University Park Series Box Set: Books 1-3 (9 page)

“I’m a horrible person.” I buried my
face into my hands, feeling the pangs of guilt rush over me. “Collin’s a good
guy.”

Removing my hands, she said, “Yes, he is
and you need to have a come to Jesus talk with him because what you’ve been
doing isn’t working. I already told you, if you don’t have an unfailing love
before you get married; you’ll end up miserable and eventually divorced.”

I nodded. “I know. I owe that to him.” I
picked up my phone, noticing I had two missed calls from my parent’s house but
nothing from Collin. “He wasn’t very happy about me getting drunk and falling
at the restaurant today. He said we needed to have a chat, but he hasn’t
bothered to call or text me.”

“Looks like you’re going to have to take
the initiative.”

“I guess.” I sat my phone next to me.

“But I will admit one thing.”

“What’s that?” I peeked at her through
the strings of hair hanging in my face.

“I’ve never seen your eyes sparkle like
the way they did when you were talking about Raven.”

“What?” Heat swamped my face.

“It’s obvious you like him.”

I closed my eyes and tried to convince
myself that I didn’t, but the heat only intensified and the smile refused to go
away.

“If a guy makes you that hot and
bothered, then there’s no denying it.” I opened my eyes and shrugged. “But I’m
going to warn you, Raven has a bad rep and he’s probably not the best guy to
fall for, that is, unless you’re just looking for some dick.”

I coughed, choking on my spit. “Laney!”

She held up her hands. “Just saying.”

Not once had I thought about his penis,
but now that she’d mentioned it, I couldn’t help but wonder what was hiding in
those jeans of his.

“I’m sure he has plenty of it too… mm.” She
rubbed her hands together like she was preparing for a feast.

“Stop.” I fell onto the mounds of throw
pillows behind me. “You’re killing me,” I cried in between laughs. “Man, it’s
been one hell of a day.” I heaved another big sigh.

She stood and tossed a throw pillow at
me. “But it’s been your best day yet.”

***

Before I went to bed, I typed Collin a
long text, pleading for him to forgive me. I stayed up half the night, tossing,
and turning as I waited for him to reply but he never did. At seven-thirty the
next morning, I received a call from my mom. She lectured me for at least half
an hour as I made up excuses for my inappropriate behavior. I waited impatiently
for Collin to acknowledge my message, checking every few minutes as I kept her
on speaker mode. I wished my mom and I had a relationship where I could talk to
her openly about things, but we didn’t. She wouldn’t understand what I was
going through with Collin. In her mind, he was the perfect guy for me and could
do no wrong. She might have been right, but unless he showed me that he loved
me, I wasn’t convinced.

As soon as she hung up, I rushed to
shower so that I could make it in time for my nine o’clock class. It was the
only class Collin and I had together and although I dreaded seeing him, I knew
avoidance wasn’t going to solve anything. I put my clothes on, grabbed a cereal
bar and a glass of juice, and rushed to get ready.

As I dried my hair, I kept a steady eye
on my phone, waiting to see if he would respond. But my text was the last thing
shown on the screen. I applied a little makeup, not caring if I looked like
death because nothing would hide the dark circles. I slipped out of the dorm, careful
not to slam the door and wake Delaney. I walked across the lawn, still checking
my phone every few minutes until I entered Scholar Hall. The building buzzed
with students, rushing to arrive to their class on time. I zipped my way
through the crowd, eager to talk to Collin before class started.

Sitting in his usual spot, Collin kept
his face down, nose deep in a book. Easing into the seat behind him, I kept
quiet, waiting to see if he would speak first. He didn’t.

I leaned forward and whispered, “Collin,
did you get my text?”

His head rose, but he stayed facing the
front of the room. He gave a slight nod and then returned to reading his book.
I slumped against my chair. In the six years that I had known him, I had never
endured this much silence. There was one time we had argued about me working
once I graduated if he happened to land a baseball contract and that didn’t end
well. He gave me the silent treatment for a few days. I figured that my Mimosa
episode would garner the same kind of response, if not worse.

Professor Garza walked into the room and
placed his bag on the chair. A hush fell over the room as he began to speak in
Spanish. I waited patiently to see if Collin would text me during class, but he
kept his attention on the instructor the entire time. I thought about tracing
my name on his back with my finger, but reasoned with myself that would’ve been
a bad idea.

An hour later, class ended and the
students filed out of the room in a rush, including Collin.

“Hey, Collin, wait up.” I tossed my
books in my bag and tracked after him. “Slow down,” I called after him but he
continued to ignore me. “Can we talk?” I said, finally catching up to him.

