Winter's Kiss (41 page)

“So basically, I’ve been a total moron,” I finished. “But it’s all because I didn’t really appreciate what I had with you until it was gone.”

He hadn’t said a word all through my confession. By the end he looked as stunned as someone who’d just been run over by Santa’s sleigh, including all eight reindeer.

“Wow,” he said at last, his tone and expression completely blank. “I can’t believe it.”

My heart sank. Had I just blown it? Judging by the look on his face, I was afraid my earlier fears had been right. Now that he knew everything, it could very well be the end of any chances we might have had.

eighteen

But then: a Christmas miracle. Cam smiled.

“Wow,” he said again. “I know how hard that must have been for you.”

“Huh?” I said. “You mean being apart from you?”

He chuckled. “No,” he said. “Well, okay, maybe that too. But I was talking about how tough that must have been just now—you coming out like that and admitting your mistakes. And your fears about the future. And your lack of control.”

Okay. So maybe he did know me pretty well.

“Um, yeah. Kind of. Maybe,” I admitted, realizing it was true. All this time I’d been using his own honesty as an excuse not to tell him the truth. And that really had been part of it. But maybe another part had been not wanting to admit I was wrong. I’d been a straight-A student for a long time. I wasn’t used to making many big mistakes.

He gazed at me, still smiling. “A lot of people probably don’t realize how cautious you can be about some things, Lexi,” he said. “You’re so direct, it’s easy to assume you never have any doubts or fears about anything. But I’ve seen the way you can sort of hide behind that directness, you know?”

I didn’t, actually. At least not until he said it. But again, I realized he was right. Maybe sometimes I did just plow ahead when I might be better off admitting I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I would have to think more about that later.

“I didn’t want you to know what I’d done,” I told him, not ready to let myself off the hook just yet. “I figured you’d be shocked and horrified by how I’d been so manipulative and dishonest and stuff.”

“Horrified, maybe.” He winked. “But actually, now that I’m clued in, I can’t say I’m really all
that
surprised. Science geek or not, nobody can say you’re not creative!”

I laughed a little, finally starting to relax as I realized he really wasn’t going to hold this against me. But then my nervousness returned as I realized we were still dancing around the main point.

“So,” I said, calling up that directness he’d just been talking about. “I guess I’m asking you to make a choice here, huh?” I swallowed hard, trying not to picture Miss Sexy Elf waiting for him back in the other room. “Me or Jaylene.”

He glanced down at the floor for a moment. Lifting one hand, he ran it over his face and up through his hair, dislodging the little soldier’s cap from his Nutcracker costume. I felt queasy. This was it—after he answered, I would know my fate for sure. If he chose Jaylene, I only hoped he’d let me down easy….

Then he looked up again and met my eye. “Don’t be an idiot,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse and low. “That’s no choice at all, Lexi. It’s you. It’s always been you and only you for me.”

I gasped, relief flooding through me so violently that my knees wobbled and I was afraid I might have to sit down. “Really?”

“Of course. These past few weeks have driven that home more than ever.” He blew out a loud sigh. “It was killing me to think things might really be over between us. The only reason I went along with the whole Jaylene thing in the first place is because she was so totally different from you in every way. I thought maybe that would distract me a little once I got to be pretty sure you were pulling away.” He smiled rather wanly. “See? I can pick up a hint. And I knew if you’d decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore, there was no point trying to change your mind.”

“That sounds just like what Nick and Allie keep telling me,” I murmured. “Am I really that stubborn?”

“Let’s just call it determined. Anyway, I figured it was better to let you go with some dignity if you’d made up your mind. That way I figured at least maybe we could still be friends.”

“Yeah. I always definitely wanted us to stay friends too. I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life.” I gazed at him thoughtfully. “But listen, Cam, if you really thought I was making a mistake or treating you unfairly or whatever, you should have said something. It may seem like I want to make all the decisions all the time, but I don’t. Especially not if it means you might be unhappy.”

He bit his lip. “I hear you. Guess maybe I need to stand up for myself a little more from now on?”

“Yeah.” I smiled at him. Okay, so maybe we both had a few things to work on. But it was worth it if it meant being together.

That reminded me …

“Oh,” I said. “Um, so who’s going to break it to Jaylene?”

“I don’t know.” Cam sounded dubious. “I mean, she has those long fingernails, and I’m pretty sure her dad owns a shotgun….” Seeing the startled look on my face, he laughed. “Kidding! I’ll take care of it. As long as
you
promise never to put us through anything like this again.”

I quickly crossed my heart with one finger. “That’s a promise I’m happy to make.” My heart leaped with something—tidings of comfort and joy, maybe?—and I was itching to grab him and kiss him just to make it all official. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t be comfortable with that quite yet. Not until he’d settled things with Jaylene. He was that kind of guy, after all.

“Be right back,” he promised.

“I’ll be waiting.”

He hurried off. As soon as he was gone, I dug into the waistband of my reindeer butt and fished my cell phone out of the pocket of the pants I was wearing underneath. I was bursting with my good news and couldn’t wait to share it, but I also wasn’t ready to go out there and risk running into Jaylene at the moment. So I quickly sent a text message to Allie’s phone.

She texted back within seconds. Her message was so full of exclamation points that I could hardly decipher it. I guessed that meant she was happy for me.

It was only a few minutes before Cam returned. “Well?” I demanded.

“She took it pretty well, actually. Guess that means I wasn’t the man of her dreams after all.” He smiled wryly. “In fact, she’s already comforting herself by dirty dancing with Bruce.”

Easy come, easy go. That seemed to be how Jaylene viewed her love life. Then again, maybe there was something to Allie’s Dozen Dates Theory after all….

