Authors: Melanie Gideon
Wife 22 (8 page)
From: researcher101
Subject: Unreachability
Date: May 18, 1:22 PM
To: Wife 22
Wife 22,
I understand what you’re saying completely, and often feel the same way, although I have to admit it worries me. It seems like we’ve gotten to the point where our experiences, our memories—our entire lives, actually—aren’t real unless we post about them online. I wonder if we might miss the days of being unreachable.
All the best,
Researcher 101
From: Wife 22
Subject: Re: Unreachability
Date: May 18, 1:25 PM
To: researcher101
Researcher 101,
I do not long for the old, unreachable days. When I’m plugged in I can go anywhere, do and learn anything. Today, for instance, I visited a tiny library in Portugal. I learned how the Shakers weave baskets and I discovered my best friend in middle school loves blood-orange sorbet. Okay, I also learned that a certain pop star actually believes she’s a fairy, an honest-to-goodness fairy from the fey people, but my point is access. Access to information. I don’t even have to look out my window to see what the weather is like. I can have the weather delivered every morning to my phone. What could be better?
Sincerely,
Wife 22
From: researcher101
Subject: Weather
Date: May 18, 1:26 PM
To: Wife 22
Wife 22,
Getting caught in the rain?
All the best,
Researcher 101
EEKEND
F
ORECAST
T
HE
B
UCKLE
H
OUSEHOLD
529 I
RVING
D
RIVE
Saturday AM
Windchill:
Cold. Extremely cold. Freezing out husband while trying to pretend nothing is wrong.
Hi:
Making it through day without screaming.
Lo:
Head in hands. Soft moaning. Constant bouts of shame and mortification imagining KKM employees emailing Cialis video to hundreds of friends and said video then going viral.
Visibility:
Limited. Refuse to look above husband’s jaw in order to avoid eye contact.
Share Weather:
send to [email protected]
Instant Message from [email protected]
Nedra:
Poor William!
Alice:
Poor William? Poor me!
Nedra:
This is what you get for going behind William’s back.
Alice:
Did you even watch the video?
Nedra:
Want my advice?
Alice:
That depends. What will it cost me?
Nedra:
Forget you ever saw it.
Heat Index:
Very High. Boiling hot.
Hi:
Sitting on the couch watching
Masterpiece Theatre
.
Lo:
Mentally trying to count the number of times we’ve had sex in the past twenty years while pretending to watch
Masterpiece Theatre
. Can’t do sums in head. Use fingers to add. Estimate 859. What’s wrong with that?
Visibility:
Poor to none. Dense fog while trying to guess the number of times we’ll have sex in the next twenty years.
Share Weather:
send to [email protected]
Instant Message from [email protected]
Nedra:
Do not withhold sex.
Alice:
Why not?
Nedra:
This is not about sex.
Alice:
What’s it about?
Nedra:
Intimacy. There’s a difference.
Alice:
What do you suggest?
Nedra:
Reach out to him.
Alice:
What kind of a divorce lawyer are you?
Wind:
Calming.
Hi:
Horoscope says unexpected romance on its way.
Lo:
Viewing Cialis video for the eighth time. In my defense, repeated viewings of video are the best way to desensitize myself to the horrific public humiliation inflicted by my husband. I think I deserve a medal. I tell my family I deserve a medal. For what, they ask.
Drought Conditions:
Improving. I sat next to him on the couch.
Share Weather:
Send to [email protected]
Instant Message from [email protected]
Nedra:
Did you delete the bloody video?
Alice:
Yes.
Nedra:
Good girl. Now move on.
Alice:
Horoscope says romance is on the way.
Nedra:
Sure it is, sweetheart.
Alice:
I just have to be patient.
Nedra
You have it good. You know that, don’t you?
Alice:
Being patient is not easy for a Virgo.
Nedra:
Or a divorce lawyer. CU.
26.
Not emptying out the coffee grinds. Pee on the bathroom floor. Not shutting the bathroom door while peeing. Reading over my shoulder. Jeans inside-out in the laundry basket.
27.
Three, okay, five.
28.
Once a year.
29.
In every way. In no way. I can’t answer that question.
30.
A book of stamps.
31.
