Under the July Sun (32 page)

‘You getting married, Iris?' Billy asked.

‘Yes.'

‘Who to?'

‘My fiancé of course.'

‘It's not that one that I saw you with is it?'

‘Yes, that's him. His name's Fred.'

Cat smiled at Iris. ‘It doesn't seem five minutes since ye were a child, Iris.'

‘Maybe not to you, Auntie, but I am twenty two now.'

‘Yes, time flies doesn't it?' Cat turned to Lize.

‘Piece of cake, Lize?'

‘Thanks. Cat, can we talk for a minute?'

‘Sure. Let's go out there,' Cat said nodding towards the scullery and the two women disappeared through the doorway. Cat anticipated what Lize was going to ask before she said it.

‘Cat. How serious is it with Louis?'

‘More than I knew, Lize. They removed one lung and the other's no better. 'Tis cancer.'

Lize drew in a breath, visibly moved.

‘How long?'

‘Not long, Lize. They couldn't be specific.' She began to cry.

Lize's eyes filled with tears and she rummaged up the sleeve of her cardigan for a handkerchief.

‘Sorry. Look don't cry Cat,' Lize said offering her the handkerchief. ‘Oh God. How will you manage, Cat, with another baby on the way?'

‘I'm not thinkin' about it, Lize. I haven't been able to make any plans, I'm kinda numb. I can't seem to take it in.'

Billy opened the door. ‘Shut the door, Billy,' Cat snapped at him. ‘Auntie Lize and I are talkin'.' He scowled and closed the door.

‘Cat, I don't know what to say.'

‘There's nothin'
to
say. I'm goin' to lose him and there's
nothin'
anyone can say, or do. I sent a telegram to my parents today, just to let them know; only there's Marie to think of as well. He's her father too, she has a right to know and I thought they could break it to her.'

‘I see,' Lize answered, ‘well let me know if there's anything I can do, Cat, won't you?'

‘Thanks, Lize. Just knowin' ye're around is a help. I'm takin' the children up to see him tomorrow. Maybe he'll be a little better. I hope so. They need to see him, they miss him so much.'

Lize patted her arm and tears slid down her cheeks.

‘We all do.'

* * *

‘Louis, we're here, all of us. Billy, Anna, Eileen and me. Are ye awake?' Cat stood nervously by his bed.

Louis opened his eyes and smiled. He seemed coherent when he answered.

‘There you all are my darlings. I've been wanting to see you. Louis looked at Anna. ‘Anna, Happy Birthday for yesterday. So, you're eight years old now.'

Cat noticed how difficult it was for him to speak, as in order to finish a sentence he had stopped several times to take a breath before continuing. Anna pushed something wrapped in greaseproof paper into his hand.

‘What's this?' he smiled unwrapping the little parcel. ‘Oh birthday cake, how lovely. Thank you Anna. Sorry. I don't have a present for you. Mummy will get you something, won't you, Mummy?'

Cat put on a bright smile. ‘Yes, there's a little doll she's seen. I'll get it for her shall I?'

‘Take the money from the savings tin,' he said to Cat, and then looked back at Anna. ‘What are you going to call your doll, Anna?'

‘I don't know, Daddy. If you and Mummy have another little girl, what would you like to be her name?'

‘Oh, hard question, Anna.'

Louis' rasping breath was worrying Cat.

‘C'mon now Anna, that's enough questions for today.'

‘No, it's all right, Cat. I just thought of a name. The Duke and Duchess of York's little daughter, is Elizabeth. I like that name.' He smiled at Cat directing the suggestion to her. ‘So shall we call the new baby Elizabeth if she's a girl?'

Anna smiled. ‘I like that name.'

‘I think we all do,' Cat nodded. ‘Elizabeth it is then.'

‘Someone at the door, Mummy,' Billy called from his bedroom, so Cat, drying her hands, hurried from the scullery to open it.

‘
Dada
! Oh
Dada
!'

Ned dropped his bag and opened his arms to hug Cat.

‘I came as soon as I got yer telegram. Jesus, I'm that sorry Cat. How bad is it?'