Cam saw me smiling. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said. “I’ll tell you later. Right now, I’m still trying to figure out why it took me so long to just be honest with you. Maybe—maybe it’s because I wasn’t being honest with myself when I decided I needed to break up with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I might be a little more nervous than I wanted to admit about that fabulous future I have planned for myself.” I shot him a sheepish glance. “I know I always talk about how I’m looking forward to going away to some great school, living in a big city … but it’s going to be a huge change, you know?”

He nodded. “I know. But you’re going to be great. I’m sure of it.”

“Thanks. But if I’m out there and you’re still here—”

“It won’t matter,” he put in. “Lexi, nobody can predict the future. We’ll just have to take it as it comes. But I can promise you one thing—I would never make you choose between going after your goals and being with me.” He shrugged. “I know I talk about that little restaurant on Elf Street. But you have to understand, my heart isn’t set on that the way yours is on your career stuff.” He reached for my hand and smiled that open, honest, easy smile of his. The smile of a kid on Christmas. “Nope, the only thing my heart is set on is being with you. Whatever it takes, we’ll work it out.”

Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him. I felt his encircle me in their familiar way, strong and gentle at the same time. He bent his head toward me, and as soon as we kissed, I knew he was right. Whatever it took, we could do it. Together. It was Christmas Eve in Claus Lake, all was right with the world, and the future could wait.

When we finally came up for air, Cam smiled down at me. “Hey,” he said, “I almost forgot. Did you get my present? What did you think of it?”

“I loved it,” I answered truthfully.

But as he bent to kiss me again, I couldn’t help thinking happily that all I’d ever
really
wanted for Christmas was him. It was a good thing I’d finally figured that out—just in the Old Saint Nick of time.

About the Author

Catherine Hapka has never dressed up as a Christmas Genie, but she always enjoys the holiday season nonetheless. She has written more than one hundred and fifty books for children and young adults. In addition to reading and writing, she enjoys horseback riding, animals of all kinds, gardening, music, and traveling. She lives on a small farm in Chester County, Pennsylvania, with a couple of horses, three goats, a small flock of chickens, and too many cats.

Love winter romances,
but ready for something sizzling?

Here’s a peek at

by Jennifer Echols

Sean smiled down at me, his light brown hair glinting golden in the sunlight. He shouted over the noise of the boat motor and the wind, “Lori, when we’re old enough, I want you to be my girlfriend.” He didn’t even care the other boys could hear him.

“I’m there!” I exclaimed, because I was nothing if not coy. All the boys ate out of my hand, I tell you. “When will we be old enough?”

His blue eyes, lighter than the bright blue sky behind him, seemed to glow in his tanned face. He answered me, smiling. At least, I
thought
he answered me. His lips moved.

“I didn’t hear you. What’d you say?” I know how to draw out a romantic moment.

He spoke to me again. I still couldn’t hear him, though the boat motor and the wind hadn’t gotten any louder. Maybe he was just mouthing words, pretending to say something sweet I couldn’t catch. Boys were like that. He’d just been teasing me all along—

“You ass!” I sat straight up in my sweat-soaked bed, wiping away the strands of my hair stuck to my wet face. Then I realized what I’d said out loud. “Sorry, Mom,” I told her photo on my bedside table. But maybe she hadn’t heard me over my alarm clock blaring Christina Aguilera, “Ain’t No Other Man.”

Or maybe she’d understand. I’d just had a closer encounter with Sean! Even if it
was
only in my dreams.

Usually I didn’t remember my dreams. Whenever my brother, McGillicuddy, was home from college, he told Dad and me at breakfast what he’d dreamed about the night before. Lindsay Lohan kicking his butt on the sidewalk after he tried to take her picture (pure fantasy). Amanda Bynes dressed as the highway patrol, pulling him over to give him a traffic ticket. I was jealous. I didn’t want to dream about Lindsay Lohan or getting my butt kicked. However, if I was spending the night with Patrick Dempsey and didn’t even
know
it, I was missing out on a very worthy third of my life. I had once Googled “dreaming” and found out some people don’t remember their dreams if their bodies are used to getting up at the same hour every morning and have plenty of time to complete the dream cycle.

So why’d I remember my dream this morning? It was the first day of summer vacation, that’s why. To start work at the marina, I’d set my clock thirty minutes earlier than during the school year. Lo and behold, here was my dream. About Sean: check. Blowing me off, as usual: noooooooo! That might happen in my dreams, but it wasn’t going to happen in real life. Not again. Sean would be mine, starting today. I gave Mom on my beside table an okay sign—the wakeboarding signal for
ready to go
—before rolling out of bed.

My dad and my brother suspected nothing, ho ho. They didn’t even notice what I was wearing. Our conversation at breakfast was the same one we’d had every summer morning since my brother was eight years old and I was five.

Dad to brother: “You take care of your sister today.”

Brother, between bites of egg: “Roger that.”

Dad to me: “And you watch out around those boys next door.”

Me: (Eye roll.)

Brother: “I had this rockin’ dream about Anne Hathaway.”

Post-oatmeal, my brother and I trotted across our yard and the Vaders’ yard to the complex of showrooms, warehouses, and docks at Vader’s Marina. The morning air was already thick with the heat and humidity and the smell of cut grass that would last the entire Alabama summer. I didn’t mind. I liked the heat. And I quivered in my flip-flops at the prospect of another whole summer with Sean. I’d been going through withdrawal.

In past years, any one of the three Vader boys, including Sean, might have shown up at my house at any time to throw the football or play video games with my brother. They might let me play too if they felt sorry for me, or if their mom had guilted them into it. And my brother might go to their house at any time. But
I
couldn’t go to their house. If I’d walked in, they would have stopped what they were doing, looked up, and wondered what I was doing there. They were my brother’s friends, not mine.