Words Heard in Silence (12 page)

"Oh I hope not. I would hate to think of such a thing."

"Well, then I shall gather a few more of the ladies from the church and we shall just go out there and see for ourselves."

"
S
ergeant Jackson?" Rebecca called from the back porch.

"Yes Ma’am?"

"Could I borrow Corporal Duncan, for a few minutes? I have two chests I need to bring out of storage."

"I can get those for you, Ma’am." Jocko climbed the steps, and then held the screen door for her. "After you, Ma’am."

"Thank you, Sergeant." Rebecca led the man to a storage space under the stairs. "They are in there. Two cedar chests."

He opened the door, looking it to find the items she was asking for. He pulled the first chest out and placed it against the wall. Then he pulled out the other and hoisted it into his arms. "Where would you like it, Ma’am?"

"In the parlor I think."

Without another word, he took the first chest in then retrieved the second. She followed him into the parlor when he took it into the room. "There you go, Ma’am. Is there anything else?"

"No Sergeant, but thank you very much."

"Welcome Ma’am. If you need anything else, just let me know."

"I will."

Once he was gone from the room, she opened the chests to check the condition of the clothes inside. Her year of mourning her husband had ended on the 15th –– the anniversary of the 2nd battle of Auburn –– and she was relieved. It would be nice to wear a little color again.

She stopped suddenly and considered her last thought.

She considered the Colonel, tall, elegant, charming, as handsome a man as she had ever seen. She lifted the blue dress from the first chest. Looking at it she smiled, yes Charlie would like this dress.

The more she considered it the more she felt confused. There was no denying all those things about Charlie were true. However, there was something about the good Colonel that should not even allow her to consider such things. It was hard. She readily admitted to herself that it was difficult not to think that way. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She had simply been alone for too long. Any companionship was a welcome diversion from the loneliness of her life.

She realized why it was so easy to think of Charlie like that. The Colonel, for all intents and purposes, was a man. He lived every moment of his life as a soldier, riding and fighting along with the men he commanded. He had never had the opportunity to be a woman.

She sighed and looked into the chest again, her eyes falling upon her wedding gown. The gown she had worn when she married her husband. A true man in every sense of the word, but most definitely not a gentleman like Charlie. He had been indifferent to her most of the time, caring little for her or her feelings.

It was only when she could serve his needs that he showed her any attention at all. If he was entertaining perspective business partners or important members of the community she was paraded out to be the perfect wife. When he had been drinking and wanted his more carnal desires satiated, she was expected to lie in his bed and perform her martial duties. His touch actually made her skin crawl, but as her mother had told her on her wedding day, it was to be expected and if nothing else tolerated.

He was never gentle; always taking what he wanted until he either collapsed on top of her or passed out. When it was over she would always leave his bed, go take as good a wash as she could and then retire to her own room. Where, most of the time, she would curl up in a ball, hidden under the covers and cry herself to sleep, hoping that she would not be subjected to that again anytime soon.

She was actually relieved when she found out that her husband had been seen in the company of less than respectable ladies and it had even been whispered that he had taken a number of the young slaves as well, although given his attitude toward the servants they did have, she suspected that was just rumor. He treated his horses better than his slaves and, in her opinion, would not stoop to relieve himself with either. While she was saddened for the ladies of ill repute who had been forced to such a sad option that they would have to surrender to him, for she could only imagine how he might treat them; she was relieved for herself. With him finding his relief elsewhere she did not have to worry about him coming to her.

What made it worse, was her brother knew how she was treated, but he was powerless to stop it. He did not dare stand up to the head of the household. Once when she had been treated to a rough course from her husband that had left her bruised and hurting for days, her brother had threatened to do something about it, but Rebecca had called him off, reminding him that it would only make it worse for her. Her husband would most certainly take his revenge on her.

With tears in his eyes, he had agreed. And from that day forward, he had done everything possible to make his sister’s life more bearable. They would share walks and go riding together, talking of their hopes and dreams. She smiled and sniffed, holding back the tears when she thought of her brother’s dreams of travel and adventure. He wanted to travel and see new places and meet new people. Rebecca had been sure her brother would have left long before the war had it not been for her marriage. He stayed to protect her as best he could and in the end, he had died for his selflessness.

Reaching further into the chest, she removed a small jewelry box. All her jewelry was gone now, but this box held treasures far more important. Cracking the lid, she removed a piece of paper and unfolded it.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and unfolded a second piece of paper. She looked down at the crinkled paper. It was dated September 22nd, 1862. There it was in the middle of the second column. This causality list from September 17th had her bother’s name on it. It was the last trace of him she had. His body had not even been returned home. He was buried someplace on the battlefield of Antietam Maryland, far away from home. All she had left were these two pieces of paper and the memory of how he looked the morning he left.

She remembered the day she had been given the list. Her husband had presented it to her, and then told her that it was the nature of war and not to waste time crying over it. But she had cried, cried until he grabbed her by the arms, giving her a sound shake and reminding her that she was still his wife, bound to him and him alone. He told her that her brother had done what every good southern man would do and that she should be proud of him, not crying like a child.

