He took the baby upstairs for her nap.
Maddie thought about waiting for him to come back down but decided instead to follow him. She fastened the nursing bra and straightened her top before going upstairs, running her fingers through her disorderly curls on the way up. Neither of them had been sleeping well in the last week, and the fatigue was wearing on her. She could only imagine how he felt.
Mac emerged from Hailey’s room and seemed surprised to find her waiting for him. “Where’s Thomas?” he asked of their son.
“Spending the afternoon with Tiffany and Ashleigh.”
“That’ll be fun for him.”
“Uh-huh.” Maddie reached for his hand and led him to their room.
Though he came willingly, she sensed a hint of hesitation. “Where’re we going?”
“In here.” Without releasing his hand, she stretched out on the bed and compelled him to join her.
He lay down next to her. Though he was close, he seemed a million miles from her, which made her ache with longing. The unusual distance between them was unsettling.
She reached for his hand. “What brought you home in the middle of the day?” she asked after a long moment of silence.
He turned his head to look at her. “I wanted to see you and Hailey.”
“We’re glad you came. Everything all right at the marina?”
Nodding, he said, “Adam’s home.”
“Oh, really? Did you know he was coming?”
“No.”
“You must’ve been glad to see him.”
“Yeah.”
The Mac she knew and loved was always thrilled to see his siblings, so his lackluster reaction to Adam’s unexpected visit was yet another reason for worry. “How long is he home?”
“He didn’t say. He’s having lunch with Dad. Maybe he told him.”
“You didn’t want to have lunch with them?” That, too, was unusual.
“I told you. I wanted to have lunch with you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Not particularly.” His appetite, like his sleep, had been off. That they hadn’t made love since the accident was further evidence that something was amiss.
“Mac…”
“Hmm?”
“I wish you’d talk to me.”
“I
am
talking to you.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
He released her hand and sat up abruptly.
“I’m sorry,” she said, regretting that she’d pushed him. “I don’t want you to go. Please. You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready to. But don’t go.”
A muscle pulsed in his cheek as he seemed to weigh his options. Then he sagged a bit and lay down again.
Maddie was relieved that he’d stayed, but she tried not to show it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t mean to be so touchy.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I want to help you. Will you let me?”
“I don’t know what I need.”
“Maybe if you talk about whatever is on your mind, you’d feel better.”
He stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t talk about what it was like to not know where my brothers were for hours or how it felt to be almost certain they were dead. I can’t talk about that, because if I do…”
Maddie blinked back tears, determined to be as strong for him as he always was for her. “What, Mac? Tell me.”
“I’m afraid if I do… I might… I might break into a million pieces that can’t ever be put back together again the way they were before.”
She placed her hand over his fast-beating heart. “I won’t let you break. I won’t let you. Hold on to me. Let me help.”
He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair as a sob erupted from his chest.
Maddie clung to him, rubbing his back and combing her fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. Let it out. Everything is okay. Your brothers are safe. Everyone is safe.”
He was utterly silent in his despair, but his tears wet her face and neck.
“It had to be awful for you. You’re the big brother, and you couldn’t help them. You had to be so scared and worried about me and the kids and your parents and Janey.”
He didn’t speak, but his arms tightened around her.
She turned her head so she could kiss his face. “Everything is okay now.” Maddie had no idea how long they stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, his body shaking with sobs he suffered through in silence to spare her. Even in his time of need, he always thought of her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, breaking the long silence.
“Don’t be sorry. Please don’t.”
He drew back from her so he could see her.
The sight of his face, ravaged and streaked with tears, broke her heart, but she didn’t let him see that. Rather, she brushed away his tears and traced the outline of his mouth. “I love you so much,” she said. “I had a very long day to think about what my life might be like without you, and I hope I never feel that way again. Ever.”
“I don’t mean to make it all about me. I know it was awful for you, too.”
“My awful was nowhere near as awful as yours. You don’t always have to be strong for me and everyone else, you know?”
