United Eden (26 page)

Wil iam grumbled louder as I grabbed the clothes from his hands, pul ing on the sweatshirt like it was the enemy.

Oh, and Wil iam? Joseph said, so innocent he couldnt be. I left you guys a little belated Union gift on the nightstand. Thought it might be something youd put to good use, he said, his voice implying something that could only be deciphered by his brother.

Wil iams eyes ran to the nightstand as a mischievous smile formed. I cant think of a better present and wel definitely put them to good use, he said, practical y running to the smal cardboard box.

Isnt it a little late for those? I asked as he tore the box open. And I dont think we need to worry about using” I havent seen a pair of these in fifty years, Wil iam said, rifling through the boxs contents.

My face squeezed together. Real y? There doesnt seem to be a shortage. You can find them in some nasty dispenser at any pit-stop off the highway.

He paused to look at me. What are you talking about?

What are
you
talking about? I repeated, staring at the box in his hand.

Contacts, he said, tearing a package open. Pale blue ones to be exact.

Pale blue ones . . . I repeated as I contemplated.

He opened his mouth to explain, but I was already there. Patrick, I said, Wil iam and Joseph just as fond of playing with him as he was with them.

You guys want to play a little trick on him.

He nodded, his eyes glinting.

That is stooping to a new level of low. Even for you and your brothers, I said, crossing my arms before smiling. Help me put mine in?

I just fel in love with you al over again, he said, popping a set in his eyes and blinking them into place. Good? he asked me.

So good I want to recreate what we did to rid you of that sweet, innocent blue, I said as he popped open the other set. He smiled one that was new, one that had been invented last night”it was my new favorite. It made my stomach drop just as it had the first time Id seen it a handful of hours ago.

Im real y going to have to thank Joseph for this gift, then, he said.

Im obviously missing something here, I began, looking away from him. I didnt trust my wil power when he looked at me like he was. But if there are these little light blue wonders in existence, why doesnt everyone make use of them if . . . I hinted, seeing hed caught my drift.

If you look close enough, he said, lowering his head so we were eye-to-eye, its obvious theyre fake. Youd have to be desperate to hope a pair of these would keep you from being found out. But Patrick has never been one for details, so this ought to be good.

How am I not going to laugh? I said as he dropped the contacts in my eyes. I was practical y laughing just thinking about the look on Patricks face.

Just think about last night, he suggested.

Hows that going to help? I shouted, tingles sprouting up my thighs.

You dont want to laugh anymore, do you?

No, but Il wind up doing something much worse.

Thats a matter of perspective, and from mine, that sounds like my kind of breakfast.

I blinked mine around until they seemed like they were in the right spot, but they felt dreadful on, like there was something that needed to be dug out of my eye.

Ready? he asked, twisting the doorknob.

Not real y? I dont know why I replied with a question, but no matter what my answer was, Wil iam was throwing that door open, giddy at the chance to tilt the scales of brotherly racketeering in his favor. But whenever Patrick was on the other end of it, payback was always paid back promptly and in excess.

The hushing was silenced as our bedroom door groaned open, four pairs of eyes zeroing in on us. The fifth set in the room had his back to us as he shoveled a plate with a steaming pile of bacon. Not a peep was made, although Joseph was practical y busting a gut as he surveyed Wil iams and my contacted eyes.

So . . . Patrick said final y, continuing to the next tray lining the dining room table. How are our newlyweds this morning?

Cora had to pinch her husbands arm to keep him from howling out in laughter. Joseph could barely keep from laughing, how was I going to manage it?

Not too bad, Wil iam answered, drawing out a yawn. How about you?

Abigail and Nathanial flitted around the stove and sink, distracting themselves as Wil iam grabbed my hand and led me to the table. Joseph and Cora kneeled behind the island, practical y gagging themselves on a couple of hand towels. I couldnt believe Patrick was this oblivious to the scene taking place behind him, but as I neared the table and found it brimming with every kind of breakfast food one could come across in their lives, I understood why he was so preoccupied.

