He got himself some coffee from the pot and joined her at the little table. She was obediently opening the foam containers in which Mavis had stuffed nearly half of the diner’s breakfast offerings, but she didn’t immediately start to eat. He couldn’t blame her. Who would have thought a white T-shirt could become such a big deal?
“You’re sure it was a T-shirt?”
“No collar, short sleeves. And it was chilly out there.”
“Idiot.”
She looked up, her expression changing, her eyebrows rising. “Idiot?”
“Idiot,” he repeated. “I haven’t been here that long and even I know how much he must stick out. The first day I was here I bought clothes to fit in. He never even thought of it.”
“So you think it was him?” The fear returned to her expression.
“I don’t know. Of course we can’t be certain, like you said. But it’s likely, given the way Jim questioned you last night, and Hasty’s warning. If Hasty is concerned...well, I’ll bet there isn’t much that happens around that truck stop that he hasn’t noticed. He may not know what’s going on, but he suspects something.”
She nodded, her face still pale.
“Eat. Please. You need to keep your energy up, even if you don’t feel like it.”
At last she started picking at a sweet roll, then as she ate, her appetite improved. He dug in himself because it was necessary, paying no attention to flavor or the quality. “You’ve seen White Shirt up close and personal twice now?”
“Yes.” She paused with a piece of roll in her hand.
“You said you might be able to help with a sketch.”
“I can try. But how do we do that?”
“I’m thinking on it. I don’t want to give you a higher profile than I already have.”
“You’re blaming yourself? Buck, no!”
“Oh, yes. If I hadn’t blithely thought I could use dating you as a cover for my activities here, you’d have dropped off the radar pretty fast. Instead, I concoct a stupid plan and it’s blowing up. And somebody in Seattle must be involved or I wouldn’t have been ordered to stand down. You saw something, I’m investigating, and we’re hanging together. I might as well have put a target on your back.”
“You couldn’t have known!”
“I shouldn’t have forgotten that it seldom pays to trust anyone. I learned that freaking lesson the hard way.”
She crumbled the roll between her fingers. “But why would they ask you to investigate if they’re involved? I don’t get it.”
“Cover for them. They can say they asked me. The thing is, they assumed I was an ordinary MP. No idea what I’m capable of. They figured I’d come riding back and say I didn’t find or hear a thing. Instead I announce, like an idiot, that I’m going rogue on them because a driver is dead and I’m worried about you. Hell!”
He swore almost savagely and jumped up from the table. “I got rustier than I even imagined. I should have considered that the trail might lead right back to the people who sent me. I should have just done what Bill wanted me to, picked up Ray’s load and taken it to Denver and let it drop and played dumb.”
“That’s not like you.”
“Obviously not.” He shoved his fingers through his short, dark hair. “The only thing I’ve got going for the two of us right now is they think I’m basically a traffic cop. They think they called me off. God, I wish I’d never mentioned you.”
She rose and went to lay a hand on his arm. “Look, like you said, they think they’ve called you off. You said you were hanging around because you wanted me. If they believe that...”
“But that’s the question, isn’t it? If they believe that. Do they? I don’t know. I know my military records are hard enough to get at. The cops could, but even then their access was limited until Gage called on some friends of his in the government. So assuming Seattle checked into my past at all, they should find nothing except I was an MP. Most MPs don’t do the kind of stuff I did, the kind of stuff they need to worry about. Hell, my discharge papers don’t even list the organization I was really with.”
“So it’s good, right?”
“Hell if I know. I may have let some stuff drop to Bill. I can’t remember. If
he’s
the one involved, or if he passed it on...” He shook his head. “I need to think.”
“You need to stop driving yourself nuts. It is what it is.”
He looked at her. “Speaking from experience?”
“You better believe it,” she said hotly. “Dammit, Buck, I watched my mother die. Do you honestly think I don’t understand that there are some things we can’t do a thing about except endure them and get through them?”
She went to him again, gripping both his forearms this time, making him look into her eyes. “We’ll deal with it. We’ll find a way.”
It took him a minute to batter down his anger and self-disgust, but he did it. Somehow, looking into those violet eyes, eyes that ought to be accusing but instead reflected a genuine concern for him, got through his fury. He’d just told her he had endangered her through his own sense of hubris, but all she wanted was for him not to feel bad about it. She was extraordinary.