“I don’t?” he asked with a small, teasing smile that was far more in keeping with her Mac than the grim countenance he’d sported in the last week.
“No, you don’t. Sometimes you can let me carry the burden for you.”
“You just did, baby.” He kissed her softly and sweetly. “Thank you.”
Maddie gathered him in close again, bringing his head to rest on her chest. “Close your eyes and try to rest for a while.”
“I have to go back to work.”
She reached for his belt where he clipped his cell phone so it wouldn’t fall into the water when he was working.
“What’re you doing?” he asked when she placed a call.
“Hi, Luke, it’s Maddie. Mac is taking the afternoon off. I wanted to let you know.”
Her husband pinched her rear, making her smile.
“Everything okay?” Luke asked.
“It’s going to be.”
“Right. Well, tell him not to worry. I’ve got it covered here.”
“Thanks, Luke. He’ll see you in the morning.” She ended the call and tossed the phone onto the bed behind Mac. “He said to tell you he’s got it covered. Not to worry.”
“You’re being very bossy, sweetheart.”
“I know. Now close your eyes and rest. I’ve got you.”
A sigh shuddered through his big frame as he relaxed into her embrace.
Relieved to have taken the first step in what would probably be a long healing process, Maddie closed her eyes, too. They were both exhausted and overwrought. The sleep would do them good.
Chapter 5
After lunch, Adam borrowed his dad’s truck and set out to find Evan’s new studio. Following his father’s directions, he drove past the Southeast Light to a parcel of land that their friend Ned Saunders owned. Adam nearly drove by the driveway that was hidden by an overgrowth of brush.
On the way down the dirt driveway, he wondered if the brush was scratching the shit out of his dad’s truck and how much grief he’d get from Big Mac if it was. Oh well, he thought. He could blame it on Evan’s crappy landscaping. Getting Evan into trouble had once been Adam’s primary goal in life. Some things never changed.
At the end of the driveway sat an enormous cedar-shingled barn. A beat-up truck and the old motorcycle he’d recognize anywhere as his brother Mac’s were parked outside. Adam followed the music inside to a large room that smelled of freshly cut wood and new paint. Microphone stands, amplifiers, cords galore and other equipment was scattered about the space.
Through a pane of glass, Adam could see Evan. He was sitting down while another guy leaned over him, pointing and talking with his hands as loud music pounded through the space.
Though he hated to interrupt them, Adam had come a long way to see his brothers. Adam waited until Evan looked up and waved at him through the window.
Evan’s eyes widened with what might’ve been pleasure. He said something to the other man and then removed a headset from around his neck as he stood. He came bounding down a small set of stairs to the main studio where he hugged Adam.
“What’re you doing here?” he said, speaking loudly over the music.
“Came to see you and your brothers. Heard you got into a bit of a scrape and wanted to see for myself that you’re doing okay.”
“I’m fine, Mac’s fine. Grant’s being weird, but he’s always weird.” Evan said what he thought Adam wanted to hear, but his eyes told a different story. He was exhausted, wired, disheveled, but doing his damndest to sell the all’s-well theme. “How are you?”
“Better now that I’ve seen you.”
“Awww, don’t tell me you care.”
Adam shrugged. “Not about you. Just about Mac and Grant.”
“Oh good. I was worried for a minute there.”
He and Evan had fought like tomcats growing up and continued to enjoy a vicious wrestling match whenever possible, but there was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other, including lie to each other’s faces when necessary.
“Got a minute to show me around?”
“Just. We’ve got a ton of work to do before our first artists begin to arrive next week.”
“I won’t keep you long.”
“Come and meet Josh, my sound engineer. I talked him into moving here from Nashville to work with me. He’s showing me the basics on the board.”
Adam followed Evan up the stairs to the sound booth where he met Josh Harrelson, another victim of the Starlight Records bankruptcy that had taken Evan’s debut album down with it.
“Josh, my brother, Adam, here from the Big Apple.”
Josh shook Adam’s hand. “How many brothers do you have, man?”
