Willow (20 page)

Chapter 27

After seeing Amber off the next day I showered and lounged around the house in my pajamas. I was chilled through and the addition of a robe did little to warm me up. Anne insisted on taking my temperature and seeing that it was elevated she told me to take it easy and easy meant going back to bed. Instead, I curled up on the couch and attempted to read. Reece had called but Anne told him I wasn’t feeling well and that I would talk to him later. The chills came and Anne piled on more blankets as I shivered beneath them. She turned on the fire and brought me hot tea. With the fire roaring, its warmth washed over me and I fell asleep with one arm hanging off the couch. Indistinctly, I felt someone hunker down next to me. As I worked on opening my eyes I heard a chuckle near my ear and Anne from a distance. “Really Reece, you shouldn’t have come by like this. Suppose you get sick too?”

“I won’t stay long Anne; I just wanted to bring her something.”

“That was very thoughtful of you but keep it short. She needs to rest if she’s going to go back to school.”

I turned on my side and brushed a clump of hair out of my face. When my vision cleared I saw Reece sitting next to me with a bag in his hand and a cup in the other. He handed it to me, “Chai, just like you like it.” He placed the bag on the coffee table and removed a scone. He placed it on a large napkin and gave it to me. “Orange, I hope you like it.”

As I took the scone and said thank you, he chuckled again and dropped his head.

“What are you laughing at?” I asked as I bit into the scone.

“Birds could make a nest in that,” he said as he pointed to my hair. My eyes widened as I could only imagine what I looked like. I patted my head and groaned as I felt the tangles. I had never removed the clip…

“I wish I had a camera,” he continued to joke.

“Not funny,” I laughed as I attempted to smooth my hair and readjust the clip.

“I see your appetite hasn’t been affected. That’s a good sign.”

“Are you kidding? Chai tea and scones? A slight fever isn’t going to ruin my appetite.”
“And you have a good one,” Reece teased as humor danced in his green eyes.

I took another bite and excused myself to brush the mess that was my hair. Feeling only a pony tail would do I secured it with a band and smoothed my eyebrows into place. When I walked into the living room Reece had pulled a chair closer to the couch and he was petting Pandora. Spotting me, he smiled. “Come on, I liked the other style better.”

Rolling my eyes playfully I climbed back under the blankets and began drinking my tea.

“Perfect,” I stated with contentment. “Can you imagine not being able to taste anything? Eating is one of the great pleasures in life.”

“
One
of the greatest,” Reece laughed. He eyed me flirtatiously.

I blushed.

“I know you’re not going
there
Reece Anderson,” I warned.

“Only with you,” he retorted, causing me to very nearly spit the tea from my mouth.

While I dabbed my lips with a napkin I averted his gaze. His tone turned serious. “Look at me.”

I raised my eyes to meet his. Satisfied that he had my attention he continued. “I know I’m not that impressive. Right now I have little to offer you. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do about me but I know how I feel and the more I try to control it, the more it gets away from me.”

Blown away by his raw candor I pulled a blanket tight around me and softened my face as I studied his. He was resting his elbows on his knees and he was looking at me intently, waiting…

“Reece,” I began. “You never knew my dad…he would have considered himself ‘nothing’ and yet he was everything…to my mother and to me. It’s not the stuff that defines you. It’s about how you make someone feel.”

I averted my eyes briefly as my thoughts drifted to my dad. “It really is that simple.”

Reece sighed with hurt radiating from his voice. “You know, it’s not hard to love someone who doesn’t love you back.”

Quizzically, I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

He clasped his hands together and said with conviction, “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. Even while knowing that you seemed attached to someone else or were thinking about someone else, I couldn’t help my feelings for you.”

Stunned, I pulled my legs closer to my chest and looked down. Did I even have the words that could do his justice?

“That’s not love though. That is interest, maybe even infatuation, but not love-”

He interrupted me, anger clouding his words, “Don’t tell me how I feel.”

I rested my head on my knees before looking at him. “I care about you Reece, I do. I just don’t know if I’m capable of that kind of love.”

Reece leaned forward and tilted his head to the side as his face grew grave with intent. “You’re lying.”

I bristled at the truth in his accusation.

“You can’t please everybody,” he went on. “And you’re definitely not pleasing yourself.”

