Authors: Nicole O'Dell
On her way to her desk to fire up her newest electronic keep-quiet bribe, she slipped the leather belt from the loops of her jeans.
Oops
. Olivia grabbed the waistband of her jeans as it slipped a few inches down her hips. Had they stretched out? She passed her full-length mirror and stopped short as she saw her reflection. Who stared back at her? From the way her favorite jeans draped across her hip bones, Olivia had lost at least ten pounds in the past few weeks since Mom’s weekend away. After a year of unsuccessful dieting, how had she not noticed this sudden success? When had she stopped caring? Go figure—a lost appetite equaled weight loss—who knew? If she lost more, she’d just disappear completely. She could hope.
Olivia leaned closer to the mirror to look at her face. Her skin had a porcelain-doll effect after using the two-hundred-dollar set of new makeup Mom bought her on their girls’ day at the spa a couple of weeks ago. Her deep brown eyes, huge as always, seemed different. Older. Likely the dark circles had something to do with that. She ran her tongue over her teeth. The braces had wiggled them into perfect position, and the
Zoom!
whitening treatments made them dazzle. The purple streak and chunky layers added a bit of edginess to her sleek black hair. She looked nice—even she had to admit it. Was she pretty?
Too pretty, maybe?
Maybe
Chuck
would leave her alone if she didn’t look good. But Olivia doubted it. He just wanted to prove he was in charge. Nothing she did would change that.
“You’re on your own,” she whispered to her reflection. With Jake leaving and Mom oblivious, Olivia only had herself to depend on. Being a good little daddy’s girl hadn’t gotten her anywhere. And Daddy was gone now anyway. Not much in life really mattered anymore.
Maybe it was time to just have fun. Why not? Might as well live a little. Maybe she could find that numbness she’d tasted the other night with Jordyn.
Yep. I’ll stay numb by getting a little crazy—live life like an out-of-body experience
. Then maybe things wouldn’t hurt so much.
That decision made, it was time to stir up some excitement. Olivia rushed to her desk and powered up her customized metallic purple laptop. The instant-message screen popped up just as her cell phone buzzed with a new text. The messages were identical—from Jordyn. B
USY L8R?
W
E’RE COOKIN UP A PARTY
.
Perfect
. Olivia slid her phone open and punched out a reply. W
ORKS
4
ME!
W
HERE?
W
HEN?
Ask and you will receive, right? A party was just what she needed.
The phone chimed in a matter of seconds. B
RETT’S HOUSE
. O
UT BACK
. A
LL NIGHT
.
S
OUNDS GR8
. C
U THERE
.
A quick look out the window revealed two open garage doors—Mom’s Mercedes sat in one side and the other stood empty. Charles hadn’t arrived home from the office yet.
Like a bird facing the blue sky beyond an open window, Olivia skipped every other step on her way down the marble staircase. “Mom?” She poked her head into the study. Not there. Olivia flitted through the dining room and the family room—empty. Finally, she heard the clanging of pots in the kitchen.
“Hey, Mom.” Olivia waited at the arched entrance.
Mom held a recipe card between her teeth as she measured out a teaspoon of vanilla. “Mm-hmm?”
“Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to spend the night at Jordyn’s.” A little white lie wouldn’t kill anyone.
Mom’s eyes lit up. “Sure, sweetie. That sounds like fun.”
That was almost too easy. Mom actually seemed relieved. And no lectures about how newly licensed drivers shouldn’t have other riders in the car? No seat belt instruction? Nothing? How weird.
“I’m going out tonight, too.” Mom gestured toward her baking project. “Girls’ night at Mary’s, and I’m in charge of dessert. I’ll take Charles’s BMW so you can drive my car.”
“Cool.” Olivia turned at the doorway. “You know, Mom, you could always get me my own car. Then you wouldn’t have to share.”
Mom grabbed an apple from the bowl of fruit on the counter and pretended to throw it at Olivia. “Very funny. You know how I feel about that. You need at least a year of driving experience before you get your own.”
Blah. Blah. Blah
. “Well, it was worth a try anyway.”
Olivia rummaged through the junk drawer when Mom turned toward the oven. There. A hammer should do the job. Olivia slid the tool up her sleeve, then took the stairs two at a time on the way back to her room to install the new lock. With any luck she’d be gone long before
Chuck
got home. With a little more luck, she wouldn’t be back that night at all. But if she had to come home, at least she’d be able to lock her door.
