Who Will Catch Us As We Fall (33 page)

‘Thank you, thank you!' She pushed the notes quickly into the back pocket of her glued-on jeans and then turned back to the
matatu
,
which he had begun working on once more. ‘What are you supposed to be designing?'

‘A new American girl-group called Destiny's Child.' He brought out the spray-paint gun. ‘The driver said they're all true African women and I have to portray them as such, which to him means their boobs hanging tastefully out with asses the size of a politician's holiday house.'

Jackie giggled. ‘All the men will be fighting to ride in it.' She climbed into the bus, even though he kept asking her not to. ‘It's even got disco lights and a TV!'

Recently, due to a boom in the
matatu
industry, many of the nine-seater vans that had been used in the tourism sector were being bought by investors and converted into PSVs. The owners then hired artists to do the designing; these requests were often cultural or political, carrying some social satire, and it was the chance to take part in these traveling stories that had drawn Michael to his current job. He had not signed up to design the exaggerated curves on singers and movie stars and it annoyed him today more than ever.

Jackie was about to leave but detecting a mild sorrow in his face, she stopped. ‘What's the matter,
cuzo
?'

Seeing Leena's face so unexpectedly had affected him more than he would have liked. He felt the memory of her pulsing in his gut, filling him with a desperate need to see her again. ‘I feel like I should be doing something – not this. Something important.'

Jackie put her arm around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulder. ‘This is only temporary, Mike. Just to get you through school.'

‘But Jai and I, we had all these plans.' His voice tapered.

‘All your life, you've been living in that boy's shadow,' Jackie said.

‘That's not his fault.'

‘I never said it was.' She suddenly seemed very wise and he grinned ruefully at her. ‘You don't have to wait for him, you know,' she said. ‘He's your friend but you can't put everything on hold while he's doing what he wants. You also matter.'

‘I don't know where to start.'

Jackie gestured to the bus. ‘You have great talent,
cuzo
.
Where else to begin but there?'

Steven was a mini celebrity on campus. He couldn't walk ten minutes without being stopped for a high-five, a small chat from someone asking his advice or just an awe-struck student, claiming to have seen him on the KTN nine o'clock news.

‘You're my inspiration,' they would tell him gravely.

‘My woman is in love with you,
jama
! Tell me your tricks, Stevie.'

‘How does one go about joining the protests? It looks like fun,' said a girl twisting her dreads around her finger.

‘It's not supposed to be fun,' Steven would reply, as serious as ever. ‘Our future is not a game.'

And she had apologized profusely, more infatuated with him than before.

‘Don't you get tired of it? These people never leave you alone,' Jai asked him once.

‘I'm their leader. They voted for me, put their trust in me.' Steven said it in that deceivingly patient way he had – one always felt slightly disparaged afterward. ‘They look up to me, have granted me the humble responsibility of giving them answers. Wouldn't it be insulting if I were to say that I was tired of them?' It was posed as a question but the tilt of Steven's head was arrogant.

‘Steven!' Ivy was moving quickly toward them, clutching the straps of her backpack, her glasses having fallen half-way down her nose.

‘What is it?' Steven didn't hide his annoyance at having been interrupted.

Despite threatening to leave the union in the last meeting, Ivy had stayed on, though Steven had grown deaf to her hopeful quips and suggestions, sometimes even taking an idea she had put forward and presenting it as his own. Without waiting for a reply he turned to Jai and said, with clicking, urgent fingers, ‘Grab a marker and get this poster done. The background can be a picture of Anthony…'

‘Anthony has returned to campus,' Ivy told them. ‘He wants to meet with you.'

‘When?' he asked, his voice sharp with sudden attentiveness.

‘This morning.'

‘And you waited until afternoon to tell me?'

‘I'm sorry, Steven.'

‘Just tell me where he is.'

‘In his dorm room. You remember the number—'

Steven waved her away. ‘Let's go and meet him,' he said to Jai.

‘I have a class right now. Perhaps you should take Ivy with you.'

A rigid silence. ‘If you aren't serious about this, I'll find someone else to help me.'

A discomfort settling in his stomach, Jai said, ‘I suppose I can miss one class.'

