Authors: D. B. C. Pierre
âWe vigorously oppose bail, your honor.'
âOn what grounds?' asks the judge.
The prosecutor fights a smile. âIn common parlay â the kid's stole more damn chain than he can swim with. We're afraid he'll go down with it, and we'll never see him again!' A chuckle runs through the court. It stops at the judge, who scowls at Goosens's file, then turns to Abdini. âAny further submissions in respect of this application?'
Abdini stops fussing at his table and looks up. âIs family boy, have many interest . . .'
âI know all that,' the judge flaps her hand, âI mean anything new, like the â digestive condition mentioned in this report, for instance.'
âA-ha, the toilet . . .' says Abdini, mostly to himself.
âIf your honor pleases,' says Gregson, âwe'd object to the court doing the defense's homework for them.'
âVery well. They clearly haven't been instructed, so I'll leave the clues at that.'
âAlso, ma'am, we'd like to enter a statement from the witness, Marion Nuckles,' says Gregson.
The judge's eyebrows become airborne. Breathing dies in the room. âI was told no statement could be taken until March next year!'
âIt's a transcript of digital media taken at the crime scene, Judge. A reporter from CNN sourced it for us, in the public interest.' Motherfucker Lally flashes to mind. Makes you wonder which poor suck he's fucking over right now.
âWell that's very public-spirited of them. Is the defendant's alibi supported by the witness?' asks the judge.
âNot our brief, your honor. Our statement concerns the possible whereabouts of another firearm â I'm sure we all agree, that casts a serious light on the prisoner's bail application.'
Judge Gurie puts on her glasses, reaching for the document. She
scans it, frowning, then lays it down and peers at the prosecutor. âCounsel, the actual murder weapon was found at the outset. Are you saying you can link a
second
gun to these crimes?'
âVery possibly, ma'am.'
âDo you have that gun?'
âNot as such, but officers are investigating.'
The judge sighs. âWell, it's obvious neither of you has seen the psychiatric report. In the absence of hard evidence, I'll be ruling on the basis of this assessment.'
An itchy silence falls over the room, measured in tens of thousands of years. The crowd divides its attention between me and the bench, all the while juggling the decent, downtown skills that let them soak it up without looking like they're at a traffic accident and fucken enjoying it. They juggle those skills with their eyebrows.
Judge Gurie sits still for a moment, then surveys the court. It freezes. âLadies and gentlemen, I think it's fair to say we've had enough. We're fed up â outraged! â at these continual damned breaches of our rightful peace.' Applause erupts; some asshole even whoops like a TV audience. You wait for the chant, âGu-rie! Gu-rie! Gu-rie!'
The judge pauses to straighten her collar. âMy decision today takes into account the feelings of the victims' families, as well as those of the wider community. I also acknowledge that, despite the defendant's stable, if not very affluent background, he is a standing candidate to stand trial as an accessory to these crimes.' The typist looks over at my corral, probably to boost the polish on her own dumb kids. None of them in jail today, no sirree. âVernon Gregory Little,' says the judge, âin light of the disorder identified in this report, and taking into account submissions by both counsels â I am releasing you . . .'
âMy babies, my poor dead babies,' squeals a lady at the back. Outrage spews through the room.
âSilence! Let me
finish
,' says the judge. âVernon Little, I am releasing
you into the care of Dr Oliver Goosens, starting Monday, on an outpatient basis. Failure to comply with the doctor's schedule of treatment, in any way whatsoever, will result in your further detention. Do you understand?'
âYes, ma'am.'
She stretches over the bench and lowers her voice. âOne more thing â if I were defending, I'd seriously consider expanding on this, ehm â bowel thing.'
âThank you, ma'am.'
I'll be damned. I burrow through the mess of onlookers and float out of the courthouse into the sun, just like that. Reporters buzz around me like flies at a shit-roast. I'm full of feelings, but not the ones I dreamed of. Instead of true joy, I feel waves; the kind that make you look forward to the smell of laundry on a rainy Saturday, the type of drippy hormones that trick you into saying I Love You. Security they fucken call it. Watch out for that shit. Those waves erode your goddam bravery. I even get a wave of gratitude for the judge â go fucken figure. I mean, Judge Gurie's been good to me, but â expand on the bowel thing? â I don't fucken think so.
