I make sure we all have our reports completed before the end of quarantine. I am not looking forward to it, but I still believe we need Shane off our team. I’ll need to talk to Dr. Brant and let her know why, so I have already sent her a message requesting a meeting. I want the documents to back me up.
Chapter 15
I’m surprised when I show up for the appointment and see that Ryan is there. He continues to ignore me, avoiding my questioning looks, but I can see his is body tense the entire time.
Dr. Brant calls us both in at the same time, and I feel my stomach drop. I have a sinking feeling I’m about to get unfairly blindsided.
“Good morning, Brett, Ryan. I received the reports from your team about your most recent excursion, as well as both of your team reassignment requests,” Dr. Brant states as she looks at the two of us.
I
suck
in a shocked breath. “Both?” Dumbfounded, I look over at Ryan. Is he mad enough to be looking for a new team?
Without giving us time to say anything else, Dr. Brant continues. “Now, Brett, as far as your request is concerned, I agree with you. The soldiers are there to protect, only when and if necessary. Your team can’t afford to have a trigger-happy soldier, or one lax in basic rules such as carrying food. Shane will be reassigned to a job on base, and a suitable replacement will be found before the team’s next field visit.”
I nod in agreement, still too shocked to say anything more. After all we’ve been through as a team, to have Ryan want to leave – well, it just hurts.
“Now that brings me to Ryan’s request. This is the reason I asked you both here at the same time. Now I ask you both to listen to what I have to say
without interrupting
,” Dr. Brant warns. I’m surprised to hear a sharp edge marring her normally calm tone.
We both nod. Ryan has a very somber look on his face, and his hands are tightly clenched. He still won’t meet my eyes.
“Now, Ryan, you’ve expressed concern that Brett has been reckless with her own safety, in the name of protecting her team. With that concern, you have asked that I remove Brett from the position of team lead. From reading reports from all your team members, I agree with you.”
A half-choked bark of disbelief escapes me, and I suddenly feel very shaky. My mind is whirling. Is this really what he’s been planning all this time he’s been acting nice to me? Is this why he followed Dr. Brant out of the office the day when she said he could continue planting his grass? How could I have been so blind to the betrayal going on right in front of me? And now, Dr. Brant and everyone else agree. That must mean that they’ve been lying to my face this whole time, too. I swallow back the small sob trying to escape my lips.
“Let me finish,” Dr. Brant reminds me in a voice more stern and serious than I have ever heard before. “I agree that Brett was reckless with her own safety, but I also believe her behavior is the exact behavior we need from a team leader.” Now it’s Ryan’s turn to gasp. “Brett put the safety of her team and the base above her own. Because of her actions, her team is safe, and there is now an opportunity to work with and study the
meerkits
. For this, I think Brett should be commended.” Dr. Brant’s tone has a finality to it that makes it clear her point is not to be argued. I look at her, grateful tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Then I look over at Ryan. He is looking down at his shoes, as if they are the most interesting thing in the room. “Ryan, I’m concerned over your reaction. The other team members didn’t take offense to how Brett behaved, yet you did. Do you have feelings for Brett that I should know about?”
The smug feeling I was enjoying twists into confusion. That was so not what I expected to hear. What is she thinking? Who the heck shows someone they like them by stabbing them in the back?
“You mean like romantic feelings?” Ryan asks cautiously. When Dr. Brant nods, he hesitantly continues as if he’s carefully measuring his words. “I have a girlfriend, so that’s not a problem. I care about all of my teammates, and I can’t sit by and allow any of them to die out of recklessness.” As he speaks, he looks directly at me, and I feel an unexpected surge of guilt for making him worry. But at the same time, I stand by my actions, and I’m still furious at him.
