Whisper To Me In The Dark (7 page)

Chapter 9

“
I’m going riding tomorrow – come with me.” Cash knocked on the paper thin wall over the bed, leaned over to give Angelica one final kiss, and said, “If you need anything, Angel, whisper to me in the dark.”

Cash lay in bed for hours, reliving the sweet taste of her lips. It was the only way he could have her. He’d let her marry Edward. Letting her lose her future standing in polite society was not something he'd let himself be responsible for. But Angelica was his. And only his. She belonged to him and he
would not
give her up for anything – or anyone.

***

Whenever Angelica was stressed she’d write a letter to her sister, whom she hadn’t seen in decades, but missed so.  She could write out her feelings even though she knew not where to mail them. Try to organize all of the tumultuous thoughts spinning around her head. The letters were filled with such intimate details of her life she’d never dare send them even if she knew where she was, but it always made her feel that link to her past – gave her comfort – the stability that she craved so.

Dear Sissy:

He leaned casually against the rough hewn wood of the rickety fence, his leg bent, so his cowboy boot rested against the bottom of the swinging door, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. So above it all. Like what he did to me last night was nothing. That I owed it to him just because he was a man.  So sure of himself. That any woman that shared his bed belonged to him. I tried to hate him. I tried to  - so hard. But I can’t  get the thought of him out of my head. The feel of him.  Why do I get shivers from the slightest touch of his hands on my  skin?  What is wrong with me? Why do I burn at the touch of his fingers? Why am I so helpless when he grabs my arms and won’t let  me go? All  I do is ache to feel him deep inside of me. I try so hard to hate him. I swear I do. But all that comes are more tears at the thought of him leaving me here.  I told him I was going to leave – to go back to my apartment. He said, “Do as you wish. You’re free to come and go as you please,” - as if he has no feelings for me. My heart absolutely shattered. Then he pulled me close – so close – I could hear the drumming beat of his heart and he said, “There is only one place that you belong to me - where you will do as I tell you to.” And I melted. Just melted … Why do I let him treat me so? Is his allure the danger – or is he really in my heart?

As I was walking away, I turned around when he wasn’t looking and could see the gentle way he talked to his horse. The genuine affection he has for all animals. The kinship of spirit he feels with them. They’re so wild and untamed like he is. They long for freedom like he has his whole life. I went into this with open eyes. Why does my heart feel so broken without him?

Yes, I hid behind a tree just to watch him. And yes I am aware how truly pitiful and weird that was. But it was magical just watching him riding. He's so free, with the horse flying up and down the hills. Cash has such mastery over the wild beast, but he connects to these animals on a spiritual level. He understands them. Cash belongs back home. Not stuck in this city. I could tell that he could finally breathe. No matter how he was raised, I see it in him. His wildness. His restlessness. His need to connect to nature. To his heritage. He's so unlike Edward, with his obsessive compulsive stuffiness and obsession with money. Cash has none of that. I long to ask
him exactly how he got that scar on his face. It only adds to his mystery. He's fine, strong and true and possesses an inner strength like no man I've ever met before.

***

A week later in Angelica's apartment

"I'm undercover so don't tell anyone that I'm a deputy or that I'm working for the police. Got it?"

"So they're going to be under the impression that you're some kind of criminal? That'll do a lot for my reputation," Angelica replied. Cash always seemed to be creating another problem for her.

"Your reputation is the least of your worries. I didn't want to mention this to you, but don't you think that the man who switched cases with you on the train is going to be looking for you?" He hadn't wanted to worry her but she was being so careless that it was safer if she knew.

Angelica thought long and hard, crinkling her eyes in that cute way that Cash liked. "I suppose I hadn't really thought of it. Well I don't have it obviously. The police have it. So what would it have to do with me for?" Angelica said with a sigh.

"He doesn't know that you don't have it, does he?"

Angelica bit her lip self consciously. "I guess I've just been too preoccupied with getting an acting job that I haven't been worrying about it."

