What a Girl Needs (31 page)

“You’re spoiled Ashley, and your mother-in-law is out there speaking ever-so-nicely to your ex-boyfriend. Maybe you could make an appearance?” Kay slips from the room.

I fall to my knees against the bed and clasp my hands against my forehead.
“Please Lord, show Kay the truth. If I’m wrong, let me be wrong, but don’t let Kay marry this man under the wrong pretenses. She has always been so faithful to you. Don’t let this man corrupt her. Please, Lord! And if he isn’t dark like I think he is, help me see the light!”

The buzz from the dinner party is getting louder, and I know I can avoid my fate no longer. I step out of my jeans and put on my most innocent outfit. A cotton candy pink Houndstooth pencil skirt with a simple pink shell. I slide into nude pumps and I apply pale lipstick. Checking my reflection, I am the picture of purity as I prepare to grovel. Which is not my best look.

Before I face the wolves, my door swings open again and Brea stands before me. She envelops me in a hug. “I’m sorry you couldn’t stay with us. This might have all been avoided.”

I shake my head. “There’s some life lesson I’m not learning. Because I keep getting the same one over and over again. I think it has to do with personal boundaries.”

“Well, unless you throw the ‘Boundaries’ book at your mother-in-law’s head, something tells me it wouldn’t do you any good.”

“Thanks for being here.”

“It’s a zoo out there. Are you ready? Pastor Max and Kelly are here. Seth and Arin. Sam is here naturally. Free meal. Kay is flashing her engagement ring around and there’s that random guy with the bow tie. Then, of course Elaine is here with some hot guy with the body of Adonis.”

“Adonis, I believe, is going to be my new brother-in-law.”

Brea clucks her tongue. “I’ll say one thing for her, Emily does not appear to be settling.” She rakes her fingers through her curls to straighten them out, but they pop right back into place. “Kay on the other hand.”

“She won’t listen!” I say desperately.

“Don’t underestimate how much can happen without your help, Ashley. You didn’t marry Seth and that wasn’t from a lack of your trying.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“Let’s get out there. The lions are hungry. The kids are with my mom and John is with me. We’ve got your back.”

“Unless you brought along a steel shark cage, that may not be enough.”

“I’ll say one thing for you,” Brea says as we exit the sanctity of the guest room. “You sure know how to vacation.”

It’s a balmy evening on the back porch. Two tables are pushed together and covered with Kay’s red-and-white checked tablecloths. She’s set out white plates on gold chargers and made makeshift centerpieces out of old lanterns and candles. The fairy lights strung across the porch are lit and everyone stares up at me waiting for a reaction.

Pastor Max rises and offers me a hug. “Ashley, you look beautiful. Marriage agrees with you. Doesn’t it Kelly?” he asks his perky wife. He’s a burly man, the kind whose high school popularity and charm never left his side.

Kelly nods. Her long blond ponytail is gone now. Replaced by a short, blunt cut that announces she’s given into the life of a pastor’s wife and left her cheerleading days in the past.

“I’d like to offer a blessing over our meal tonight, and hope you’ll all bow your heads and join me,” Max continues.

Prayer. Yes. Let’s pray. Anything to avoid actual conversation at this point
.

“Lord, we thank you for gathering us here together tonight. To celebrate the return of one of our own to the Valley, and welcome new friends here with us tonight…we are grateful for the food and the laboring hands that prepared it. We ask you to bless that food and the marriage of Kay. Lord, how we will miss her in the singles’ group, her organization, her amazing hospitality skills. We ask you to bless her union and her future. In His Name, we humbly say…”

“Amen,” everyone says.

Matt slices up the “resting” tri-trip into thin slices, while everyone helps themselves to the myriad of salads and side dishes that would take mere mortals days to prepare.

There’s a free seat next to John for Brea and one beside her next to my mother-in-law for me. When I sit, John kisses me on the cheek and smiles kindly. “We’ve missed you, Ashley.”

