Witch Is When the Penny Dropped (12 page)

Chapter 17

I was in big trouble. With all the excitement of Jack’s visit the previous night, I’d totally forgotten to watch Mrs V’s studio debut on Wool TV. It would be the first thing she’d ask when I walked into the office. In desperation I tuned in, and to my relief there were repeat broadcasts of the interview throughout the day. The next one would start in ten minutes. It would mean getting into the office a little late, but it would be worth it to stay in Mrs V’s good books.

After the opening credits, the camera focussed on the studio where Mrs V was sitting at one end of a semi-circular sofa.

“Good evening, and welcome to the first ever episode of Annabel’s Yarns.”

The woman was an absolute pro.

“My name is Annabel Versailles or V to my friends. Once a month I’ll be interviewing a leading personality from the world of wool. And just to add a little spice to proceedings, I won’t know who the interviewee is until they walk on set. So, let’s get the show on the road. Please welcome my first guest.”

The camera panned to the left hand side of the set.

“G?”

I could hear the shock in Mrs V’s voice as her sister, ‘G’, walked onto the set and joined her on the sofa. Mrs V took a deep breath—obviously trying to compose herself.

“Ladies and gentlemen. My first guest is my own sister, better known in knitting circles as, ‘G’.”

‘G’ stood up and took a little bow to the camera.

Mrs V began with gentle, non-confrontational questions about G’s background and achievements. G certainly liked the sound of her own voice, and wasn’t shy about blowing her own trumpet.

Everything was going okay until G began to diss Mrs V’s own achievement.

“Of course the regional competitions are nothing more than a joke,” she said.

I could tell Mrs V was getting angrier and angrier. Eventually she retaliated with a quip about their recent encounter in a speed knitting contest held at Ever A Wool Moment where Mrs V had come out on top.

“You only won because you cheated!” G said, with a smug look on her face.

Mrs V’s face turned a shade of red not normally seen in nature. “How dare you accuse me of cheating?”

Talk about train wreck TV.

“Because it’s true. How else would you have beaten me?”

Mrs V stood up, grabbed the jug of water on the table beside her, and poured it over G’s head. At that point the screen went blank for a few seconds followed by an announcement that this week’s show would be cut short, and a documentary on the finer points of purling would be shown instead.

Wow! I hadn’t expected that. I’d never seen Mrs V so outraged. She hadn’t taken kindly to the suggestion she’d cheated—which of course she hadn’t. What she didn’t know, and what I could never tell her, was that I’d actually used a little magic to make sure she came out the winner in the speed knitting contest.

***

When I arrived at the office there was a small mobile crane parked on the pavement outside. They were in the process of lowering the printing press which they were removing from the first floor. Gordon Armitage was overseeing events.

“Morning, Gordon.”

“Morning.” He managed begrudgingly.

“What are you doing?” I said. As if I didn’t know.

“Nothing of interest to you.”

Now he knew I had no intention of vacating my office to satisfy his expansion plans, he’d dropped any pretence of being civil.

“Mrs V, you’re a star!” I gave her a hug.

“Oh dear, did you see it? I was kind of hoping you might have forgotten like you usually do.”

“As if I’d forget. I watched it live,” I lied.

“I feel terrible for what I did to G.”

“She had it coming—the way she dissed your regional win.”

“It wasn’t that. It was when she accused me of cheating.”

“That was a terrible thing for her to say.”

“I still shouldn’t have done it though.”

“I bet it did wonders for the ratings. You’ll probably get a pay rise.”

“They’ve fired me.”

“What?”

“They said they couldn’t tolerate such behaviour, so they’ve terminated my contract.”

“That’s terrible.”

“I don’t mind actually. I don’t think I’m cut out for a career on TV. I’ll stick to my knitting and my book.”

“Oh well. I suppose I’d better go and feed Winky.”

“Before you do, I have a message for you. Someone rang earlier. She said she was an old school friend of yours. Madeline Lane.”

