The stillness in the room was stifling and Max couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact. Did they believe her? Did they think there was something wrong with her? Did they think she was lying? She felt her pulse speed up and her breath began to puff out in pants. She was going to have a panic attack, going to hyperventilate right there in the kitchen!
“You named yourself after your dog?”
Max whipped her head around to Axel, only to find him balancing his chair on its two back legs like he didn’t have a care in the world. He was smiling and his blue eyes held their usual cocky mirth, “You know Indiana Jones did the same thing right?”
Max felt the breath leave her body in a rush as she laughed a little hysterically, “I didn’t know that at the time. I didn’t even know it spelt
Max
.” The unnatural stillness had dissipated thanks to Axel and the others took it as permission to ask questions.
“You don’t remember anything? As in nothing?” Darius asked gently but intently.
She shook her head. “Not a thing. I’ve tried hypnosis and regression therapy but it’s like there’s nothing to remember, like I wasn’t
there
until I woke up in that park.”
“But that’s not possible. It’s not like you were born a teenager.” Darius refuted.
“I know how it sounds but I’m telling you, it’s like I didn’t exist until then.” Max swallowed hard. “There is something very wrong with me.”
“There’s not a damn thing wrong with you! You are perfect in every way!” The heart-melting comment was yelled very enthusiastically by Ryker and punctuated by his fist slamming hard on the table top. Max was startled to say the least. That was the third time he had spontaneously stated words of praise and poetry. She eyed him suspiciously;
“Oookay. Whatever you say. Anyway, that’s me pretty much in a nut shell. I’ll understand if you want me gone immediately.”
“Why would we want you gone?” Lark, the perpetual Mr Happy of the group was scowling ferociously. Max had no idea why he seemed so mad.
“I just thought maybe, now that you know I named myself after a mongrel dog and am even more flawed –”
“You’re going to make me very angry if you continue that sentence.” Lark growled in a fair imitation of Ryker.
She was confused by his vehemence but hated to upset him so she simply shrugged, “Fine … Is there any chocolate?” She asked imploringly.
Cali chuckled, “You’ve decimated the entire stash. I think you have a cocoa problem.”
“I’ll go get some.” Lark jumped up before she could do what any self-respecting addict would do;
deny, deny, deny
.
“What? No! Lark, I don’t want you making a special trip just to fuel my sugar craving!”
But the earth paladin was having none of it, “I insist. It’s my turn to do the groceries anyway. Be back soon.” He bent down and squeezed her hard and long before striding from the room with purpose.
Max grimaced sheepishly, “I feel bad.”
“Don’t feel bad. We need to shop anyway. If you want chocolate, then chocolate you shall have.” Darius stated firmly before also standing and hugging her half to death.
That seemed to be the theme of the moment for she received squeezes and pats and rubs from all of the paladins, save Ryker. He was back to his usual scowl and had a faraway look on his face. Figuring they could all do with some alone time, Max left them to it and headed outside for some fresh air. Confessions were hard work and she needed the light.
****
As usual the beauty of her surroundings took her breath away. The horizon was afire with a spectacular sunset, the waves caressing the sand in a gentle rhythm and the garden awash in blooms and critters. She was terrified of the discussion she assumed was going on inside the house but she also felt liberated from sharing her past with the paladins. She wondered if this was how Ryker felt after he shared his burden-filled past with her. If so, she hoped it was as cathartic for him as it was for her. A butterfly fluttered past her face and she smiled as she held out a finger. The Blue Ulysses landed with a whisper on her outstretched digit. Max was surprised to see the Ulysses this far south and couldn’t help cooing over the electric blue wings.
“Do you think they would still have such striking beauty if their lives weren’t so elusive?” For once Ryker’s voice didn’t startle her. She knew he would be the one to seek her out first and was both pleased and nervous about his initiative. She watched as his strong finger sighed over the vulnerable azure wings and answered his question decisively;
“Yes, of course they would. Time doesn’t dictate loveliness.” She didn’t really understand why he would burst into an unrestrained, full belly laugh. It startled her so much she accidently jerked her hand, forcing the butterfly to flap its wings madly for purchase before settling back down. Holy cow but the man was gorgeous when he smiled like that!