His tenderness makes me want to burst into tears. I turn to my mother-in-law and grasp her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

To my surprise, she grins at me with warmth. I secretly wonder if it’s because she knows her son is on his way out of this marriage. “You do the best you can, darling.”

Seth and Arin are sitting across from us and neither of them has stopped staring at me. Remember that childish taunt, “Why don’t you take a picture? It lasts longer!” My fear of course is now everyone has a camera, and I don’t want to see my weary expression plastered across social media for the world to judge.

“I explained to Josh that you tend to be on the high strung side, dear,” Elaine says by way of a second introduction to Emily’s baby daddy.

“It’s all right,” Josh says. “Emily already told me what she’s like. Ashley,” he says slowly, as if I might need help deciphering my own name. “Emily tells me that you used to be a lawyer.”

“I’m still a lawyer,” I start to explain.

“She doesn’t work,” my mother-in-law snipes.

“I’m trying to change that.” Matt’s partner Thomas stands over me. “Corn on the cob?” he offers.

“Thank you.” I take a cob from Kay’s red colander and he moves onto Elaine who is now whispering to Josh. No doubt about my desperate infertility issues – which do not exist as far as I know. Other than separate vacations does make pregnancy more difficult.

Elaine turns back to me. “Your friend Kay gave me the number where Emily is staying. I finally got to speak to my daughter.”

“I’m glad.”

“You can take us to her tomorrow. We’ll find a hotel for the evening.”

“You don’t want to go tonight?” Excuse me if I’m fearful of her sudden accommodation.

“It seems you may have been drinking too much to go tonight. We’ll go tomorrow. I promised Josh I’d take him to see the new 49ers stadium anyway. He saw it from the plane, so we may as well go tomorrow.”

Josh nods as he bites into his corn.

“I didn’t think you’d have time for a job,” Arin says from across the table. “All that time you spend texting other people’s husbands and all.”

Seth’s tanzanite eyes explode in size. “Arin, honey—”

“No, everyone is always giving Ashley a free pass.” Arin stands up and grasps her tiny bubble belly, caressing it to make my ‘sins’ all the more conspicuous. “But you said it yourself, Seth, she’s trying to stop Kay from getting married. I can only hope Matt isn’t some rebound pity case like I am.”

At this point, silverware drops, all conversation ceases and the entire table glares at me.
Can’t you see? This is all hormonal. It has nothing to do with me. These two love each other! I’m the scapegoat, that’s all.

Arin plants her hand on her hip. “Don’t you see? She can’t keep her own marriage together, so she comes back here and ruins everyone else’s!” she accuses. Seth stands up and tries to soothe her, but she is not done. “Kevin only married you because I said ‘no’ and you were just available.”

“Arin!” Seth tries to pull her from the table.

She only laughs. “He was ready to get married and you were there! Of course you were there. You were ancient in the church! No one else wanted you so Kevin didn’t even have to work at it!”

“That’s enough,” Seth says and pulls her from the table. “You’ve said quite enough. Kay, thank you for the dinner and congratulations on your engagement.”

Kay’s eyes are filled with tears; the liquid twinkles against the candlelight. If Arin thought I was ancient, Kay is positively geriatric, and I can see the pain in her eyes as she gazes questioningly at Matt. I swear, I’d take anything Arin had to throw at me, and more, if I could stop Kay from feeling this way. But it’s my fault she does, isn’t it? I put it in her mind that Matt didn’t really love her by telling her about the first ring.

I stand up, and my chair falls with a clang against the brick. “Don’t anyone else bother walking out. Enjoy Kay’s beautiful dinner. I’ll be leaving.”

Seth tries to send me an apology with his eyes, but it’s too late.
My husband wanted to marry Arin? Suddenly, Kevin’s silence makes sense. He’s finally realized his mistake.

My mother-in-law gazes up at me with a smirk on her face and I run to my room and lift my suitcase without the slightest idea where I’m going to go.

Brea breezes in, and her face tells me all I need to know.

“You knew this?” I ask her.