“Mad? What did she want?” Madeline Lane, or Mad Lane as everyone had known her back then, had been one of my few friends at school. She’d always been a bit weird, and didn’t have many friends herself, but she and I seemed to hit it off. She’d moved out of Washbridge as soon as she left school, and I hadn’t heard from her since.

“Nothing really. She said she just wanted to touch base with you, and she’d be in touch.”

“Who would have thought she had it in her?” Winky said.

“Who would have thought who had what in her?”

“The old bag lady. She’s gone up in my estimation.”

“How do you know about that? I didn’t have you down as a Wool TV viewer.”

“There’s a clip of it on YouTube. It’s gone viral. She’s a star!”

I flicked through the Gina Peel file. It was now obvious the two murders, which had occurred on the same day, must be connected. It was also apparent the police hadn’t made that connection until I’d called Anton Michaels’ phone. Presumably, they would now open new lines of enquiry. Maybe I should just forget about the case—it wasn’t as if I was still being paid to investigate it.

***

Neither Daniel nor Nathaniel was on reception at the Washbridge offices of Love Spell, but I soon found Hilary at her desk. Sitting opposite her was a man in his thirties with tight curly hair.

“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realise you were with a client.”

“Jill, wait.” Hilary gestured for me to stay. “This is Aaron Knight. He isn’t a client. He owns Enchanted. Aaron, this is Jill Gooder, a friend of mine.”

Aaron stood up, flashed me a smile, and shook my hand.

“The competition, then?” I said.

“Not really.” Hilary stood up and joined us in front of her desk. “We’ve never really viewed one another as competition, have we Aaron?”

“Hilary’s right. There’s plenty of business to go around. We work together, and help one another whenever we can.”

How awfully civilised.

“Look, I’d better get off,” Aaron said. “Nice to meet you, Jill.”

“He seems nice,” I said after he’d gone.

“He is. He was really helpful when we first set up. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t tell him you’re a P.I. I didn’t want him to think we’re paranoid.”

“That’s okay. I just popped in to see about my next date.”

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Hilary said.

“I’m positive.”

“I don’t understand. How will going on a date with a guy who is obviously not a match for you help?”

“Just go with me on this.”

“Okay, but I think you’re crazy. How quickly do you want to do this?”

“The sooner the better. Tonight if possible.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Oh, and just one thing. Can you book a table at a different restaurant this time?”

“Sure.”

***

I had thought that taking Barry for a walk was hard work, but it was nothing compared to the task Daze had set herself trying to control the six, no seven, no wait a minute—eight dogs she had in tow. And a few steps behind her, was Blaze with another three of them. I had to hand it to this pair, when they went undercover, they didn’t do things by half.

“Hi, Jill!” Daze called while trying to hold on to the pack of dogs.

“Looks like you’ve got your work cut out.”

“It’s just as well I’ve got Blaze to help me. I’d never have managed them all by myself.”

“Hi, Jill.” Blaze joined us.

“Hi, Blaze. How are you getting on with the dogs?”

“Don’t ask. I have a bit of an allergy to dog hair. My eyes are giving me serious gyp.” He wasn’t kidding. His eyes were red and streaming.

“Thanks for your help the other day,” Daze said. “That werewolf had given us the slip a couple of times.”

“No problem. I assume he’s behind bars?”

“For a very long time.” She pulled on the Mastiff’s lead. “Killer, stop it!”

“Nice name.”

“He’s a big soft thing, really.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“So, why did you want to see me?” Daze said.

“I spoke to Drake the other day. He mentioned a gang that he thinks his brother might be hanging around with. The Skulls—ever heard of them?”

She had—it turned out Daze had had a few minor run-ins with them over the years.

“Nothing major,” she said. “What they do in Candlefield isn’t my concern—that’s down to Maxine Jewell and her merry men. But occasionally one of them has transgressed in the human world, so I’ve had to get involved.”

