Waiting for Jo (17 page)

I stand up to take a stretch. It’s almost
11:00 p.m. and I’ve about hit my limit of document review. James
looks around the room at the all of the finished boxes.

“Let’s call it a night. I think that we can
finish the rest of these up by early evening tomorrow. We might
even make it home for a late dinner” he says.

When we get back to the hotel I head up to my
room and check my phone again. I don’t know why. At this point, I
know that he’s not going to text me back. I toss my phone on the
bed-side table and decide to head down to the hotel bar. Forget
this. I’m going to get a drink.

***

“What can I get you, miss?” asks a handsome
bartender with kind brown eyes and a friendly smile.

“She’ll have a dirty martini,” says a voice
from behind me. “I’ll take one too. And put them both on my
tab.”

I look over my shoulder and see James and
then look back at the bartender. “You heard the man,” I say.

James takes a seat next to me. “Looks like we
had the same idea,” he says. The handsome young man comes back with
our drinks and sets them in front of us.

“I need this after the day we just had.” I
take a sip of my very strong drink and James does the same.

“So do I!” he says.

I finish my martini in record time, and I
already feel a bit woozy. No more, I tell myself. Remember that you
don’t have that high of a tolerance, especially when you’re
drinking hard liquor.

“Another round please,” says James to the
bartender. I try to say no, but by the time the words come out of
my mouth the bartender is making his way to the other side of the
bar to make our drinks.

“This is it for me, James. If I don’t stop
after two, I won’t be making it to the document cave tomorrow
morning.”

James laughs at me. “You always were a bit of
a lightweight,” he says.

After I finish off the second martini, I’m in
a much better mood, and Will barely enters my mind. James relaxes a
bit too and starts telling me stories about his crazy family’s most
recent shenanigans. All I can do is laugh. I’m not sure if the
stories are actually funny or if it’s just that I’m tipsy, but I’m
having a damn good time.

“Yeah, my aunt is a terrible cook,” he said.
“The entire family was over at her house for dinner and she was
supposed to make pot roast. But she confused pot roast with roast
beef and ended up baking lunch meat for three and a half hours at
350 degrees. The only person who would eat it was my uncle because
he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” I laugh so hard at his story
that I almost fall off the bar stool. James puts his hand on my
shoulder and steadies me. “Whoa, there,” he says. “Don’t hurt
yourself. I need you in top form tomorrow.”

The bartender interrupts us and sets down two
more drinks in front of us. He smiles at us. “These are on the
house,” he says.

I look at the drink with wide eyes and
hiccup. “There’s no way,” I say to James. He just laughs at me.

“Don’t drink it if you don’t want to,” he
says. “But c’mon, are you seriously going let a free drink go to
waste?”

“Well, I might just take a sip.” Not trusting
my own fine motor skills, I don’t bother picking up the overfilled
glass. I instead bring my lips to the rim and siphon a little off
the top.

James laughs again.

“What’s so damn funny?” I ask.

“You are. Drunk Jo is pretty hilarious!”

I ignore him and take another sip, but as
soon as I do the room starts spinning a bit. “James, I think I need
to go back to my room. I’m done.”

“Okay, just let me pay the tab and then I’ll
walk you up.”

James holds my hand and guides me off of the
bar stool. I wrap my arm around his for balance, and we head toward
the elevators. I don’t know if it’s the two and a half drinks or
the stressful day I’ve had, but being close to him feels really
nice right now. Once the door closes on the elevator and I press
the button for my floor, James turns and quickly kisses me on the
lips. He pulls back for a second to gauge my reaction. I then take
a step forward and kiss him back. He tucks my hair behind my ear
and looks me in the eye.

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I miss you.
I really do,” he says. He moves his mouth back to mine and kisses
me passionately. His hands find their way to my waist. He hastily
untucks my blouse from my skirt, puts his hands up my shirt, and
then finds my breasts, squeezing them gently. The elevator comes to
a slow stop and James removes his hands. I take hold of his arm
once more and let him lead to my room.

“What’s your room number, baby?” he asks.