At that very moment, Rebecca realized that her life was over, that she was truly alone in the world with only this man, who she was learning to detest with every passing day. When her husband had been called to serve, she felt an odd combination of fear and relief. The fear came from the fact that now she would be unprotected and the relief that for a while she would not be subject to him. She had never wished him any harm, and was truly saddened when he too had been killed, but deep in her heart, she felt as if the last year of her life had been a lie. She had worn the dark colors as she had been expected to do in polite society, but her heart was never truly mourning the loss of her husband.

Of course, his death had brought a completely new set of problems for her. After finding out Mr. Gaines had been killed, most of the slaves had taken the opportunity to run away. The ones that did not were taken away later, along with most of her belongings, when a band of renegade soldiers came through looting and worse.

Because her land was backed up against rail lines, she had certainly been subjected to her share of soldiers from both the North and the South. But this time it was different, and the one thing that made it different was Charlie. Not entirely because of his secret, although that was part of it. She admitted to herself that it fascinated her, but she found herself hard pressed to think about it too much. She did not want to make any assumptions that might embarrass or upset the Colonel.

The plain and simple truth of the matter was that Rebecca Gaines enjoyed the company of one Colonel Redmond and she would do whatever necessary to continue building a friendship. Not only did she simply enjoy his company, he made her feel safe. Safe in his strong presence and personality and safe when she shared her bed, knowing that he would never harm her.

She folded the papers, putting them back in the box. She started to put the box back in the trunk, but thought better of it and placed it gently on the mantle of the fireplace. Returning to the chests she removed a few of her favorite dresses then combined the remaining clothes into one chest. At the very bottom of the empty chest, she found a small wooden box. Retrieving it, she opened it to find her father’s pocket watch. She was delighted at this find. She thought she had lost it sometime ago.

"Oh Papa, I wish you were still here." Tracing her fingers over the watch, she smiled at the gold timepiece then gently closed the box. It too was placed on the mantle next to the box that held her brother’s letter.

Rebecca hauled her personal laundry into the washroom off the kitchen and prepared to clean the garments. A loud crash just outside made her curious. Taking a bucket, she went outside in pretense of getting water. She nearly laughed aloud when she saw Charlie, covered in what appeared to be a goodly amount of the grease used on wagon wheels. She could tell he had been working just as hard as his men and now that his uniform was covered in grease, he just looked pitiful.

He had not noticed Rebecca on the porch as he wiped the grease from his uniform in large handfuls. He tried to replace most of it into the bucket that had fallen when the wagon fell. Charlie and two of his men had been changing out a wheel on the wagon when one of the men lost his grip, sending the bucket down on their commander.

"Colonel Redmond," Rebecca giggled as she set the bucket down and walked out into the yard. "Dare I say it is going to take a very strong lye soap to clean up that uniform. And even then the smell may never come out. I hope you were not fond of that particular set of clothes." She unconsciously looked him over from head to toe, blushing when she reached the apex of his trousers. Yes, there were things she really wanted to know about how he managed his deception so well. Perhaps she would find the courage to ask him some evening when they were alone.

"These things happen." He smiled, slightly embarrassed as he wiped yet another huge glob of grease from his shirt. "Miss Rebecca, you look tired. Would you like to join us in the officer’s mess for dinner this evening? I cannot promise anything special, but at least it would save you from cooking." Charlie looked at this small woman. She had shadows under her eyes and her face was streaked with dust and, he suspected, tears.

"Colonel, I would be honored. And not having to cook tonight would be a blessing."

"Excellent. Then shall I call for you at say, sundown? I rather need to finish this and then clean up." Charlie looked down at his grease smeared clothing ruefully.

"I will be waiting, Colonel."

C
harlie went back to working with the men and quickly finished replacing the wheel on the wagon. As the cotter pin was driven in, the good Colonel shrugged and grinned at his men. "Other than the small incident with the grease bucket, good job, lads. Get cleaned up and have a good dinner. Tomorrow is going to be a long, hard day."

Trudging back to his own tent, Charlie hailed Jocko. The batman took a look at his charge, who was definitely the worse for wear. "Been having a battle with a wagon wheel, I hear. Looks like the wheel won."

"Thanks, Jocko. I need all the support I can get. How about letting the mess know that Miss Rebecca’s joining us for dinner and then meeting me at the bath shack? I have to get this grease off me. Between the sweat and the grease, I feel like a pig that has been rolling in a wallow."

Jocko’s laughter was heard trailing behind him as he set off to quickly carry out the necessary errands and collect a clean uniform for Charlie. The news that Mistress Gaines was joining the officer’s mess for dinner ran through the camp like wildfire. By the time Jocko got to the bathing shed with Charlie’s clean uniform, every officer in the camp was lined up and waiting for a turn.

"Relax boys, you will have plenty of time to pretty up. The Colonel still has to go and collect the lady." Jocko could not help but laugh at the eager young men. Dinner with a lady –– even a rebel lady –– was a treat.