“Do you know where I might find them?”

She listed a few of their hangouts, but cautioned me to be on my guard.

I thanked her, and watched the two of them struggle on their way. Such was the life of a Rogue Retriever.

***

Winky was fast asleep when I got back to the office. I sneaked around on tip-toe so as not to wake him up. See, I can be considerate when I want to be.

Then I spotted his smartphone. He’d left it on the sofa under which he was sleeping. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself. I sneaked a glance through his messages.

What? I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was having some kind of amorous exchange with a female—and it wasn’t Bella. Who was Cindy?

“What do you think you’re doing?” He snatched the phone.

“Who’s Cindy?”

“Never you mind. It’s none of your business.”

“I thought you and Bella were a thing?”

“We are.”

“Then why are you two-timing her with Cindy?”

“Hold on. What business is it of yours who I’m seeing?”

“I feel sort of responsible for you. Kind of like your mum.”

He laughed. “You? Responsible? Do you even know the meaning of the word? And anyway, who are you to lecture me on two-timing when you’re juggling four men?”

“That’s rubbish.”

“Okay let’s see. There’s the accountant guy who I must admit is hot. If I wasn’t a cat and wasn’t male, I’d—”

“Stop!” I tried to erase the image he’d conjured up.

“Then there’s that detective guy. What’s his name?”

“Jack.”

“How could I forget that? Jack and Jill. Sounds like you two are the perfect match. Then there’s the wizard—what’s his name? Jake?”

“Drake? How do you know about him?”

“I know everything. And then there’s the guy you just went on a date with. Ryan?”

“That wasn’t a real date—it was just work.”

“Says you. So, I’d say you’re hardly in a position to lecture me.”

“Okay, let’s drop it.”

“I’m not sure I can. Maybe I should let each of your men friends know about the other men in your life.”

“And how exactly would you do that?”

“Email, text, anonymous letter—take your pick.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“I could be persuaded not to.”

“Salmon?”

“Red not pink.”

“Obviously.”

Chapter 18

Hilary over at Love Spell had confirmed she’d arranged a date for me that night at The Green Wave, a relatively new restaurant which was not far from my flat. In her message, she told me that my date’s name was Fred, and added: ‘You’ll hate him’.

She wasn’t kidding. I couldn’t understand how he’d ever got through their vetting process, but then maybe there were some witches whose ideal date was a train-spotter who liked to pick his teeth. Fred was the kind of guy I’d have expected Kathy to set me up with. But then, if
I
was disappointed with Fred, it was nothing compared to how disappointed
he
must have felt with me.

“So you’ve never been train spotting?” he said.

“Sorry, no.”

“But you do like trains?”

“They’re okay.”

“Which one is your favourite?”

“The one which I caught to Llandudno with my sister and the kids was quite nice. They’d just reupholstered the seats.”

“I meant
what class
?”

“Class?”

“What class of train?”

That pretty much set the tone for the evening. I’ve had less painful visits to the dentist, and I felt sure Fred had enjoyed the evening even less. Still, I had to be sure.

“Would you like to get together again?”

He looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

***

I’d begun to think all of Candlefield was picturesque, but I’d been wrong. I’d already checked two of the locations, which Daze had suggested, in search of the Skull gang. I’d seen countless dilapidated buildings and way too many undesirable characters, but I’d yet to find any trace of The Skulls. This was my last chance. Dreadborough, an aptly named area of northern Candlefield was even more derelict than the other areas I’d already visited. At least it was still daylight. This was definitely not somewhere I’d care to visit in the dark. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was I was looking for. I doubted they had a sign which read:
‘Skull Gang - This Way’.

I needn’t have worried—it seemed they’d found me. Six young men: three wizards, two vampires and a werewolf, all dressed in torn jeans and tee-shirts appeared from nowhere. I was surrounded. They all had the same tattoo on their arms—a skull.

