Winter Howl (Sanctuary) (10 page)

It was a strange sensation, not least because it was only partially unexpected. Renee decided that she did not mind this display of affection from Britt. She almost wanted to slip her arm around Britt’s waist so that she could be closer somehow, so that the slow and enticing tingling sensation in her breasts and between her legs could somehow be touched by someone she trusted, and maybe even loved, and maybe even wanted. The feeling was curiosity, but not curiosity about whether she could be sexually attracted to a woman. Just whether what was currently brewing between them could grow into something else, something bigger, or whether it was not to be. There did seem to be more than just a spark between Renee and her best, greatest, closest friend, a connection they’d had since they were young and had first met each other that went beyond just friendship.

That general openness in the sanctuary was part of the reason why, when Renee broke the kiss, there was not too much embarrassment when some of the shapeshifters around them cheered, happy that something they’d believed possible had indeed happened. There had been talk, of course. Close quarters always bred a certain amount of gossip and drama.

Renee tried to school her expression into something controlled, but she could not help the smile that filled her face. And Britt’s initial expression of uncertainty relaxed.

“Thank God,” Jake said, ruffling Britt’s hair with a broad grin on his face. “I thought you’d never do it. Good on you. And you, my little gumdrop.” He gave Renee a great big hug, then held her away from him and searched her face as he asked, “Are you okay? With this? With…?”

Renee nodded, a little flustered but okay. “I’m just… I shouldn’t have been as surprised, but I was anyway.”

“You’ve been expecting something like that?” Britt asked, honestly startled. “Damn, and I thought I had come up with something original.”

Renee shrugged and looked down at her hands. “A little bit. Just little hints.”

“And you’d be okay?” Britt asked. “With trying? Maybe?”

Renee chewed on her lower lip, then leant forward and kissed Britt herself. It was brief and a little off the mark, but Britt knew the effort it took for Renee to initiate something like that.

“Just remember that this is new to me,” Renee murmured as she pulled back.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m as nervous as you are,” Britt said, laughing slightly. “Believe it or not, it’s new to me, too.”

“I mean, the whole idea of a relationship with another person…”

“I know what you mean,” Britt said. She pushed a lock of hair out of Renee’s face, then let her have her space. Britt knew she had to have her space, especially when she was nervous enough that her hands started shaking, which they were doing. She didn’t take it personally.

As Britt pulled back, Renee caught the way that Grant was staring at the two of them. The realisation that they were not just being watched by old friends was like a proverbial kick in the gut, and she almost felt as if she was going to be sick at the way he was looking at her—
them
—his eyes dark with arousal. He seemed completely unashamed of the way he felt about what he had seen, although his pants were fashioned in such a way that if he was indeed aroused, she could not really see much. Just a suggestion. A certain knowledge that
that
was exactly how Grant saw what she and Britt had done. It made Renee feel almost slimy. The worst part was that the feeling was not necessarily bad. And Grant knew that Renee knew he had been watching. He stared directly at her without shame.

“By the way, my two favourite girls,” Jake said, snapping her eyes away from Grant, “dinner is served.”

* * * *

The dinner went surprisingly well, even though Renee was expecting some kind of catastrophe. Britt and Jake flanked her, partly to protect her from Grant and partly in celebration of what had just occurred. Grant sat just across from her. The dining room table was wide as well as long, so he would not be able to reach her even if he stretched out his legs. But he could stare. On the other hand, he could stare from any vantage point at the table if he wanted to. It was not overwhelming, and he did not look at her all the time. But when he was looking at her, at them, she could always tell.

To Britt’s credit, she did not do anything like touch Renee’s thigh under the table or give her a moony smile during the dinner. Everything was normal, which was part of the reason why Renee loved her. Whether she was
in
love with her was up to time, but love on its own had never been a question.

Hare was not a common meal at the dinner table, but most of them had had it before, either in its original state or cooked in a stew, the way Jake and Ki had cooked it for this evening. Renee’s salad fixings helped set off the meal—it might not have been good enough for the royal table, but it was just fine for theirs.