âHow do we find your turds?' they'd ask. âWhy,' I'd say, âmy logs are over there, in the den behind the bushes â right there, next to the goddam gun y'all are looking for.' To be honest, the gun ain't such a big deal. The fingerprints
on
the gun are my fucken problem. Thinking about it brings a whole new set of waves. I decide to ignore them, for my own safety. You just can't afford waves when you have to be in Mexico by daybreak.
The Mercury sits with two doors open, dripping ants all over Gurie Street. Mrs Binney, the florist, almost has to stop her brand-new Cadillac to get past. Mrs Binney doesn't wave today. She pretends not to see me. Instead she watches Abdini decoy some reporters on the steps, and floats right by with a fresh mess of tributes for the Lechugas' front porch.
âWe happy we allow home to continue our young life,' says Abdini, like he's me, or we're fucken brothers or something. âAnd we cantinue inbestigation into whappen that terryball day . . .'
I got me some learnings in court, I have to say. The way everybody acts, court is like watching TV-trailers; a shade of this movie, a bite of that show. The one where the kid gets cancer, and everybody speaks haltingly. The one where the rookie cop decides whether to be a bag-man for bribes, or to blow his crusty partner's cover. I personally wouldn't recommend playing that one, though; everybody ends up being on the take, like even the mayor. And don't fucken ask what show I got stuck with. âAmerica's Dumbest Assholes' or something. âAlly McBowel.'
The Mercury bitches under Pam's sandals. That's because she uses both pedals at once. âNo point
having
a brake pedal if your foot's a mile away on the other side of the car,' she'll tell you if you ever bring it up. I only brought it up once. âMight as well throw the darned pedal out the door.' Camera people scatter as we lunge up Gurie Street. I see the TV pictures in my mind, the shot of my ole mutton head looking back from the Mercury.
âBut, what kind of
meals
did you get?' asks Pam.
âRegular stuff.'
âBut like, what? Like, pork 'n' beans? Did you get dessert?'
âNot really.'
âOh
Lord
.'
She spins the car into the
Barn
drive-thru. One good thing about Pam's TV-movie; you know how the thing's going to end. That's the kind of life I want, the life we were fucken promised. A fuzzy ole show with some flashes of panty and a happy ending. One of those shows where the kid's baseball coach takes him camping, and teaches him self-respect, you've seen that show, with electric piano notes tinkling in the background, soft as ovaries hitting oatmeal. When you hear that piano it means somebody's hugging, or a woman is crumpling her lips with overwhelming joy, down by a lake. Boy, the life I could have with the right music
behind me. Instead I watch Liberty Drive screen through the window, with
Galveston
playing in back. We pass the place where Max Lechuga sucked his last breath. He said some words, but you couldn't hear them. Heat comes to my eye, so I spark up a distraction.
âMa home?' I ask.
âWaiting on the fridge delivery,' says Pam.
âYou're kidding.'
âHumor her, she's going through a lot. No harm in just waiting.'
âThat'll be one long wait.'
Pam just sighs. âYou'll be sixteen in a few days. We won't let anything spoil your birthday.'
I cushion myself in this familiar ole cream; family, with all its flavors of smell. I've only been gone a week, but my ole routines seem like a past life. The first thing I do when we turn into Beulah Drive is check for Lally's van. I try to see past a knot of reporters in the road, but then the Seldome Motel's new minibus pulls up by the Lechugas' teddy farm. Strangers lean out, take pictures, bow their heads, then the van pulls away toward the mantis market. Lally's space under the willow is empty.
âTake these fries to your ma,' says Pam through a mouthful of drumstick.
âNot coming in?'
âI have pinball right now.' Playing pinball is healthy, according to Pam.
Reporters jostle me all the way to the front door. I slip inside, locking the door behind me, then just hang, soaking up the familiar whiff of ketchup and wood polish. All's quiet inside, except for the TV. I go to leave the fries on the breakfast bar, but just as I reach the kitchen, I hear a noise up the hallway. Like a sick dog. Then comes a voice.
â
Wait
â I'm sure I heard the door . . .'
It's Mom.
