"You aren't my employer any more!" Song snapped. "We were hired by Wen Jian, or did you forget?"
There was another roll of thunder, but it was north of them now, the storm was passing. "She's dead," he said. He was somewhat drunk, he realized. "They killed her at Ma-wai."
He looked at the two Kanlins across the table. They were alone in the dining space of the inn, on long benches at a rough table. They had eaten already. The sun would be setting, but you couldn't see it. A hard rain had been pounding down, it seemed to be lessening now. Tai felt sorry for the Kanlins who'd gone back to Hsien to bring the rest of the company. They would claim the horses in the morning and start them north.
Sixty Kanlins would. Not Tai.
He was going home.
Crossing a last bridge over the River Wai.
He thought for a moment. "Wait. If you're paid by Jian, then you aren't being paid any more. You don't even owe me ..."
He trailed off, because Song looked extremely dangerous suddenly. Lu Chen lifted an apologetic hand.
He nodded to Chen, who said, "It is not so, my lord. The Lady Wen Jian presented our sanctuary with a sum of money to ensure you ten Kanlin guards for ten years."
"
What
? That's ... it makes no sense!" He was shaken, again.
"Since when," said Song icily, "do the women of a court have to act in ways that make sense? Is extravagance such a startling thing? I'd have thought you'd learned that lesson by now!"
She really wasn't speaking respectfully. Too upset, Tai decided. He decided he would forgive her.
"Have more wine," he said.
"I do not want wine!" she snapped. "I want you to have some sense. You aren't a member of the court yet! You
have
to be more careful!"
"I don't want to be a member of the court, that's the whole ... that's the point!"
"I know that!" she exclaimed. "But take the horses to the emperor first! Bow nine times, accept his thanks.
Then
decline a position because you feel a son's need to go home to protect his family, with a father and older brother dead. He will honour that. He has to honour that. He can make you a prefect or something and let you go."
"He doesn't have to do anything," Tai said. Which was true, and she knew it.
"But he will!"
"Why? Why will he?"
And amidst her fury, and what was also clearly fear, Tai saw a flicker of amusement in her eyes. Song shook her head. "Because you aren't very useful to him in a war, Tai, once he has your horses."
Using his name again. She sat very straight, looking at him. Lu Chen pretended to be interested in wine stains on the table wood.
Anger for a moment, then rue, then something else. Tai threw up both hands in surrender, and began to laugh. The wine, mostly, although wine could take you towards rage, too. Another crack of thunder, moving away.
Song didn't smile at his amusement. She stared angrily back at him. "Think it through," she said. "Master Shen, please think it through." At least she was back to addressing him properly.
She went on, "The emperor knows your brother was with Wen Zhou. That puts you under suspicion."
"He knows Zhou tried to kill me, too."
"Doesn't matter. It isn't Wen Zhou, it is your brother, his death. Your feeling about that. And Jian's. He knows she paid for your guards. For us."
Tai stared at her.
Song said, "He will remember that you were on the ride from Xinan, when he spoke to the soldiers about Teng Pass and caused what happened at Ma-wai."
"We don't know he did that!" Tai exclaimed.
He looked around, to be sure they were alone.
"Yes, we do," said Lu Chen softly. "And we also know it was almost certainly the right thing to do. It was necessary."
"Sima Zian thought so, too!" said Song. "If he were here he would say it, and you would listen to him! Shinzu needed Zhou dead, and could have foreseen what would happen to Wen Jian after, and even his father's reaction to her death. The empire
needed
a younger emperor to fight Roshan. Who can deny it?"
"I don't want to believe he intended all that," said Tai, gripping his wine cup.
The problem, the real problem, was that he
did
see it as possible. He had been thinking that way himself through that terrible day. And the thoughts had not left him since.
He looked at the two Kanlins. He drew a breath and said, quietly, "You are right. But that is one of the reasons I'm not going north. I accept that what you say may be true. I even accept that those are deeds men must do at court, in power, if they are to guide the empire, especially in wartime. But it is ... I do not accept it for my own life."