Renee noticed that Grant never touched the vegetables or fruit. He ate around the carrots and celery in his stew when he could and just ate the meat. Renee wondered whether it was a werewolf trait or just Grant, but she didn’t say anything.

The shapeshifters on either side of him were sitting as far away from him as possible, which wasn’t very far. Renee felt sorry that Leslie had not been paying attention when he’d sat down to Grant’s left. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Grant sometimes raised his eyebrow when Leslie did something clumsy while trying to avoid him, and there was that little smirk. But he did not do anything directly to Leslie, which Renee thought she might have to thank him for later. For the meal and for the general politeness. It was a small thing, but Renee felt that he was at least making an effort.

After dinner, Britt kissed Jake and left the rest of them to clean up, leading Renee up by the hand to their shared room. Renee was too focused on the feeling of another person’s hand in hers—Britt was pushing the personal boundary deliberately, Renee knew, without pushing too far—to notice any of the people downstairs watching them go up. She did not even have the mental energy to think of what Grant was seeing. Let him look—as she had said to Britt, wandering eyes were nothing to worry about.

Britt led Renee to her own bed, then let go of her hand before moving to sit on the end of hers. A space of about five feet separated the two of them. Britt’s blouse was still gaping open, and Renee found herself peering into the shadow to look at the swell of her breasts, the dusky brown of nipples the size of half dollars, tight in the cool air. She had seen Britt naked many times before, but it was as though she were seeing Britt through new eyes—Renee was good at compartmentalising things, so when Britt was just a friend, she was
just
a friend. The possibility of
girlfriend
was new territory now that the subject had been broached, and it changed the way she saw everything.

“Am I going to start as usual, or are you?” Britt asked.

Since Renee did not even know where to begin or what the question really was, she waited for Britt to start.

Britt inhaled to brace herself, then went into it. “Okay, I know I kind of stepped into it by kissing you in the middle of a crowded room when it was the last thing you expected or maybe even wanted. But I can’t apologise. It was going to happen sometime. I knew that, and I guess you suspected it might. That makes me question my covertness, but that’s not the point. The point is that we have a decision to make. Do you want to pursue this, this new angle of what I think we’ve always had? I don’t know whether you think the same way. You’ve always kept what you think or feel pretty close to the vest, even though I know that you tell me more than you tell everyone else. But I sometimes have to feel my way through the craziness that is your mind. And I don’t usually babble like this, but you know that I’m…”

“Nervous,” Renee finished for her.

“Yes.” Britt relaxed her shoulders a bit.

Renee bit her lip as she considered what to do. Her lip felt dry, and she licked it a little, sensing how dry her whole mouth was now.

The hum of continued conversation from the other side of the curtains reminded her that they were not really alone, but the fact that no one could see them gave her a little bit of courage, and she stood from her perch on the end of her bed and walked over to where Britt sat, then stepped between Britt’s knees. Even sitting, Britt did not have to bend her neck too much to see Renee. And Renee did not have to lean down very far before she was eye-to-eye with Britt. She was surprised at her own daring, her own willingness to push herself through some of the barriers that kept her from really connecting. She threaded her fingers through Britt’s hair, burying her hands in the mass of dark brown curls.

Britt had always been a grounding influence, and this was another time that she did not disappoint.

Renee felt the flutter of Britt’s breath on her lips as she leaned closer, using her grip on Britt’s hair to angle her head just right. Britt slid her fingers over the curve of Renee’s hips, pulling her even closer, and they were kissing again. It was completely different when they were alone, much easier for each to experience the sheer sensation of the other, every touch, every sigh that no one else could hear.

Britt had to be the one to bring the kiss to the next level. Renee did not exactly understand the logistics of a kiss in practice, but Britt took her teaching role in stride. The warmth of the woman’s tongue against Renee’s lower lip was amazing, not at all what she had expected—she had known that tongues were a part of some kisses, but she hadn’t thought she would enjoy that. She was pleasantly surprised as Britt slid her tongue against Renee’s own.