“How did I know you would say that?” Ryker shook his head, still chuckling quietly, “Not a philosophical bone in your body, huh?”
“I don’t know if that’s an insult or not.” Max frowned.
“It’s not. I’m on your side. I’ve always thought so too.” Ryker was still smiling and shit, Max wished he would stop before she melted into a puddle at his feet. Stepping forward he held out his finger and the gorgeous butterfly merrily flapped its wings once, twice, to land gracefully on the outstretched invitation. He studied it carefully for a moment before turning those deep pools of chocolate to Max and scanning her face with equal intensity.
“Having said that, I do believe that it is their fragility which gives them their great beauty. That clear vulnerability beneath all that fleeting strength and purpose. They are one of nature’s most exquisite sad endings.”
Max was just as mesmerised by the soft crooning tones as much as the romantic words. He was leaning closer with every syllable and was now just a breath away – lips to lips. Almost against her own will, Max found herself inching forward … but no, she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She was not going to allow herself to be charmed by Ryker’s considerable … charms. Despite their earlier conversations and the fact that they seemed to have bridged the chasm between them, she wasn’t going to stay. She couldn’t afford to. She knew the others meant it when they said they would help her and also keep her secrets. She was hopeful but not optimistic and she also knew that no matter the outcome, she would be moving on. Yep, it was time to put on her big girl panties. Unfortunately, her panties could have nothing to do with Ryker but she could do him the courtesy of being honest.
“Look Ryker, I think you’ve been right all along. I was playing with fire, flirting with you and taunting you and I was wrong to do that. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My ignorance and pig-headedness almost trapped us in a situation for the rest of our lives that would have been a disaster.”
“Max …”
“No, let me finish please. You see, I can survive anything that doesn’t kill me. And trust me, I have survived things that would make even you knights falter. But I couldn’t survive you Ryker. I know I couldn’t. I think you are the one thing in this world that could ruin me. So please don’t do this. Leave me be. I’m sorry if I’ve been unfair to you, if I’ve led you on. But I just … I just wouldn’t survive you Ryker.” And thus saying, Max walked away.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Yeah, fuck that shit!
Ryker thought, grinning from ear to ear. Max no doubt believed every word she just said but it was just too bad for her that Ryker’s heart had undergone a changing of the guard recently. He had been steadily and systematically falling in love with the red head since the moment she stepped into his kitchen, caressing her sword. The healing she had given him had done more than remove his scar, it had lifted the dark veil obscuring his heart. The stains he felt on his soul from failing his liege and his Order had now been cleansed and he felt like he could begin to make steps. And he had decided that Max was his next big step. He may be slow on the uptake, but he wasn’t stupid. Max was pure perfection and he didn’t plan to let anyone stand in his way – not even the woman herself.
Releasing Mr Blue, he headed inside in search of Lark and the promised chocolate stash. Hearing sounds from the paladin’s room, he yelled, “Lark? Is that you?”
“Yeah. I’m back.” His voice sounded muffled somehow.
“Good. Because I need you to do me a solid. I – what the fuck?!” Ryker let loose with a string of curses as he took in the bruises darkening his friends face. Lark grimaced as he lowered himself to the bed hinting at further injuries. “Chades?” Ryker spat out.
“Not exactly.” Lark’s voice was a little raspy. Had he been choked?
“Then what exactly did happen? Who did this?” Ryker demanded, feeling a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.
“Forget it Ry, it was just a misunderstanding at Lonnie’s.” He assured him, naming the bar down the block from the closest store. It was a common hang out spot for paladins and wardens alike. “It’s no big deal.”
Ryker grabbed his chin gently and moved Lark’s head this way and that. Someone had pummelled the paladin so that his right eye was practically swollen shut, both his bottom and top lips were split and bleeding, and there was a ring of blue around his neck. “Who did this?” He commanded again.
The knight’s trademark green eyes were bloodshot but hard with stubborn pride as they met Ryker’s in silent communication. Ryker swore bitterly and paced away in agitation. He could guess what had transpired and it was going to break Max’s heart, as well as Lark’s face. “I’ll kill him.” He vowed.
“You’ll do no such thing.” Lark’s voice was uncharacteristically stern, “It will only cause more problems. We let this one go.”