He knew he was lost then. Utterly lost. Whether or not he ever solved this mess, the only thing that mattered was keeping Haley safe. She mattered more to him than drugs, crime, all those things that had been his obsession for so many years until he’d gotten burned so badly he told himself he didn’t care anymore.
Because he did care, about Haley. Even if he never saw her again after this week, he had to know that she was going to be okay, that he’d left her no worse off than she had been before he’d barreled into her life.
He shook free of her grip, but only long enough to pull her into his arms and kiss her. He wanted her. Damn, he wanted her more than he could remember wanting anything. Yesterday had only whetted his appetite for her and her loving.
He was going to steal these minutes for them, and just for them. He was going to love her the way she deserved to be loved, and he was going to leave her with the best memory possible before he set out to deal with these cruds.
Because he was going to deal with them, if for no other reason than to protect Haley. And when he left this damn town, he wanted her to remember something good about him. Something truly good.
There was only one thing he could give her to do that: himself.
Sweeping her up into his arms, he carried her to her bed. When he felt her arm wrap tightly around his neck, and felt her lips kiss his cheek, he knew the only true goodness he had known in a long, long time.
He didn’t deserve it, not considering how he had set out to use her at the beginning. But deserve it or not, he was going to leave with this memory of her.
Or die with it.
Chapter 12
T
he world vanished in an instant. A strange kind of tunnel vision came over Haley as Buck set her on her feet beside the bed. All the things she’d been thinking about, like how silly and reckless she was to want a man who was a rolling stone, vanished as need burst forth into her mind and body as if nothing else in the world existed.
He stood gazing into her eyes, holding her by the shoulders. “Be sure,” he said quietly. “Be very sure. A woman gets a first time only once. I want it to be the one you
really
want.”
A momentary shyness poked up through the heavy sensual miasma that was fogging her brain. He knew she was a virgin. Somehow that embarrassed her, even though she had already figured he must have guessed. But to have it out in the open, and spoken... Her cheeks warmed.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “It’s okay. Everyone has a first time. It should just be the right time with the right person. That’s all I’m asking, Haley. To be the right person and the right time. Because if it’s not, neither of us will forgive ourselves.”
She nodded and lifted a trembling hand to cup his cheek. “I’ve wanted you for a long time.”
“So I wasn’t the only one eyeballing over the last few months?”
The question caused her to laugh nervously. “Sometimes I just wanted to stare at you, but I never could.”
“Oh, baby,” he said, “I stared at you all the time. I had to slap down my own thoughts again and again.”
“Then stop slapping.”
He studied her, then nodded. “You can change your mind at any time. I mean it. And talk to me. Let me know what’s right, what’s wrong.”
“I’m not sure I know.”
“You’ll know when you feel it,” he promised.
“You’ll...show me?”
“What?”
“How to please you?”
“This is going to be a totally mutual delight.” He smiled faintly. “All the way. Trust me.”
“I
do
trust you.”
Something passed over his face, as if her offer of trust troubled him in some way, but then he leaned in and kissed her.
Had she just been feeling shy and embarrassed? No longer. His kiss swept that all away as his tongue plunged into her and teased nerves inside her mouth that she never would have imagined could feel so sensual. She tipped her head back to welcome him deeper, and he took the invitation immediately.
His hands began to prowl her body, first her neck, sending exquisite electric shocks running through her, then along her shoulders, more calming, then to her breasts, where he squeezed. She gasped and arched helplessly at the hot tide of pleasure that stoked. He kneaded gently, continuing to kiss her, moving from her mouth to her cheeks to her throat, then eased the pressure to brush lightly across the peaks of her breasts.
Her nipples responded instantly with flame. Who would have guessed such a light touch could feel so exquisite?
She grabbed his shoulders, needing support as he teased her along the path of passion. She lost all sense except that delightful brushing that promised and never fulfilled.
Almost before she knew what was happening, her shirt was pulled over her head. She gasped at the suddenness as cool air touched the skin of her back and belly, but almost before she absorbed that, she felt a twist on her back and her bra fell away.
She looked down and saw her naked breasts exposed to him, saw his dark, callused hands caressing that intimate flesh, felt the heat begin to pool like a huge weight between her legs. And with each touch of his fingers, another bolt of electricity shot through her. The sight alone would have driven her to the brink, but the touches took her so far it was almost painful.
The urge to hurry grew in her even as everything in her body seemed to become lethargic, as if the very fire of passion drained the strength from her.
