Unspoken (8 page)

“You can go on a county fair tour, you know?” said Jackson looking at the paper.

“I’m listening,” said Alexa sitting on the chair where I was. I busied myself at the counter re-arranging the muffins but I was listening.

“Yeah, I’ve read online,” Alexa raised an eyebrow; “I have a lot of time in my hands ok?” said Jackson and Alexa nodded. “I’ve read that in addition of the pie baking contest, and the blue ribbon and all that crap they also have little cupcake contests.”

“Ok,” Alexa kept looking at him.

“Well, maybe, she could go to various fairs with her cupcakes, gain a bit of experience and be ready for the big one,” he shrugged.

“That sounds amazing, Marion.” Said Alexa turning to look at me.

“I have to think about it,” I said cleaning the top of the counter with a cloth even though it was spotless.

“Is this National contest something like Cupcake Wars?” asked Jackson and this time I raised my eyebrow.

“They reminded me of you.” He said shrugging. I blushed as red as a tomato, beet and strawberry all together. I nodded and went to the kitchen. Why the fuck did he have to say things like that? Why? Why? Why? I banged my head once on the fridge and went into a baking frenzy. I had never been so productive as now that Jackson was back.

Alexa and Jackson didn’t talk about the contest subject anymore but later that day I found in the counter of the bakery a purple tulip with the poster for the contest wrapped around it. I took the tulip and cried, I must admit, and went into the kitchen to bake some Nutella Sandwich cookies.

It had been one week since Jackson left when I found them. A bouquet of purple tulips in the kitchen of Ronan’s bakery.

“Those are for you.” Said Ronan when I showed up to work that morning. I went closer and picked up the card.
No sharing.
That’s all it said. I felt my heart doing summersaults and I wanted to run to the street and scream that he remembered me. We hadn’t exchange numbers and we’d agreed we wouldn’t have any kind of cell communication or social media crap because it would only make everything so difficult and it would be the source of a lot of misunderstandings.

Purple tulips became a thing for us. Every once in while I would receive a bouquet of those with the line,
No sharing
. I came to figure that he sent those when he was missing me the most or wanted to make sure that I knew he cared. I was happy with those little details that told me that I was on his mind. They told me that he was a sure thing in my life and he could be sure that I was a sure thing in his life. Those purple tulips made me fall harder for him.

The next couple of weeks I realized that Leonard’s job made him travel a lot. He didn’t go very often to the bakery and his phone calls were always made from some place outside the Tri State area or the U.S.A. altogether. Last time we spoke he was in London. I was preparing the day’s menu and he was about to have lunch. Still we managed to go out on a couple of coffee dates and one movie.

“Alexa and Jackson want me to enter a cupcake contest,” I said one of those outings as casual as I could. Leonard cocked his head and smiled. I was getting to know that look, he was looking me with the,
I know something that you already know
look
.
“What?” I smiled.

“You are doing it,” he said drinking his dirty Martini. I’ve come to realize that he was very sophisticated in his likes.

“I don’t want to,” I shrugged taking a sip of my chocolate Martini. It was delicious.

“Yes, you do,” he said reaching for my hand. I looked up to him and said,
convince me,
with a smile but he didn’t get it. We didn’t have a secret language.

“Cupcakes are not my thing,” I shook my head.

“Have you made them?” I nodded “Are you any good?” I nodded and blushed. “Then go ahead and do it.”

“I’ve always wanted to enter that particular contest,” I admitted.

“What’s the prize?”

“A cupcake shop anywhere I want,” I said biting my lip.

“Do it, Marion!” he squeezed my hand “You’ll nail it.”

It took me a couple of days to make my decision. It had taken me a little over two weeks to get to a conclusion but between the research I did online, the tulips (yes there were more) and the talk with Leonard I reached a decision.

“I’m doing it,” I said one Sunday afternoon at the bakery while Alexa read a stupid fashion magazine and Jackson looked at his computer. They both looked up from whatever they were doing.

“You are?” asked Alexa and I nodded.

“Good.” said Jackson and came over to the counter where I was standing.

“Alexa, the notebook,” he said reaching for a notebook that Alexa had under the counter.

“This is the Cupcake tour,” he said opening the notebook to a cupcake drawing “Alexa did that,” he said changing the page, “we’ve planned all the tiny cupcake competitions you are going to be doing from today until the day of the national,” he said showing me a calendar of all sorts of contests with the themes, dates and times mapped out. I wanted to cry.

“You did that?” I asked Jackson.

“We both did,” he said.

“Not really,” Said Alexa looking between the two of us, “I only did the cupcake at the first page but I am excited,” she said smiling.

“Thank you, guys,” I said putting my arms around both of them and hugged them.

The first step was to enter an online contest where the only thing that would be judged would be the documenting of the step by step of the process of making a cool cupcake and the picture of the end result of the cupcake. According to Jackson that would allow me to get the experience that I claimed not to have even though Alexa said that I did because I had done at least 50 catering services that included cupcakes. That was a 40 minutes debate because I said that it wasn’t the same, Alexa said that it was and Jackson said that the “Tour,” was designed for that. Either way, I was going to be up to my elbows in cupcakes.

“So why exactly are you doing this?” Jackson asked me. We were in his pool house with a bunch of ingredients I stole from my grandma’s pantry to try a new recipe I saw online.

“Because it’s new and fun and I need to have experience in a lot of things,” I said while making some frosting.