She pulled away a little, caught him by the hand and drew him inside the house.

‘C'mon in,' she whispered, ‘we don't want to talk out here.'

Ned picked up his bag and swung it into the hallway.

‘'Tis bad, Dada. I've to tell the children; but can't pluck up the courage.' She wrung her hands together. ‘I'm so thankful ye've come. Dear God, this is the answer to a prayer.'
They went into the parlour and he pulled Cat into his arms. She sobbed against his chest, thinking to herself that she would never be held in Louis' arms again.

Ned sighed. ‘C'mon now, ye go right ahead and have a good cry. What a hand ye've been dealt. What a hand!'

Billy appeared in the doorway.

‘
Granddad!
' he said dropping the book he was holding. He rushed to embrace him. ‘I didn't know you were coming.'

‘No, I didn't know meself either until I was on the train and on me way, then me head caught up with me body.'

Ned did some mock boxing with Billy then pulled the boy toward him again and hugged him.

'Tis good to see ye, Billy.' He held the boy at arm's length looking at him from top to toe, ‘Ye're lookin' grand, and so grown up!'

Hearing a commotion, the girls then came into the room and Eileen joined in the excitement with Billy.

Anna slipped her hand into Cat's, burying her face against her mother's body as Eileen glanced across at Cat.

‘Have you been crying, Mummy?'

Cat looked across at Ned, shrugged her shoulders and sat down.

‘C'mere. All of ye. I've somethin' to tell ye.'

Silenced, the children gathered around Cat; and Ned stood watching his daughter tell his grandchildren their daddy was going to die.

* * *

Cat ripped the telegram open and read the four words printed on the inside:

COME QUICK, SINKING FAST
.

Her mouth dried and her legs began to shake. Gripping the edge of the table she fell into a chair, calling to Ned who was in the scullery shaving. He appeared immediately in the doorway, wiping his chin with a towel. Barely able to speak, her breath coming in short bursts, she held out the telegram for him to read.

‘Dada. I have to go to the hospital immediately.'

Ned went to her instantly and took her hands in his.

Cat, mo chuisle. If 'tis God's will to take him, then go he must. Ye have Louis' children and he's left ye with the finest gift a man can give. A family. Let's pray together, Pet.'

They knelt on the parlour floor and Ned prayed that Louis' passing be as quick and painless as possible; and asked God to open the doors of Heaven and admit him.

When they had finished praying Cat rose and went to the bedroom to collect her outdoor clothes. She opened the wardrobe door and took out her coat and boots. When she saw Louis' old army greatcoat hanging on the rail she wanted to wrap herself in the material; bury her face in the fabric; anything to be near him to experience him once more.

Sitting on the bed her thoughts of Louis avalanched into her mind. Like an album of snapshots her memories flicked over each picture of him: all those years ago as a dashing young soldier inviting her to tea in the barracks, their developing love when Louis had serenaded her playing the violin after haymaking; being away in the war, their wedding, their ups and downs, the children. And soon he would be gone.

Inside her, deep within the very cortex of her mind, Louis had taken up residence and she didn't know how she could go on living without him.

They had made such plans. When they were such and such an age they would do this, and then when they were old they would go home to Ireland and live there because the children would all have flown the nest. This
wasn't
the way things should be. She felt it defied the natural order of things.

And then the child in her womb stirred as though reminding Cat that it would never even know its father. She slumped forward, her hand reaching out to touch the arm of his greatcoat but the sleeve was empty of the man.

Automatically she put on her boots, laced them up, and then donned her coat. She fumbled with buttons that wouldn't go through the buttonholes, and then placed her hat on her head. She dropped the hatpin on the floor but when she bent to pick it up between her numbed fingertips, she couldn't feel it.

She felt as though someone had hit her head with an iron bar and that she was in some sort of bewildered trance. It wasn't really her going through the motions of preparing to see Louis for the last time. Totally adrift, it was as if she was in a boat without oars. Even Ned's voice seemed distant and muffled as he called her from outside the door.

When Cat didn't answer he opened her bedroom door.

