Witch Is When Things Fell Apart (14 page)

Good thing one of us does.

I was convinced the concierge would intercept me as I made my way to the lifts. He didn’t, but his gaze followed me every step of the way.

“Shouldn’t I wait until someone answers the door?”

“No, just ring the bell, and go.”

I did as instructed and then legged it back to the lift.

Another
oh so normal
day in my
oh so normal
life.

Chapter 14

Kathy wanted to visit a cocktail bar before we met up with the twins, but I refused point blank. The night was going to be difficult enough as it was without getting drunk so early in the evening. I suggested we get coffee and a snack.

“What’s wrong with you, Jill?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you allergic to having fun?”

What did she mean? I could do ‘fun’. “I don’t see what’s fun about getting drunk.”

“We don’t have to get drunk. Just something to take the edge off.”

“Like on your birthday?” That was a low blow considering it had been my ‘sleep’ spell, and not the drink, which had knocked her out on her birthday—the last time we were out together.

“Just take a look at yourself, Jill. You’re young. You’re single. And yet, you never seem to have any fun. No wonder you can’t get a guy.”

“That’s not fair. Who says I can’t get a guy?”

“You know what I mean. I’m married with kids, but I still know how to have a good time. YOLO.”

“Yo what?”

“YOLO. You Only Live Once.”

“Where do you come up with these stupid acronyms?”

“Everyone uses them. Everyone apart from you, apparently.”

“Can I help it if I like to speak in English?”

“No more than you can help being boring.”

“I am
not
boring! I know how to let my hair down. I can be just as wild as the next person.” There, that had told her. “Now, come on, the library is just around the corner.”

“Are you kidding me? Is that your idea of letting your hair down?”

“There’s a coffee shop in the basement. They have cupcakes.”

“You really do like to walk on the wild side, don’t you?”

I ignored Kathy’s moans and groans as I led the way through the library.

“Hold on,” she said, just as I was about to take the stairs to the basement.

I flinched when I saw her studying the noticeboard which was full of flyers from reading groups and amateur dramatics clubs.

“I’m not going to any more am-dram productions.” I’d had my fill of bad scripts and acting for one year.

“Look!” She pointed a ‘greentastic’ nail at a small white sheet of paper in among the more colourful flyers. “What do you think?”

“What do I think about what?”

“This job. The hours would be ideal for me.”

“Since when were you looking for a job?”

The notice gave details of a part-time vacancy for someone to stack shelves with the books that had been returned.

“I need something to do now the kids are both at school. I’m going stir crazy stuck in the house all day with nothing to do.”

“What about the housework?”

“You sound like Pete. I need to get out. I need to do something more exciting than housework.”

“Do you really think that stacking books would be exciting?”

“At least I’d get out of the house. Plus I’d get to talk to other people.”

“You talk to me.”

“Yeah, but you don’t count. And besides, you’re boring. It doesn’t matter anyway, I’m too late.” Kathy sighed. “Applications had to be in last Friday.”

Over coffee and cupcakes, Kathy continued to bemoan her boring life.

“I love the kids to bits. And Pete. But I need something more. Something for me.”

I nodded.

“I could work for you,” she said.

Whoa! Where had that come from? “Work for me?”

“Yeah. Why not? Not so much
for
you as
with
you. I could help with your investigations. Go undercover—that kind of thing.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not? I’d make a great P.I. If
you
can do it, how difficult can it be?”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You know what I mean. I could follow people and stuff.”

“My job description to a tee:
I follow people and stuff
. Anyway, I couldn’t pay you. I barely make enough to pay myself.”

“You could sack Mrs V.”

“Wow! I thought I was supposed to be the one who lacked compassion.”

“She’s old. She’d thank you for it.”

“No she wouldn’t. She loves her job, and besides, I don’t pay her.”

“What? Why not?”

“It wasn’t my idea for her to work for free. I told her I couldn’t afford to keep her on, but she insisted she wanted to stay anyway.”

“That’s no good. I’m not working for nothing.”

I was gutted. “Oh, well.”

“Will you keep an eye out for me? Let me know if you see anything that might be suitable?”

“Of course.” The next time I saw an ad for a cocktail taster or a personal shopper, I’d be sure to let her know.

Ever A Wool Moment was quieter than usual. At least it was in terms of customer numbers. Volume-wise, it was way noisier than usual thanks to the twins.

Grandma met me and Kathy at the door. “Get the twins out of here. They’re scaring away the customers.”

“Hello, Grandma.” I treated her to my most insincere smile. “This is my sister, Kathy.”

Kathy held out a hand which Grandma ignored. “They’ve been at the cocktails.” She nodded in the direction of Amber and Pearl who seemed way too happy just at being in a wool shop.

“Lucky them,” Kathy said.

“Jill!” Pearl screamed when she caught sight of me.

“Kathy, hi!” Amber shouted.

The twins rushed across the shop, knocking over a display of knitting needles as they did, and then threw their arms around us.

“Happy birthday, you two,” I said.

“Thanks, Jill. And thanks for the cards and presents!”

Grandma cleared her throat. The wart on the end of her nose was throbbing red. A danger sign if ever there was one.

“Maybe we should get going,” I said.

“Wait!” Kathy stepped forward.

I followed her gaze and saw the small card taped to the inside of the shop window:
‘Part-time sales assistant wanted.’

“I could do that,” Kathy said.

“No!” I’d said before I could stop myself.

“Why not?” She turned on me.

“Yes, why not?” Grandma had found a grin from somewhere. “Why couldn’t your sister do that?”

