Warning Signs (Broken Promises #2) (11 page)

I wouldn’t know unless I tried. I think that was the scariest part.

***

When Splinter came back to town, I was ecstatic. I was also incredibly paranoid. I didn’t know what to tell him about the guy that followed behind me everywhere I went, or how I liked him and how he liked me. I wasn’t sure of what to tell him at all.

“He should be here any minute,” Ben told me while we waited at the airport.

“Right. I know.”

“Are you nervous to see your friend?” William asked.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Though that wasn’t quite enough to sum up everything, I didn’t really want William to know everything I was feeling.

“I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you,” William said in an attempt to comfort me.

“I know I’ll be glad to see him,” I whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear.

“Oh! There he is now!” Ben shouted.

I tried to look through the crowd of people that were approaching the baggage claim to spot Splinter. When I did, my heart leapt in my chest and dropped low into my stomach. My face was first filled with happiness, but when I felt William’s hand grabbing my shoulder in an attempt to be protective, I felt less protected and more vulnerable and like a total bitch when Splinter saw me with the attractive bodyguard who didn’t have a manbun. When I saw how his face quickly changed, my heart broke into a million pieces. It was obvious that there was more than a professional relationship between William and me, and it was partially due to the way he looked at me. I was waiting for Splinter to show me a sign—any sign—that he still cared for me the way he did before he left…and I realized I might be waiting a lot longer than I wanted.

***

After returning to Ben’s house, Splinter and I argued in hushed tones as we passed one another in the halls, in the kitchen, and just about anywhere in the house. Ben was having too much fun talking to William to notice that I was having a fight with one of his closest friends, as well as my only living best friend. I think the real reason was that we were so discreet in our anger with one another that it was difficult for anyone to pick up on it. When I went up to my room to get some fresh air, I thought I’d be able to get away from everything, but Splinter followed me up the stairs and into my room, where we didn’t look at each other nor did we speak. Silence fell between us and it was filled with the feeling of loss and confusion. We hadn’t lost anything yet, but we were close to losing each other.

“Do you love him?” he asked me.

“I don’t know.”

“Before you left you said you loved me. Is that still true?”

I looked at him with tears in my eyes.

“If you’re going to say ‘I don’t know,’ please save it.”

“Never mind then.” I was too offended to tell him the truth now. It was a thing made purely from my pride, but I couldn’t tell him I loved him. I couldn’t, because he was only going to tell me he was leaving.

“Bea, I need to make sure we’re okay before I leave. I want you to come with me. I know it’s not what you imagined. But maybe you can reimagine your life with me in it.”

I turned to him, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t. The life of a rock star is unpredictable. It’s crazy and filled with temptations, and I can’t imagine going through that with you. I can’t imagine being a groupie.”

“You
wouldn’t
be a
groupie
, you would be
mine!”
He wrapped his arms around me and I cried on his shirt, which smelt like him in the most decadent way. I needed him, but I couldn’t allow myself to have him.

“Please tell me you’ll drop the buff dude and take me instead.”

“I can’t, I’m scared.”

“Does he make you feel safe?”

“Yes.”

“Do I make you feel safe?”

“You scare me.”

His face changed once again. “I
scare
you? How do I scare you?”

I shook my head and he let go of me. “I can’t predict what you’ll do next. You know so much about who I am and what I would do in any given situation, but I don’t know that much about you. I was horrible to you in high school and now you expect me to pretend that didn’t happen?”

“Yes, I want you to pretend that never happened because I’ve forgotten all of it. All I know is you and how much I love you.”

“You need to go, Splinter. I can’t give you what you want.”

“Yes you can. You’re just afraid of losing me.”

“Anyone in their right mind would be afraid of losing someone they love.”

“So you love me?”

“No comment, Splinter.”

He sighed and pressed his forehead against mine. “Bea, let go of the fear of losing me, because I’m not going anywhere.”

“No, you’re only going to travel the world.”

He laughed. “I am, but I want to do it with you.”

I shook my head and I couldn’t form the words to tell him what was swirling around in my head. I had plenty of chances to try, but when William came and found us, he informed us dinner was being served. Splinter stormed out.

“Everything okay between you two?” he asked, wrapping an arm around me.

“Yeah, they’re okay.”

If only that was the truth.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

At the end of the night, Splinter and I found ourselves alone again. William went to go pick up some things for Ben before he was going to take us back to my apartment. In that time, Splinter and I managed to argue passionately about what hurt most, and what the hell we could do to make it hurt less. Of course, nothing could make this hurt less.

“Just tell me
one
thing,” he said.

“What?”

“Do you love him?” he asked, and I froze.

“I told you already.”

“Tell me again anyways. Do you love him?” After a long moment of silence, I let the truth come out.

“No.” I knew I didn’t love him. Splinter was the only one who had my heart, and yet I was trying to make things work with someone who I knew I was incapable of truly loving.

“Do you love me?”

“That’s more than one thing.” Avoiding the question was my best bet at getting out of this situation.

