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Flushed, with cap askew, she laughed up at Dr Tester then heard clapping as someone behind her applauded the kiss. The faint prickle at the back of her neck warned her.

Her smile fading, she turned and met Rick Alexandre's mocking gaze. His lips were smiling as he pretended to join in the festive mood but the deep-set eyes were hostile. Anna wished she was dead. The man she loved and he hated her! She was sure of it now.

Dr Tester kissed all the nurses so at least Anna hadn't been singled out specially, but try as she might she could not forget the expression on Rick's face, the coldness of those stormy blue-grey eyes.

If it hadn't been for the patients Christmas would have been spoiled for her after that. But she threw herself wholeheartedly into the fun. The only two rather poorly patients had been moved to the side-room which women's medical had at last vacated. Anna took her turn sitting with them, holding their hands or just listening while they talked.

They were both getting on in years, at least so it seemed to the youthful Anna, and one of them, Fred Johnson, received no visitors that day because there was no public transport and his crippled wife could not afford the taxi-fare. Anna sat by him longer than she intended.

She was gently stroking his hand when a voice she knew well called her name. Glancing up, she smiled tentatively at Rick Alexandre, who gave her a brooding, considering look, then turned his attention to Mr Johnson.

Feeling snubbed, Anna kept her eyes firmly downcast while Rick chatted to the man. She knew why he'd come, for Staff Nurse Powell had earlier said how poorly the man looked. He was purplish and very weak. Anna wondered why ITU had sent him to Park Ward but supposed they knew best.

Rick finished his examination and without another word to Anna he sauntered away, white coat flapping, head bent as if in thought. Her sad green eyes followed him, the ache within her growing by the minute. If only he would ask, she could tell him that she didn't even fancy the consultant. But he'd seen the kiss and must have been aware that she had responded.

It was like a nightmare she'd had once, of being lost in a maze, each turning leading back to the beginning with no end in sight. On that occasion, Anna recalled being awoken by the alarm before she had found a way out. But this was a nightmare come to life, surrounding her like the maze and she could see no way of solving the puzzle, of finding the exit. Her head began to throb and she patted Mr Johnson's still hand.

He appeared so peaceful, snoring gently now, and Anna wished she could just drop off to sleep like that. It was something that came with old age, she supposed, like artificial teeth. Smiling at the idea of Rick displaying plastic teeth on the rare occasions he laughed, Anna rang the bell. It was time for another nurse to take over.

During the evening the carol-singers came around. These were not the hospital singers but a group from combined local charities and the League of Friends. Anna stood in the main ward just listening, the sweet singing filling her with longing. Her heart ached with the beauty of it all and her glance swept the ward, lingering on the face of each patient in turn. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. Rick Alexandre stood a few feet away, head bent, but she didn't permit her glance to linger on him. It was obvious why he was there. Margaret Warwick was in the front row of the choir. Of course she seemed to be a friend of Dr Tester's as well as Dr Alexandre's, yet it was Rick who stood there. The consultant had gone off duty.

She wondered anew about Margaret Warwick. The woman was too old for Rick she decided, but one never knew. Perhaps he enjoyed sophisticated, experienced women. He certainly didn't want a girl who was still wet behind the ears, that was for sure. A tear trickled slowly down her cheek and, surprised, Anna brushed it away. It must be the poignancy of the moment. Never would she admit it might be sorrow because the
man
she loved hardly noticed her existence.

When the long shift was almost over, and the ward was quiet, the lights dimmed, Anna walked softly towards the office to check the duty-sheet and a movement in the shadows caught her eye. Dr Alexandre was holding a bunch of mistletoe aloft with one hand, his other arm was very firmly around the tall but slender girl in his arms.

Anna gasped and hurriedly stifled it, but the couple were lost in their own world. For one heart-stopping moment she believed it was Margaret Warwick but as she hovered in a convenient shadow, someone put the light on in the ward kitchen, illuminating the tender scene. It was Rick all right but the girl was blonde and Anna thought it was the girl she'd seen him with before, in Middleborough.

Evidently she worked in the hospital. As she turned, laughing, Anna recognised her as one of the Path Lab assistants, Beth something-or-other.

