasure, Charlie. Anything I can do to help."

"Then, ma'am, shall we be on our way? I asked your butler to hail us a hackney as I came in." He held her coat for her.

Slipping into her coat, she touched Charlie's hand. "Now you must tell me all about your dear Rebecca."

"What would you like to know, my friend?"

"Anything that will help me, help you," she took his arm as they walked toward the door.

"Well, she is a small woman, about so tall." He indicated her height with his hand level with the line of his chin. "Very slender, with a lovely, delicate figure. It is deceptive; she looks fragile, but she is an outstanding horsewoman with enormous stamina. She has long slender hands and feet; I think they are elegant. Her hair is ash blonde with a touch of gold in it. Her eyes are a mossy green and change color with her mood, sometimes clear like early spring buds, sometimes darker like the color of pines in the late afternoon. There are little flecks of amber in them, as well."

"Oh, and she has a strong chin that sometimes juts out when she is being determined."

Lizzie laughed at her friend's description. "Is there anything you have not noticed, Charlie?"

Charlie had the grace to blush. "Probably. But I cannot for the life of me think what it is. I even know where she has a couple of scars from chickenpox."

"Really?" She moved closer and whispered. "Where?"

Charlie laughed, as the blush grew deeper. "One on her cheek near the corner of her mouth and one on her belly next to her navel."

"My, my, Charlie. You do know the lady well."

The blush spread and deepened still further. "Well, not as well as I would wish, to be sure, but yes."

They climbed into the cab and Lizzie settled herself. "Tell me, Charlie, are you two intimate?"

A long sigh escaped from deep in Charlie’s chest. "That is a relative question, my dear friend. Have we played with intimacy? Yes. Have we claimed one another completely? No, not yet. She was married before, to a man who used and abused her, so in many ways, she is just learning about intimacy. We move slowly, as I want her to find pleasure and comfort in the physical aspect of our relationship."

"Well, I will tell you now, Charles Redmond, that in your arms she will find nothing but tenderness. You are the most tender lover I have ever had."

"I do hope so, Lizzie. There are moments when I do not know if I can sustain that tenderness or even my most basic control. I confess, sometimes wanting her seems to burn through me. But watching her grow and blossom under my hands and my patience is a wonderful thing."

"Hmm. I am sure. You have made headway with her, I take it."

"I think so." Charlie paused for a moment. "Lizzie, thank you. If this is uncomfortable for you, I will understand, but I really have no one else but you that I can talk with about."

"Charlie, you should know that matters of sex and love are not uncomfortable for me. I will help you in any way I can. I only want you to be happy, my friend."

"Thank you. And thank you for braving the wilds of the fabric merchants. I was totally overwhelmed when I walked in there yesterday."

"It can be very overwhelming. Tell me, what color dress does Rebecca want?"

"Well, the list of things she gave me to get should cover that."

Lizzie continued to chuckle as she looked at the list. "Nothing here is all that unusual, Charlie. Fabric, buttons, hooks, some lace..." She looked at him and smiled. "I think you are just a nervous groom."

"You are very right about that. I never believed I would meet someone I would want to settle down with, let alone someone who would actually want me."

"Life is full of surprises, Charlie, but I never doubted for one moment that one day you would find someone."

A bittersweet half smile illuminated Charlie's face for a moment. "You know what I am, Lizzie. What were the chances of finding someone who could deal with that in a spouse?"

"Dear Charlie, I hate to break this to you, but your situation is not all that uncommon. Granted it is not spoken of, but there are many women such as you."

"Who disguise themselves as men and pass within the community? Or women who seek the company of other women?"

She patted his hand. "Both. I have another client."

Charlie looked at Lizzie with a stunned expression on his face. "Another client? Like me?" A strange, quizzical expression passed over his face. "Is he here in town? Do you think he would ever be interested in meeting? Just to chat, you know?" The idea of another like himself fascinated Charlie.

"Yes, Charlie, here in town. Just like you."

"I cannot help but wonder what circumstances drove him to the same place I am in."

"He simply is, Charlie. Nothing forced him to live this way. It is how he is comfortable."

A confused look passed over Charlie's face. The idea that anyone would choose to live the life of the other gender, without being forced into it by circumstances, was a new one for him. "You mean he just wants to live as a man?"

"That is what I mean, Charlie. It is how he is most comfortable. He feels like he was born in the wrong body."

Charlie thought about this for a few moments. He knew Lizzie would never reveal the identity of this individual. After a bit of silent consideration, he changed the subject.

"So tell me, how has your business been?"

"Remarkably robust, considering the circumstances. I think as things wind down, more and more men are seeking a brief respite from the stresses of this war. The politics here in town are getting more vicious, as so many wish to punish the South for all of the pain of the past years, while Mr. Lincoln and his associates want to try and reconstruct the Union as quickly as possible."