“2734. It’s around the corner.”

I pull my room key from my purse and slide it
down through the card slot. James pushes the door open and looks at
me. He doesn’t say anything, but I know what he wants.

“Yes,” I say. “You can come in.” I take him
by the hand and lead him into the room. He put his arms around my
waist and pulls me close to him. His body against mine feels so
familiar and comforting. The safety of his embrace reminds me of
how good it used to feel to be with him.

We move to the bed. I fall onto my back, and
pull James on top of me. “I love it when you’re aggressive. It’s so
fucking hot,” He says.

James’ right hand moves up my skirt and he
strokes my thigh lightly. God, his fingertips feel so good on my
skin! He moves further up my skirt and hooks his index finger onto
the side of my panties and begins to tug. I want him now. Nothing
else matters. It’s as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

Just as he starts to pull my panties down my
thigh, my phone begins to ring. I turn my head slightly to the
right so that I can see the caller ID. It’s Will. He’s finally
responding to me.

A wave of guilt and remorse washes over me.
What am I doing? Why am I here with James? Will and I argue and
don’t speak for a few days, and I jump into bed with another man.
What is wrong with me?

“James. I’m sorry, but you have to go. This
isn’t right. You and I aren’t together anymore, and I’m seeing
Will. I don’t want to cheat on him.”

“Yes you do. You wouldn’t have told me I
could come into your room if you didn’t want to.” James is still on
top of me as if he’s waiting for me to change my mind.

“I’m serious. Go!” I put both of my hands on
his chest and try to push him off of me.

“Fine. I’m leaving.” James gets up from the
bed and straightens out his clothes. “I’ll see you in the lobby in
five and a half hours.” He quickly leaves the room and slams the
door behind him.

I immediately grab the phone and listen to
Will’s voicemail.

“Hey, Jo. You’re probably sleeping right now.
I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I lost my phone, and I just now
found it. Anyway, I’m glad you made it to Chicago alright, and I’m
glad you’re coming home tomorrow. See you soon.”

An even bigger guilt wave comes crashing over
me. Will wasn’t ignoring me, he just couldn’t text me back. Instead
of waiting around to actually talk to him, I get tipsy and fool
around with James. I’ve made another horrible mistake.

Between the dirty martinis and the intense
remorse I’m experiencing, I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I run
to the bathroom and barely make it to the toilet before vomiting
violently. Afterwards, I feel slightly better, but I know that I’m
not going to feel completely well until I talk to Will. I’m going
to have to tell him about what went down tonight. He’s going to be
angry and might even break up with me, but I can’t act like
everything is perfect and lie to him. He doesn’t deserve that.

I brush my teeth and drink about a gallon of
water before going to bed. It’s not until I my head sinks into the
soft down pillow that I realize how completely and utterly
exhausted I am. I purposefully ignore the whirlwind of thoughts
spinning through my head and let myself fall asleep.

***

My alarm blares at 6:30, but I take a minute
before opening my eyes, preparing myself for a spinning room and
splitting headache. But when I do, I feel surprisingly well. Some
more sleep would have been nice, but I’m very happy that I’m not
hung over.

Suddenly, fragments of a dream splinter my
train of thought. I don’t remember everything, but I do remember
that Will watched from below as I screamed from the fourth floor of
a burning building. He didn’t do anything. He simply watched me
with an apathetic look on his face. The image makes me sad.

Chapter 2
4

After we finish the document review project,
I jump in my car and head straight to the Alcove. The long drive
gives me a chance to think about what I’m going to say to Will when
I see him. How do you tell someone that you’re seeing that you
fooled around with someone else? The thought crossed my mind that I
could simply not say anything. I could go to the Alcove, have a
drink with Will, tell him that everything went well, and we could
live happily ever after.

But I wouldn’t really be happy. This knot of
guilt that I’m carrying around in my stomach would never go away.
It would gnaw at me from the inside until it caused an ulcer. Deep
down, I know that I need to tell the truth.

I text Will when I get close to the Alcove
and ask him if I can come over. He texts back of course with a
little happy face at the end. It makes me feel even worse.