“Dammit, Bea! You’re so difficult. Do you love me? Yes or no?”

I heard shuffling downstairs. My heart began to race with the thought of William returning, then I heard Ben arguing with himself down below and I knew it was safe.

“Yes,” I said with more confidence than I felt.

“Then why are you with him?”

“He makes me feel safe. He
is
safe.”

“And I’m not?” He seemed offended, but I couldn’t tell him whether he was safe or not.

“Loving you is scary. I want to move past the fear but—”

“No buts, Bea. For one moment move past the fear.” Soon, more than tears had been shed between Splinter and I. Clothes, fear, facades; these were all peeled away as we fell into bed together once more. Intertwined together in the sheets, I never wanted to let go, at least until the guilt set in. I was
kind of
with William. Nothing had ever officially been said, but it was enough to make me believe that maybe this was considered cheating. I didn’t want to cheat on him, because cheaters were horrible human beings in my book. I couldn’t be that kind of person. I tried to leave Splinter’s side, but it was near impossible with how tightly he held me next to him.

“I’ve got to go. William will be back soon. Any minute.”

“Let him see us. Please, let him see us,” he begged.

“No, it’ll break his heart.”

“Are you sure about that? Are you entirely sure?”

I sighed and shook my head. “It’ll break mine if he sees us like this.”

I tried to pry myself away, and it wasn’t so much of an effort from Splinter that made it hard to get away; it was the tugging on my body and soul that hurt when I began to part ways with him. In my head I knew I was insane. In my head I knew this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Maybe it I knew it in my heart as well. Right now, though, I didn’t know which side to listen to.

I couldn’t let myself carry on with Splinter knowing he’d travel the world and never know where he’d be one night to the next. I couldn’t bear to live the life of a rock star’s girlfriend. It was enough to be the rock star’s younger sister. To be in love with one was more trouble than I was willing to sign up for.

When I saw Splinter, though, I felt he was worth the trouble. He was worth every ounce of it. But when I heard William return, I rushed to get dressed as if I was hiding the fact I had done something wrong and I dashed away from the scene. It broke my heart to leave Splinter alone and in my bed. It broke my heart even more to leave the house not knowing when he’d come back if I left him like that. However, I had to do what I needed to do, and that was to be with William. He was easy to be fond of, and that’s all I needed, to be fond of him.

When we got home, he asked how my night was with Splinter.

“It was good. We did a lot of catching up.” Yeah, a
lot
of catching up.

“Good. You two seemed a little tense at first. But everything’s okay?”

I smiled and looked over to him. “Yeah, we’re great.”

More than great actually, but he didn’t need to know that. I had to forget about that tidbit of information from my bedroom at Ben’s house and settle into bed with William for the night.

“Bea, you know I can’t stay here forever. Especially in your bed. It’s inappropriate.”

I looked at him quizzically, and I shook my head. “What do you mean? I thought you liked me?”

“I do, I do. I just can’t be your bodyguard and like you. It’s unprofessional.”

“Isn’t being the bodyguard of someone you adore one of the highest honors?”

He laughed. “If only it were that easy.”

“You’re not making any sense, William. Please tell me what’s really going on.”

He sighed. “I need to separate myself from you for a bit. I need to work on real cases about real people who need real help. You’re safe now, and I need you to know that even when I’m not here, you’re safe.”

I tried not to tremble as he said these words. “Please don’t leave me…” I whispered with a shaking voice. I didn’t know why him leaving me was so scary, but it was. If he left, I had no one.

“I’m not leaving you, Bea. No, I’m not leaving you.” He hugged me tight and sighed. “I’m not ready to move in with someone I like this much. I need to take things slow. Alright?”

I let out the breath I had been holding. “Slow, yes. I can take things slow.”

With a sigh of relief, he kissed my cheek. “Good. I’m going to go for tonight, but only after you’ve fallen asleep. I know you like feeling someone next to you.”

“Yeah, it makes me feel safe.”

“I can stay until you fall asleep and I’ll do it until you can do without it.”

“That sounds perfect.”

We cuddled up with one another and continued to do this for many nights. It was comforting to know he was there until I fell asleep and came in right when I woke up and was cooking breakfast. I greeted him every morning with a kiss, then checked my phone, trying to hide the messages from Splinter.

He made it obvious he wanted to be with me, and neither of us was so sure about how far we were willing to drag this on before calling a ceasefire. While we wanted to be together, I was afraid, and he didn’t want to give up his dream. I didn’t blame him for that, and I told him he shouldn’t have to give up what he loves for me. But as William served me breakfast with his gun in its holster on his hip and a smile on his face, I knew I felt safe. I didn’t think he’d ever leave.

We were taking things slow, and it was good. It wasn’t like that with Splinter. We moved so fast I was sure we would burn out eventually. Things with William and I were good, and as spring made its beautiful debut in New Hampshire, we officially became a couple. He went back to working cases with the police department and saving lives. Somehow this didn’t scare me. If he was capable of walking through fire for me to save my life, I knew he could do it and survive for anyone else.

