Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century (33 page)

WAKING UP THE NEIGHBORHOOD

Now that your partner has relaxed and dropped into her body, it’s time to begin building some erotic energy.

Over Eggs Easy
. Glide your palms in circles on her abdomen, in the area where her ovaries are, or were, or would have been. Not all people with pussies have ovaries or uteruses. Whatever lies beneath the surface, these are still important sexual energy centers. Alternate circles with stillness. Remember the Resilient Edge of Resistance, and both you and your partner will stay relaxed and energized.

The Womb Warmer
. Glide your palms in circles on her abdomen, in the area where her uterus is, or was, or would have been. Don’t be afraid to use some pressure—it can feel really good on an exhale. But be sensitive, especially if the woman is menstruating. Look for feedback in how she is responding to your touch, and when in doubt, ask. Alternate circles with stillness.

The Heart-Womb Palm Rest
. Rest one hand over her womb, and the other over her heart. Breathe with her. This stroke connects her energized womb with her heart.

Sensual Glove Strokes
. Familiarize your partner with the feel of latex or vinyl. Dance a pair of gloves gently over her skin; or try a more energizing stroke—a fast,
circular slapping motion up and down her body. A flogging with gloves is guaranteed to produce lots of energy and lots of laughs. It makes a lot of noise and doesn’t hurt at all. Put on the gloves and keep them on until the end of the massage. Place your hands on her womb and heart. Turn the hand on her womb toward her feet and move it over her pubic mound and genitals, and you’re ready to begin the next stroke.

The Heart-Pussy Palm Rest
. Rest one hand over her genitals, and the other hand over her heart. You are connecting heart energy and sexual energy. Just be still and be there.

The Outer Labia Acupress
. With the sides of your forefingers of both hands, press where the outer labia meet the thighs. This stroke helps your partner open herself to pleasure. Press, release, press, release.

The Pubic Hair Pull
. Grab fingerfuls of her pubic hair and lift. Don’t yank or jerk. Don’t tug on one hair at a time. Do scratch vigorously. Knead the pubic mound. This stroke feels great if it’s used sparingly, but it can get annoying if you overdo it. Stay conscious and in touch with each other so you’ll know the difference.

ARE WE BREATHING?

As giver, take another moment to make sure you are breathing consciously. Take a long, full, deep, audible breath. This will encourage your partner to breathe. There are numerous effective ways to encourage breathing throughout the course of the massage. Some of my favorite breath-coaching cheers include: “Wouldn’t a nice full breath feel good right now?” or “There’s so much nice, fresh air in the room; it’s a shame we’re not using more of it.” Some people might prefer the sassier “If you don’t breathe, I’ll turn off the vibrator,” or “Okay, don’t breathe—see if I care! “ That one is most effective when followed by an evil laugh. It’s all a matter of style.

The Vulva

Help your partner find a comfortable position. Her legs can be stretched out along the length of the table; or her knees can be raised, with her feet flat on the table. She can also put the bottoms of her feet together, with her knees apart. Use pillows under her knees for extra support.

The Vulva

Vibrate That Vulva
. Place your entire hand over her vulva. Hold and vibrate.

Pussy Petting
. Lubricate your hands. Ask if she’d like the lube warmed or cool. To warm the lube, pour a generous amount onto one palm and hold your hands together for a few moments. Pet her pussy with long, slow strokes from bottom to top, and then top to bottom. (Avoid the anus. You don’t want to introduce any bacteria from her anus into her vagina. It can cause a nasty infection.)

The Three-Finger Pussy Pet
. Using your three longest fingers, glide the middle finger between the two inner labia as the other two fingers slide along the space between the inner and outer labia on each side. You can hold the vulva open with your other hand, if that makes it easier.

The Outer/Inner Labia Massage
. Hold each of her labia between your thumb and fingertips and lovingly massage each of the outer labia, and then each of the inner labia. Be very specific and go slowly. Labia sizes will vary widely. Whatever you discover is both normal and unique.

Tour de France
. With one hand, gently pull the pubic mound up toward her belly to open the vulva. With the forefinger of your other hand, trace a circle between inner and outer labia from the perineum to above the clitoris and back to the perineum. For extra yum, add a little loop around the clitoris.

The Mushy Puss

The Mushy Puss
. Place your flattened hands on either side of the vulva and smoosh the labia together with the sides of your index fingers. Use a little pressure, because the clitoris is there in between getting a nice little stroke.

Divine Drumming
. Tap the inner thighs and vulva with your flat hand, as if playing a drum. Ask for her feedback—harder? Softer? A fast rhythm? Slow, single drumbeats? Be sensitive with this one. Some women like quite intense drumming; others might not like it as hard. A single drumbeat can send a charge of energy all the way to the top of her head. Receiver, don’t wait to be asked for feedback; ask for what you want. Giver, remember to say “thank you” whenever she names her desire.