After a minute of mulling it over Angelica replied, "Thanks a lot. Now I've got to worry about memorizing my lines, getting a paying job and that some lunatic is after me." "Thanks for your help," she answered sarcastically, as she gave him a good poke in the shoulder with her long red nails.

"I said I'd give you a spanking if you ever tried that again," Cash threatened with a laugh.

"Try it," Angelica replied with defiance in her eyes.

"Don't think I wouldn't like to, but I have more pressing matters at hand."

Angelica was just so dizzily exhausted. She'd been working since she was a teenager, every day, trying to save money, trying to pay her own way. She was just so damn tired sometimes, taking care of everything herself, it was too much. Too much responsibility. Sometimes she felt as if she'd be crushed by it. She just wished she and Cash could stop their verbal sparring and he'd just take her in his arms and take care of her. The safety she craved was the only reason she was marrying Edward. It  wasn't for love. It wasn't for his sparkling personality, obviously. It wasn't even for his money. It was just for the security. Someone to take care of things for once. Why did no one really care for her?  She wasn't even sure about Edward sometimes. All she would be was a trophy wife. Arm candy to parade around.

Sometimes it was all just too much.

This incessant inner dialogue was causing Angelica's eyes to burn, as the tears welled up in her eyes - again - she just felt as if she couldn't hold it together anymore ...

Cash was going to think he was friends with a basket case pretty soon. Every little thing caused her to fall apart. But it had just been too much for too long. He asks her to keep a secret and it apparently sends her over the edge. What a pathetic girl she was. She didn't even deserve Cash.

Angelica sat on her bed, running her hand over the delicate lace trim, looking like she was about to have a melt down.

"I'm kidding Angelica. You don't have to look so upset." Cash never felt guilt. Why was he constantly feeling guilty when it came to Angelica? She was turning his life upside down, and he didn't enjoy it. Not one bit. Ok. Maybe a little bit ... Sitting on the bed next to her, he put his strong arm around her and just held her hand.

She would not let him see her cry. Not again. But it felt so wonderful just having him be kind to her, it made her want to weep more.

"Let's get out of here, Angel." Cash grabbed her by the hand and pulled her up. "We're going to go and have some fun."

Angelica felt that happy feeling again. The one she tried to always project to the world. The facade she normally hid behind. But Cash actually made her feel it sometimes. Really. Truly. That things could be ok again. That she could have a future.

***

At the carnival

"Take your turn! All you have to do is hit this mallet right here. Hit it hard enough to ring the bell and you win a prize!" Carnival shysters each yelled out their spiel, luring unsuspecting carnival goers to part with their hard earned money.  Can-Can girls danced on the stage in their beautiful costumes. Angelica was mesmerized by the pretty, glittery clothes they wore. Cash stared intently, seemingly mesmerized by what was inside of their clothes. A pang of jealousy ran through Angelica's heart.

"See anything you like?" Angelica asked.

"I guess I'll have a hamburger," Cash answered thoughtfully.

Angelica laughed and smiled, "That's not what I was talking about."

Cash laughed and put his arm around Angelica, "Come on. Don't be so insecure. You're one thousand percent prettier than any of them."

Ok that made Angelica feel one thousand percent better. Cash always knew what to say to make her smile.

They walked leisurely though the carnival for hours, watching the carnival shysters peddling their wares. Selling their schemes. Promoting their crooked games.

Cash took it all in, looking for anything suspicious. What  better place to look for criminals than in this hodgepodge of people.

"OK, let's get out of here. But I have one thing left to do." Cash walked to the Ring The Bell game. Grabbed the mallet. Paid the fee. Rang the bell and won Angelica the biggest teddy bear she'd ever seen.

Angelica beamed with pride when Cash presented it to her. Edward had given her gifts before, but none had in any way made her as happy as this huge stuffed pink teddy bear.