“Like hell we do! I will –”
“I
said
, we let this one go.” Lark wasn’t asking and Ryker knew he had to abide by his wishes.
“Fine. But one day soon there’s going to be a reckoning.” He promised.
Lark’s eyes glittered with challenge, “And I hope I’m there to see it. But in the meantime … what did you need me for?”
Ryker released an agitated breath and did as Lark bid; he let it go … for now. “I want to give Max the chocolate.”
“Why?” Did Lark have to sound so suspicious?
“To buy her affections of course.” He answered honestly.
“Why would you want to buy her affections?”
“I’m wooing her.”
Lark winced when he jumped in shock. “You’re
wooing
her?”
Ryker nodded decisively, “Yep. I’ve decided to pull my head out of my arse and be smart for once in my life. That woman is the single most miraculous creature on the planet. I’m keeping her.”
“You want to keep her?”
Ryker frowned and looked more closely at his fellow paladin. He sounded like a freaking echo! Ryker was concerned maybe he had a concussion or something more worrying. “Yes. I want to keep her.”
“But she’s a Warden.”
“Don’t care.”
“But you’re a paladin.”
“Don’t care.”
“But she would have to bind you as her liege – something you swore you would never allow.”
“Don’t care.”
Lark’s smile was slow in coming and a little warped given his split lips but it was filled with appreciation nonetheless. “About fucking time! I am so very glad. You deserve her and she deserves you. You’re two of the best people I’ve ever met.”
Ryker cleared his throat, feeling suddenly shy. “Thanks man.”
Lark seemed to find his discomfort amusing because he risked a bigger grin and a bigger cut when his smile widened. “What does Max have to say about all this?”
“She pretty much told me to fuck off.”
“Oh.” Lark’s shoulders slumped.
‘But you know what?” Ryker asked.
“What?”
He grinned. “Don’t care.”
****
“Ryker’s acting weird!” Max exclaimed as she threw herself into the soft chair in the library where the others were congregated. They were all there with the exception of Lark, the Chocolate God, and Ryker, the Butterfly Whisperer.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific.” Cali stated, casually flipping through a magazine.
“He’s being all …
nice
.” Max sneered.
Diana rolled her eyes, “He is nice, Max. That’s what I was trying to tell you the other night. He’s been disillusioned and he’s been hurt but underneath all that, he’s actually a really good man.”
Axel snorted, “Ryker’s a prick! He’s pig-headed, opinionated, sarcastic and violent.”
Cali’s face crumpled adorably, “Aww, Axel has a wittle crush!”
Axel grinned and made no attempt to correct her, “What can I say? I like ‘em nasty!” His grin dimmed somewhat as he turned to face Max, “He’s also the most honourable, most decent, most fair guy I’ve ever met.”
Max huffed, “Well he hasn’t been very decent or fair to me.”
“That’s because he’s been in a state of constant arousal since he met you. A chronic stiffy is bound to make any man a little cranky.”
“Cali!” Darius admonished.
The blonde finally deigned to look up from her magazine, “What?”
Darius narrowed his eyes at her innocent act and decided to add his two cents, “Max, your mojo didn’t just heal his body. The real Ryker is finally re-emerging and I cannot thank you enough for what you did.”
Max squirmed uncomfortably, “Whatever. It was no biggie. I think I prefer the jerk to the poet.” She muttered.
“The poet?” Diana asked.
“He called a butterfly ‘nature’s most beautiful sad ending’.”
Diana fanned herself, “Pardon me while my knees go weak!”
“Right?!” She jabbed her finger in the air aggressively. “It’s very disconcerting.”
“He’s wooing you.” Beyden said, sagely.
Max felt her neck crack as she whipped her head in his direction, “He’s what?”
“Wooing you.” Bey repeated helpfully.
“He’s trying to get back in my pants?” She asked. “Because I gotta say … I’m kinda easy. He really needn’t go to such trouble, I’m pretty much a sure thing.”
Axel snorted again and she narrowed her eyes on him. It wasn’t a supportive sound but more like a ‘ya don’t say’ kind of a sound. Bey saved his fellow knight from a sound tongue-lashing by saying; “Sounds like he wants more than in your pants sweetie.”