Untaming Lily Wilde (16 page)

He moved her skillfully, letting her find a rhythm, watching her excitement build, then tugging her, thrusting her forward whenever her stamina dipped, jerking her body against his with such passion that shock-waves of energy ignited her veins.

That same energy roared through him. She could see it. The blood-rush to his lips, the way his eyes frenetically surfed the curves of her body, the way each pull of the belt made his jaw clench, determined, alive. She could have let him lead her, could so easily have taken his direction until she couldn't take any more. But she wanted to give too, wanted to show him how he made her feel.

She drew back, supporting herself on her knees and pulling back until the tip of his cock was only just inside her, then eased down fully upon him, the mirror image of the way he'd fucked her, slick and hard, against the window. His head tipped back as he groaned, his luscious muscles rippling, glistening with sweat. His biceps flexed and he gripped the belt tight, but he didn’t pull it. She repeated the movement, wondering how long Seb could resist pulling the belt. Again and again, she pulled up almost entirely then dropped down, each time a little more forceful, as he visibly struggled with the urge to take charge.

His self-control was wavering, his eyes darkening. Lily pulled back again, onto her knees, running her fingertips across his hard belly, testing him, challenging him to resist. Then as she thrust back down, he groaned again but this time it merged into laughter. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t hold back any longer.

He grabbed the belt tight, staring at her devilishly, eyes dark and wide, lips parted, then jolted her forward, over and over, hard and wild. And then the belt wasn’t enough. He threw it aside and grabbed her soft buttocks in his hands. She gasped as he jerked her fast and unyielding, and she gave herself over to him entirely, her thighs tightening, charged with a lust which coiled through her like a spring.

Seconds became tortuous minutes, until she was so on the brink of orgasm she could barely stand it. But she wanted to hold on. To enjoy the escalating agony. Too bad. She was a goner. Her eyes clouded. He pulled her forward, flat upon him. Her lips met with his then opened, tongues melting together as one final thrust filled her senses with spasms of blinding white light. And at that moment there was nothing else.

Just her body and his. Inseparable.

Lily woke up roughly a half hour later, still on her living-room floor, but now draped in the throw from the sofa. Seb was still lying next to her, but that muscle in his jaw was working overtime again.

“What's wrong?" she said.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Nothing's wrong. I'm just - thinking. You know how I told you I want to try something new - clean up my unholy act?” he said. “ Well it's been five years since my last -”

“Confession?”

“…relationship. And I want to try having a girlfriend. You - I want you to be my girlfriend. One hundred percent monogamy.”

Lily propped herself up on her elbows, then winced, remembering her sore shoulder a little too late. "Pleased to hear it," she said.

"But I don't think you're ready."

She sat up. It felt like such a cruel blow. Building her up, just to knock her down again.

"Why?!" She stared at him, now wide awake. "Was it the sex?"

"Christ, no. Of course not." He pulled her on top of him, raking his fingers through her hair. "I loved the sex."

Lily pulled away from him. She scanned the floor for her towel and grabbed it. Somehow, this felt like a conversation she didn't want to have naked. The kind of conversation where you started off sunshine and forget-me-nots and you ended up totally fucking miserable.

"I don't understand what you’re talking about then."

"I'm talking about this -" He lifted the diary into view and Lily had the sinking realization he'd been looking at it again while she slept. "- your New Year’s resolution. I'm talking about you wanting to experiment for a while, after eight years with that tosser."

"I wasn't with you when I decided that."

He rolled onto his side to face her. Where the hell was he going with this?

"So you don't feel that way now?" he asked. His gentle tone failed to soften the underlying message that was coming through loud and clear:
this was just a bit of fun - don't expect any more from me
. Lily prayed that was just her insecurities talking.

Seb continued, "You're telling me that us starting up a relationship right now wouldn't feel like a compromise? Because I think it would."

Screw this. "I'm gonna go get dressed," she said, managing, with difficulty, to pick herself up, and pulling the towel tight around her.