“I didn’t see a purpose in telling you. Kevin made his choice and I know he has no regrets. What good would it have done to tell you?”

“What good? It would have told me that my best friend trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

I stare at Brea shocked by her betrayal, sick to my stomach that everyone knew my husband’s secret except for me. “There’s nowhere for me to escape. I just need to start over somewhere.”

Everything I put into my suitcase, Brea takes out. “Stop, Ashley. Kevin married you. That was no accident.”

“I think it was. I’m mortified.” I hold up Kevin’s T-shirt. “I took his T-shirt so that I could smell him when I was gone. He must think I’m such a moron.”

“Kevin thinks no such thing. Kevin loves you, Ashley.”

“Call him then. Call him from my phone and see how much he loves me. Better yet, text him ‘9-11’ and see how long it takes him to answer. Go ahead!”

Brea doesn’t reach for my phone. She simply offers that coddling look of sympathy. The way everyone must have felt about me on the day of my wedding.

Then, just when I think it’s as bad as it can be, it gets worse. “John and I are leaving California.”

“So if I move back here, you won’t be here.” This seems obvious after I say it, but not knowing what my future holds, Brea’s absence is one more constant I’ve lost.

“We can’t afford to stay, Ash. It’s that simple. Raising two kids in the Bay Area has become next to impossible if we ever want to see John.”

“No, it makes sense.”

“My mom’s selling her house. We’re going to buy something with a granny suite. Maybe a little cottage out back.”

“Unless it comes with a steel door and a padlock you control, I’d rethink that idea.”

Brea grins and then, she lets me have it. “We’re moving to Atlanta.”

“Georgia?”

“Not actually Atlanta, but a suburb. It’s got the green space for the kids, good schools, restaurants for John and me…”

“And it’s got my in-laws! So what you’re telling me is that you never plan on seeing me again, is that right?”

I just don’t know how much rejection I’m expected to take in a lifetime.

‡

I
n the morning,
I wait to hear Kay leave the house before I emerge from my room with my suitcase packed. There’s a note on the kitchen table for me.

Ashley,

Elaine and Josh are staying at the Four Seasons. They’ll sightsee today. I’ll pick you up at 7:45 p.m. and we’ll drive to Napa. Be ready.

Kay

I spend the day wallowing in my misery with
House Hunters
in the background. If only I’d stayed here. I had to have my insane fairy tale ideas. I’m not Brea. Fairy tales don’t happen to girls like me. They happen to sweet, gentle women, not to lawyers who would spend hours debating the right way to place a toilet paper roll. Girls like me get jobs and support ourselves. We don’t bake cookies and refinish darling, little second-hand furniture. We work and waste our money on pointless items like designer shoes. It’s like Emily said,
own your reality
.

I meet Kay on the driveway with my suitcase. “Can you open the trunk?”

“Ashley, we’re not going to have room for your luggage. I’ve got Josh and Elaine’s to fit in there.”

I stare at the car, which is basically an electric lawn mower with a roof, and I know she’s telling me the truth. I lug my suitcase back to the porch, unlock the door and shove it where the landing spot used to be.

“Thank you for driving,” I tell her as I get into the front seat.

“How are you feeling?”

I stare at her.

“Well, you look good,” Kay says brightly. I notice her trinket engagement ring, cross my arms and turn away. It irks me to think I was taken in by the trip to Tiffany’s. The manipulator! Matt knew exactly what he needed to do to win me over, and I fell for it.

“You know Arin’s just jealous of you, right?” Kay asks me.

“You don’t have to make me feel better. It wouldn’t have hurt if there weren’t some element of truth in it. Kevin and I never made sense.”

“You always let your imagination run away with you. You must choose to look at the good in life!” She says this in uncharacteristic singsong tone. If by choosing to look at the good she means ignoring your fiancé is a skinflint and leaves behind other women’s underwear, then I suppose that’s true. As Kay grins like a cat with a belly full of birds, it obviously is working for her.