“You should come back to bed,” he said patting the bed. He’d come back from college for a couple of days for his fall break. It had been an amazing surprise. I was sitting at the picnic tables outside of the bakery doing some homework, glad that I was graduating that year, when I felt it; I felt my whole body react, it was as if the winds had changed, my hands shook and my lips tingled. When I looked up he was there, sitting against the hood of his car with his legs crossed at the ankles and his arms crossed. He was smiling
I missed you so much.
I stood up and ran towards him and when I got to him I jumped and put my legs around his waist, my hands on his neck.

“I missed you too,” I said and then kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Maybe there wasn’t, maybe he was there for a few hours. I looked at him and smiled,
How long..?

“The weekend,” he kissed me still holding me by the waist, “I leave on Sunday.”

“Then we have to make the most of it,” I said.

And that’s what we were trying to do at the pool house.

“Taste this,” I said sitting with him in bed. He took a large bite. I laughed and kissed him.

“You had frosting,” I said licking my own lips, “what do you think?” I asked.

“It’s delicious. What is it?” he said devouring the rest of it.

“It’s a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting.”

“Is that a thing?” he asked grabbing me by the waist.

“Just a thing I saw online,” I shrugged and giggled while he kissed my neck.

“You should tell Ronan about it, he might include it in the bakery.” He began to unbutton the shirt I was wearing, which happened to be his.

“I don’t know,” I thought for a bit while he REALLY tried to unbutton the shirt, “I don’t think cupcakes will be a BIG thing.” I shrugged and let him undress me.

It was Sunday and after I finished baking everything that covered that day’s menu I left to start working on some ideas for the contest. I baked a lot of cupcakes and was beginning to lose my mind when I heard someone at my door. I opened the door and found Jackson standing in my doorway.

“Come in,” I said leaving the door empty and going to the kitchen.

“Wow,” he said looking around “You have flour in your face,” he said walking into the kitchen space “and in your hair.” He said.

“I know,” I said sitting down on the floor and looked up, “you look too nice to sit at the floor,” I said blowing some air to get a tendril of red waves out of my face. Jackson did look nice, he was dressed in jeans and a royal blue polo shirt; it seemed that he had cut his hair like half an inch because it was completely messed up but with style and he had groomed his beard. “You did something to your beard,” I said.

“I did,” he nodded and grinned,
We need to get out of here.

“Where to?” I asked still sitting on the floor.

“Where did you make your first cupcake ever?” he asked with his hands on his jeans pockets. I smiled,
at
the pool house
.

“Right,” he moved around the kitchen opening containers and throwing every cupcake I’ve made that day, “Bring everything you need,” he said still putting everything in sight in containers, “you need to go back to basics.” He said and I couldn’t even smile. I was afraid my smile would give away too much of what I was thinking. I was sure that I needed to get out of there to get inspired but the pool house…. It was too much. Pool house always meant sex and heart to heart conversations and sex, and baking and sex and saying good bye but mostly sex.

“It feels too weird to be here,” I said looking around the pool house. It was practically the same as I remembered.

“Why?” Asked Jackson as he put everything we’d brought in the kitchen counters. “Because of all the sex we had here?” he finally turned around and looked at me.

“Jackson!” I said covering my face with my hands trying to cover the blush that was extending quickly to my neck.

“C’mon, Mar,” he said walking towards me “we can’t keep ignoring our past.” He put a hand on my hip and with the other tried to move my hands off of my face.

“We aren’t ignoring our past, Jackson,” I said once he had my hands on his hands “It’s just too…,”painful, frustrating, heartbreaking… the list could go on.

“Difficult.” He said. That was one word for it. I nodded, “I know, Mar,” he smiled
It’s difficult for me too.

“Is it? Jackson? I was the one that was left all alone wondering if you would be coming back!” I finally took a step back and paced around the pool house “I waited for you for a long time,” I turned to look at him and I could see the pain in his eyes. I knew he was feeling what I was feeling.

“I thought about you so much, Mar. Why do you think that I am here? Why would I run away to the Hamptons from all places?” he said.

“I don’t know!” I threw my hands up and looked at him “You tell me, Jackson, because I’ve been asking myself that same question for the past 3 months,” I didn’t want to cry but I could feel tears on my eyes already.

“I came here because this has been the only place, in my 28 years of life, where I’ve felt completely safe and happy,” he walked closer and put his hands on my cheeks “I needed to feel the peace that I felt back then,” he put his forehead against mine but I kept my arms crossed because I didn’t want to touch him, not there, in the pool house.

“I had been in town for 5 hours when you saw me at the bakery,” he finally said, he was opening up and I felt my heart come to live; I felt little beats that let me know that I was alive “I was so ready to go back to New York,” he let out a tiny laugh. “When I saw you I realized that it wasn’t the Hamptons that gave me peace, it was you,” no, this was dangerous, my heart beats were loud and clear now and this could only lead to sadness and destruction.

“Jackson,” I whispered trying to move.

“Let me finish, Mar,” he said tightening his grip on my face a little, “It’s you that makes me feel good about myself, at ease with my life. That’s why I am here. I need you in my life,” I was crying like a baby but everything was so overwhelming; I was sad because he wasn’t saying that he wanted to be with me officially but I was happy because he was finally opening up to me.

Jackson finally opened his eyes and looked at me confused. It was as if he had been in a trance and he had just come out of it. I smiled,
I’m here.

“And I’m here,” he said and I nodded.

“So, the conversation was over “are you staying here?” I asked, walking to the kitchen.

“No, I sleep in the main house,” he said sitting on the bed. “This should be only for us.” I just nodded because, really, I didn’t want to get into that topic again.

“Do you like red velvet cake?” I asked as I took out a couple of undecorated cupcakes.

“Never tried it,” he said walking to the kitchen.