“Well—because—err”

“We’re waiting,” Grandma said. “Why not?”

“She doesn’t have any experience. With wool I mean. She can’t knit for toffee.”

“
Thanks
, Jill.” Kathy looked daggers at me.

“No experience necessary,” Grandma cackled.

“She has kids. She’d have to be home in time to collect them from school.” I was clutching at straws now.

“No problem.” Grandma was enjoying this way too much. “The hours are flexible. I’m sure we can work around that. When could you start?”

“Next week?”

“Next week would be fine.”

“Yay! I got a job,” Kathy said, as we walked down the street.

“Yay!” I said with no enthusiasm at all.

“Are you sure you want to work for Grandma?” Amber said.

“She can be quite brutal.” Pearl chimed in.

“If I can manage two kids, I’m sure I can handle her.” Kathy was over the moon.

The twins and I exchanged a glance. None of us had the heart to enlighten the poor, delusional fool.

Three hours, and several cocktail bars later, we arrived at Tremors—Washbridge’s newest, and loudest club. The twins and Kathy were now the wrong side of ‘merry’. I was still stone-cold sober, having refused or disposed of the various ridiculously named cocktails that had been foisted upon me. Someone had to keep their wits about them, and as usual, that job had fallen to me—little Miss Boring.

I’m pretty useless at dancing, but that night, I was the best in our small group. Kathy, who when sober, was actually quite the mover, was now an uncoordinated mess of arms and legs. And yet, even she was better than the twins. Sup dancing was very different to human dancing. Think of synchronised swimming, but without the water, and you’ll get a vague idea of what passes for dancing among sups.

“What on earth are the twins doing?” Kathy slurred into my ear.

I shrugged. I simply didn’t have words to describe it. Within fifteen minutes of the twins stepping onto the dance floor, they were the only ones left on there. Everyone else had formed a circle around the edge—looking on in disbelief.

Amber and Pearl—seemingly oblivious to the attention they’d attracted—ramped things up to the next level. Now, it’s entirely possible that in Candlefield, their routine would have gone down a storm, but not in Washbridge.

“What’s up with them two?” A slim redhead with entirely too much bust pointed a finger towards the twins.

“Looks like they’re having a seizure.” Her friend with big eyebrows and an overdose of lip gloss laughed.

The twins ignored the jibes at first, but the redhead and her friend had more where that came from. They threw one insult after another at the twins, much to the delight of the crowd who joined in the laughter.

“Come on.” I grabbed the twins by their arms, and led them off the dance floor and over to the far side of the room where it was a little quieter. In my rush to get them away, I’d lost Kathy somewhere.

“Why were they so horrible?” Amber wiped a tear away.

“We were only dancing.” Pearl looked on the verge of tears too.

“That’s not how we dance here,” I said.

Amber shot me a look. I hadn’t realised what I’d said until it was too late. I never should have used the word ‘we’.

“Sorry, I meant humans. They don’t dance like that.”

“Like what?” Pearl sobbed.

“Like—” I didn’t want to rub salt in the wounds. “Like you were dancing just now.”

“We’re good dancers!” Amber said.

“I know. It’s just that—well it isn’t how humans dance.” I turned back to the dance floor which was now full again. “Look.”

The twins stared at the dance floor, then at each other, and then at me. “You call that dancing?” Pearl said.

“They’re just waving their hands around.” Amber shrugged. “What’s so good about that?”

“Nothing I guess. It’s just what we—err—humans do.”

“It’s rubbish.” Pearl was more angry than upset now.

“It’s boring.” Amber was annoyed too. “And why did they have to be so mean anyway?” She was glaring at the redhead and her friend who were now strutting their stuff on the dance floor.

“Ignore them. I’d better go and find Kathy. You two stay right here.” They were so intent on the dance floor, I wasn’t sure they’d heard me. “Amber? Pearl? Stay here.”

They nodded.

It took me a few minutes to track Kathy down. I heard her before I saw her. Unfortunately, she’s one of those people who think they can sing—but can’t. Not even a little bit. It’s bad enough when she’s sober, but when she’s drunk it’s one hundred times worse.

“Kathy!” I called from the edge of the dance floor. “Kathy!”

“Come and dance!” She held up her hand, spilling half of her cocktail onto the dance floor as she did.

“We have to go!” I shouted over the music.

“Don’t be daft. Come on. Come and have a dance!”

“We have to go right now. I think the twins might do something stupid—”

I heard the collective gasp, and knew immediately that I was too late. Kathy seemed oblivious to the commotion behind her.

I pushed through the crowd to find the redhead and her friend standing naked in the centre of the dance floor. Everyone laughed and pointed as the two girls desperately tried to cover themselves with their hands. I glanced around and caught sight of the twins on the opposite side of the room. They looked very pleased with their handiwork.

It took me a while to fight my way over to them.

“Reverse it!” I yelled at them.

“What?” Amber gave me a ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ look.

“If you don’t reverse it this instant, I’ll never let you visit me again.”

“They were horrible to us.” Pearl pouted.

“I know they were, and now you’ve been horrible right back, but it ends now. Reverse it!”

The twins looked at one another, then back at me, and then reversed the spell.

The redhead and her friend—now fully clothed—pushed their way off the dance floor and made their way to the exit.

“What just happened?” someone said.

“They were naked, and then they weren’t,” another voice said.

“You’re drunk!”

Hopefully the whole episode would be put down to a mass hallucination fuelled by drink—although I wasn’t sure what the redhead and her friend would make of it when they woke the next morning.