One day Splinter came by, and I was surprised to see him.

“I’m leaving in three days. Please tell me you know that.”

I knew it all too well. “I know. I’ve been busy.”

In the time that had passed, I applied for cosmetology school. I was waiting on Financial Aid, and I needed to get my supplies. I was also working again, occasionally selling songs to artists in New York. It made some good money for me, but I knew it was only a means to an end.

“Can I come in, please?” he finally asked.

I moved aside for him to enter, and when I shut the door I immediately said, “We’re not having sex again.”

“I wasn’t expecting to, unless you were. Since you said no, I can respect that.”

“I’m in a relationship with William, Splinter.”

He froze, and I kept my back facing his direction. I couldn’t bear to look at his face.

“Do you love him?” he asked, more pain in his voice than the last time he had asked.

“I don’t know. We’re taking things slow.”

“You love me. You said that. Don’t you feel the same still?”

“Splinter, please…let me go.”

“How can I possibly let you go when you’re all I think about?” he shouted.

“Because I will become the end of you! I can’t live your dreams with you because I’m scared of your dreams!”

He grabbed my shoulders and turned me to look at him. “You are not afraid of my dreams. You are afraid of the things that follow with my dreams. You aren’t afraid of loving me. You’re afraid of letting yourself fall. You aren’t afraid. You’re just not willing to be happy.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, and in the throes of passion I almost—
almost
—didn’t hear the door open.

“Bea! I’m hom…” William’s voice trailed off at the sight.

I separated from Splinter, my face flushed with embarrassment, guilt and shame. “William, I—”

“Don’t say anything. Just…just let me go.”

“No! Don’t go!” I ran after him, and Splinter ran after me.

“Bea, you have to choose.”

We were in the apartment parking lot, and I was stuck between the two men I had in my life. One who brought me safety and security, the other one who brought me joy and unconditional love.

“Yeah, choose, Bea. Choose which man you’re willing to be with. Because you had me thinking I was the only one, and now you’ve proved me wrong. Choose, Bea. Choose!”

Looking between both of the men I felt something for, the words that left my mouth were unexpected. “I can’t. I can’t choose.”

What followed was the sound of my heart shattering to pieces followed by two men’s hearts breaking right in two, just like a twig.

***

The few days that had passed since the falling out between Splinter and my breakup with William were productive. I cooked a lot. I did a lot of adult things. I also drank a lot. I was nearly twenty-one, and the bar I worked out was going out of business, so I took a lot of what they couldn’t sell and promised to give it to my brother. I never did.

Ben kept calling, hoping to hear from me to tell him I was okay, but I wasn’t okay. I broke up with someone with whom I could have enjoyed a simple, happy life and ended it all. I also totally fucked things up with the one person I knew I wanted to be with but refused to let myself be with.

I was at such a crossroads I was unsure of which side to take. They had given me a choice; I only needed to pick. Splinter had already left for tour, and I knew if I chose him, there would be a lot of repair work to be done. If I chose William, there would be a lot of damage control. I’d betrayed his trust when he had his entire faith in me. I broke his heart. I also broke mine in the process.

I spent my nights crying and my days cutting hair on practice dummies. In class I had progressed to dyeing hair but not cutting. I don’t think anyone trusted me with scissors next to a real person. I couldn’t say I trusted myself with scissors much at the moment.

When I got home from my long day of school, work, and completing my to-do list, I sat down with a bottle of wine When Ben called, I answered.

“What do you want?”

“To make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m not okay, but thanks for checking in.”

He sighed. “Look, why don’t we do something? Like, why don’t we go out and fuck shit up?”

I laughed. “What exactly do you want to do?”

“How about we get some piercings in that pretty little face of yours?”

My eyes lit up, and my insides began to churn with excitement. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Want to meet up?”

“Sure.”

“Cool, I’ll see you soon.”

“’Kay. See you soon.”

I changed out of my work clothes and into street clothes, dumped my wine down the sink, and put on some boots before leaving the apartment. Once in my car, I sent a text to my brother.

On my way.

***

When I got to Ben’s, we went out to get my piercing. He thought I’d look good with a nose piercing, so I went for one. I chose a hoop instead of a stud, because I didn’t want a tiny, unnoticeable piercing on my nose. I wanted to make a statement. When we went back to his house we laughed and talked and ate, and before long we realized it was dark and how late it was.

“I better go,” I told him with regret.

“Okay, text me when you get home.”

I hugged him tightly. “We need to do this more often. We don’t do this often enough.”

“What, defile our bodies with ink and metal?”

“Yeah, that and spend actual time together.”

We both agreed that this would become a regular event between us. I went on my way and felt something in the air as I breathed it all in before starting my car. There was something familiar there; I took it as a warning sign. I could see it flashing like a sign that said:
Click it, or ticket.
It was dark, and knowing I would be driving in the dark was something I didn’t like simply because it reminded me of the night Mackynsie died. I could recall the events clearly at the moment I drove down a similar road, with a similar darkness and tall trees.