Where Forever Lies (3 page)

Halfway through the song, she
stopped singing, her thin eyebrows creasing together in confusion as
she looked behind them again. Paige watched her for a minute and then
shook her head as she uneasily turned to look behind her again. Still
seeing nothing, she turned to face her daughter just as Kyra held up
her hand and waved, “Bye, bye, Dada.”

Paige felt her throat constrict
with fear, emotion and confusion at those three words. She couldn’t
believe what she’d just heard. She clutched her chest, feeling
as if someone had just physically reached in, grabbed her heart, and
squeezed. She felt like grief was tightening the rope around her neck
again, keeping her within arm’s reach of what had happened. She
couldn’t get past it. It was always making her feel the pain.

“Kyra, you’re
scaring mommy,” Paige whispered after she finally found her
voice. She didn’t know what to think and could feel goose bumps
explode on her skin.

She didn’t want to look
behind her; fear gripped her muscles and locked them into place. It
was all too much to handle. She was afraid that if she turned around
and saw what Kyra was supposedly seeing, that small grip she still
had on her sanity would break, and she would slip into the madness of
despair. So she kept her eyes focused straight ahead on Kyra. Her
breaths came out quick and shallow and her heart was racing. She felt
the air in her apartment shift, forming a coolness that was
undeniable. She shivered and saw Kyra had goose bumps covering her
arms as well, her bottom lip quivered slightly while her blue eyes
remained fastened behind them, almost as if she was in a daze.
Paige’s hands trembled as she frantically gripped her
daughter’s waist, a crazy fear taking hold that at any moment
Kyra would be swept away into the unknown. She wouldn’t let
that happen, she couldn’t lose anyone else in her life, let
alone her daughter. She was thinking irrationally, she knew that, but
at the same time, she didn’t trust anything in her life right
now. Every time she thought things were looking up, something or
someone was taken away from her.

Finally, after several agonizing
minutes Kyra broke her gaze away from whatever she was looking at and
hopped down from Paige’s lap. She sat down on the floor and
started playing with her toys as if nothing had even happened. Still
in disbelief, Paige couldn’t move and sat there waiting for
something else to happen. She didn’t know what, maybe for the
lights to flicker or the TV to magically shut off, as she had seen
happen on scary movies, but... nothing else happened. As if things
could not get any creepier, she felt all the blood drain from her
face when she looked back at the TV and saw the dead twin girls from
the movie
The Shining.
They were just standing there staring, completely motionless, as if
they were staring directly at her. But, she knew they had to be
staring at the little boy in the hall of the old hotel, right?

She shook her head and looked
down at her shaky hands, trying to get a grip on her nerves and
swallow the panic attack that was trying to explode out of her. She
could feel her heart pounding through her chest, her hands were
drenched in sweat and she gritted her teeth against the anxiety. She
felt weak, but she didn’t know how else to feel when her little
girl acted like she’d seen someone who was dead. She leaned
forward on her knees, resting her face on her hands, and told herself
that she was tired and stressed and was making too much out of
nothing.

After finally getting her
emotions calmed down, she sat there for a few more minutes watching
Kyra play, and told herself it was from dealing with another death
that was causing her to look too deeply into something that couldn’t
be possible. She didn’t handle death very well, anyway, she
doubted anyone did, and dealing with two close friends in a matter of
six months would take its toll on anyone’s sanity. Kyra
probably just thought she saw something or was just being silly like
little kids do. There was no way Randy’s ghost, or spirit, was
here in their home. That was just insane, wasn’t it? As she sat
there and tried to reassure herself of this, she jumped when a knock
came at the door.

She let out a distressed breath
as she peered through the peephole and saw David Madison standing
outside her door.

This is so odd
,
she thought.

She couldn’t understand
why Randy’s brother had to pick this exact moment to stop by
and visit, but here he was standing on her doorstep waiting to be let
in. She hesitated for a second as she looked through the peephole,
trying to comprehend everything that had just happened. Her mind was
reeling with crazy thoughts and she had to really focus to keep the
anxiety at bay. So many memories wanted to resurface and she had to
push them down. She hadn’t seen David since the funeral and
there were so many things about him that reminded her of Randy.