Her heart heavy, Anna coughed to indicate her presence, then strode briskly into the office pretending she hadn't witnessed the little love scene. Her cup of bitterness was full now. Her heart was broken and completely beyond repair.

When she returned to the ward after her days off, she found that Fred Johnson had died in her absence. Although nurses were not supposed to become emotionally involved with patients Anna had been fond of the man. He was a sweetie, in some respects like her own father, who had been admired by everyone. There weren't many men left like that, she reflected, her eyes sad as she drew up an injection under Staff Nurse Powell's eagle eye.

The injection was for Mr Robards, who was far from sweet and if anyone admired him it was Mr Robards himself. Anna had met his wife briefly, a small, thin, yet energetic woman, greatly in contrast to the eighteen-stone bulk of Mr Robards. He was a fairly new admission. Anna hadn't done many injections on Park and only one on her previous ward so each one was still an ordeal. She wasn't as dextrous as some of the others and Staff Nurse's foot was tapping impatiently by the time Anna had finished drawing up the injection.

Mr Robards eyed them uneasily as they approached his bed, then his gaze swept past them. Anna glanced back, wondering what he could see that she could not. It was Dr Tester, smiling and handsome, immaculate as ever, and he was heading straight for Mr Robards's bed.

Anna,
panicking, signalled her distress to Staff Nurse, who merely shrugged. Then she relented and whispered 'I'll see him off'.

Anna was so relieved that she beamed at Mr Robards, who gave her a doubtful smile in return. 'Like sticking needles into poor defenceless men, do you?' he asked, half-jesting.

'No! Injections aren't very pleasant for nurse
or
patient. I'll just draw the curtains and make you comfortable.' As she drew the bed-curtains around Mr Robards she saw the consultant and Staff Nurse deep in conversation. Then, even as she watched, they began to walk towards the bed. Her hand stilled at the last curtain and then they were upon her.

Dr Tester gave her a friendly smile and somehow Anna formed her features into what she hoped was a smile. Hopefully Dr Tester would not stay long.

He stayed long enough to witness the injection, encouraging Anna with friendly advice. Of course that made her ten times more nervous, and Mr Robards almost shot out of bed when she inserted the needle. Hastily she comforted the man, settled him down again and drew back the curtains. In her panic she had forgotten to break the needle off from the syringe and when Staff Nurse pointed it out to her rather coldly, the consultant's disapproving shake of the head did nothing for Anna's bad nerves. That was one injection she would never forget!

Dr Tester signalled to Staff Nurse Powell that he no longer needed her and, with a penetrating glance from her sharp grey eyes, she hurried away leaving a discomfited Anna to talk to the doctor.

'I have been meaning to speak to you, Anna,' he said as they strolled into the day-room, which was empty. 'It is Anna, isn't it?' he queried, his warm brown eyes fixed on her red curls. She nodded, uncomfortably aware that a first-year student nurse ought not to be having a private discussion with an eminent consultant.

She risked a glance at him, puzzled by his manner. It seemed over-friendly, comradely, as though they were not separated by several tiers in the hospital hierarchy. He passed a large, well-shaped hand across his eyes as if fatigued, and Anna felt sorry for him. 'Would . . . would you care to sit down, sir,' she ventured, and was rewarded by a smile which lit up his face, easing away the lines, making him appear younger.

He did as she suggested, stretching out his legs as he relaxed in one of the easy chairs, and Anna perched on a corner of the table where she and the registrar had played ludo.

Her relationship with Rick might well have been years ago and thousands of miles away, she reflected, her green eyes darkening with sadness.

'Got the worries of the world upon your shoulders, Anna?' Dr Tester asked softly, and she shook her head, embarrassed that he should be looking at her. She wanted to be alone with her painfully sad thoughts. Why on earth didn't the man get to the point? Then a thought struck her and she almost flinched. Was she to be turned off Park Ward? She and Sister did not get on and no doubt news of Anna's supposed misdemeanours had reached the School of Nursing. Dr Tester often took lectures over there. Could Mrs Lucas have asked him to sort out the trouble here? With a deep sense of foreboding, she asked him bluntly what he wanted.