“Well it sounds like both you and Brett share the same level of protectiveness toward your team. I’m glad to hear that there are no romantic issues. But now we need to address whether or not the two of you can continue to work together.” With a somber tone and expression, she continues, “Ryan, you must decide if you can work on your team, knowing that Brett will put herself into jeopardy to protect you and the rest of the team members. If not, I can reassign you. Perhaps even as team lead yourself. You have many of the qualities necessary to make a good team leader, and I have a few teams that could use better leadership.” She leans back in her chair, looking just a bit smug.
I look from Dr. Brant to Ryan, feeling both helpless and furious. How could he do this to us? And now, for his behavior, Dr. Brant is rewarding him with a promotion. This sucks. I start to contemplate ways to break the news to Molly, Jake, and Dean.
“You don’t need to answer now, but I’ll need an answer in the next few days to give me time to rearrange the teams,” Dr. Brant adds, but then she begins tapping her fingers against her arm. She really doesn’t want to wait.
Finally, breaking his shocked stupor, Ryan responds. “No, that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to switch teams. I can’t imagine a team I’d work better with.” His words are slow and full of resignation. “I just don’t want to lose any of them.” Ryan sighs, looking defeated.
“Very well,” Dr. Brant comments before refocusing her attention on me. “Now, Brett, I’ll understand and will not hold it against you if you want to have Ryan removed from your team. Personally, I would have a difficult time working with someone who asked for my removal, regardless of their motives.” Dr. Brant sits back and awaits my response.
My nostrils are still flaring. I need a moment to answer, a moment to rein in the anger and confusion coursing through my blood. If Ryan is so bent on becoming team leader, why would he reject Dr. Brant’s offer? It doesn’t make sense. Could he really only be concerned for my safety?
No: he’s still playing some kind of game. He knows if he eagerly jumps at the opportunity, Dr. Brant will see through him as easily as I do. I notice my hands are shaking, so I ball them into fists, and finally I manage to say, “I’m not going to make it that easy for you, Ryan. If you want to leave, then leave. Don’t try to make me the bad guy again.” Despite what she said, I can see Dr. Brant scrutinizing my face while I fight my emotions.
“I’m not—” Ryan begins to protest, but I hold up my hand to stop him in his tracks.
I force my voice into a restrained monotone. I will not let Ryan cause me to lose control in front of Dr. Brant. “I don’t want to argue about what you’re really trying to do. Right now I’m furious. This should have never gotten to this point. You should have come to me first,” I say, hoping that I sound calm but forceful.
“I did try to talk to you,” Ryan protests.
“No, Ryan, you didn’t talk: you yelled at me while you were still too upset to speak rationally. Did you honestly expect me to do something besides telling you that you were out of line?” I pause to control the tremble in my voice. “You should have waited until you calmed down and then talked to me rationally. I always listen when you talk to me, don’t I?”
He doesn’t answer right away, but I can tell he’s struggling with his response. If he claims I don’t, I’ll demand examples, which he doesn’t have. So I wait. “Well, yeah,” he begrudgingly admits, and then adds, “I can’t sit back and watch you get yourself killed.” He sounds adamant, but I can see the resignation in his eyes.
I smile, surprised – but relieved – that things are going my way. “Ryan, I don’t have a death wish. I don’t want to die. Under everyday circumstances, I am usually the most cautious out of all of us, aren’t I?” I beseech him, again knowing he can’t argue the point without sounding foolish.
He shrugs. “Under everyday circumstances, yeah.”
“Look, I can’t promise that I won’t be reckless again. Not if it’s for the good of the team. But I can promise to do all I can to make sure our team avoids any dangerous situations.”
“There’s nothing you could have done to avoid the other day,” Ryan concedes.
His admission catches me off-guard, and without thinking I say, “I know. Don’t you realize I was just as scared about losing you as you were about losing me? Why do you think I was so furious at Shane for putting us all in that situation?”
Ryan lets out a dry laugh. “I’m glad I wasn’t in his shoes. You can be really scary when you’re mad. You’re especially scary when you manage not to raise your voice and appear so calm.” He’s smiling now.