"Lily, will you just listen?”

She didn't answer. She walked off to her bedroom and closed the door.

"Lily?" He called, his voice barely muffled by the thin partition walls.

She ignored him.

Laundry, some clean, some less so, lay strewn across the room. She grabbed a jumper dress and leggings from the bed, pulled them on and tried to centre herself.

"Lily, will you just hear me out?" He knocked gently on her bedroom door.

Oh shit, here we go.
Lily pulled open the door. Seb was leaning against the chipped gloss door frame, jeans slung low about his hips, his expression a mixture of confusion and concern. Keep you cool, she told herself, and whatever you do, don’t sodding well cry.

“I'm not saying it's perfect,” she said. “In an ideal world, I'd meet you six months - maybe even a year down the road. But that didn’t happen - did it - so -”

“This is exactly what I'm saying.” Seb tried to reach out to her, but she flinched back.

“What? What are you saying? That you don't want me, because I might not be ready? Isn’t that up to me? Of all the lame excuses. If you don’t really want-”

“I want you.”

He said it with such cool, hypnotizing clarity that Lily was brought up short. Even that nagging voice - the one that told her she’d never live up to his expectations - was forced to temporarily shut up and listen. She waited, listening to the radiators popping to life, while Seb stood there unmoving. It seemed like he was struggling to say what needed to be said.

“Can we sit down?” he said gesturing towards to bed. Lily stepped aside, letting him in, but there was a palpable distance between them when they sat down.

Seb sighed. “I guess what I'm saying is I've got a proposition for you. It’s just an idea. But I think you should do what you planned to do.”

What in God’s name does that mean?
Lily stared at him. As the moment dragged, her lips seemed to twist into a wary knot of tension, and her brow creased painfully. But she didn’t look away.

“What I’m saying is, I think you should have it - your year of experimentation - maybe six months - we'd have to iron out the details - and then, once you're done, we draw a line under it.”

Whatever Lily had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. All the tension slipped from her expression, her lips parting incredulously. It was like she’d suddenly lost all muscle control in her face, and all she could do was stare, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, for long, drawn-out, seconds. “And you'd - what? You'd just wait?” This was craziness. Surely he could hear how crazy it was.

“Not exactly. I don't think I could keep my hands off you for all that time.”

“So...”

“So what I'm saying is, I won't be seeing anyone else. Just you. But maybe you should see other people.”

“Jesus. And that wouldn't bother you?” Lily was leaning closer now, studying his face in pure amazement. He stole the opportunity to pull her against him, resting her head on his lap, while she gazed up at him astonished.

He ran his fingers through her hair as he spoke. “I don't entirely love the idea of you with other people. But then I don't love the idea of you always wondering about this stuff. If you choose to be with me - which hopefully you will - then I don't want it to be a compromise. And in the mean time, you can always experiment with me too, y’know.”

She didn’t speak at first. There was an odd kind of logic to what he was saying, and though her gut instinct told her this idea was madness, she couldn’t entirely pinpoint a good reason why.

“I don't think I could do it,” she finally said. “I kind of see the sense in what you’re saying. But it would seem so unfair on you.”

“Neither situation is fair- either way, one of us would lose out. It's just that my loss would be temporary. Hopefully. You might never get a decent opportunity to experiment safely.”

Experiment safely?
“You're losing me again.”She rolled her face a little towards his stomach, her cheek grazing his skin.

“OK - What I'm suggesting is this- that you let me look out for you. I do have a certain amount of experience in this area.”

“Your shady past.”

“My shady literally-only-just past. It would mean having more involvement with Ana and Grayson than I'd like. I’ve pretty much left the party stuff to them lately, and I can’t get back involved with that scene, but I trust them to help you out. They act like children, but they’re responsible - they wouldn’t take risks with your safety. At least this way I wouldn't have to spend the next - however long - worrying about you.”