O
livia stepped through the wrought-iron gate into Brett’s backyard, a private beach on the north shore of Chicago’s Lake Michigan. The stars glimmered in the water just beyond the roaring bonfire. Students she knew from school and some much older teens she’d never seen before milled around the yard, the moon lighting their way. Olivia grinned. She’d had enough of being the good girl all the time—what did she have to show for it anyway? It was far past time to let loose and find out what life was all about.
“Livly!” Barefooted Jordyn came running toward her wearing a frayed denim miniskirt, a sheer tank top, and sunglasses. She grabbed Olivia’s hand and danced in a circle.
“You’re crazy! And you’ve got to be freezing.” Olivia shook her head and rubbed her arms against the chill in the autumn air. “Can you even see with those dark glasses on?”
“Who needs to see? I let my heart lead me.” Still gripping Olivia’s hand, Jordyn looked her up and down. “You look hot tonight. You’re going to have to let me borrow that top sometime. I love off-the-shoulder shirts.”
“I wasn’t sure I should wear it.” Olivia adjusted the single strap and pulled down the fitted waistline of the stretchy purple top.
“Are you kidding? It’s perfect, and those jeans are to die for.” Jordyn twirled one more time and pulled Olivia toward the party. “Come on. There’s some people I want you to meet.” She lowered her sunglasses and peered over them, wiggling her eyebrows. “College boys.” She let go of Olivia’s hand, flipped her ponytail over her shoulder, and set off toward the bonfire.
“Are Brett’s parents home?” Olivia searched the yard for signs of an adult.
Jordyn lowered her glasses again.
If she couldn’t see, why didn’t she take them off?
“You can’t be serious. Did you see that huge keg over there?” Jordyn pointed to a silver barrel on the patio. “No way there are adults of any kind at home. Speaking of the keg …” She grabbed Olivia’s hand and dragged her toward the patio. “We need beverages.”
“Um. I don’t know. I’m not big on …” But why not? Her new outlook on life dictated that fun was the only thing that mattered now, right? No holding back.
Jordyn pumped the keg handle and held a red plastic cup under the spout, letting it fill with a frothy golden brew. She thrust it into Olivia’s hand and raised her own cup. “Cheers!”
Olivia leaned her face forward and raised the cup to sniff it. The sprinkles of popping fizz tickled her nose. “Cheers.” She forced herself to drink several long gulps. It didn’t taste as bad as she remembered from the other night. Still not exactly
good
, but definitely not
bad
.
“Okay then.” Jordyn beamed. “Let’s top off our drinks and go find those college boys I told you about.” She pumped the handle one more time and filled their cups.
Olivia held her arm out to let the foam flow over her fingers and into the grass. When it settled, she took a big drink and plodded after Jordyn across the rocky yard. The heels of Olivia’s boots stumbled on the rocks every few steps, but that was nothing compared to how Jordyn’s bare feet must have felt. Yet she plowed on.
Halfway to the roaring fire, which blazed at least four feet high in a sandy area near the lake, Jordyn turned around with a cigarette dangling from her lips. “Got a light?”
“No. I didn’t know you smoked.” What else didn’t she know about Jordyn—and about life?
“Oh yeah. On and off since I turned thirteen. Everyone does.”
Another moment of truth. No holding back. “Can I bum one off you?” Olivia’s voice squeaked like a little mouse.
“Sure!” She tapped one out of the pack and handed it to Olivia.
She hoped Jordyn wouldn’t notice her hand shake as she took it.
“Let me find a light. I’ll be right back.” Jordyn ran off, leaving Olivia alone on the grass with a half-empty beer, staring at an unlit cigarette.
If only
Chuck
could see her now.
Jordyn jogged back to her with a packet of matches.
Olivia studied Jordyn’s moves as she struck the match, held it to the cigarette between her lips, and sucked in until it caught. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a moment before exhaling a powdery white plume.
Olivia’s turn. Fumbling to light the match without dropping the cigarette, Olivia had to try three times before it sparked and a flame appeared.
“I hate using matches.” Jordyn looked at her fingertips. “I’ve burned my fingers so many times. I usually make sure I have a lighter. I even know one girl who lit an acrylic nail on fire. It looked so funny all twisted and melted.”
