Where Words Fail (27 page)

After nodding her head enthusiastically she started. Her hand tapping the handle of her wheelchair to keep time as her toes bounced up and down.

“I wish you would fight

Stand up and try to be a man

I wish you would fight

Can’t you see me dying in front of you

Every day, I’d fall apart

Constantly picking up pieces of my broken heart

If I wasn’t with you, I wasn’t me

I couldn’t fall in love again even if I tried.”

Her voice was full of soul. Deep and gritty like Joss Stone but powerful like Adele. “That was beautiful. Did you write that?”

“No, silly.” She giggled. “You did.”

Hold up! What?

“What do you mean?”

She looked over my shoulder and then back at me. “I don’t think I should tell you anymore. You’ll figure it out though.” With that she said goodbye and rolled back towards the entrance of the hospital.

What the hell is it with people not telling me stuff? I just want to remember. Can’t they just help me with that?

For the next three days I met with Vanessa on the lawn. She wouldn’t give anything else up about who I am though. So since she wouldn’t talk, I made her sing. This last time I brought the iPod with me and recorded her singing a few different songs. It made me feel better knowing that I could listen to her anytime I wanted now.

My head sprung up when someone knocked on my door.

“Hey Alex, what’s up?”

His mouth dropped open as he stood stunned. It took me a minute to realize what he was so shocked about.

“Holy shit...” I squeaked. “I know your name.” Where the hell did that come from? Everything about Alex suddenly flooded my mind.

He nodded and made his way to my bed and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you so much Abby. What else do you remember?”

“Uh... I don’t know. I didn’t even know I remembered you until you walked in.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone and started texting. Next thing I know my room is filled with the people I haven’t remembered since I woke up. I remembered everybody...

Except one.

Jameson

She doesn’t remember me. Everyone else she’s good with, but she still doesn’t know me. She’s remembers her life and what she does too. But she had to ask why Derek wasn’t here. She’s missing the last few weeks of the tour and everything that happened after that. They said she could be repressing the memories involving me because of our history. Whatever it is, it’s breaking my heart into pieces.

The day before she woke up, I asked Alex for his permission to ask her to marry me, if she woke up. When he came back that night, he handed me their mothers’ ring and told me it was about time.

Now I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to ask her. If she doesn’t remember and I ask, she’s going to think I’m crazy and run away. If I don’t ask, I’ll probably go crazy. It’s like this ring is burning a hole in my pocket.

Her eyes crinkle in the corners while she laughs at something Tuesday said. I’m standing in the doorway because I don’t want to interrupt. Everyone is surrounding her in chairs and talking as Izzy draws on Abby’s cast.

Every once in a while, her eyes crash into mine. I just smile. She doesn’t really talk to me. Sometimes after everyone leaves and I’m still here, sitting in the chair in the hall, I see her eyes scanning. She only does it while she’s singing that song too. As soon as she sees me, she stops searching and stares at me.

I want to wrap her up in my arms. Tell her I love her. Kiss her till we can’t breathe. Do everything we did before this damn accident, except I can’t do that if she doesn’t even know who I am.

“So,” she said. “Mystery man... Are you going to tell me who you are, or are you just going to keep stalking me without talking to me?” She locked eyes on me. That’s the most she’s said to me since she woke up. Her voice caused my heart to race and my palms to sweat. I want to tell her who I am so bad but Alex is shaking his head behind her.

“Sorry babe. That’s not how this works. So until you remember me, I guess I’m a full time stalker.” I winked and noticed how her body stiffened when I called her babe. She instantly dropped her eyes back to her lap and searched for the iPod. Ignoring everyone, she popped the ear buds in and closed her eyes.

Everyone got the hint and headed home. I took my perch back in the hall across from her door. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back until it hit the wall. Almost a month of sleeping in a chair was starting to get to me. I can’t wait till she’s released, and I can go back to sleeping in a more comfortable place.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know it’s four hours later. My neck is stiff, and I’m being stared at again. The corner of her mouth perked up. She was smiling at me. Hell fucking YES!

Abby

Why did I do it? Why was I smiling at the guy I didn’t remember? And why the hell can’t I remember him... I’ve remembered everyone else. All I know is he’s the only one who doesn’t leave. He was sleeping in that odd position. Slouched down in the chair with his head tucked into his chest. His face was all scrunched up, and I could tell he was uncomfortable.

Something struck me this afternoon when he called me babe. It wasn’t that it made me uncomfortable, actually it was exactly the opposite. Which scared me even more. I wanted to tell him to say it again. Instead, I shut myself down. I pushed play on the iPod and listened to the damn song that made me think of him.

I felt so bad for him that I asked Cindy, my night nurse, to bring in a cot. It’s been here for a few hours. He’s been out cold, which I’m thankful for, because I’m not entirely sure I’m sane when it comes to the decision I’m about to make.

When we finally lock eyes, I know everything is going to be alright. I may not know who he is yet, but I know I’ll figure it out sooner or later. I motion for him to come into my room, and he doesn’t hesitate at all before he’s in my door. He’s staring at me like he’s hungry... For me. Maybe that’s why he’s still here.