Lily closed her eyes. Lying in his lap, the whole idea of wanting anyone - or anything - but Seb, seemed nuts. But would she wonder? Would she look at those blank diary pages in years to come and feel a tiny seed of regret growing in her? Making matters worse, that same ugly doubt was still circling her thoughts like some menacing bird of pray:
How can he say this if he really wants me?

“You're very quiet. Say something,” he said.

“I just... Be honest. Is this some weird way of letting me down gently? Because it wouldn't be - gentle. Not gentle at all.”

He sighed. “What do I have to do to convince you? I told you already. No two ways about it,” he said, sliding his hand up inside her jumper dress, and finding her bra-less. He cocked an eyebrow suggestively. “Surely you can see I want you?”

“I can see you're horny again -” Lily said, feeling him stiffen beneath her, “- not sure that's the same thing.”

He pulled her upright and leaned in close, face to face, so that his lips brushed hers as he spoke. “You're mine, Lily Wilde. Now, less of that lip. Say yes to my very good idea, and climb back on cowgirl.”

It was impossible not to laugh. He was so damn brazen. “Maybe,” she said. “All I'm saying is maybe.” She’d need time to think this through. And right now, as Seb eased her jumper dress over her head, kissing her collar bone, her neck, her jaw, her lips - well - quite frankly, she might have been persuaded to dance a naked can-can through Piccadilly Circus, if it meant they could just keep on with the sex.

As Seb kissed her ear, she felt his lips stretch into a smile. “Do I really have to persuade you to play away? Seems a little absurd, don’t you think.”

You cocky bastard, you know you’ve won.
“Fine.”

“Yes, gorgeous? Something you wanted to say?” He slid his hand into her leggings, between her legs, straight to the pleasure point.

Lily gasped. “You’re a control freak - you know that?”

“It’s been said.”

She rode his fingers, her arms draped over his shoulders. Some time very soon, I’m going to get my sanity back, she told herself. But that time wasn’t now. Riding on the brink of climax, she was his. A fog of heat and lust and longing poured through her, and Lily gave Seb his three letter word. A word which suddenly seemed so simple, so benign, so unlikely to lead her into danger.

“Yes.”

Sunday 6th Feb

Dear Diary,

I’m kind of seeing Seb. And my kind-of-boyfriend wants me to crack on with the resolution. Am I really going to do this?! This is very weird territory. It all seemed to make a sort of sense when he first said it, but now I'm just imagining him seething in the background while I try -unsuccessfully - to find my thrill on Blueberry Hill (so to speak). Though maybe I'm just projecting a bit of Tom onto Seb.

Urgh. Tom. How the hell did it all get so messy?! Not only did he let himself into MY flat, but he also treated himself to an eyeful of you, my dear dirty diary. It all got heated so quickly - it was like watching Dr Jekyll transition into Mr Hyde. I don't think he meant to hurt me at first, when he pushed me. But the arsehole held me down. And would he have stopped, if Seb hadn't thumped on the door? Honestly? I just don't know. A year ago, I wouldn't have thought he had it in him. Even after what he did last summer, it seems like a stretch. Sure, he'd scared me back then, but that was nothing compared to yesterday. To think I once loved that mad bastard.

My shoulder is still pretty raw. I could still report him to police. Seb wants me to. I'm not ruling it out - mainly because I hate the idea of Tom hurting some other poor woman further down the line. But the bloody nose Seb gave him does kind of complicate things. I'm not sure I could report Tom to the police without plunging Seb into extremely deep and murky water. So I guess the likelihood is, I'll stay quiet.

I'm now waiting in for a locksmith to come fit a new lock. Seb - in full authoritarian mode - insisted on arranging it, so I'm slightly concerned the guy's going to turn up with a six bolt jail-house mega-lock. Also, Lord H wants me to put a sign on the main door, telling people to watch who they let into the building. Apparently, when I didn't respond, Seb got inside using the old buzz-every-buzzer-until-someone-buzzes-you-in technique. I pointed out that, under the circumstances, this was a GOOD thing.