“Easy,” he murmured. “You have such beautiful breasts. Just enjoy the pleasure they give you.”
“The pleasure
you
give
me,
” she whispered, mesmerized by the sight of him touching her so intimately. Her eyelids were growing heavy, too, like the rest of her, but she didn’t want to stop watching him touch her. The intimacy of his touch combined with seeing it excited her. Little murmurs of delight began to escape her, and lethargic or not, her body began to move. Every cell tugged her toward him.
He bent, and she gasped as his tongue flicked her engorged, reddened nipples, making them ache even more. Fiery ribbons ripped through her at each touch, and then when he pulled back and looked at her breasts with evident satisfaction, she thought she would melt.
The dampness of her nipples felt exquisite in contrast to the heat in the rest of her body. She thought it couldn’t get any better. But then he leaned in again and began to suck one of her breasts.
Ah! The pleasure was intense beyond imagining, and it instantly weakened her. She grabbed his head, holding him closer still. As if he sensed her need, he caught her hips in his hands and swung her around until she rested on the bed. She almost cried out at the loss of his mouth on her breast, but he didn’t leave much time for regret.
His hands went immediately to her feet, pulling off shoes and socks, then to the clasp of her pants. In no time at all, he had stripped her bare.
Her eyes fluttered open and she saw him standing there, looking down at her. She read pleasure on his face, as if he liked what he saw, and somehow it prevented her from feeling anything but delight in being so exposed to him.
Then his fingers flew to his shirt, working buttons until he could toss it aside. For the first time she saw his powerful, naked chest and arms. He gleamed almost like bronze in the morning light, and she had some hazy thought of gods and statuary when she saw how perfect he was.
Then he reached for the snap of his jeans, and she listened to the sound of the zipper opening, the ratcheting sound somehow the most exciting one in the world at that instant.
He bent, and when he straightened, she could see him in every detail, the way he could see her. He was gorgeous. Perfect. She hardly even noticed the dimple near his waist, nor the shiny smoothness of a small patch of scar tissue.
And his manhood. He was big and hard already, and some little voice in her head wondered how this union could even be possible, but it was drowned swiftly in new sensations as he dropped beside her and half covered her with his body, beginning to worship her with his mouth, starting at hers, and working his way slowly down, finding sensitive places she hadn’t dreamed existed, from the side of her neck to the hollow of her throat.
She shivered with longing and reached for him, needing to give him all that he was giving her.
A small, smothered laugh escaped him, and he rolled back. “I’m all yours,” he said huskily. “Learn me the way I’ve been learning you, if you like.”
She most definitely liked.
More emboldened than she’d ever felt, she rose on her elbow and began tracing his planes and hollows, learning what could make him groan and, better yet, what could make him writhe.
His skin proved deliciously smooth to her touch, warm and almost satiny. Running her hands over his shoulders and chest was a sensual delight unlike any of her imaginings. When her own needs demanded she move on, she discovered the tiny, hard points of his nipples, and from the way he reacted she guessed they were as sensitive as her own.
Surprised, wanting to make him feel what he had made her feel, she leaned forward and lapped at them like a cat. A shudder tore through him, a groan escaped him and she knew an instant sense of feminine power. This large, strong man could respond helplessly to her. The feeling was heady.
Her courage grew and she dared to give a gentle nip to those hard little points. From the way he stiffened and groaned, she knew he loved it.
But there was more to learn, and now that she felt secure in herself, she moved her hands lower, across his smooth belly. She felt the dimple and the scar tissue, and for an instant she almost snapped out of her mood. He’d told her he’d been shot. That must be what it was.
Something warned her not to let go of the moment. Questions and talk were for later. For now all that mattered was wringing every bit of pleasure out of this incredible sharing.
She dropped a kiss on his belly, loving the sound that drew from him. And there was more.
* * *
If he’d ever felt this suspended on the welder’s arc of need before, Buck couldn’t remember it. Haley’s explorations, so innocent yet so provocative, were driving him nuts. It was all he could do to hold still and submit to her wishes, to wait for her to find whatever she wanted and needed, to learn him as he had already learned her.
He knew the delightful secrets waiting for him between her thighs and forced himself to be patient. This was her first time, he reminded himself, and she needed to dictate the pace.