“I certainly didn’t feel calm.” I smile back, even more confused, by the sudden friendly banter. Is he trying to suck up to me now? Ugh. I can’t figure this guy out.
Dr. Brant lets out a relieved sigh. “Well I’m glad everything is settled. I would have hated to break up my best team.” I have a knee-jerk reaction to tell her everything is far from settled, but then the rest of her words sink in.
“Your best?” Ryan and I ask in unison.
“Don’t let it go to your heads.” She winks at us and opens the office door. “Both of you have a good day, now,” she says. The meeting is over whether we want it to be or not.
Ryan turns to me to talk, but I shake my head and say, “Give me some time.” And then I walk off.
I head to the dining hall and meet Brody for dinner. He seems to be in a bad mood. I ask him what’s wrong, but he’s reluctant to tell me. He says he doesn’t want to upset me.
“You can tell me and I might get upset, or you
can not
tell me and I will get upset,” I threaten. After my meeting with Ryan, I’m in no mood to play games with anyone.
“Well all the guys are talking about what a bitch you were to Shane.” He stares down into his plate, not meeting my gaze.
“It figures he nearly gets my team killed and he’s going around calling me that.” I laugh, trying to make it sound like it doesn’t bother me. After all, it’s not like I expected him to be overjoyed at being fired.
“Well you did cut him down in front of everyone else,” Brody says, but immediately looks like he desperately wants to take it back.
“Are you defending him?” My voice rises and a sharp edge creeps into it. I’m beyond upset. How could he possibly take Shane’s side in the matter?
“I’m just saying you could have talked to him in private,” he says apologetically. He clearly does not want to be in this conversation.
Oh, I get it. It’s a girl thing again. I’m not letting him get away with his Neanderthal thinking.
“So if one of your buddies screws up and almost gets you killed, you’re telling me that you’d wait until you could pull him aside and have a quiet little chat?” I’m now standing up and staring down at him.
“It’s not the same,” he insists, looking up at me.
“Why? Because I’m a woman?” I know it is, but I need to hear him say it.
“Kind of. It’s different for a guy to chew out a guy, but for a girl to… it’s just humiliating.” Again his gaze is focused on his plate.
“Well, you’ll have to tell me if eating alone tonight is humiliating.”
I storm off. The eyes of everyone in the dining hall are on me.
Why are men so infuriating?
Not knowing where I’m headed to, I walk – or, more accurately, I stomp – aimlessly. I need to get away from work, from Brody, and from all the confusing feelings that are spiraling through me right now. When I find myself at my kidney bean rock, I stop short, let out a wail of fury, and burst into tears. I have found where Ryan placed his patch of grass seed. In the center of it, shading my rock, is the little tree from the bio-dome.
“Damn it, Ryan, I want to be mad right now!” I sob.
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d like the grass and the tree.”
I jump, even though it’s impossible for me not to recognize the soft, gentle voice. Ryan is right behind me. He looks abashed, but I’m in no state to focus on him right now. I need to be alone, and he’s preventing that.
“Uh, men are impossible! Now I can’t even talk to myself in private!” I throw my hands up and start to walk away. I don’t need Ryan to see me cry.
“I’m sorry; I really wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just want to protect you,” he calls out as he follows me.
“Go away, Ryan. Not everything is about you,” I snap, and start to walk even faster. The tears are streaming down my face now.
“Then tell me what’s wrong. Why are you so upset?” He grabs my shoulder and spins me around to face him.
“No, I don’t have to tell you anything,” I snap.
“No, you’re right; you don’t. But I hate seeing you this upset. If there’s something I can do to help…?” He brushes a tear from my cheek.
No way. He can’t stab me in the back and then turn around and expect me to let him be the good guy. I shake my head, turn, and start to stomp away.
“My mother didn’t die in the car crash with the rest of my family,” Ryan calls after me.