He kept walking, not bothering to make
eye contact with me. “Right now is not a good time, Lexi.”

I zipped up my jacket, protecting myself
from the brisk breeze as I tried to keep up with him. “It seems like you never
have time for me.”

He stopped suddenly. “Sorry, school and
baseball are my first priority.”

I felt a piece of my heart crumble, but
I managed to keep the tears from falling. “I thought I was supposed to be
first.”

He shifted and let out an audible sigh.
“You make it really difficult for me.”

“I’m not trying to. All I want is your
love, can’t you see that?” I pleaded with him.

“And you have that.” A perplexed
expression formed across his face.

“But I don’t see it or feel it.” I
searched his face for any trace of a sign. “I feel like we’re just friends.”

“What?” He moved to the side, allowing a
few students to pass. “I’m working my butt off, trying to land a contract with
a team, not to mention do well in school in case that doesn’t happen, all to
support you.” His green eyes flared a deeper color. “If that’s not showing you
how much I care for you, then you must be blind.”

“Thank you, I appreciate all that you’re
doing for us.” I reached for his hand, but he jerked his hand away. “Please
don’t touch me right now.”

“Okay, fine.” I crossed my arms. “All
I’m saying is I need to feel your love, so a little attention would be nice.”

“Is that why you got drunk? To get my
attention?”

I shrugged and stared at the ground.

“Because that’s the wrong way to get
it,” he huffed. “My parents are very disappointed in your behavior and so are
your mom and dad.”

“You called my parents?”

He glared at me openly. “Yes.”

“How could you?” My stomach hardened. I
couldn’t believe he did that. I didn’t want to think about the conversation he
had with them because doing so made me so much angrier.

He stepped closer to me. “You need to
stop and think about what you did.”

“I’m sorry, but couldn’t we have
discussed this instead of you calling our parents? I’m not a kid, Collin.” I
needed a partner not another parent. I swallowed repeatedly, but couldn’t stop
the tears from forming.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you
lately, but I don’t like it one bit.” He held his chin high.

“You don’t like me coming on to you?”

He took a deep breath. “This was never a
problem before, what’s changed?”

“I want more from you.” Tears dripped
from my eyes. Was coming on to my fiancé that wrong? I knew I shouldn’t have drank
in front of his parents, but the stress of our relationship was becoming more
than I could handle. I felt lonely and confused. The alcohol seemed to take that
away.

“How can I want a drunk and sex crazed woman?”

“But I’m your fiancée.” I wiped the
tears away.

“Then act like it.” His tone deepened
and it reminded me of my father. He sighed heavily. “I have to go. I’ll call
you later.”

He left me standing among the hordes of
students, crying my heart out. Several people turned and stared, but I didn’t
care. I knew that getting drunk was wrong and flirting with Raven was a huge
mistake. In all honesty, Collin and I had started drifting apart before I met
Raven. All Raven had done was made me realize what I was missing in my
relationship with Collin.

If only Collin would open his heart and
allow me to love him. None of this would be happening.

I wasn’t convinced anymore that I
belonged with Collin.

Σ

The rest of the day dragged and I
questioned everything that had happened since I met Raven. It was reassuring to
know that Collin was working hard to secure a future for us, but it still
didn’t change the fact that I needed to feel love from him. Otherwise, what
future would we have? I needed to experience a certain level of intimacy with
him that reassured me that we were more than friends. Of course, I wanted hot,
sensual sex with him before we tied the knot, but if I couldn’t have that, I at
least wanted some tempting make out sessions with him. Surely, he wanted the
same.

Later that night, Collin apologized for
the way he acted. He asked if I could give him a few days to himself so that he
could finish his paper and study for his test. I offered to proof his report,
but he turned me down, saying that he could do it himself. It bothered me that
he refused to make a little time for me. The next day I ignored his request and
asked if he’d like to meet for a quick bite or if I could come over and cook
him dinner. He declined, stating he really had to study since he had practice
on Wednesday and his test was Thursday. It proved to me that what he said was
true: school and baseball came first.

Raven canceled our Tuesday tutoring
session claiming he needed to read the material before we met. It made me happy
to see that he was taking my advice, but I hated to admit that I was slightly
disappointed. However, I knew it was for the best. I had to get my head
straight and decide if I wanted to be with Collin. I was glad that I had told
Dr. Phillips to reassign my other two students. I definitely had too much going
on with school, Collin, and now, Raven.

Delaney hated that Collin and I were
still at odds with one another, but was glad to hear that I wanted to keep some
distance from Raven. She thought that giving Collin some space was smart but told
me that I should have another talk with him. She reasoned with me that his lack
of affection was probably due to his nonexistent experience and that he was
introverted. I reminded myself of those things daily, especially when I didn’t
hear from him, even though I knew he wouldn’t call me until after his test.

