West of Nowhere (27 page)

“Just one lie after another. Makes me want to call Syd and apologize for all the nasty things I said about her. Madison’s a handful, all right. No wonder Syd wanted a break.”

“What I don’t get is how the gun went off in the first place. Those damn things don’t just shoot themselves.”

“I don’t know, Pop. That’s what I got so mad about with Amber. If she didn’t know what she was doing, she had no business picking it up to begin with.” She huffed facetiously to realize they had literally dodged a bullet. “Too bad she didn’t stick around to explain her side. She just left us to clean up the mess.”

“Can’t say as I blame her for running off,” her pop said. “If you’re sure Madison’s the one who’s lying, then you were pretty hard on her. She’s been knocking herself out to help ever since Madison got here.”

Maybe so, but she’d made it loud and clear that she wasn’t interested in doing that anymore. That was a deal breaker as far as Joy was concerned.

* * *

“Ow!” Amber muttered to herself, gently massaging her swollen thumb after flicking the remains of her cigarette into the damp street. Regardless of what she’d let herself believe about building a life with Joy, their relationship apparently wasn’t deep enough to upset the fairytale version of Madison as a perfect child. The kid had gotten exactly what she wanted—she’d driven a wedge between them and forced Joy to choose sides. From the first day she’d shown up in California, Amber never stood a chance.

It was probably for the best. Joy had shown her true colors today, a controlling streak that shifted blame wherever she wanted it to fall. At her core, she was still a chief petty officer or a ground crew chief used to giving orders, not all that different from someone like Corey who dictated the terms because he held all the power.

Whether Joy admitted it or not, she’d done exactly that too.

As a light sprinkle became a steady drizzle, Amber flagged down the first city bus she saw. It didn’t matter where it was going since she wasn’t headed anywhere in particular. This one happened to be an express to San Francisco, which would take at least an hour at sunset. All the commuters from San Francisco and Oakland seemed to swap sides at the end of the day. At least she was dry and warm for the time being and her bus pass was good for eight more rides, enough to kill a whole evening until she figured out what to do with herself.

That question wasn’t just rhetorical. Her current situation wasn’t all that different from being dumped at a truck stop in Kentucky with a suitcase, except this time she had more or less dumped herself, the way she usually did when she was fed up with a rude and unreasonable boss. Now she needed not only a job but also somewhere to stay, and it had to be a place that would let her keep Skippy. Or maybe she ought to just leave Skippy with Shep. If she could give up a baby so it would have a better life, surely she could do the same for a dog, especially one that preferred someone else’s lap anyway.

The practical difficulties of finding a job and a place to live were all that kept her from wallowing in despair. Only hours ago she was soaring on cloud nine, her future taking shape and her heart finally fulfilled with someone as wonderful as Joy. This relationship was supposed to be the one that lasted. If it could fall apart in only minutes over what was clearly an accident, then it had never been real in the first place.

She got off at the Embarcadero, picked up a couple of newspapers and boarded a bus back across the Bay Bridge, this one heading to Berkeley. There weren’t many job ads for people with virtually no skills or education, but there were lots of apartments for rent, and several people looking for roommates. A couple of those offers were reasonable and included utilities, but she needed that elusive job first.

There was one live-in caretaker job but when she called the number, it had already been filled. At this point it was doubtful she could depend on Joy for a reference anyway. Though she’d done a good job with Shep, a potential employer would ask if she was responsible, and Joy had made her opinion on that pretty clear.

In hindsight, it was stupid to reach into a dark backpack and pull out a gun without even knowing whether or not it was loaded and cocked. If only she’d left it in the backpack and sent Madison inside like Joy said, none of this would have happened. Sadly, good judgment wasn’t her strong suit.

When she stepped off the bus in Berkeley, one of the first things she noticed was a Help Wanted sign in the window of a Chinese restaurant. Three doors down was a copy shop also asking for help. That’s how she’d found work before, either word-of-mouth or by walking up to the counter and asking for an application. She could do that now…but not here. Berkeley was overrun with students and apartments were expensive. The only places she could afford to live and work were in Oakland or Alameda.