“Hi!” I said, smiling manically.

“What are you doing here?” The vampire with a chunk missing from his left ear appeared to be the ringleader.

“I must have taken a wrong turn. I was looking for the nail bar.”

“Do I look stupid?” he barked.

I was guessing he wasn’t looking for an honest answer.

“If you can just point me in the direction of the market square, I’ll be on my way.” I took a step forward.

“Not so fast little girl.”

Little girl? I’d give him ‘little girl’. I was considering which spell to use to splatter his sorry ass when someone behind me shouted.

“Let her go!”

I turned around to find Raven walking towards us. He was sporting the same jeans, tee-shirt and tattoo as the others.

“She’s probably a cop,” the ringleader said.

“She’s not a cop.” Raven walked past the ringleader, and stood by my side. “I know her—she’s okay.”

“How can you be sure?” the ringleader said.

“She’s the one who got the Candlefield Cup back.”

The ringleader stared at me. “Oh, yeah. I recognise you now. You were in the Candle.”

“That was me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t recognise you.” His demeanour, and that of his cohorts, had done a one-eighty. Suddenly I was the hero of the day. Even hardened gang members enjoyed their sport it appeared.

After the others had left, I sat on a block of concrete with Raven.

“Drake is really worried about you. Why don’t you come back with me, and put his mind at rest?”

“I can’t.” He picked up a stone and skimmed it across the road. “It’s too dangerous. I don’t want to put his life at risk too.”

“Who from? TDO?”

He nodded. “It’s my own stupid fault. I let myself get dragged in by that evil cow.”

That description matched only one person I could think of.

“Alicia?”

“Yeah. She’s pure evil that one. At first she was all sweetness and light, and like a fool, I fell for it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. She had me fooled too, and then she poisoned me.”

“You’re lucky to still be alive. She doesn’t usually let anyone off so lightly.”

“So did you get to meet TDO?”

He laughed. “I don’t know anyone who has.”

“Not even Alicia?”

“I don’t think so.”

“So what happened? Why are they after you?”

“As soon as I realised the sort of things they were up to, I wanted out. But you don’t just walk away from Alicia, and especially not from TDO. I was lucky—I managed to get out, but I still have to keep a low profile. Will you tell Drake I’m okay, and not to worry.”

“I’ll tell him you’re okay, but I’m not sure that will stop him worrying.”

“Don’t mention the TDO thing, please.”

“Okay. Take care of yourself.”

***

I checked in with Milly at Love Spell. She confirmed Fred had declared our date an unmitigated disaster.

“That’s great,” I said.

“If you say so.”

“I have a theory which I need to check out. I’ll get back to you as soon as I know anything for sure.”

The twins could be such good entertainment value. There was the time when they decided to dye their hair so people could tell them apart—only problem was they both went for blonde. Then there was the encounter with Miles Best. And tonight promised to be more comedy gold from them.

It was the evening of The Perfect Couple competition. Considering they were both engaged, it was surprising how little time either of the twins spent with their fiancé. I sometimes wondered if they liked the idea of being engaged more than actually being engaged. Anyhow, tonight both of their guys had been ordered to attend. William and Alan looked nervous, and I understood why. They’d be expected to get all the answers correct or they’d be in big trouble with the girls.

The last time I’d been in Club Tiny was for the Karaoke competition. I’d gone there with Drake. I had considered contacting him about tonight, but I knew he’d ask about Raven, and I didn’t think this was the ideal location to have that particular conversation.

The club wasn’t actually called Club Tiny although it was indeed very small. Its name was actually Club Destiny, but the first three letters in the sign had been out for as long as anyone could remember.

If Aunt Lucy and Lester had been taking part, my money would have been on them, but they’d said they didn’t want to show the twins up. That had made me laugh; Amber and Pearl hadn’t found it so amusing. They were both convinced they were going to win.

Hmm, we’d see.

