Untamed (Vampire Awakenings, Book 3) (31 page)

An eternity with a man she was fairly certain
she was in love with, but what about
her
life? How could she give up everything she'd
always known? Would she even have to give it all up? Her heart felt
like it was shattering, tears slid down her face as her thoughts
turned to her parents. She couldn't stand the thought of messing
with their minds in any way. Then there was everything that he had
just revealed about his sexual history. She didn't know how to
assimilate the man that had touched her with such tenderness and
care, with the one that had enjoyed inflicting and having pain
inflicted upon him so much.

It was nightfall when she emerged from her
room. She hadn't meant to fall asleep but exhaustion had taken hold
of her after Ethan's revelations, and now she was wide-awake. There
was a light on in the kitchen but the rest of the house was still
as she made her way down the hall. A small squeak escaped her when
Ethan lifted his arm from his eyes as she stepped into the living
room; she hadn't seen him lying on the couch until he'd moved. She
clutched the edges of her robe together and let out a nervous laugh
as a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

"I fell asleep. Is everyone else already in
bed?"

"They are." There were sundaes topped with
whip cream and cherries that didn't look as enticing as he did when
he sat up and put his feet on the floor. The muscles in his back
flexed as he dropped his head into his hands and ran his fingers
through his disheveled hair. She'd never seen a man as chiseled as
he was as her mouth began to water. "Are you hungry?"

"Just getting some water."

"I'll get it for you."

"You don't have to..." He was already rising
to his feet though and heading toward the kitchen. The shorts he
wore hung low on his waist, revealing the v-shape of muscles at his
hips and the trail of hair that led to an enticing place that she
yearned to touch again. Her heart was racing as she followed a few
feet behind him. He pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and
handed it to her. "Thank you. Has Tristan done anything
tonight?"

"Not so far."

"Do you plan to stay awake all night?"

"I can't sleep anyway." He leaned against the
counter to study her from eyes that were that strange mix of red
and green.

Emma took a sip of water as she studied him.
Her fingers twitched as she fought the urge to touch his smooth
skin. She would give anything to ease the tension in his shoulders,
anything to turn the color of his eyes back to the vibrant green
that she loved so much. Unable to hold his gaze anymore her eyes
darted to the fridge. She frowned at the massive dent in it.

"What happened?" she inquired.

He barely glanced at it. "I lost my temper
the other night after what happened with Tristan and punched
it."

Emma's eyebrows shot up as she stared at the
massive dent in the middle of the heavy-duty appliance. The amount
of force behind that punch must have been about the same as a
charging bull. "Remind me not to piss you off."

"I'd cut my hands off before I ever touched
you in anger."

Her eyes flew back to his, her heart melted
at the absolute conviction behind his words. "Ethan, I don't want
to hurt you."

"You're not Emma."

"Your eyes..."

"I'm fine."

"My family..."

"I know how important family is Emma, believe
me. You've met some of the crazies that are a part of mine."

She chuckled as she took another sip of
water. "They're not so bad." Her body began to heat and tingle as
she felt his stare burning over her skin. She took another drink in
order to wet her parched throat as she prepared herself to ask her
next question. "Did you want to do to me what you did with those
other women?" She could feel the color creeping into her face at
the question. She'd barely heard her own words but he inhaled
harshly and his hands clenched upon the counter.

"No," he hissed. Her eyes flew up to his.
"Not once Emma did I ever think about doing such a thing to you, or
have you do anything like that to me."

"Did you..." she broke off and swallowed
heavily, she was pretty sure if she touched her face right now she
might actually burn her palms. "Did you miss it? Was what was
between us lacking in some way for you?"

He grabbed hold of her chin as she ducked her
head and nudged it upward. "Look at me, Emma." He didn't speak
again until her lashes reluctantly fluttered upward and she
hesitatingly met his gaze. "There was nothing lacking between us,
nothing
. What
is
between us is something pure and wonderful.
What I did with those women was lacking and I never want to
experience it again, I've never been as fulfilled as I have been
since meeting you."

"Ethan..." she breathed as tears filled her
eyes. She didn't think she'd ever heard such amazing and beautiful
words before in her life

"But you're still not ready for me are
you?"

"It's not that."

"You're not ready for my world, if you were
you wouldn't be asking me questions."

"What would I be doing?" she whispered.

"You'd be taking me to bed."

She smiled tremulously at him. "I don't think
that's a good idea right now."

His hand slid away from her chin. "Maybe you
should try and get some more sleep."

She was thrown off by the change of topic but
his eyes had started to turn a deeper shade of red as he watched
her. "You're right," she mumbled. "Thank you for the water."

A trickle of apprehension slid through Emma
as she noticed his hands clenched around the edge of the granite
countertop and the corded muscles standing out in his arms. A bead
of sweat had begun to form on his forehead. She did this to him;
she was
doing
this to him.

"Ethan..." she took a step closer to him in
order to try and comfort him. She had to do something to ease that
awful look on his face other than just walking away.

"Eternity Emma, blood, death,
your
death." His eyes pinned her to the spot,
making her immobile as they became the color of a stop sign, and
seemed to be trying to convey the same message. "You remember those
things when you come near me; you remember those things when you
think you might want to touch me again."

Her hand lifted toward him before dropping
back to her side. "I want to touch you all the time," she
whispered. "I'm scared though. I've just found out something I
thought was only a legend is real, and my ex is trying to kill me.
Even through all of that I want to touch you. I'd like nothing more
than to have you hold me because I think that would make it all
better, but I can't hide behind you. I have to face this, but no
matter what happens you have to know, I will
always
want to touch you. No one has ever made me
feel like you do, you're like a drug to me, and if I'm not careful
I'm afraid you're going to burn me out and destroy me just like a
drug would."