Boarding her last bus back to Alameda, she congratulated herself on having a plan. Starting tomorrow she would ride through some of the decent neighborhoods in the area and search for Help Wanted signs. With over three thousand dollars in the bank from her work with Shep, she could rent an apartment or room nearby and be totally on her feet within a few days.

She’d have to pick up a new phone right away, a prepaid one. The battery in this one was all but dead, and besides, it was on Joy’s account. She’d return it when she went back to gather her clothes.

The idea of seeing Joy’s angry face again brought a rush of tears, and she fought to keep her sweet memories of their weeks together from ripping her heart out. How would she ever be able to trust her feelings again?

The bus dropped her in front of the library just as Lee Bowman was walking out.

“Amber! I was wondering if I’d ever see you again. You should be getting your test scores any day.”

“They came today, in fact. I’m officially a high school graduate.”

“Congratulations.” Like her, he was wearing a raincoat, but not carrying an umbrella. “How about I buy you a beer to celebrate?”

Mindful of his flirtatious ways, Amber hesitated before deciding a beer in a nice, warm bar was better than walking around in the rain. Besides, she hadn’t yet figured out where she was going to sleep tonight. If she got up the nerve to go home to Garfield, it would have to be after ten when everyone had gone to bed.

At the Hobnob, a local pub, she slid into a booth opposite Lee who ordered beers for both of them.

“This is a celebration for me too,” he said. “Whenever one of my students passes the test, it makes me feel like I’ve done something worthwhile.”

“You deserve to celebrate. I think anyone who helps people reach their goals is doing something worthwhile. I’ve been working with a man who hurt his shoulder.” She told him about Shep’s condition and injury, and all the therapy he’d done to regain his independence. “He did all the work, but I felt good because I helped him.”

“We’ll drink to that too.” Lee raised his bottle and clinked hers. “So what are you doing out on such a rainy night?”

She shrugged and started to peel the label off her bottle. Though willing to admit she had misjudged Lee—actually he was turning out to be a pretty nice guy—that didn’t mean she wanted to share her personal problems with him. “I’m sort of scouting around for my next job.”

After three beers, she’d managed to tell most of her story, including the fact that she’d stormed off in a huff and wasn’t even sure she had a place to stay the night.

“Look, I don’t want you to worry about that. I’ve got plenty of room at my place.” He patted her arm, not like a lecherous flirt…more like a friend. “I wouldn’t offer that to just anyone but I liked you right away because you were hardworking and focused on improving yourself. And a lot more mature than most of the others who show up for GED classes, I might add. I respect that in people.”

Amber knew the drill—a place to stay in return for…

* * *

Each time Madison told her story, the details grew more outlandish. It was fascinating to hear her lie so brazenly, and Joy could see how frustrating that must have been for Amber. No wonder she had stormed off in a huff.

It was almost nine, well past Joy’s bedtime. Most likely Amber was at the library, the one place she knew well and felt comfortable. It was open until ten and Joy wouldn’t be at all surprised if she stayed out that late so she wouldn’t have to deal with anybody when she came home. After stewing all this time, she probably wouldn’t come crawling into bed later anyway. If she were Amber, she’d crash on the couch inside the house. It would take time and patience to rebuild the trust between them.

On the other hand, maybe Amber was the sort of person who settled down and put quarrels behind her quickly. They’d never had a fight this big before, so Joy had no idea what to expect.

The more she thought about what her father had said, the more she realized she owed Amber an apology. It was only an accident, at the most a simple lapse in judgment. Joy had been so upset at the time she could barely remember what she’d said…something about not being responsible. Calling Amber irresponsible was probably the most insulting thing she could have said. Furthermore, it wasn’t fair, not given the leaps and bounds Amber had grown since she’d gotten to California.

Her calls to Amber’s cell phone went straight to voice mail, likely because it was turned off. If she’d wanted to talk, she wouldn’t have left in the first place. Joy had no choice but to let the anger run its course.