I stood up, causing Reece to stand as well. I turned to face the fire, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I didn’t want to see his face when I spoke my thoughts.

“When I’m with you I feel safe and happy. When I’m with him I feel I’m with someone I can relate to. That’s not fair to either of you. And you…you’re so blind. You have had something great in your life for so long you may not even realize it anymore.”

The silence between us was brief but without strain or awkwardness. When Reece spoke, he was closer than before.

“You’re referring to Amber, aren’t you?” He didn’t wait for me to reply.

“I could never take so great a friend for granted, not ever. I love Amber but the feeling is platonic. I’m comfortable with her but with you I feel a rush and I think about you when I’m not even with you. If I try to stop, the thoughts come on even stronger. Even if I never knew you, and I can’t imagine that now, I can’t see myself getting together with Amber.”

I felt tears burning behind my eyes but I willed them to stop. “Excitement fades, then what? I’ve heard that the best love grows from friendship. I don’t want you to pass up a good thing for someone so unworthy of all that you feel.”

“I know a good thing when I see it,” he stated. “I could spend a life time discovering you.”

“You only say that because you don’t really know me-“

“So let me know you,” he interrupted.

I turned to face him. “No. It has to be Amber. I can’t ruin a friendship for something that might not work out.”

Staring down at me Reece clenched his jaw. He grabbed my arms and his grip was forceful, but he lessened it as his stormy eyes drifted to my lips. Inwardly I warned him not to do it.

“I’m sick you know,” I said.

A grin played at the corner of his lips. He knew exactly what I was thinking. He pulled me close and tucked my head beneath his chin and much too soon he let go and with it went the feeling of belonging.

“I’m not giving up,” he warned as he began walking to the foyer. He turned before opening the door. He smiled as he looked me over. I knew what he was thinking, that I was flushed, that I was left colder than before--colder without him--and that what I really wanted was to be with him. Soberly, I knew that was impossible. For me to be with him I would have to hurt my closest friend. It was a choice I wasn’t strong enough to make. I remembered what I told Amber and I would have to keep my word.

Chapter 28

School passed by uneventfully that week. I tried to avoid running into Reece, which was unproblematic since we didn’t share any of the same classes. Lunch was tricky but it seemed that Amber was capturing most of his attention and she was kindly sharing her lunch with him, packing extra goodies like rice krispie cookies and deviled eggs – some of his favorites. For his part Reece paid close attention to anything she said by making great eye contact, and he seemed genuinely interested in her thoughts. Had he always been that way or was I noticing now more than ever?

While laughing at something he said, Amber unwrapped another rice krispie cookie and offered it to me. Her face was aglow and her eyes were sparkling. That is what real love looked like I told myself. I smiled back at her and offered to share the cookie with Tavia but she politely declined. She was too busy being engaged with Adam, so there I sat – the odd one of the bunch. I carefully peeked up through my lashes to watch as Reece took up Amber’s trash and threw it away. I looked down at my half eaten blt and finished off the remainder of my water bottle. I started to excuse myself when Tavia pulled me close and nudged me in the arm.

“Are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

Summoning a polite grin for her I shrugged my shoulders. “Of course, I’m just going to finish some homework so I don’t have to worry about it later.” I was acutely aware of Reece’s eyes on me as I walked away.

I was sitting in the library trying to ferret out some facts for an assignment when I heard someone pull out the chair in front of me. I looked up to see Reece reclining comfortably, his hands still in his jacket pocket. He was assessing me, but said nothing. Nervously, I turned my attention to the paper before me. The longer the silence continued, the more nervous I became. I bit the end of my pen and pretended to read. I heard Reece exhale and position his arms on the table.

“Is this how it’s going to be?” He asked.

Putting my pen down I raised my eyes to look at him. How could I tell him that if I chose him, I would lose Amber? Love may be hard enough to find and harder still to hold onto, but finding a true friend seemed even rarer.

He was waiting and I didn’t know what to say. I found myself stammering.
“It’s better this way, you’ll see.”

“Better for you or for me?” He challenged.

“For neither,” I answered softly.

“You just contradicted yourself.” He pointed out.

“We’ve already discussed this Reece. I thought I made myself clear.” I bristled at my own inflection.

“If you’re holding out for one person that hurts everyone. Doesn’t she deserve to be loved the way I love you?”