As they left, Jai heard the whisper, sharp and malicious, directed at Ivy. ‘Get your act together, woman. You're becoming useless.'

To a person meeting him for the first time, Anthony wrongfully evoked an overwhelming sense of pity. Hard boned and slightly tremulous, he had a too-thin face crowded by gigantic features – the kind one found on a helpless animal. A swollen eye and freshly bruised upper lip were souvenirs from his recent stay in jail, and he had pupils so large that when Jai looked into them he was met with a liquescent, almost hypnotic darkness.

Anthony was sitting on the floor as they entered the room, leaning against the back of his single bed, in the process of lighting a joint. He looked up with a sibilant puff as the two boys squinted through the muddy cloud. ‘Close the door behind you.'

The room was small and overcrowded. The only space not littered with clothes, books and cans of food was the desk facing the wall. It remained empty and pristine, as if it had just recently been polished.

Unlike most of the people Jai had recently met, Anthony did not rise to quickly shake their hands, did not release a string of silly flatteries expressing his gratitude at Steven's visit. Instead, he shut his eyes and disappeared into his own pleasure.

Jai sat at the desk while Steven remained standing. He appeared so different then, the usual rigidity of his stance collapsing, eyes darting and a mouth that moved in frozen, silent words as if it wasn't just a place to sit that he was searching for. He seemed paralyzed in the middle of the room until Anthony opened his eyes and said, ‘There's a space on the bed over there,' and, finally released, Steven sank down gratefully.

Anthony offered the joint to Jai and he accepted, closing the tip of his mouth around it and understanding that his initial pity was unwarranted. There was nothing sorrowful about this man.

‘What's your name?' he asked Jai in Swahili and it was refreshing to meet someone who expected Jai to adjust to him and not the other way around.

‘Jai. I've just joined the Student Union.' He handed back the joint.

‘That's good news.' Anthony nodded his approval, took another drag. Steven motioned for the joint but was ignored. ‘We need strong people like you.' Anthony stuck his arms out from the elbows, imitating a chicken. ‘Not like this guy over here, short like a little girl.' He gestured at Steven.

Jai and Anthony chuckled and Steven's face flushed with embarrassment. He reached over and snatched the joint. ‘That's not funny, Tony.'

‘I told you not to call me that.'

Chastised, Steven retreated into silence.

‘He has no sense of humor,' Anthony told Jai. ‘Even when the students voted me in to be chairman of the union, he was so upset I had to hand it over to him. What do I need a position like that for anyway?'

‘Is that true?'

Steven refused to answer Jai's question, hiding himself behind a growing marijuana haze. ‘We're planning another protest,' he told Anthony. ‘They shouldn't have done that to you,' he added, indicating the fresh injuries.

The man wasn't impressed by the smooth words, the eyes burrowed in concern. ‘If you want a fight, Steven, then be man enough to say you want one. Don't pretend this is for me.' Anthony stretched over for his joint and said to Jai, ‘Did you know Steven here wants to be a politician?
Kama
those fat men in striped suits with the big briefcases and fancy cars.' He laughed throatily. ‘He is enjoying all of this attention – KBC, KTV, people are just beginning to know who you are,
sindiyo
?'

‘Are you going to join us or not?' Steven's voice had reached a whine.

‘I've never said no to a good fight before.' Anthony struggled to his feet. ‘When is your next meeting?'

‘Two days from now.'

‘
Sawa.
See you then.' They were at the door when Anthony said, ‘I want to talk to Jai alone.'

Steven's hand hovered at the knob as if trying to force Jai out of the room with him, but it was impossible to be intimidated by him any longer.

‘Don't be too long, we have work to do,' he glowered.

‘I didn't know he wanted to be a politician,' Jai started, but Anthony raised a finger to his lips.

He whispered, ‘I bet that little rat is trying to listen in on what we are saying.' Then back in a normal voice, ‘Now that you've joined the Union, I want to show you something.' He pulled out a sheet of lined paper that was creased from constantly folding and unfolding. ‘Read it out loud, please.'

Jai cleared his throat, began.