She hadn't realized she was actually crying
until the first fat drop fell onto her hand. She hastily wiped it
away and then wiped at her cheeks. Ethan was staring at her with a
mixed look of awe and horror, the red had faded from his eyes and
this time it was him that took a step toward her. It almost felt as
if a ripple of static electricity was sliding over her skin as he
came even closer to her. Oh yes, she wanted to touch him, just as
badly as a heroin addict craved their next hit, and with just as
much knowledge that the next hit might kill her.

"I have to go," she gushed out and turned and
bolted from the room. She felt like a child as she fled into her
bedroom and quietly closed the door. Her hands were shaking as
fresh tears began to stream down her face. What an awful mess all
of this was, what an awful
heartbreaking
mess.

And yes, as she stood there, leaning against
the door and weeping uncontrollably, she realized that was exactly
what this was. For the first time in her life, her heart was
shattering.

***

Emma let her hair drop back down before
plopping onto the bed beside Jill and Mandy. She couldn't do
anything with it anyway, and right now she didn't care. Her eyes
were still bloodshot and she felt as if someone had thrown sand
into them. She'd barely gotten any sleep last night, she didn't
look much better than she felt, and her hair was not cooperating
with her at all.

She turned back to her friends, it was on the
tip of her tongue to tell them what Ethan had revealed to her
yesterday about mates, but she held back. Though she didn't
understand it, she knew his revelation had been something extremely
private, that he had spoken of a bond that went even deeper than
human love, and that he wouldn't appreciate it being shared with
others.

"I'd like to be able to get out of this house
if only for an hour," she muttered.

"I don't see why we can't, there are still
plenty of daylight hours left for us to enjoy," Jill said
cheerfully.

Emma stared at the balcony doors as she
thought over those words. "The humans they control can move about
in the day time though."

"I'm not saying we go out there alone, I'd
like to keep you alive, but our vampires are completely capable of
moving about in the sunlight."

"
Our
vampires?" Mandy asked.

Jill tossed back her hair as she flashed a
smile. "I wouldn't mind making one of them mine for at least a
night or two."

"You're incorrigible," Emma told her.

"Have you
seen
his brothers, I'm only human after all."

Emma shook her head. "Yes you are, and you're
annoyingly accepting of the fact that they could eat you in the
middle of the night."

Jill waved her hand dismissively. "You're
still alive so I'm sure I'll survive." Emma couldn't help but laugh
at Jill's cavalier attitude as her friend fairly bounced on the
bed. "But we have to get out of this house before we all start to
go stir crazy and try to kill each other."

Emma had to agree as she walked over to the
mirror and tugged her hair into a loose knot that hung against the
nape of her neck. There was nothing she could do about her eyes so
she grabbed a pair of tinted aviator sunglasses and slipped them
on. It wasn't much of an improvement but at least she didn't look
like she'd just been on a weeklong bender anymore.

"Let's go see if we can get an escort out of
this place," Mandy said and climbed to her feet.

Emma took a deep breath and braced herself
before opening the door. She felt like a kid trying to catch Santa
but after the events of last night she wasn't sure how well she was
going to be received by Ethan. She wasn't surprised to find all of
them gathered on the patio. Ethan was leaning back in his chair,
his legs out before him, and his arms crossed over his chest. A
pair of black sunglasses covered his eyes and though she couldn't
see them, she felt it the instant that they landed upon her.

Any words she'd been about to utter died.
Thankfully, Jill wasn't as easily overwhelmed by a man as she was.
"We were hoping to get out of this house for a bit."

Ethan remained silent as his gaze stayed
locked upon Emma. It was taking everything he had not to fall
apart, not to give into the spiraling pit of madness he could feel
opening just beneath his feet. The sight of her helped to take away
the edge of his impending insanity but like the whiskey, it was
only a temporary fix, one that would only dull the agony until his
mind splintered apart and he would finally have to be put down. It
was a conversation he planned to have with Stefan and Brian, when
Brian finally arrived; it was time to face the reality that he may
have to be destroyed when all of this was over.

If not beforehand...

No, he would keep his sanity until he ensured
her safety. He could keep control of himself long enough for that
to happen, or at least he hoped he could. Even now he could feel
the monster within him slithering through his mind, urging him to
take her, to change her, to ease his own misery and screw the
consequences. She would forgive him over time; she would have no
other choice if he completed the bond. He would
never
forgive himself though and he loved her too
much to violate her in such a way.

"I think that might actually be a good idea.
I wouldn't mind checking out some things," Aiden said.

He loved his siblings but there were times
when he would really like to choke them. His jaw locked as his gaze
slid toward Aiden. "So would I," Ian said.

"It's too dangerous," Ethan grated out from
between his teeth.

"No more dangerous than in here. You said
yourself they're not able to move around in the daylight," Ian
reminded him.

"There are more humans out there; any one of
them could be under Tristan's influence."

"And any one of them could try and get in
here," Jill pointed out. "As long as we stay together we'll be
fine."

Ethan's teeth ground together, his fingers
dug into his biceps as he took a deep breath and tried to calm
himself. They couldn't possibly know that every part of him hurt,
even his hair. They didn't understand that all he wanted was to
tear the throat out of someone, feast upon their blood, and give
into the relief he knew the insanity would offer him.

"It would be good to get out," Emma
agreed.

Ethan could feel their gazes burning into him
as they all turned toward him. He felt the force of the
no
burning in his throat, but the
hope in her voice kept his tongue nailed to the roof of his mouth.
The only thing she'd asked from him since all of this had started
was time, she didn't hate him for keeping this from her; she hadn't
run screaming from him even when he'd been trying to get her to do
so. How could he deny her something so simple?