The apartment hallway light was
on the verge of going out, and the light kept flickering in that
eerie way. She thought it cast David in a mystifying light, and then
laughed at how ridiculous that sounded.

What is he doing here so
late?
She wondered.
She looked at the clock and realized that it was only eight o’
clock, but she rarely had visitors at this hour. She blew out a
breath and opened the door to greet him.

“Hey, David,” Paige
said as she motioned for him to come in.

“Hey, Paige. I hope I’m
not bothering you, just showing up like this?” he asked in a
rough voice, making him sound tired and worn out. He scuffed his
boots on the mat before making his way inside and taking a seat on
the couch.

“David, you know you’re
welcome here, anytime. I was just watching TV, anyway,” she
said noticing his sullen demeanor. His brown eyes had deep sadness
embedded in them, and as he smiled, his dimples were nonexistent
compared to the way he normally looked. She felt bad for him. She
couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to deal with your only
brother dying. She wouldn’t really know, considering she was an
only child, but she knew grief well enough to know that it hurts like
hell. Grief has a way of stripping things from you and making you
realize how great they are after they are already taken away. She had
lived this nightmare and she could see that David knew this now, too.

Even though she and Randy had
not stayed together, she and David had remained friends. David had
always made a point to visit her and Kyra at least once a month, more
than Randy had, but she assumed that being an uncle was less daunting
than being a father. She understood that being a parent at a young
age was terrifying, but she also couldn’t fathom being away
from Kyra for more than a day. She always knew in her heart that
Randy would have come to his senses and started seeing Kyra on a
regular basis, if his life hadn’t ended so short. But she was
happy that at least one family member from that side wanted to be
somewhat involved in their life, since the rest of them seemed to not
care less.

Kyra smiled shyly at him as she
went over and laid her head on her Paige’s lap, pretending to
be asleep. David smiled at her and then asked, “So, how are you
guys doing?”

“We’re hanging in
there, I guess. It’s been hard. I can’t imagine how you
and your family have been dealing with this though, I’m so
sorry David,” she said, seeing the depression in his slumped
body and the lines of grief still showing on his tired face. He ran a
hand over his face, looking exhausted, as if he hadn’t slept in
days. She absently stroked Kyra’s head as she started to doze
off, wondering what she should say, if anything, to make him feel a
little better.

“Well, Mom has fallen into
a dark depression. She hasn’t been eating and sleeps a lot.
Roger doesn’t know what to do with her; you know he’s not
a very compassionate man anyway, so this is beyond his capabilities,”
David said, pausing as he seemed to think about it all.

Paige did know this, and thought
back to her phone conversation with him two years ago. She had tried
calling Randy’s mom to let her know that she had had Kyra,
everything had turned out well, and she was welcome to come see her,
but Sharon didn’t want anything to do with Paige or Kyra.
Instead of talking to Paige, she had the nerve to have Roger get on
the phone and tell her not to call back. That was the day she
realized how cruel people could be. Roger’s hurtful words of
calling her a trashy, un-wed mother, and to never call there again,
made her realize she never wanted Kyra to be around them, anyway.

“Yes, I know,” she
said as she gently laid Kyra on the couch beside her. Kyra had
evidently pretended too well and convinced herself she was sleepy.

“She must have been
tired,” David said, his eyes showing a hint of sadness in them,
and at the same time, as he looked down at Kyra, Paige saw a look of
admiration wash over him.

“She looks just like him,”
he finally whispered his voice low and soft as he stared down at
Kyra.

Paige smiled, knowing he
couldn’t be more right. “Yes, she does.”

He finally tore his eyes away
from Kyra and looked at Paige, “You know, even though he wasn’t
always doing what he should be doing for you two, he told me that he
would always make sure you guys were taken care of, and have what you
needed, no matter what happened. He really cared a lot about you and
Kyra, even if he didn’t always show it.” He sighed
heavily and added, “I want you to know that if you ever need
anything, I’ll be here for you and Kyra, since he no longer
can. He would want me to make sure you guys are taken care of.”