I walk into the Alcove and wave at Scotty as
I quickly make my way up the staircase that leads to Will’s
apartment. I stand at the top for a few moments as I consider what
I’m doing. I finally force myself to knock.

“Hey babe,” says Will as he opens the door. I
walk in, and he puts his arms around me and lifts me up. “I really
missed you.”

He sets me back down. “I really missed you
too Will, but there’s something that I need to tell you.” I want to
get this over with as quickly as possible.

Will gives me a puzzled look. “This doesn’t
sound good. What is it?”

I take a deep breath. “I fooled around with
James on Saturday night.”

“What? Are you kidding me?”

“I’m so sorry. You hung up on me on Thursday
and then you weren’t returning my texts. I was depressed, and I got
kind of drunk after working on Saturday. I know it’s not a good
excuse. It was a huge mistake and it will never happen again.”

I reach for Will’s hand and he pulls away. “I
should have listened to my instincts. I knew something like this
was going to happen. You’re not over James and it’s obvious.”

“Please forgive me. I’m not into James. I
just want to be with you!”

“Get out. I can’t trust you. You obviously
aren’t ready for a relationship with me, and I have no desire to be
with someone who doesn’t know the first thing about loyalty.” Will
walks over to the door, opens it, and motions for me to exit.

I start crying. “Please, Will. Don’t do
this.”

Will is silent and doesn’t move. I look at
his face for a moment, searching it for something besides anger,
but he refuses to make eye contact with me. I finally leave, and he
slams the door behind me. I stand at the top of the stairs for a
few minutes to regain my composure. It’s strange, but I don’t feel
any better. That knot that was in my stomach hasn’t gone away. It’s
only gotten bigger, and I feel even sicker to my stomach.

As I drive home, Will’s comment about loyalty
resonates with me. It’s funny. I was hesitant about dating Will
because I was worried that he was too much like my father. He’s
proven that he’s the exact opposite. Will has been there for me so
much in the short time that I’ve known him. He’s a good friend to
Scotty, and he’s a fantastic mentor to Blake. I’m the one that’s
like my father. Will is right. I don’t know the first thing about
loyalty.

Hot, salty tears roll down my cheeks and that
voice enters my head again. You’re a terrible person. You’re a
terrible person. You’re a terrible person. I don’t have the energy
or the wherewithal to argue with it right now.

***

Harley comes over and brings what she calls
the “breakup kit.” Her goodie bag consists of dark chocolate, ice
cream, cheese puffs, and Anchorman. Because you just can’t be sad
watching one of the best comedies ever made and eating junk food -
well, that’s her logic anyway. I have every intention of remaining
sad for the foreseeable future.

We lay out a blanket on the floor in front of
the TV like we’re having a slumber party. Malcolm comes and lies in
between us. He rests his sweet little head on my stomach and looks
at me sympathetically as if he knows that I’m sad.

“Have you tried texting him?” Harley asks me
before popping a square of chocolate in her mouth.

“No. It’s only been a couple of hours since I
told him. I really want to, but something inside of me is telling
me that I should just wait - I should give him time to process his
feelings. I just hope that he doesn’t get even angrier with
me.”

“You probably shouldn’t wait too long if you
really want him back. He might ignore you, but at least he’ll know
that you are willing to fight for him.”

“I guess you’re right. If I broke up with
someone because they betrayed me, and they didn’t try to contact
me, I’d be even more hurt. Maybe I’ll send him a text before I go
to bed tonight.” I let out a long sigh as I reach over Harley to
grab the bag of Dove chocolates. “I need some sweets,” I say to
her.

Chapter 2
5

I stay up most of the night waiting for Will
to text me back, but I never hear from him. When my alarm screeches
at 6:30, I seriously consider just staying in bed. I’m depressed
and tired, and the thought of having to see James today makes me
feel tense and worried. If Malcolm wasn’t nudging my hand with his
wet nose, trying to get me to get up so that I could let him out, I
would probably go back to sleep and pretend that the events of the
last 48 hours never happened.