Wisdom's Kiss (73 page)

Sottocenere is both a region and a mountain range in western Lax, flanked by Farina, Alpsburg, Höchsteland, and Drachensbett. For centuries a sovereign duchy, the country remained independent by virtue of its dubious strategic and economic value. With the union of Höchsteland and Farina, which border Sottocenere to the east and west respectively, this situation evolved rapidly, and within a few short years Sottocenere found itself absorbed into the Duchy of Farina, yet another compensation-in-land demanded by Duchess Wilhelmina for the battlefield death of her eldest son. Sottocenere is well known for its eponymous cheese, which is flavored with truffles and preserved in a rind of volcanic ash. Indeed, some geographers argue that the name "under the ash" began with the cheese rather than with the extinct volcanic mountains that form the region's rugged landscape. Because of the terrain, much of Sottocenere remains unmapped. Numerous legends of its mythic inhabitants circulate to this day, "The Curd Dragon" being the most famous; they may be read in such anthologies as
Terrifying Tales from the Mountains of Gloom
and
Gory Dragons Galore: A Treasury of Educational and Cautionary Tales for Unformed Youngsters and Others Yet Morally Deficient.
Scholars believe these tales were first spread to discourage cattle thieves, and without a doubt their blood-chilling tenor continues to dampen the region's development. Sottocenere boasts the second-highest mountain in the region, after Ancienne in nearby Montagne.

Two tales from
Gory Dragons Galore,
"
Cat Whiskers
" and "
The Dolorous Draper
," plus a
gratuitous dragon-fighting scene

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Born to minor nobility in central Lax, Wilhelmina rose to a position of unrivaled prominence within her generation. Her father, Edwig, Baron of Farina, from a young age proved adept at the intrigues of court life, marrying himself to the far more eminent Countess of Paindecampagne; Wilhelmina, named in honor of Emperor Wilhelm VIII, was betrothed to the Duke of Höchsteland while still a child. Thus the family in only two generations climbed from the lowest to the highest of noble ranks, and obscure Farina swelled into a vast and powerful duchy. Wilhelmina was left sole ruler when her husband, and then their eldest son, Ruttger, died in service to the imperial crown. Through her insistence, the family received as compensation the Duchy of Sottocenere and the city of Bridgeriver, increasing Wilhelmina's wealth considerably. Feared and admired for her ambition and shrewdness, she served as regent until Roger, the middle son, attained his majority; her subsequent designation of dowager was universally considered a screen to her true authority. Now in possession of lands and tributaries surrounding Montagne on four sides, Wilhelmina announced that the tiny kingdom and its title would be absorbed, willingly or otherwise, by Farina. When her diplomatic overtures were rejected by Providence and Benevolence, the queen and queen mother of Montagne, the duchess began assembling a sizable army at the kingdom's borders. Following the death of Providence, Wilhelmina shifted her strategy to merging the two states through the marriage of Roger to Montagne's new queen, Temperance. These negotiations proved ineffective when Roger instead selected Temperance's younger sister, Wisdom, for his bride. Initially enraged by her son's choice, Wilhelmina later insisted the wedding take place in the city of Froglock and extended all her support to the nuptial preparations...

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That Wilhelmina considered the marriage of Roger to Wisdom of paramount importance may be seen in the concession she secretly granted the emperor: the elimination of Farina's tolls on imperial mail riders. (That she preserved the tolls for all other traffic illustrates her negotiating prowess.) The coupling of the duchy to Montagne constituted the cornerstone of her grand plan to elevate Farina to regal status, that her family might then make claim to the imperial throne. Nor was Rüdiger IV—an elderly campaigner by this juncture, and perhaps too concerned with Circus Primus—in any position to confront Wilhelmina's ambition. Farina's contributions to the imperial purse could not easily be disregarded, and the duchy controlled the very crossroads of the empire. Were Wilhelmina to close its borders, imperial trade would halt outright. The emperor therefore acceded to Wilhelmina's demand and commanded that the nuptials take place immediately; his act of officiation—a great honor, and irrevocable—would lock Montagne to Farina forever...

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As per Wilhelmina's demands, Rüdiger the following day married the Duke of Farina to Wisdom of Montagne. Wisdom's collapse at the exact moment of the couple's nuptial kiss remains one of the great unsolved mysteries in the history of Lax. Alchemic investigation of the goblet and the wine with which the princess had enacted the traditional Farina wedding toast revealed no trace of poison, nor could the empire's physicians and autopsists explain her expiration. Yet all evidence pointed to Duchess Wilhelmina, who had filled the goblet, presented it to the bride, and forced her to empty the glass. Despite her most vehement protestations of innocence, the duchess was tainted forevermore by the scandal, and it is believed the term "the willies" derives from a vulgar threat to "give someone the Wilhelmina treatment"—that is, to poison them. However disgraced she may have been to her countrymen and peers, however, Wilhelmina was never tried for the crime; indeed, she succeeded in her objective of binding the Duchy of Farina in perpetuity to the throne of Montagne. Nor, it emerged, was this the full extent of her far-reaching and devious stratagem...

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From the Author:
I intended this as an epilogue to
Wisdom's Kiss
but ultimately decided against it, preferring that the book
end
with Puss in Boots. Besides, this entry was a little too meta, even for me. Who would pick up that this was ninth, not eighth, edition of the
encyclopedia
? Who would care who assembled the documents within
Wisdom's Kiss?
Who would want a detailed explanation of the
Wisdom's Kiss
title and its meaning
—more detailed than what I already give? No one, I suspect. But here it is here anyway, just in case.

WISDOM'S KISS

1. A besting, particularly a besting in which an elaborate and possibly illicit stratagem fails the schemer. The idiom, briefly ubiquitous throughout the empire, is now heard only in the mountain countries of central Lax.
   
2. The common name for the circumstances surrounding the nuptial ceremony of Princess Wisdom of Montagne and Duke Roger of Farina, and the origin of the idiom.
   
3. The title bestowed on a collection of documents published late in the reign of Emperor Rüdiger IV and purportedly a recounting of the Wisdom's Kiss incident. Many of eight sources in the compilation were obtained illicitly, previously unknown, or assumed lost; publications of sterling truth, such as the eighth edition of the
   The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax,
   were arbitrarily interspersed with preposterous works of fiction.
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   The compiler printed and distributed the volume anonymously, and despite a lengthy investigation and offer of a large reward, has never been identified. While acclaimed by the general public, the collection's fabrications—particularly its titillating endorsement of the supernatural and its insinuation that individuals and powers greater than the emperor exist within Lax—were soon recognized as a grave threat to the stability of the realm, and Rüdiger's son, upon ascending the throne, ordered the volume suppressed. Nevertheless, and despite the most stringent punishment of the lawbreakers, it is rumored that
   Wisdom's Kiss
   remains in illicit circulation; any citizen encountering a copy should at once submit it to the proper authorities so that it may be destroyed.
   

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Discussion Questions
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