He was waiting in the courtyard of the Charles Hotel. Wearing his Walkman. He nodded at me, we took off, and he didn’t say a word for the entire run. I, on the other hand, didn’t shut up—at least in my head.
Asics, huh; must have wide feet. Why isn’t he talking? Does he hate me? Are we doing something wrong? Am I supposed to pretend we’re not running together? Why doesn’t he run with Helen? Helen of Troy? What is he listening to? Is this a date? Jesus, he’s cute. What kind of game is he playing? He smells like Coast soap. Are my thighs jiggling? Yep, he just touched my breast with his elbow accidentally. Does he know it was my breast? Was it on purpose? Why isn’t he saying anything? Well, screw him, I’m not saying anything either.
We ran five miles in forty-one minutes. When we got back to Peavey Patterson he nodded once more, then went left, to the executive washroom. I turned right, to the employee bathroom. When I got back to my desk, my hair stuck up in a messy, limp ponytail, there was an email waiting for me.
You run fast.
32.
That if we weren’t careful, it was possible to forget one another.
From: Wife 22
Subject: Hello
Date: May 20, 11:50 AM
To: researcher101
Researcher 101,
Sorry it took so long to get back to you. Things haven’t been great between my husband and me, which makes it hard to answer the questions. Especially the ones about us falling in love.
All the best,
Wife 22
From: researcher101
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: May 20, 11:53 AM
To: Wife 22
Wife 22,
That’s completely understandable given the circumstances, although I have to say you do a wonderful job with the questions. You seem to remember all the details, which, come to think of it, may have something to do with the difficulty you’re experiencing. You recall your past so vividly. When I read your #31 I almost felt like I was there. I’m curious. Are you able to experience the present with the same sort of attention to detail?
I hope things have improved with your husband’s job situation.
Sincerely,
Researcher 101
From: Wife 22
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: May 20, 11:55 AM
To: researcher101
Researcher 101,
I’m not sure they’ve improved, but at least I’ve cut down the time I spend in the grocery store trying to choose between Minute Maid or Tropicana. Now I just grab the SunnyD. And no, I am not capable of experiencing the present with the same sort of attention to detail. But once the present becomes the past I seem to have no problem attending to it obsessively. :)
Wife 22
From: researcher101
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: May 20, 11:57 AM
To: Wife 22
Wife 22,
What ever happened to Tang?
Researcher 101
From: Wife 22
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: May 20, 12:01 PM
To: researcher101
Researcher 101,
You know, I can’t help playing “what if” right now. What if I had been a biker, not a runner? What if William had married Helen of Troy instead of me?
Sincerely,
Wife 22
From: researcher101
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: May 21, 1:42 PM
To: Wife 22
Wife 22,
In my experience “what if” is a very dangerous game.
All the best,
Researcher 101
I
’m sitting on a bench, my phone in my hand, while a hundred or so children run circles around me. I’m on recess duty. Some of the teachers hate recess duty, they say it’s exhausting and mind-numbingly tedious, but I don’t mind it. I’m excellent at scanning the sea of kids, reading their body language, listening to the pitch of their voices, and getting to them moments before the illegal hair-pulling, Pokémon card trading, or Hello Kitty glitter lip gloss application begins. This kind of intuition can be either a gift or a curse, but I like to think of it as a gift. Recess duty is like driving. The surface is hyper-alert, leaving the rest of me free to process what’s going on in my life.
I took Nedra’s advice and never told William that I went behind his back and spoke to Kelly Cho. That makes two secrets I’m keeping from him now—the marriage study and my viewing the Cialis focus group tape. I did get a little hysterical while sharing my budget spreadsheets with him and said something along the lines of
you have to try harder.
He says he’s investigating openings at other ad agencies in the city, but I’m afraid it’s futile. Things are bad everywhere. Shops are closing and ad budgets are shrinking or disappearing altogether. He has to make it work at KKM. As far as the Cialis focus group, I’ve decided I will never go to another KKM product launch again.
And
my
job? I’m lucky to have one. When the school year ends, I’m going to approach the Parents’ Association about the possibility of making my job full-time in the fall. If that doesn’t happen, I’ll have to look for a higher-paying job. I need to bring in more income.
The bell rings and the kids start running back into the building. I open my Facebook app quickly.
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