The compère for the evening was a vampire named Mike Holder. He was wearing more make-up than any of the women in the club. There was a glass booth on the left hand side of the stage. One of the partners sat in there, blindfolded with ear phones on, while the other answered questions. Then the person in the booth was brought out to answer the same questions. The answers were supposed to match—oh dear.

Amber and William were the first from our table to be called to the stage. After the usual meaningless small talk, William was despatched to the glass booth.

“Okay, Amber,” Mike said. “Your first question: What were you wearing the first time you met William?”

“My blue and white polka dot dress,” she answered confidently.

“And what was he wearing?”

“Black jeans and a white tee-shirt.”

“Who is your favourite pop star?”

“Maxine Most.”

“What is your favourite colour?”

“Pink.”

“Thank you, Amber.” He signalled to his assistant to fetch William.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen a werewolf look more terrified. He knew what Amber would do to him if he messed up.

“First question: What was Amber wearing the first time you met?”

I saw the relief wash over William’s face. He knew the answer.

“Jeans and a yellow top.”

Amber gave him such a look, and he knew he’d blown it.

“I’m afraid that’s wrong. Why don’t you tell him, Amber?”

“I was wearing my blue and white polka dot dress. You’ve got a photo on your phone.”

“Oh yeah. Sorry.”

“Second question—”

And that’s how it went. William managed to get precisely zero questions correct. Yes, you heard right: Zero questions correct.

Sitting next to me, Pearl and Alan were enjoying this way too much. At least I had the good grace not to laugh out loud even though I was chuckling quietly to myself.

Next it was Amber’s turn to go into the glass booth. William answered his four questions, and she was brought back out.

Question one—their answers didn’t match.

Question two—remarkably they both agreed that cheese was Alan’s favourite food.

Question three—their answers didn’t match.

Question four—their agony was complete.

A dejected William and an irate Amber returned to the table. I said nothing for fear of laughing.

“That was really good.” Pearl laughed.

“Shut up!” Amber snapped at her sister.

“Well done, pal.” Alan patted William on the back. William looked as though he wanted to tear Alan’s throat out right there and then.

“Our next couple is Pearl and Alan,” the compère said.

“Watch and learn,” Pearl said to her sister.

The compère chatted to the couple. Pearl was all smiles, and even Alan seemed to have relaxed. They had nothing to beat.

Or did they?

“Don’t ever talk to me again,” Pearl shouted at Alan when they left the stage. She was close to tears.

“How was I supposed to know you liked carrot cake?” he said.

“Because I eat it all the time. Are you blind?”

Amber and William had recovered a little, but only because they’d witnessed a performance which matched their own. Both couples had managed to score only a single point.

What did I tell you? Comedy gold!

Aunt Lucy had said we should go back to her house afterwards. At the time the twins had been very keen. They’d assumed one of them would be bringing home the prize.

“Oh dear,” Aunt Lucy greeted us at the door. “I don’t need to ask how it went, do I?”

“Go on.” I laughed. “Ask anyway.”

Amber, Pearl, William and Alan all gave me the same look.

“I take it you didn’t win.” Aunt Lucy led the way into the dining room.

“Not quite,” Amber said.

“It was close,” Pearl said.

The twins looked at me, imploring me not to tell. So, I thought about it for a moment, and asked myself what they’d have done if the roles had been reversed.

“They shared joint last place,” I said. What? Come on, they’d have thrown me under the bus without a moment’s hesitation.

Aunt Lucy and I had to take a seat on the sofa—we were laughing so hard we couldn’t stand up.

“We’re going home,” Pearl said.

“Us too.” Amber stomped out.

Aunt Lucy jumped up and ran through to the kitchen, and then came rushing back. I had no idea what she was doing.

“Amber, Pearl! Wait a minute. You’ve forgotten something.”

The two girls poked their heads back inside the living room.

“What?”

“Here you are.” Aunt Lucy handed each of them a wooden spoon.