"When I'm not there, Teddy will be and he can watch over you," Cash said with a wink and laugh, "although his pink color doesn't make him look exactly macho."

Angelica couldn't stop beaming and hugged her new present tightly.

"Here let me carry it. It's nearly as big as you and you're going to trip." Cash grabbed the bear and slung it over one shoulder. "Wow this is extremely emasculating - walking around with a pink bear." He laughed again, that deep baritone laugh, that made Angelica's knees go weak.

Why did he have to be so wonderful sometimes?

***

It was simply too dreamy of an evening to stay in even though Angelica was supposed to be studying the script. What each apartment lacked in ambiance was made up in the lavish lobby of the building. A glittering chandelier seemed to think it was the belle of the ball as it shimmered and glowed, casting magical, otherworldly shadows across the walls. Angelica decided it couldn't hurt to do just a little exploring. After all no one was around to chastise her.  The twinkling patterns that the chandelier formed on the walls seemed to put Angelica in a trance - which was a welcome relief from the constant thinking and worrying she'd been doing. It was all so tranquil. Maybe she'd just rest on the lovely Queen Anne couch for a moment.

"Oh Cash, you are simply the funniest man I've ever met," giggled Rita, her voice dripping with honey.  Angelica's eye's flew open and she was immediately greeted by the sight of Cash and Rita walking through the main door to the building. Luckily Rita was far too busy looking for her stunning reflection mirrored in his enamored eyes and Cash was too busy being deceived by the lying enchantress to notice.

Angelica flew off of the comfy couch, dropping the screenplay as she fled. Barely making it behind the couch, she crouched down, desperately trying to hold her breath so they didn't notice her.

Cash strode in confidently and sat down, motioning Rita to follow him. Rita positioned herself enticingly in Cash's lap. Angelica's eyes nearly popped out at the sight.  It was right in the middle of the lobby after all for Pete's sake ... At least Angelica had some class - she mused to herself.

Cash caught a glimpse of some luxuriously long legs that he was quite familiar with and they definitely weren't Rita's. He chuckled to himself and wondered what in the world  Angelica was up to now.

"The script!" Angelica screamed in a whispered voice unable to be heard by anyone but herself. She'd just have to retrieve it. Ok she could crawl a few feet and grab it with her left arm. Then hide behind the couch until they left. This officially was the most humiliating moment in her life and that was saying a lot. Angelica's heart pounded as she began her recovery mission.

One tiny step. Two tiny steps. Is it considered a step if you're on your knees? I suppose that was neither here nor there. The random thoughts careening around her brain were starting to give her a splitting headache.

Ok, just a few more inches. Her slim arm reached out as a black pointed high heel came down on her hand.

"Ouch!" Angelica yelped.

Rita, with her icy blue eyes flashing, asked in her haughtiest voice, "Shouldn't you be studying? You're my understudy after all. I think that implies the studying part? Hmm." Rita looked at her with derision.

Angelica felt so young, so tiny, so powerless in the face of hurricane Rita. "I, um," her words jumbled as she stood up and stumbled forward. "I, um, just lost my earring and was looking for it."

Rita, her eyes glowing with fury, replied with a smirk, "And I suppose your script was helping you look. I knew you didn't have many friends, but I didn't realize it was this bad."

Cash may have craved  Rita's body but he knew what a bitch she could be and felt empathy for poor Angelica's embarrassing situation. "Come on Rita, let's get out of here." He grabbed her hand and yanked her toward the stairs.

Angelica took his action as an act of total abandonment, when in reality he was trying to help her. The tears welled up in her shimmering eyes and she dabbed the corners with her sleeve.

"Oh Cash, you know how I love it when you are so masterful with me ..." Rita giggled and she  ran up the stairs toward Cash's strong waiting arms.

***

Angelica wearily dragged her body up the seemingly insurmountable staircase, back to her apartment, sniffling and dabbing at the tears that refused to stop streaming from her sparkling eyes.