“He’s the last one,” Evan said, laughing. “Lots of cousins, though. I’m going to give Adam a quick tour. I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time,” Josh said. “I’ve got plenty to do.”
Evan walked Adam through three studios on the first floor. “We’ve got soundproofed walls so we can run three sessions simultaneously. Back here is my office, not that I’m ever in here. Oh, hey, check out the logos we came up with.” He held up a board with three different renditions of the Island Breeze Records logo. “Any preferences?”
“I like the one that has the island in the backdrop and the surfboard.”
“I do, too. I think we’re going to go with that one.”
“I meant to tell you—you need to cut back the brush on the driveway. This place is hard to find.”
“I’ve got Alex Martinez coming to do that this week. Remember AM?”
“Sure, his brother PM was in my class.”
Adam recalled that the brothers’ nicknames had come from one being a morning person and the other a night owl. “I thought Alex had moved off-island to work at the National Conservatory.”
“He did, but he came home when his mom got sick.”
“What’s wrong with his mom?”
“Alzheimer’s.”
Adam followed Evan up the stairs. “Oh, shit. That sucks.”
“Big-time. I guess Paul needed help running the business and taking care of her, so Alex quit his job and moved home.”
Adam felt for the guy. It must’ve been a bitter pill to go from working at the National Conservatory to cutting grass again for his family’s landscaping business. He knew a little bit about bitter pills himself these days.
“Is mom having a big dinner for you tonight?”
“So I’m told.”
“I may not make it, but I’m sure Grace will be there.”
“How are things with you guys?”
“Couldn’t be better.”
Evan showed him the four bedrooms and two bathrooms they’d installed upstairs for the artists who’d be coming to the island to record at the studio. “We’re booked through the summer and into October.”
“That’s great, Ev. Congratulations. It looks amazing.”
“Thanks.” Evan gave a not-so-subtle glance at his watch. “I hate to say it, but I’ve got to get back to work.”
“No problem. Hope we can hang out while I’m home.”
“Yeah, sure, I’d love to. Good to see you, bro,” Evan said as he jogged up the stairs to rejoin Josh.
Adam left feeling like Evan was working awfully hard to act like everything was fine. He knew Evan almost as well as he knew himself, and all his instincts told him his little brother was anything but fine.
Her cell phone began ringing around five, and Abby ignored the first call from Cal as well as the second. By now he’d found the note she left him and might be upset that she’d left. Or maybe he was relieved. Probably the latter. After the second call, though, she became curious and checked her voice mail.
“Hey, babe. I’m just home from my mom’s and wondering where you are and what you want to do for dinner. Give me a call.”
Abby let out a groan. He hadn’t found the note she’d left in plain sight on the kitchen table. Knowing him, he’d gone directly to the fridge for a beer and was now sprawled on the sofa watching ESPN. The familiar image gave her a pang of longing for him that she quickly pushed to the back of her mind. She’d made her decision, and now she had to live with it.
She listened to his second, more urgent message with a growing sense of dismay. Was she going to have to
tell
him she’d left him? God, she hoped not. It’d been hard enough to write the note. She couldn’t imagine having to say the words, which was why she went with a text.
I left you a note on the table
.
Oh, sorry, missed that. BRB
.
Knowing full well what the note said, her heart beat fast and her hands got sweaty while she waited for him to read it. When the phone rang a third time, she took the call. She owed him that much after the year they’d spent happily together before it all went wrong.
“Are you
serious
?” The anger in his voice came right through the phone.
“Are you really surprised?”
“Hell, yes, I’m surprised!” His Texas drawl became more pronounced when he was upset. “You never said a word about leaving until you were gone. What the hell, Abby?”
“Nothing has been right between us since I got there. You know that.”
“I’m dealing with a crisis! I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to give you enough attention.”
“You think that’s it? Proves how totally clueless you are.”
“Will you please stop talking in code and tell me what the hell that means.”
“You have unresolved feelings for Candy.” Saying the other woman’s name made Abby feel a bit sick. “I’m not willing to compete with that.”