Thursday’s classes were over before I
knew it and I tried not to get excited about my tutoring session with Raven. As
I headed out of Ramsey Hall, several men rushed past me carrying industrial
size shop-vacs and large fans. I didn’t think anything of it and texted Delaney
to meet me at the sandwich shop located by the campus. A missed call flashed
across my screen. I called my voicemail and listened to the message. It was Dr.
Phillips, stating that a pipe had busted in the bathroom and flooded the
writing center. That explained why the men were running through the building. I
hesitated to text Raven, but I had to inform him so we could find an
alternative meeting location.

Me: Hey, Raven, the writing center is
flooded so we have to find another meeting place. How about the library?

I shoved my phone in the outside pocket
of my bag and walked down the street.

“Lexi,” Delaney called.

Turning, I saw my roomie a few feet
behind me. I waited for her, thinking of some meeting places.

“Are you done for the day?” she asked in
an overly cheerful tone.

“With class, but I have to meet Raven
for his tutoring session.”

“Uh oh.” She eyed me and I felt my blood
quicken in my veins.

“What?” I held up my hands. “I have to
tutor him.”

 “Just be careful.” She held the door
open and we entered the restaurant. Only a few tables were taken so I knew we
had beaten the lunch crowd.

My phone chimed and I retrieved it,
seeing that it was Raven.

Raven: No problem. But I don’t like
meeting in the library.

Me: Okay. We can meet at my dorm,
there’s a study room downstairs.

Raven: That’s fine. See you in an hour.

“Look at you.” Delaney peeked at my
screen. “You can’t stop smiling while you text him.”

“Stop,” I whined and then pulled my
phone from her view. When I realized I was smiling, I relaxed my face. I
quickly sent Raven another message.

Me: See you then.

“We had to discuss where we would be
meeting since the writing lab is flooded,” I explained.

Delaney told the guy behind the counter
what she wanted before responding to me. “So where are y’all meeting?”

“In the downstairs study room of our
dorm,” I replied, tucking the phone away.

She spun around. “You are? Damn…”

I waited for her to continue but she
didn’t. Instead, she walked off to find a place to sit. I ordered my food and
then joined her in the booth. She was busy texting and I noticed she kept the
phone tilted up so I couldn’t see whom she was chatting with.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yep.” She glanced up quickly, still
texting. She stared at the screen for a few seconds and then tossed her phone
in her backpack.

“Who was that?” I asked as she got up to
get the food.

“No one. Just a friend.” She scurried
off, not giving me a chance to ask her anything else. I knew she was hiding
something.

“Thanks.” I took my tray from her.

“Sure.” She sat down and unwrapped her
meal. “Hey, do you and Collin have any plans this weekend?”

I shrugged. “Not that I’m aware of.
Why?” I took a bite of my sandwich.

“Well, Jordan and I were thinking about
getting a group together to go bowling.”

“That sounds like fun.” Jordan was one
of Delaney’s friends. She was also dating Forbes, another baseball player that
lived with my brother and Collin.

“Ask Collin and see if he’s up for it.”

I swallowed. “I will when he calls me.”

“He still hasn’t called you?” Delaney asked
with a mouthful of food.

I shook my head. “I’m sure he’ll call me
today after his test.” I could only hope.

“Don’t you have class with him on
Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

“Yes, but he wasn’t there today.” I took
a drink of my water, trying to push down the lump quickly forming in the back
of my throat. “If we go out, it’ll have to be Friday night because he doesn’t
prefer to go out on Saturday nights since we have to get up early on Sunday.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She wiped her
mouth. “Friday’s fine.”

My phone chimed and Delaney raised her
brows.

“It’s Collin,” I said, glancing at my
phone. “He probably just finished his test.” My heart skipped a beat, hoping he
wanted to hang out.

Collin: Hey, Lexi, just completed my
test. It was a tough one. Thank you for giving me some time. I really needed it
and I hope we can move forward.

He may have needed it, but I needed him
more. I considered telling him that but decided to save that for an in person
conversation.

Me: I’m sure you got an A.

A few seconds later, he replied.

Collin: I hope so. I wanted to take you
out to dinner tonight but my dad called and asked that I go home. He wants to
talk to me about a mission trip.

My heart sank.

Another excuse.

Did his dad really want to see him? Was
he making this stuff up? Why didn’t he invite me to go with him? Giving him the
benefit of the doubt, I texted him back.