âGod,
unghh
,
ugh
, Lalito, Lally â
wait
!'
âD
oris
â I think the Special Edition arrived!' Here's Betty Pritchard.
My heart ain't even restarted before these ladies turn up. The fridge? I don't fucken think so. Georgette Porkorney clomps onto the porch by the kitchen door. Mom always leaves that fucken door open. Even now, when she's balling Lally up the hall.
âLook!' says George. âThey're pulling over at Nancie Lechuga's!'
âI know, I
know
!
Doris!
'
My Nikes tense in their shame. I stare at the painting beside the laundry door. A clown holds up a fucken umbrella, and bawls one big tear underneath. Mom calls it art.
âHi, Vern,' says Leona, stealing a fry. âStress binge?'
I forgot about Mom's fries. Now the bag's squished in my fucken hand. I park it on the breakfast bar, next to a greeting card with a cartoon baby on it. â
It's Wuv!
' says the baby. I look inside the card and see a love poem from Lally to Mom. There ain't puke enough in the world for today.
When everybody is assembled with a view of the hallway, Mom steps out of her room and ripples toward us in a filmy pink robe. An alien scent drags behind her. âWell hi, baby, I didn't expect you back.' She pelts me a hug, but as she does it, her left tit flops free and smacks me on the arm.
âDoris, they're trying to deliver the fridge to Nancie's!' says Betty.
âWow, this is
exciting
,' says Leona. âWeird, too, because I wasn't even going to stop by! My new consultant's installing the toning station today, and I still have new tenny-runners to buy . . .'
Three whole brags. My house is fucken Baconham Palace, all of a sudden. The reason steps into the hallway, wearing a blue robe
with gold detail, and new Timberlands on his sockless feet. He throws his arms wide. âIt's Martirio's Angels!'
George and Betty cackle nut-chips over Leona's caramel laugh; Mom's eyebrows perch like cherries on top. Nobody will ask why Lally's suddenly dicking my ma, the truth of things will just get wiped over with cream-pie lies. Don't fucken ask me about this love people have of saying things are fine when they ain't fucken fine at all. Lally's toothbrush in my bathroom ain't fucken fine at all. He avoids my eyes as he walks through the kitchen, like I was nobody, as if fucken nothing; he breaks open one of his ginseng bottles, tweaks his balls, and keeps right on grinning.
âHurry, Doris,' says George. âIt's the Special Edition, go say something!'
âWell, I'm not even
dressed
.'
âMaybe I'll drive to Houston,' says Leona. âBuy some gymwear too . . .' It's a record-breaking fourth thing. Mom just smiles powerfully, and cozies back into Lally's arms.
âShit, Doris,
I'll
go tell them,' says George. âThey're unloading the damn thing already, look!' I crane to the kitchen window; sure enough, a JC Penney's truck is parked in front of the Lechugas'. A teddy bear lays pinned under the back wheel.
âWell but,
wait
. . .' says Mom.
There used to be a horse that could do math on stage. Everybody thought the horse was so fucken smart, he would tap the answer to math questions with his hoof, and always get it right. Turns out the horse couldn't do math at all, could he fuck. He just kept tapping until he felt the tension in the audience break. Everybody relaxed when he'd tapped the right number, and he felt it, and just stopped tapping. Right now Lally takes a cue from the tension in the room, just like the horse that did math on stage.
âTch â the Special Edition?' he says. âBabe, after they screwed you around so long I called and cancelled that order. I'm sorry â we'll take a drive to San Antone, I need some more ginseng anyway.'
âWell, oh my.'
âBut, you ordered almond-on-almond, didn't you?' asks George. âLook, they're unloading a new almond Special Edition side-by-side into Nancie's!'
âWhat a day,' says Leona. Her face goes blank trying to suck back the fourth brag. Too late now, honey chile.
My eyes trudge over the breakfast bar, past the power bill you can see tucked behind the cookie jar, and into the living room, grasping at any straw of human dignity. Then Brad walks in, wearing a brand-new pair of Timberlands. Fucken âBang!' goes the door. He hoists his nose and heads straight for the TV. He'll go sit on the rug and lip-read the beeps on the
Springer
show, I guarantee it.