"Believe me, I have the same problems in the field."

"We did have a small problem with one of the girls. She got pregnant and was trying to coerce one of our customers into paying for her upkeep and the child’s. I let her go."

"A shame, truly. You always tell your girls to take care to avoid that, and I know you told me that you buy more sheep skins than any one else in town. But a desperate woman will do many things."

"I do not think Alison Hobart is desperate. I think she is avaricious and careless. I wish her good riddance."

"Alison, Alison. Did I meet her?"

"You may have at one of our parties last spring. I honestly do not remember."

"Ah, well. I trust you are happy with your staff now?"

"Yes, quite. The girls are all discreet and they all understand they will do better in the long run if they take my advice. Most of them have nice nest eggs put away for their later lives. I do try, you know."

"Yes, my dear, I do."

"I would like to have another one of my little parties. Will you be in town for a while?"

"I must return to Culpeper tomorrow. I leave at first dawn. Unless you can arrange it for this evening, perhaps we can join you on my next visit to town?"

"Whatever your pleasure, Charlie. Now, shall we go and shop for Rebecca and try to calm your bridegroom nerves just a bit?"

"Yes, please. And if you do not mind, we will also need to stop in at the jeweler’s this afternoon to collect a couple of things."

"I am at your disposal for the entire day."

"Then, my dear, as long as the list in your hand is fulfilled without emptying my entire bank account, you are free to do whatever is necessary to fill Rebecca’s order and get me back on the road tomorrow morning."

"I am sure we will do fine. The things on this list are fairly simple and straight forward."

"Oh, well, if you say so. Then, afterwards to the jeweler’s and then to the wine merchant, after which I will gladly buy you the most elegant tea the Willard has to offer."

"Lovely payment, my dear man. And when we return to the house, remind me that I have a little gift for you." She tried to hide her smile, but failed.

"Ahhhh. Should I be concerned? I know that little smirk of yours. You have something... one might consider either very private or personal?"

"Both."

Charlie groaned. "Lizzie, sometimes you do test my sense of propriety to its limits."

She laughed loudly as she walked with him to the store. "And that, my dear Charlie, is why you enjoy my company so."

"As ever, Ma'am. As ever."

"Trust me, I do believe you and your new bride will enjoy this."

A clerk hurried over to greet the always generous Mrs. Armstrong. She was a regular customer, and one of the few in these stressful times who paid her rather large tab consistently. In a flurry of commands, with clerks bringing samples of materials, laces, threads, buttons and other objects which Charlie did not recognize, Lizzie picked out a large number of items. They accumulated on the counter and still she ordered more. Charlie wisely found a chair in a quiet corner and waited until it was time to pay the bill.

Finally, she was done. Charlie looked at the pile of stuff on the counter, dominated by several bolts of rich green velvet and many bolts of blue and ivory silk, not to mention large quantities of a delicate ivory lace. He quickly gave orders for express shipping everything on the supply train that was scheduled for the next day and asked for the accounting. When the bill was presented a few moments later, he did manage not to stutter, and paled only slightly. Manfully, he wrote out the check and laid it on the counter, including a tidy little sum for packing and ensuring the goods were delivered to the military supply train on time.

"Well, oh mistress of the art of shopping, shall we stop by the jeweler’s?"

Lizzie patted his hand as she took his arm. "Marriage is not cheap Charlie. I assume we are going to pick up rings? Should I take smelling salts with us?"

"No, I have already paid the piper for these. That was yesterday's attack of vapors. I confess, I adjourned to the Willard for a good, tall beer afterwards."

"I am sure you did. Tell me, where are you planning on going for the honeymoon?"

"Honeymoon?"

She laughed again. "Yes, the honeymoon. You know, the trip most newly married couples take after the wedding."

"Ummm. I cannot leave my command. And we have so little time until the spring campaign begins. I thought we would just spend the time together at home. Then after the war, we can take a nice long trip together. Perhaps I will take her to Europe. I can afford that, I think."

"I will tell you what, Charlie. If you can convince Phil Sheridan to give you a few days leave after the wedding, you bring Rebecca to Washington and I will cover your bill at the Willard."

"I could not accept that from you, dear Lizzie. But I do believe it would be a good idea to have at least a small amount of time for just the two of us. And it would give me the opportunity to introduce Rebecca to a few people. I believe she will want to meet you, my friend."

"Charlie, I am sure Rebecca will have far more important things to do than meet with the likes of me. But you will accept this. It will be my wedding gift to you. You deserve it. So, you bring your new bride to Washington and romance her."

"I will bring her. And I know she will want to meet you, dear. Are you sure you will not join us for the ceremony?"

"I am quite sure. For two reasons. One, your wife would not want a common whore at her wedding. And two, I can deal with you not being mine anymore, but I do not think I could watch it happen."