It took a hand on Renee’s to tell her that she was holding too tightly to Britt’s hair, and they broke apart, laughing a little.

“Sorry,” Renee muttered.

“No,” Britt said. “It’s okay. It’s good that you’re excited. I want you excited.” She slipped a hand beneath Renee’s shirt to press the palm of her hand on the flat of Renee’s stomach. “And I want you to do what you want, what feels good for you, Renee. I promise you won’t break me, and feeling your way is half the fun. It’s okay to make mistakes. You know that you can trust me, and I know that I can trust you. It’s the safest place in the world, right here. All right?”

Renee grinned, then pushed the blouse from Britt’s shoulders. Britt pulled her arms back so that the shirt could come off completely.

“There’s my girl,” Britt said, her gorgeous smile shining through. Renee was overcome by the idea that millions of men
and
women would kill for the position she was in right now. It made her feel unusually powerful. Although she was gentle as she guided Britt down, so that she lay on the bed with Renee bent over her, her touch was firm.

“I don’t want everything tonight,” Renee said as a sort of disclaimer.

“I understand,” Britt said. “I’m not sure I do either. But I can say that you’re taking things a little further than I had anticipated. I saw this happening a few months from now. You should be proud of yourself.” Britt strained upward to swipe her tongue against Renee’s cheek affectionately. “And I’m reaping the benefits.”

“Mm-hmm,” Renee hummed as she kissed Britt again. Already she was starting to get the rhythm of it, just feeling it, rocking in and rocking out. It was more awkward when she was above Britt like this, with her knees on either side of Britt’s hips. But it also gave her a bit more control, and she stroked Britt’s hair, which was splayed around her head like a corona. It was hard not to touch Britt’s bare skin as she tried to press closer, her body wanting the closeness that her lips had with the girl beneath her—that was something very new for Renee, like so much that night.

Britt was brushing her fingertips underneath Renee’s shirt, understanding Renee’s need for her to pace herself. Renee knew that Britt could be much rougher. She almost wished that Britt could do that now. Although with the way that Renee’s heart was beating fast enough to make her head tingle, she thought it might be a bad idea.

She did not even realise how her hips were rocking down with the rest of her body until she undulated against Britt’s denim-clad hips, which rose to meet her. She gave a little squeak that sounded patently unsexy to her own ears, and she actually lost balance so that she was flush against Britt’s body. It was surprisingly warm, like her mouth, and the buds of her nipples pressed up against Renee’s chest. She felt her own small nipples tighten against the fabric of her bra in response.

“Oh. My. God,” she whispered, her mouth pressed against Britt’s neck. She was already oversensitive to the way everything felt, and to have it thrust upon her—or rather, to thrust it against Britt, since she was the one who’d fallen on top of the woman—almost overloaded her. Not that it was doing nothing to her sexually. She felt if she did not get some friction against her clit, she was going to go crazier.

Britt laughed, rubbing Renee’s back and kissing her head lightly. “Do you need to stop?”

Renee answered by canting her hips, pressing her mound against Britt’s. From the way Britt exhaled sharply, Renee thought she had done something right. She had certainly found her own spot. It was nothing like using a vibrator to stimulate the spot. Nothing at all like that. But she felt herself come close to the edge anyway, shaking with stress and desire at the same time as she kissed Britt again, drawing both of them to a sitting position, Renee straddling Britt’s thighs and Britt bracing herself with a hand behind her. They rocked together, and Renee shyly brought a hand between them to touch the swell of Britt’s right breast. It was surprisingly heavy in her hand, the nipple hard and pliant as Renee circled it in the centre of her palm. Renee would have thought that, having breasts of her own, it would not feel so strange, so exciting in its novelty. But it was completely different when she was touching something that belonged to someone else.