“You didn’t look very comfy out there,” I said.

“That chair’s been my bed for the past few weeks. We’ve become very close...”

I motioned to the chair next to my bed and he sat down. “Can I ask you a question?”

He nodded. “Shoot babe.” There’s that word again. It makes me want to smile.

“Why don’t I remember you? I mean... I remember everyone else that’s walked into this room... But not you.”

“Doc says you might be repressing your memory of me because of some things that happened...”

“Did you rape me or something?” The question slipped from my mouth before I even thought about it. It stunned me and his head snapped to attention, the small smile that had been playing on his lips was now gone.

“I would never do that to you,” he growled.

“Sorry. I didn’t actually mean to say that. At least I don’t think I did. So what is it? Am I supposed to hate you or something? You’ve got to give me something... Nobody is telling me anything.”

“You used to hate me... With good reason.”

“Used to? As in I don’t anymore?”

“Up until the second of the accident I’m positive you didn’t hate me anymore.”

“Was I on the phone with you when I crashed? Was I distracted because I was on the phone and then crashed?” It was pissing me off that nobody would tell me what happened when I crashed.
      
“Not exactly...”

“Hey asshole, don’t be vague. If you wanna play games you can go back to your post outside the door.”

“There’s the feisty girl who’s been missing these past few weeks.” He winked at me. His blue eyes shining under the lights before his smile faltered and his face fell again. “You weren’t on the phone with me. I was in the passenger seat next to you.”

“Oh my God! Why didn’t you say anything?” I pulled a pillow from behind me and threw it at him. He let it hit him in the face, and then he pulled it into him, hugging it against his lap. My eyes kept dropping to it, and I found myself suddenly jealous of a damn pillow. I wanted to straddle him and figure out how those rough hands felt against my skin.

“You had bigger things going on.” He shrugged.

“Don’t downplay your own life, guy.”

“Guy?” He laughed. It was deep and throaty, and I know I’ve heard it before.

“Well... I can’t remember your name so it was either guy or dude... I’ll save dude for later.”

“That was a nice thing you did for that girl today.”

“Vanessa?” He nodded. “It’s what Alex and I do. She’s an amazing singer. The world needs a voice like hers around. She’s had a rough life and I just wanted to do something nice for her.” He just smiled and nodded. Flicking a pen between his fingers.

I had tracked down Vanessa’s parents earlier today and told them Alex and I wanted to sign her. They were hesitant at first. They wanted her to finish school, but they saw how excited she was when she was singing. So when I offered to pay for a tutor for her, full time, so she could graduate they agreed. When we told her, she cried, full blown hyperventilating cry while she jumped up and down.

We made a plan to meet up after she was out of the hospital. On my way out of her room I stopped and took care of all her medical bills. However, nobody but me knows about that.

Getting my mind back on figuring out who he was, I continued to ask him questions. “So I don’t hate you anymore and you were in the car with me. Anymore, which means I did at one time?”

“Yeah, but it was well deserved. I didn’t explain something right and it took away a lot of years from us.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Not going to tell me are you?”

He smiled. “You’ll figure it out. I have faith in you.” I pointed towards the bed and told him to sleep there tonight. I was tired and trying to keep myself awake to keep talking to him but my eyes were getting heavy. “Are you sure?” He asked.

“Call me crazy but I feel comfortable when you’re around. So sleep in the bed and get a good night’s sleep.”

“Alright, babe.”

He slipped out of the chair and climbed onto the bed. The spring’s squeaking under his weight. It didn’t take me long after I closed my eyes to fall asleep. This time I wasn’t comforted by the sounds of music in my ears, but by the sound of him breathing.
 

Abby

I laughed, pushing the hair away from my face and continued to strum along to the new song we were writing on the porch. “You know, maybe if you told me why I was mad at you before, I could remember why I’m not now.” I batted my eyelashes at him, but he just waved me off.

“Lay off it Abby... It’s not going to work. None of us are giving it up!” AJ peered at me over the top of his glasses but continued to bang his drumsticks off the porch railing. It didn’t matter if we were in a screaming match, he didn’t lose focus on the beat, if anything him talking made his mind work better.

I rolled my eyes, not that he could see me in this light. It was pitch black out, not even a star. The only light was from the porch light behind me. I was really getting tired of not knowing who this guy was. I had been home for over a week which means that I’ve been awake for a month with no clue who this guy was.

Alex wouldn’t even let me near a computer or the office because he knew as soon as I got there, I would pull the contracts and find his name.

He didn’t believe me when I said I hadn’t even thought of that. It was the truth but what I didn’t tell him is that it was a friggin’ awesome idea. My driving restrictions help them keep me where they want me. The doctor doesn’t want me driving yet. At least not alone. They’re afraid I’m going to have a flashback or some shit while I’m driving. That and I still have half of my leg in a cast.

I’m not too keen on driving right now anyway. It’s not that I’m afraid to do it because of the crash. Because you can’t really be afraid of something you don’t remember. But I know it happened. I have the wounds to prove it. More than anything, I’m afraid to forget more than the guy sitting next to me.