“But you can’t love me, not really. You don’t even
know
me. I think you’re just attracted to me because I’m the newest face in town, maybe a little different.”

“Don’t try and analyze me,” he said in a low, angry voice. “Give me more credit. I know how I feel and I know what I want.”

He sighed in frustration. “I have been fair with her. I told her how I feel. She knows. We talked about it at your house.”

“Well, I can’t do that to her, I just can’t. I have had very few friends in my life. I know how hard they are to come by. Unless she has love in her life I don’t think I deserve to have love in mine…at least not with the one person she has an interest in.”

“You’re not a martyr,” Reece protested. “She will be fine. She will be happy. She will fall in love with someone else. It happens all the time. She is not that weak.”

“But I am…” I insisted, bringing my hand up to my heart. “Since I’ve moved here the strangest things have been happening, things I could have never dreamed up. I’m still grieving for my dad and I’m trying to adjust amongst all this insanity. I’m worn out.”

I began stacking my books and started to stand when Reece reached out and grabbed my hand. He looked at it with questioning concern and ran his finger across my ring.

“You know why I feel the way I do?” He asked. “You’re a mosaic of emotion and I find you endlessly interesting.”

“I’m not,” I objected. “I’m someone that’s lost and trying to find a place in the world.”

With that I grabbed my backpack, my books and I walked away from him.

Chapter 29

After I walked home from school on Friday I felt like baking to keep my mind off things, especially the way Reece had been ignoring me. He didn’t call during the week and he didn’t acknowledge my presence at lunch. He wasn’t being rude per se but he was sitting at another table and Amber was, quite predictably, with him. I couldn’t be with him romantically but was I losing his friendship too?  Was that the price of my honesty?

I opened a cabinet and pulled out one of Anne’s cookbooks. I flipped through the pages until I spotted a recipe for blackberry cobbler. I checked the freezer to make sure she had some frozen blackberries and vanilla ice cream and then I set out to gather the other ingredients. As I measured the flour I found myself dusted in it as well. I was making a mess and yet the real mess was the one I was making of my life
.

After placing the casserole dish in the oven I began cleaning up. I took the ice cream out of the freezer and scooped out a spoonful. I was slowly devouring it when I heard the doorbell. I had flour streaks on my black shirt and as much as I tried wiping it off, some remained. Holding the spoon and a mouthful of ice cream, I went to open the door. Standing there in his dark brown jacket was Reece. His eyes missed nothing and I knew I couldn’t have been imagining his contained amusement as he looked down at me.

“Would you like to come in?” I asked as I held the door open and licked the spoon clean.

He didn’t move.

“I have somewhere to be,” he responded before clearing his throat. “Since I was in the area I wanted to stop by and see you.”

I let go of the door and moved as Reece stepped inside and glanced around. “Baking something?” he asked. “It smells great.”

“Just a cobbler,” I clarified.

“Actually, I stopped by to ask if you were busy tonight. I thought we could go out and do something.”

I stood there in a pregnant pause. I found myself wanting to say yes but his timing couldn’t be worse.

“I’m sorry Reece, I already made plans.” I summoned a smile for him. “Another time?”

I tried not to react to his disappointment. He looked like he had more to say but he shook his head in defeat and trudged down the porch steps to his waiting truck. I went to the window to watch him leave but he was still sitting there. His head was resting on his fist while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. I wanted to go to him, I wanted to comfort him--as well as myself--but I remained frozen in place. I heard him rev his engine and I backed away from the window. I walked into the kitchen and placed the spoon in the sink. I heard him cut the engine. Moments later I heard another knock. Confused, and way too eager, I rushed to the door and when I opened it, he came in authoritatively and put his arm around my waist and pulled me into the living room before I could object. Gripping me tight, his face was full of fury.

“I want one more thing from you and I want it willingly.”

Seeing that I wasn’t resisting, he put the full weight of his body on mine and we fell on the couch. His lips engaged mine and his fingers raked through my hair until he was pulling it. I held onto his back and pulled him tighter and there we were, locked in mutual fervor. And all too soon he stopped. He looked down at me and lifted his weight off me. Beads of perspiration were forming on his face and I was out of breath but it wasn’t enough. All I knew in that moment was how good he felt, how great he tasted and how it couldn’t be over before it even began. I touched my lips with my fingers and once he had his fill of looking me over, he helped me stand.