The Breath of Spring
. Gently part her labia and blow air on them. Get closer and it’s a warm wind; stand back and it’s a cool breeze.

Time for a breathing check:
How is she doing? How are you doing?

The Clitoris

Open the labia and pull back the clitoral hood, revealing the clit. Some clits are shy and small. Others are bold and big. All clits are highly sensitive. Don’t just grope around blindly! If you lose sight or feel of the clit (or G-spot or labia or anything else), stop, find it, and then proceed. That’s the difference between conscious touch and unsatisfying groping. Keep your attention where your intention is.

Flutterby
. Gently touch and tickle her clitoris. Use an intentional but very light touch. Think of a butterfly’s wings. This touch can be slow or rapid. Ask which she prefers.

Rock around the Clit Clock
. This stroke is a huge favorite. Pretend that the clit is the center of a clock. With your forefinger, make tiny circles immediately to the side of the clit, stopping at the location of each “hour.” Tell her what “time” it is at each stroke, and ask which she likes best. Every person with a pussy will have a favorite hour. Two o’clock is very popular. Six o’clock is popular as well.

Pinch and Pull
. Using plenty of lube, try to pinch and pull the clit. (If you can actually pinch and pull it, you are not using enough lube!) You will be stroking down the clitoral hood, with the clitoral shaft underneath it. It feels amazing.

As She Likes It
. Any requests? There’s a good reason why all the strokes have fun, easy-to-remember names. It’s so you can ask for what you want easily. Ask her how she would like her clit massaged. She can ask you to repeat a stroke, or she may make up a new one!

Spreading the Energy Around

Involve her whole body. Beginning with any of the pussy strokes you’ve just learned, move on to spread the energy down her thighs and legs and up her body to her heart, her third eye, and the top of her head. Use your sensual massage strokes, particularly glides and kneading. Do this frequently and at any time during the massage. Keep returning to her vulva to reenergize.

Intravaginal Massage

It is always important to ask the receiver what she wants and enjoys, but never more important than now. Not every person with a pussy likes to be penetrated. And those women who do like to be penetrated deserve the courtesy of being asked. So this is the time to ask. If she says yes, enter her gently and slowly. If she is menstruating, you may need to remove a tampon. Remind her to breathe and relax; then gently remove the tampon, wrap it in a paper towel, and throw it away.

One Finger
. Use lots of lube. Very slowly, insert your well-lubed forefinger. (You did trim your fingernails, right?) Don’t do anything once you are inside, just be there. This is a wonderful time to breathe together and bring energy up to her heart.

Two Fingers
. Ask if she would like another finger. If she says yes, enter her with a second finger.
Slowly—
so that she has time to tell you to stop or slow down when she has had enough. Going slowly can also be delicious for the giver. Go completely into the experience of feeling what you’re touching.

The Four Directions
. With one or two fingers inside her vagina, stroke or press firmly upward (toward the ceiling). Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise and press to one side. Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise again and press downward (toward the floor). Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise once more and press to the other side. Repeat. Be aware of how much pressure you’re using. Firm pressure may feel yummy, but start gently.

The Goddess Spot
(
a.k.a. the G-Spot
). Locate and massage the entire urethral sponge with one or two fingers. The G-spot—the spot of greatest sensitivity—is located on the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge is the tissue of the upper (toward the ceiling) wall of the vagina. The texture of the G-spot is different from that of surrounding vaginal walls, which is smooth. The G-spot ranges in size from a half-inch to two inches in diameter, depending upon the woman and how stimulated she is. It has a rougher, sometimes ribbed or nubbly, texture.

Enter her with one finger and make a “come hither” gesture with it. You will probably know when you fi
nd
it by her reaction. But you can only be sure by asking her, so communication is key. Stimulating the G-spot tends to produce a jolting or electrically charged feeling. She may suddenly feel as though she has to pee. Start gently on the G-spot, but if you are having trouble finding it, you can try reaching in a little further and pressing a bit more firmly.

The G-Spot

The Doorbell
. Press firmly on her G-spot, as if ringing a doorbell. Press, release, press, release …

G-Spot Massage
. Apply steady pressure, circling around her G-spot in both directions. Stroke back and forth. Add clitoral stimulation with your other hand. Alternate between G-spot stimulation and clitoral stimulation; try ten seconds of each. Invite her to add Kegels. Kegels increase sexual energy and move it up the body.

Stop!

As the energy starts to build, it is even more important for you as the giver to remember to stop and center yourself and breathe with your partner for a moment. Just stop. Remember the power of stillness. These moments give the receiver time to integrate the energy and prepare her to move to even higher states of erotic charging.