‘Are ye ready, Pet?'

She was standing before the window staring out onto the garden, where the promise of summer swayed tantalizingly before her eyes in every blossom.

‘Cat, I think I'll come with ye. Is there someone who will watch over the children?'

She seemed to emerge from her reverie.

‘Oh, yes. Mrs. Pierce next door.'

‘Right then. I'll go ask her now.'

He disappeared and Cat continued to stare out of the window, immobilised.

When Ned reappeared he gently guided her from the bedroom into the parlour.

Mrs. Pierce was in the room. How did Mrs. Pierce get there, she wondered?

More muffled conversation between Mrs. Pierce and Ned took place and then Cat was aware of her father holding her arm as they went down the steps into the garden out onto the road ahead.

Louis' bed was empty when they arrived. Shocked, Cat turned to Ned.

‘We're too late.'

Then the Ward Sister appeared and beckoned her into a side room where Louis lay struggling to breathe. The Sister whispered to Cat.

‘He's holding on. I think he knew you were coming, Mrs. Ross.'

The nurse and Ned then left the room, closing the door to leave Cat and Louis alone.

Cat leaned over and kissed him.

‘Louis, I'm here.'

‘Cat? Oh Lord Cat, how will you manage?'

‘Don't worry Louis; ye've enough to think about. Don't worry about me and the children.'

‘But the baby. I should have─'

‘Louis. 'Tis a gift from God. Somethin' between us, like the others. Don't fret.'

Her words seemed to pacify him and he looked at rest. Then he became agitated again.

‘I haven't─'

‘What, my darlin'? Haven't what?' She waited as his laboured breathing filled the air with rasping sounds. ‘What haven't you done, Pet?'

‘Said, how much you filled my life, my soul. Wanted it to be forever.'

Her tears fell unchecked, dropping onto his pillow as Cat struggled to remain controlled. She couldn't run away and couldn't escape from the room because it was all too painful. She knew she had to sit there and see it out as this would be their last conversation.

Louis slept for a while and Cat sat waiting and wondering how much longer he had.

A priest had been summoned and he quietly slipped into the room, opened his bag discreetly and put on his garments for reading Louis the last rites.

After a while, Louis seemed to rouse again.

‘Cat, my love.' The rasping breaths continued, interspersed with his words of love.

‘First time I saw you. I knew you were the one.' He stopped talking and became restful.

She sat rigidly in the chair afraid to move, watching his chest rise and fall, listening to the rasp of breath.

The priest came round to her side of the bed and took hold of Cat's hand.

‘Cat?'

‘Yes, Louis I'm here, Pet,' she said and took hold of his hand.

Suddenly he opened his eyes, looked at her and said in a very clear voice. ‘Cat. Don't let go.'

‘I won't, Louis. I won't.'

The sun was high overhead as six jet-black horses with black feathered plumes across their bridles stopped outside the gate. Cat saw their shining flanks quivering occasionally as they waited, but only their perfectly groomed tails showed any sign of movement in the May morning sun.

Her heart palpitated in her chest but she was determined to see things through with dignity. She would be brave, for Louis' sake.

Seeing the funeral director and coffin bearers approach the house, she slipped her arm though Ned's and he squeezed it tight. Then she released his grip and went along the hallway to open the door.

As the door opened the funeral director bowed his head.

‘We are ready to receive your husband now, Madam.'

Speechless, Cat merely stepped aside and the black-coated men went quietly into the parlour.

‘Wait,' she called. ‘Wait just a moment please,' and she pushed through the men who had gathered around the coffin, about the screw down the lid.

‘Let me say one more goodbye, please.'

For the last time, Cat leaned over and kissed Louis' lips, his closed eyes and his forehead, and murmured. ‘Goodbye, my darlin'.'

Then, unable to watch the men closing the lid on Louis, she turned away and went into the scullery to wait with the rest of the family.

They all stood listening until finally they heard the last sounds of the men's feet scuffing through the parlour, along the hallway and out of the front door.

Soon after, the funeral director returned and said they were ready to go; so, composed, Cat left the house supported by Ned.