Olivia smirked in pretend agreement and lifted her hand to her mouth with the cigarette poised between her first two fingers like she’d watched Jordyn do. Inserting it between her lips, Olivia pulled in thick, smoky air as the tip glowed red in the flame. She tried not to let any of it into her lungs, but the taste alone made her sputter and gag. Choking back the coughs, she gave it another try, this time inhaling a little bit of the smoke. The nicotine burned her lungs—Olivia imagined them turning black like in the videos at school—but she held it in anyway.
“I guess it went down the wrong way at first.”
Jordyn nodded. “Sure. Happens to me all the time, especially when it’s been awhile.”
After a few more drags, Olivia felt like an old pro. It tasted gross—exactly like an ashtray smelled—and why did it make her head feel thick and woozy? Didn’t matter, looking cool was totally worth it. If she chugged her beer after each drag, it chased the smoke taste from her mouth and helped control the coughing.
Olivia drained her drink. With half a cigarette remaining, she nudged Jordyn and tipped her cup over. “I’m going to go get a refill.” She nodded her head toward the keg, feeling happy for the first time in weeks. Months. Years. In fact, she couldn’t remember why she hadn’t been happy all along.
Jordyn held up her empty cup. “I’ll join you. But we’re coming right back to this spot. I’ve got my eye on a real hottie.”
“Oh, I’m sure you do.” Olivia giggled and spun around toward the house, running smack into a brick wall. She stumbled forward and dropped her cup in the grass as an arm reached out to keep her from falling. She squinted her eyes against the darkness, expecting to see the familiar face of a student from school. It definitely was a familiar face.
Jake
.
“Oh, sorry. Here, let me help you.” Jake stumbled through his words as he felt for her cup in the grass while maintaining his grip on a can of Coke.
Didn’t he know it was her? Olivia glanced to her right and her left. Maybe she could get away without him looking at her. What if she just started running into the dark? Could she make it to the tree line before he recognized her?
Handing her the empty cup, Jake leaned in toward her face. His eyes grew wide at first, and then they sparked with anger. “Liv?” He turned her toward the light and looked into her eyes. “What are you doing here? Are you drinking?” He tipped his cupped hand up to his mouth.
Oh man
. Jake would be so mad. Should she lie? No point, really. She held an empty cup of beer in one hand, and a lit cigarette dangled from the other. There’d be no convincing him that she was innocent. She opened and closed her mouth as if to speak, but no words came.
He pressed two fingers hard to his lips. “You’re smoking, too?” Jake’s eyes grew wide, and he yanked her away from the group. He pulled the cigarette from between her fingers, threw it onto the grass, and ground it to bits.
“So what? I’m sixteen. You don’t have to worry about me.” She turned away after she finished signing.
Jake pulled her chin back around until she faced him and shook his head. “No way. That’s not how this is going to go. You’re coming home with me right now.” He signed so fast he gave up trying to speak the words. He only did that when he was really mad. “I’m not leaving for college with this to worry about. Mom’s going to have to deal with it.”
“What?” Olivia spoke through a clenched jaw. “You’d better not tell Mom. How could you do that to me?” So much for Jake being on her side.
“You did this to yourself, Liv.” Jake’s face softened. “I love you.” He crossed his forearms and pressed his fists to his chest. “I don’t want to see you go down this path—no good can come of it. Come on, let’s go. Is Mom’s car here?” His eyes roved up and down the rows of parked cars.
Olivia nodded and stared at the ground. Where was Jordyn? She could talk their way out of this.
“We’ll take hers home, and I’ll come back for mine tomorrow.” He squeezed her elbow and steered her toward the street.
Olivia pulled against his grip on her arm and finally jerked free. She tugged on his wrist and stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at her face. “Jake. You can’t tell Mom. She’ll tell Charles, and then who knows what will happen?” She lifted her hands in despair.
“Mom has to know, Liv. Maybe she won’t tell Charles. But that’ll have to be her decision.”
Oh, she’d tell him. No question about it. And he would use it against her—any excuse to punish her was enough for Charles.
“I’m concerned about you.” He waved two fingers from each hand in circles in front of his face.
Worried
. Jake helped her into the car. “I can’t leave for school if I’m worried about what you’re doing to yourself.”