Im just splendid, he answered, heaving a ladle of gravy over a few biscuits. Im stil feeling John Townsends nastiness drifting around in me like a resident poltergeist, got to watch the girl I had it bad for get hitched to my brother, and Im now official y the third wheel no matter who Im hanging out with in the family.

Wil iam stiffened about mid-way through Patricks rant, but it was relieved by a gentle nudge from me.

Good morning to you, too, happy, I said, coming around the table so we were directly across from him.

Yeah, yeah, I get youre blissful y happy and just awakened from the greatest night of your existences and plan to rub it in my face, but”he final y glanced up as he was plucking a few fruit skewers from a vase”Il have you know my night wasnt so bad . . .”this time he didnt glance when he looked back at us, he stared, blinking to make sure he was seeing things right”. . . either, he finished, his eyes shifting between Wil iams and mine, the plate fal ing from his hands, but Abigails swift hand caught it before it shattered to the ground.

You alright, little brother? Wil iam asked, composed unlike I was about to be if Patricks expression didnt diffuse soon. Id never seen an expression so shocked.

Okay, back things up for me, he said, bracing his hands over the table. Ive been a little out of sorts as of late, but I seem to remember the two of you being United last night? he asked, like he almost didnt believe it.

Wil iam shrugged like it was the most everyday kind of thing. Yeah. Whats your point?

A snicker escaped from the kitchen, sounding like Josephs little girl one, which was promptly silenced by a flick of a wet dish towel delivered via Nathanial. Patrick didnt notice, though. He wouldnt have noticed a 747 coming in for a landing at the moment.

O-kaaaaaaaay, he said, squinting between the two of us. And you spent the night together?

We nodded together.

The
entire
night together, Patrick clarified.

Yes, Wil iam said, his voice and expression stil composed. Whats your point?

Patricks shock lined into disbelief as he waved his hands at us. Did you forget something?

This time it was an entire circus of snickers that erupted from the kitchen, but he remained oblivious.

We were a little tired last night given wed been on the front lines of the biggest coup detat in the worlds history, but now that you mention it . . .

Wil iam said, clasping his hands over my shoulders and steering me towards the tiny guest bathroom in the hal way.

You and your brothers pranks know no bounds, do they? I whispered as I caught up to what Wil iam had in mind.

Took you this long to figure it out? he breathed in my ear, pinching at my sides.

Breakfast is ready! Abigail hol ered at us.

Dont worry, Wil iam assured, waving his hand back at her. This wil only take a couple minutes.

This time it was my turn to snicker.

Just go with me on this. Patricks going to burst a vein in his forehead.

I dont know which is worse. Fooling your sensitive brother into believing we did nothing but sleep last night or pretending were about to do what he thinks we are in this coat closet of a bathroom, I whispered as I sidled up against the wal , making room for Wil iam.

Whos pretending? he whispered, gripping the back of my thigh and pul ing it up over his waist. I didnt wait for him to grab the other one.

Only a couple minutes? I whispered, my breathing already shal ow, rethinking my affections for the bathroom. It was real y quite cozy . . . and intimate . . . and steamy.

He chuckled as I ran my mouth down his neck, already tugging at his shirt. As much as Id prefer to be doing exactly what youve got in mind, after months of rushing, the only thing I dont want to do with you is hurry.

The man had more restraint that me, not that that was saying much. I had none, so even someone who had the smal est fraction of it had infinitely more than me. Fine, I relented, removing my lips and loosening the grip my legs had around him. What have you got in mind?

He grinned, unwinding his arms from me and extending them wide, but I stayed glued where I was. Bang the wal s with al your might for a minute and then wel leave the room disheveled and smiling.

Prime. Evil, I said, already forming my fists into bal s.

It runs in the family, he said, before slamming his back into the wal behind him, fol owed by my fists slamming it right after. I had to remind myself not to use ful strength because the wal s would be no more if I did.

We moved to the next and the next, until we were smashing Wil iams back and my fists into each wal in a haphazard pattern that was likely shaking the entire first floor. I could only imagine Patricks face.