The thought almost vanished when all of a sudden she wrapped her hand around his staff. His entire body jerked with hunger and pounding need. Damn, he didn’t know how much self-control he had left.
“How...?”
He barely heard her whisper. It took a moment to penetrate. Dimly he understood her question, and reached down to guide her hand, showing her how to stroke him, how to lift him to insanity.
What he would have given to have her put her mouth on him there, but he didn’t suggest it by word or deed. Too soon, he thought dimly. She was a virgin. Some things needed to wait...
Then shock hit him. He looked down and saw her drawing his staff into her warm, wet mouth. Her tongue ran along him until he thought he would explode. Excruciating pleasure zapped him, and he endured as long as he could before finally, gently, lifting her away before he lost it.
He drew a couple of deep, shuddering breaths, hanging on, barely.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“God, no! It’s too good.”
He absolutely loved the smile that tipped the corners of her mouth when she heard that. She started to lower her head again, but he stopped her.
“Just a second,” he insisted. “Just a second. This is one thing we’re doing together, at least this time.”
She pretended a pout, but when he nudged her shoulder, she rolled back. Then he turned, pawing on the floor for his jeans, and pulled out a foil packet. He held it up, letting her know.
He tore the packet and began to roll the protection on, letting her watch, letting her learn. Then he turned again and leaned over her, sprinkling kisses on every part of her he could reach.
“I might hurt you a little,” he warned.
“I know.”
Okay, then. He devoted himself to arousing her to a fever pitch, sucking her breasts, stroking her between her legs until she was wet and her hips were heaving to meet his hand. Her response inflamed him to the very same heights of need.
Only then did he rise over her and settle between her legs. Taking as much care as he could, he parted her widely, then positioned himself. With one long thrust, he drove home.
He felt her stiffen, heard her gasp. He stopped immediately. “Haley?”
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”
Then her arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him closer. He began to move inside her, cautiously at first, but her response was so clear.
She was riding the wave with him. Higher and higher they rose, until they reached the crest. Everything inside him seemed to explode, as if all that he was jetted into her.
He heard her cry of completion at almost the same instant. It drove home to his soul.
* * *
She lay there surrounded by him, by his arms and his legs, cradled in strength, and all she wanted to think about was their lovemaking, as if by replaying it countless times in her head she could engrave every detail in memory.
She felt so good, so replete, so relaxed, and even that minor moment of pain had vanished so quickly it had left no lingering ache.
She could have lain there forever, reliving the past hour, reveling in it. She didn’t want to move, she didn’t want to think about anything else. She had found heaven in his arms, and she clung to it.
Eventually Buck stirred. He kissed her gently, brushing hair back from her face. “How do you feel?” he asked.
“Like I’ve been to paradise.”
He smiled and kissed her again. “Me, too. And I’d love it if we could just stay here forever.”
She heard the
but
without him speaking it. They didn’t have that kind of luxury, not with all that was going on. She knew that, and felt a little silly for having wished it. Unfortunately, she knew that reality vanished for no one.
He rose and went to the bathroom. She lay in the bed, knowing she needed to get up, needed to clean up, needed to face whatever this day would bring. The memory of White Shirt, as Buck had dubbed him, came back to goad her.
La-la land was not a safe place to go right now.
He emerged from the bathroom, bent to sprinkle kisses on her and grabbed his clothes. “I’m sorry, Haley. I need to call Gage. Once we get this settled...”
She nodded, accepting the implied promise, but not believing it. Once this was settled there’d be nothing to keep them together. They’d each go back to their separate lives.
But she’d always have this memory. Always. And if that was all she ever had, she was determined not to regret it.
He went out to the other room. She climbed out of bed and headed for the shower. She supposed under other circumstances there might have been some pillow talk, but these weren’t other circumstances. Buck was worried for her. Frankly, she was more worried for Buck.
Since the moment he’d told her that one of his bosses might be in on this, she had known in her heart of hearts that he was probably in a lot more danger than she could be. She was nobody, after all, and while Buck kept harping on all the reasons he was worried about her, she knew that Buck was the one they must consider a real threat. He was a former cop of some kind. She was just a waitress who might or might not have seen something.
When she emerged showered and dressed, Buck was still on his phone, and making a fresh pot of coffee. She sat at the table, looked at all the food, and realized she was ravenous. The eggs were beyond hope, but the rolls weren’t, so she dug in. A slice of cold ham provided a tasty accompaniment.