“That’s really
sweet, David, thanks. I’m sure that would mean a lot to Randy,”
Paige said as she leaned back against the cushion, pulling her legs
up under her.

“It’s just that I
know things were rough between you guys and don’t want you to
think badly of him, Paige, he would have made sure you guys were
happy, and had what you needed out of life, no matter what the cost
was to him.” David looked back down at Kyra, a sullen
expression taking over his face.

“I know he was a good guy,
David. I’ve never thought badly of him. I knew in time he’d
come around more.” Paige squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to
cry again.

“I just can’t
believe he’s actually gone, you know? I mean, it’s still
so surreal and feels like it’s all a dream and tomorrow I’ll
wake up and he’ll be revving his Harley in my driveway, just to
piss me off.” He took in a deep breath and continued, “It’s
stupid, I know he’s gone, but I just can’t make my mind
actually believe it.” He gripped his hair with his hand,
looking like he didn’t know what to do with his emotions.

Paige felt her heart drop at
seeing David so grief stricken. It had been hard on everyone this
past month, but from what she’d heard from other people, David
was having a really difficult time dealing with all of it. She
reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, wanting to console him
and make him realize that she knew just how he felt. That it’d
been hard for her too.

“David,” she
started, “if you need anything just let me know. I cared a lot
about Randy too and I know how badly this hurts. I know how hard it
is to deal with all these feelings.” She pulled him in for a
hug, and as he silently hugged her back, she felt the dampness of his
pain slowly spread onto her shirt. She prayed he was going to be
okay, because the smell of alcohol was stronger than she’d ever
smelled before, and she knew he’d driven here like this.

Worry was filling up inside her
because there was another thing she knew about grief. If you let it,
it could strip you completely bare to where you were just as vacant
as the person you had lost. The thought of David letting himself get
to that point crushed her with fear.

♥♥♥

A storm was making its presence
known in the distance as Paige sat on her couch, staring out into the
night sky. After David left, Paige had put Kyra in her bed and tried
to lay down herself. She wasn’t able to sleep so she decided to
sit in the living room and write in her journal for a while. David
had only stayed for a short while after Kyra had fallen asleep, and
then said he had better get going so she could get to bed herself,
but she could tell that being around them was hard. She had tried to
get him to stay the night, but he’d refused, saying he had
things to do. They had both shed some tears tonight and she knew he
was probably embarrassed by it. Plus, she was sure that Kyra was a
constant reminder of Randy.

She thought about what David had
said and it made her feel a little better to hear such heartwarming
things about Randy; things she never would have known otherwise, but
it also stung to know he’d never get his chance at doing what
he’d said he wanted to do. Talking about Randy opened up the
wounds even further and she felt her heart aching all over again.

The glow of the small lamp on
the end table in her apartment was just enough light to make strange
shadows against the walls. Instead of writing, she found she could
only stare at the shadows on the wall and think about everything that
was wrong with her life right now. It wasn’t the healthiest
thing to think about, especially right now, but she couldn’t
help it. Her life had taken a serious nose dive and she didn’t
know where to go from here. She had come to a point where she felt
very angry with Randy for dying. She knew it was selfish, but she
couldn’t help it. Even though she and Randy’s
relationship didn’t work out, she had not planned on being a
single mother. She felt as if he had left her all alone, and that
thought was silly because if he were still alive she would have no
intention of getting back with him. They just weren’t right for
each other. At the same time though, she was tired of having no one
special to talk to about the cute and funny things Kyra did. It was
only her and she felt that something else was missing. The little bit
of dating she had done in the past year wasn’t much and she
always ended up with the wrong type of men, so she had sworn off
dating for a while because she would rather be single than be with
any of the guys she had dated. Being a nurse and a single mom didn’t
leave her much time to think too much about a guy, but at times like
these, when she was alone at night, her mind would drift there.