Me: It’s okay. I have a tutoring session
and a test to prepare for next week. You can make it up to me, though. Lexi and
Jordan want to get a group together to go bowling on Friday night.

“Is everything okay? Looks like someone
kicked your dog.”

I shook my head. “Collin has to meet
with his dad tonight, which means we can’t hang out.”

She reached for my hand and I clasped on
to hers. “I’m sorry.”

Tears threatened to escape once again
and I fanned my eyes.

“Don’t cry.”

I pressed my lips together. “I’m not. It
just really sucks because I’m trying so hard.”

“I know you are. I still think you two
need to sit down and have a serious talk.”

“I know. He did say he wants to move
forward.”

Dipping her potato chips into ketchup,
she said, “I guess that’s a good sign.”

My phone chimed again. I hesitated to
read the message, convinced that he had another excuse.

Collin: That shouldn’t be a problem.
I’ll check my schedule and let you know. I’ll call you when I get back to the
apartment later tonight.

Me: Okay. Be careful and call me as soon
as you get home.

Collin: I will.

I sucked in a deep breath. “He says
he’ll check his schedule and let me know later about Friday.”

“Um, that’s tomorrow night.”

“You know Collin. He has to check his
schedule before committing to anything. But if he says no, I’ll go regardless.

Delaney shoved another chip in her
mouth, dripping with ketchup.

“That’s disgusting, you know.” I took
another bite of my food.

“It tastes so good.” She licked the
residue off her fingers. “It’ll suck if he says no.”

“Yeah, but what can I do?” I picked up
my phone and noticed the time. “I gotta go.” Gathering my trash, I tossed it on
to the tray. “I’m meeting Raven in ten minutes. I’ll catch you later.” I
grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.

“Hey, Lex,” Delaney called.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t give up yet, he’s a good guy.”

Making two fists, I held them up in
front of me, like I was ready to box. But was I willing to fight for him? He
sure didn’t seem like he was fighting for me.

***

I walked into the dormitory and saw
Raven sitting on one of the lounging chairs waiting for me. I tried not to
notice what he was wearing, but I couldn’t help but admire how handsome he
looked wearing a short sleeve polo shirt and shorts paired with Sperry
Topsiders. He smiled that oh-so-perfect greeting and my stomach released a new
nest of butterflies.

“Enjoying the warm weather today?” I
glanced down at his muscular legs, appraising the layers of muscles from his
quads to his calves.

“When it’s nice outside, I take
advantage of it.” He stood and my eyes traveled up his six-foot-two,
two-hundred and ten pound frame. Yes, I’d checked his bio. I’d also Googled him,
finding his Facebook page and a slew of articles on him.

“So, um, let’s grab a room.” I
immediately turned away, keeping my mind focused on the task. I led him to a
small study room, located to the right of the main sitting area. I closed the
door behind us and we sat our stuff on the table.

“You’ll be proud of me.” He handed me a
piece of paper.

I took it from him and glanced over it.
“You already typed your blog for the week?”

“Yep,” he said with a big smile as he
sat across from me.

I eased into the chair and reviewed his
prepared post. To my delight, he had a few paragraphs written, proving to me
that he read the material beforehand. He also had very few syntax errors, which
told me he had worked hard at improving his grammar. “This is great, Raven.” I
circled a few mistakes. “I’m so proud of you.” I handed him back his paper.

His smiled faded as he studied his prepared
post.

“Is something wrong?”

He shook his head. “No, I just want it
to be perfect.”

I leaned forward on my forearms. “And it
will be. Just give yourself some time. We’ve only been meeting for a few weeks
and look at the progress you’ve made.”

He twitched his lips to the side. “Yeah,
I guess you’re right.”

“So, is that it?”

He glanced at me. “Nope. I have a report
due in a few weeks and I thought we could get started.”

“Okay.” I let out a silent sigh. I was
hoping that our session would be over for the day. It was so easy to wrap
myself in conversation with him that he made it hard for me to focus on Collin.
And once that happened, the flirting started, the tension increased, and I
found myself in situations that I knew were wrong.

“You’ll be glad to know I already read
the material.” He handed me a book entitled,
Up From Slavery
by Booker
T. Washington. The frown dissipated into one of confidence as he crossed his
arms and leaned back in his chair.

 “Great. Do you have the specifics about
the paper?” I set the book in the middle of the table. “What the professor
wants you to do? Because I doubt she wants a basic book report.”

“Yep, it’s all right here.” He handed me
the syllabus.

“Okay.” I took a moment to review the
instructions. “Let’s start with a basic outline and incorporate the argument
you’d like to make while keeping in mind the language the author uses to
advance the viewpoint of the story.”