The poor guy, but I soothed my reservations about taking part in Wil iam and Josephs ruse by vowing to bake him cookies every day for a year.

The worst kind of transgression could be forgiven with that kind of a peace offering, at least in Patricks eyes.

That should do the trick, Wil iam whispered after slamming his shoulder into one final wal . He slid me down from my position to which I frowned to the point of lower lip pouting. I love that Im capable of deriving that kind of reaction from you, he said, sweeping a thumb over my frown. Its making me a tad cocky I think.

You have every right to be, I said, trying to shake the images from last night away. At least for now.

I do, dont I? he said, as he ruffled his hair al around until it resembled what Elviss hair might have looked like fol owing a night on tour, pre-white sequined bodysuit.

Be kind, I said as he moved onto my hair, fingering it into a ratty mess of a cyclone. Just how every girl wanted to look on the first day of her honeymoon.

That ought to do it, he said to himself, undoing the first couple buttons on his Levis and twisting my sweatshirt around so it was backwards. He popped the contacts from his eyes and did the same with mine, tucking them back into the plastic container. You are truly the most beautiful, virtuous creature to ever leave a bathroom with a man after a minutes time.

Not sure if that was intended as a compliment, but thanks. I guess, I said, elbowing him as he twisted the door open.

I felt the col ective inhale of air and took my own, repeating reminders not to break into hysterics when I saw and heard Patricks response.

Patrick hadnt moved from his location, his head the only thing moving when we rounded the corner straight-faced and heading right for our seats at the table, like nothing had happened.

His eyes amplified as he investigated ours and the sapphire color that hadnt been there moments ago. What the? he said, staring at us like we were the only riddle he couldnt solve.

Hows breakfast? Wil iam asked, looking at Patricks heaping plate with feigned interest.

Hows breakfast? Patrick repeated. How. Is. Breakfast? He shook his head, grabbing Wil iams arm as he was passing by. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?

What are you talking about? Wil iam asked, plucking a piece of pineapple from a skewer and popping it in his mouth.

You would have sold your soul to the highest bidder to final y get to be with Bryn the way you were final y al owed to last night and you expect me to believe that you merely overlooked it? Patrick asked, taking a biscuit from the basket and pitching it at the back of Wil iams head as he headed towards an increasingly red-faced Joseph.

What? Wil iams laughed, letting the biscuit hit its target. We were tired. Defeating evil wil do that to you.

Patrick threw a disgusted look at the back of Wil iams head before looking at me. Bryn, please. What the flippity-flap is going on here? Either Im having an out-of-body experience or my brother has been possessed. Which one is it?

So I might have had a bigger weak spot for Patrick than Id let myself acknowledge before seeing him this at a loss, like every truth hed held of life was being questioned. I had to put him out of his misery. Or at least al eviate it.

Wil iam was just handing off the plastic contact container to Joseph when I let my temporary lapse in Patrick weakness hit its peak. I made sure Patrick caught my hint to fol ow my gaze as I pointed at Wil iam and Josephs stealthy exchange. Patrick might not have been one for details, but he was a master at picking up the slightest of hints.

He threw me a smile and a wink before marching right up to his dark haired brothers. I give you points for delivery, but no marks for execution, he shouted, surprising them both as he fished the container out of Josephs death grip. I dont know whether to be insulted youd expect me to fal for something so ridiculous or to be flattered for thinking of me at al on your first morning as a United couple.

Wil iam and Joseph were the first to burst into laughter, but it was fol owed by the addition of a couple more. Sorry, Patrick, Wil iam said in between his laughter. You know I love you and you also know I couldnt let an opportunity like this pass me by.

Yeah, yeah, I get it, Patrick said, tossing the contacts back at Joseph and shooting him a glare. Not only do I get to be the third wheel, but I also get to be the butt of every joke. What an eternity I have to look forward to, he mumbled, pouting his way back to the table.

His family had experienced Patricks proclivity for pouting for generations. I hadnt and he was a good actor. Plus, I had the added guilt of crushing his heart, so that could have been the reason I found myself going to him and wrapping my arms around him.