She found herself lying awake and listening for Amber’s return. After two hours, she got up and sneaked into the house, thinking she’d find her on the couch. By midnight, she accepted that Amber had found another place to stay.

This rift was a bigger deal to Amber than she’d thought.

* * *

Buzzed…not drunk. Still, it was good she wasn’t driving.

Amber ground out her cigarette on the sidewalk and tossed the butt in the trash bin that Joy had pulled to the curb for tomorrow’s pickup. The defiance and anger she’d felt when she left the house this afternoon had passed, replaced by sadness and a deep sense of loss. Though she’d barely had enough of Joy to call it love, what they’d had was by far the most special of all her relationships. Joy was the one she wanted to take care of and keep. Now it was like a dream come true had been dangled within her grasp and suddenly snatched away. No matter what she accomplished in her life, Joy would always see her as the useless screwup someone else had cast off.

At least she’d had enough pride in herself to resist falling back on her old habits. She could have been sound asleep in Lee’s bed right now, with absolutely no sense of urgency about finding a job or another place to live. She was finished with subjugating herself. The next time she moved in with someone, it would be on her terms.

A lamp had been left on in the living room, a likely sign she was welcome to return. While that was fine and good, it was negated by the fact that, from the porch, she could see a pillow and blanket laid out for her on the couch. In other words, she needn’t bother coming out to the camper. That ship had sailed without her.

Not that she was surprised. But it still hurt. After four months of doing exactly what she was supposed to do with Shep—and even going the extra mile with Madison—Joy owed her more respect than this. But Amber wasn’t going to beg for it, and she wasn’t going to settle for the scraps left over at the end of the day after everyone else got what they needed. The next time she saw any of them, she planned to have a job and a place of her own.

As quietly as she could, she opened the side gate and peered around the corner of the house where a floodlight on the deck lit up the whole backyard. Walking on the grass to soften her footsteps, she sneaked to the carport and climbed into the backseat of Shep’s sedan. There she curled into a ball and spread her rain jacket to cover as much of her body as it could. Not exactly cozy, but warm enough. Joy wouldn’t see her at all from the driver’s side of the Jeep when she left at four thirty, and she could slip into the camper and change before anyone else was up.

She could manage this for a couple of days, three at the most. By then she hoped to be settled somewhere else. Maybe if she kept herself busy, it wouldn’t hurt so much.

Joy burst through the back door and looked around the house, seeing only her father, who sat in his recliner with Skippy. “What time did Amber come by?”

“I never saw her.”

“She was here, all right. I found the clothes she was wearing yesterday in the laundry bag in the camper, so she must have stopped by to change.” She was relieved to find Amber’s other belongings still in the drawers, but disappointed to realize she didn’t yet feel ready to stick around and talk to anyone. “Looks like I really blew it, Pop.”

“Shit happens, you know,” he said.

“Yeah, and this time I was the one who shot off my mouth. How’s that for irony?”

“I remember one time when I snapped at your mother, she popped me on the hand with a wooden spoon and reminded me that not everyone was in the navy. That was her way of telling me I wasn’t her boss.”

That was exactly what Amber had been afraid of all along, that Joy had all the power in their relationship. “I didn’t mean to come off as bossy. I was upset about Madison and didn’t even stop to think how I was making her feel. Now she won’t take my calls or answer any of my texts.”

“She’ll be back. I’m holding her dog hostage.”

Joy checked the clock in the kitchen, noting it was almost time to meet Madison. “Did you have any trouble getting Madison off to school?”

“Nah, Barbara walked with us. We went halfway up Lincoln, and then Madison went the rest of the way with some of the other kids. They’ve got crossing guards practically the whole way.”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I can let her start walking by herself.” She pulled on a blue navy hoodie and started out the front door. “Maybe I’ll talk about it with her on the way home. If Amber shows up, please ask her to stay.”

Joy didn’t stop at her usual corner, continuing instead all the way to the school, where Madison greeted her with an apprehensive look. They hadn’t talked since last night when it was still obvious she wasn’t telling the truth.