A flicker of surprise and possibly annoyance crossed his face. 'You don't mince words do you?' he commented, then heaved himself out of the chair, crossing over to the day-room window and gazing out at the sunny but wintry day outside.

Anna waited impatiently. She, too, rose and stood, hands behind her back like a naughty schoolgirl awaiting the headmaster's judgment.

Paul
Tester spun round, hands in pockets, a tentative smile on his lips. 'Would you have dinner with me one evening?'

Anna showed her surprise and his smile faded. 'No, perhaps not. Lunch then, Anna?'

'I. . .'she began, overwhelmed by the invitation and wondering what he really wanted of her. He was old enough to be her father, of her mother's generation rather than her own. 'Th . . . that would be very nice, sir,' she found herself saying. 'Lunch, that is,' she added, and his smile returned.

He pushed back his slightly greying hair in a curiously boyish gesture. 'Thank you,' he said simply, then they began to discuss dates and times.

It would have to be when Anna was off duty and that presented a problem in itself. If her mother objected to the registrar she would certainly object to a much older consultant taking her daughter out. Anna knew she must lie to Mother, painful though it was, and they fixed the following Friday for their lunch.

With eyes round with astonishment, Anna watched Dr Tester stroll out of the day-room, whistling softly to himself. The kiss he had dropped lightly on her brow as he passed burned her and she could still feel it even after she went off duty.

Such things happened only in books! A senior consultant could not be interested in a very junior nurse. It was incredible. She did know that one of the consultant surgeons was dating a second-year nurse, though, so such liaisons
did
happen.

She wasn't looking forward to lunching with Dr Tester, nor to lying to her mother, but in the event she didn't have to lie. When she glanced at the duty-sheet and saw how short they were on Friday evening, she volunteered to do a split duty.

Staff Nurse's eyebrows were raised again, but she did not comment. Anna was glad that Sister Noakes had not yet returned to duty, having contracted 'flu after her Christmas holiday. It was a welcome respite for Anna, in more ways than one.

During that week she saw little of Rick Alexandre. He was working longer hours than he ought to, she knew, because the 'flu was still decimating the ranks of more junior doctors. Whenever she met him he was unfailingly polite yet distant, as if they were strangers, as if he had never held her in his arms, never kissed and caressed her.

She saw Beth, the Path Lab assistant, twice more on Park Ward. Bitterly, she watched Beth and Rick laughing together. Indeed, the only time the registrar relaxed was in the company of the pretty blonde. Anna tried hard to be glad for him but failed utterly. She was jealous. She hated to admit it, but it was true. She wanted to be the only woman enjoying his embraces, but knew that wasn't realistic. Rick needed the company of other women, needed what they were willing and eager to give him. What he did
not
need was a cold little nurse who prized her virginity above all else—or so it must seem to him.

But she didn't! She loved him and wanted to belong to him. Given half a chance Anna would be happy to share his bed, but that chance was not forthcoming. Rick had lost interest in her and she couldn't blame him, but it hurt that he'd been interested only in her body, that he did not care for her as a person at all.

Anna took a pretty dress and different shoes with her when she went to work on the Friday. She finished at one, and dashed to the Nurses' Home to change into the dress, a new one of fine dark grey wool. It was perhaps a drab colour in itself but it showed off her red hair to advantage. She pinned on one of her mother's brooches which she'd borrowed—a big ruby set in gold—then slipped into the plain black court shoes, thankfully putting her ugly lace-ups in her bag. The shoes she'd chosen were only medium-heeled because although the consultant was tall he wasn't as tall as Rick, and she didn't want to embarrass him.

She was terribly nervous as Dr Tester's Mercedes pulled into the hotel car-park. She had met him by arrangement well away from the hospital and hopefully no one had seen her get into his car. Word of the outing must not get back to Park Ward for Sister was sure to hear about it when she returned from sick leave.

The January air was cold but crisp, with even a hint of sunshine but Anna was glad of her fur lined jacket and mittens. Dr Tester was as immaculate as ever, his dark brown suit matching his eyes. She didn't like his shirt, which was white with a thin brown stripe, nor his tie, which echoed the same theme but then he dressed to please himself, not her.