We labor together in search for

Knowledge and truth.

We bless and honor Thee, we are the pinnacle of

Excellence in knowledge,

Knowledge to serve our mother land (
Oh, Kenya)
,

Knowledge to serve all mankind.

Be not engulfed by pride, let excellence prevail.

May we all shun the pitfall of being the ivory tower.

With sacrifice and dedication, our problems we will overcome.

We are the fountain of knowledge we create and hold the

Vision.

God gives us grace to serve, and the future for us is bright,

And the children

Shall drink from the fountain of knowledge, knowledge

Shall surely set us free (
beyond the stars
)

Knowledge shall

Surely set them free.

His voice disappeared as he folded the paper back up and placed it delicately on the desk.

‘That's beautiful. Where did you find it?'

‘I wrote it.'

At Jai's expression, Anthony laughed, forcing Jai to quickly rearrange his face. ‘I didn't mean to be insulting.'

‘The university is looking for a school anthem. I want to submit this and I was hoping to get your opinion.'

There was a special feeling that came with being requested into this man's private life. ‘You write wonderfully,' Jai encouraged.

‘My parents spent most of their money sending me to school. They sacrificed everything so that one day I could be standing here, in front of you.' He looked at Jai gravely. ‘Life has not been easy but when I look at this, I am reminded that it has all counted for something. I wrote it for my sister, Enna, so that she will also know how important education is.'

‘Speaking of.' Jai checked his watch. ‘I have to go because my next class will be starting soon.'

‘Of course.' Anthony didn't look up as Jai turned to leave – he was gazing at the poem, his hand hovering above it. ‘You must be very careful of Steven.' At the warning, Jai stopped at the door. Anthony's eyes rose slowly. ‘You and I might be fighting for a cause we believe in but Steven is only fighting for himself. Do you understand the difference?'

Jai thought of Michael – perhaps he had been right about Steven all along. He paused, not wanting to leave just yet. ‘See you at the meeting?'

‘Ah, yes.' Anthony got up and slipped into his chair, the sunlight falling in from the window behind him, entrapping him in gold-flecked dust. ‘See you then.'

His hands were spread lovingly over the smooth desk, traveling in wide, thoughtful circles. His eyes were closed, the shadow of a smile hovering on his lips. It was an image that stayed close to Jai the whole day, many hours after he had left the dorm room and made his way down the long, lonely corridor.

On a shady street corner, beneath the stretching, yellow bones of an acacia tree, Jai stood with Steven three days later in front of a KTN news anchor, who was saying, ‘Here we are on the usually busy Uhuru Highway. Today, however, as you can see behind me, it is completely empty.' The man gestured at the road that was devoid of all cars, motorists having chosen to take diversions rather than risk being stuck in the middle of the strike. ‘Once again, the students of Nairobi University are protesting, but this time, it is not about school fees. It is not about the administration. Today, they are fighting for something much more important. They are fighting for one of their own.' Here, the camera turned toward Steven. ‘We are talking to Steven Kimani, the chairperson of NUSU. Please tell us why you are here today.'

Steven looked seriously into the camera. He was a handsome man, with an arresting face and pleasing lines, but looking upon him from the sidelines, Jai could see the pretense in every practiced smile, every somber hand to the chest. ‘As the nation knows, the students of the university have been protesting the proposed increase in school fees. We made it clear from the very beginning that we wanted peaceful demonstrations. That we did not wish to use any violence but simply to speak up, to begin conversations…'

Jai turned, tried to find Anthony in the crowd and admitted to himself that he was also hoping to see Michael. Steven continued speaking.

‘However, as usual, the police did not heed our request for peace. They came to attack us with many weapons – guns, tear gas, flares – and we, being bare handed, had to of course use whatever was within our reach – rocks, sticks – because one always has the right to defend oneself.' The presenter was nodding enthusiastically with every word. ‘As you also know, one of our most important members, Anthony, was unlawfully detained, after being badly injured in the strike.' Steven pointed to himself. ‘I, the chairperson, went personally to collect him from Chiromo police station. They didn't allow me to see him for at least three hours and even then to set bail was a troublesome process.'