"I know that," said Song, in a quieter voice. "But if you are to pull away, to remain safe and not under suspicion, you need to bring him the horses first and be seen to bow, wearing the ring he gave you. The emperor has to see you are not hiding from him. Hear you petition for leave to go. Decide he trusts you."
"She is right, my lord," said Lu Chen.
"Master Sima would agree with me," Song repeated.
Tai glared at her. "Master Sima has never in his life held any position at--"
"I know," she interrupted, though gently. "But he would still agree with me. Shen Tai, take the horses north, then beg him to let you go home as your reward."
"And if he refuses?"
She bit her lip. Looked young again, suddenly.
"I don't know. But I know I'm right," she said defiantly.
HE HAD CALLED for a writing table, paper and ink, brushes, lamps for his room.
The storm had passed. His window faced south, which meant good fortune; his was the best room, at the end of the long hallway upstairs. He'd pushed the shutters back. The air was sweet and mild, the heat broken by the rain. Tai heard the sound of water dripping from the projecting eaves. The sun was almost down when he began writing.
It was a difficult letter. He started with a full salutation, impeccably formal, summoning everything he'd learned about this while studying for the examinations. First missive to a new emperor, explaining why he was not coming back as instructed. Because his small Kanlin guard wasn't the only defiant person at this inn.
He employed every imperial title he could remember. He used his most careful calligraphy. This was a letter that could decide his life.
Because of that, he even invoked Li-Mei, thanking the imperial family, the Ninth Dynasty, for the great honour done his father's only daughter. Of course, that expression of gratitude was also a reminder that the Shen family was linked to the dynasty, and could surely be considered loyal.
He didn't mention his brother. Liu had died honourably, bravely, but it was wisest not to raise any connection to Wen Zhou.
He did hint, also obliquely, that his mother and his father's much-loved concubine were living alone with only a still-maturing young son in the household, and had been doing so for a long time.
He mentioned that he himself had not yet seen his honourable father's headstone and the inscription on that stone. Had not been able to kneel before it, or pour his ancestral libation. He'd been at Kuala Nor. Sardian horses were coming to the emperor because of that, had already arrived, if Shinzu was reading this letter.
All but ten of the Heavenly Horses (he was keeping ten, because he had people to honour and reward for their help) were humbly offered by Shen Tai to the exalted Emperor Shinzu, to use as the Son of Heaven and his advisers saw fit. It was a matter of great pride to the glorious emperor's most unworthy servant, Shen Tai, son of Shen Gao, that he could assist Kitai in this way. He used all of his father's offices and titles at that point in the letter.
He wrote of his own devotion to the Ninth Dynasty and to the emperor himself, since he who now held the Phoenix Throne (and would rise like the phoenix from the ashes of war!) had helped Tai himself, deigning to intercede one day at Ma-wai, and another time in the palace, against the murderous intrigues of a man whose disgraced name Tai would not even write.
He'd thought about that part for some time, as the night darkened outside, but it was surely right to make it clear that Wen Zhou had wanted Tai dead.
He hesitated again, sipping wine, reading over what he'd written, then he mentioned the rings the august and illustrious emperor and father-emperor, may the gods in all nine heavens defend them and grant them peace, had each given the unworthy but devoted Shen Tai, by their own hands.
He was looking at that part, and wondering about it, if it could possibly be read as a thought that the father, not the son, should be on the throne, when he heard the door to the room open.
He didn't turn around, remained on the mat before the writing table, facing the open window. There was a breeze, and stars now, but the three lamps lit the room too much for them to be clearly seen.
"If I were someone who wanted you dead, you would be by now," she said.
Tai laid down his brush. "That was one of the first things you ever said to me, at Iron Gate."
"I remember," she said. "How did you know it was me?"
He shook his head impatiently, looking out. "Who else would it be?"
"Really? Not an assassin from Tagur, perhaps? Trying at the last minute to stop their horses from crossing the border?"
"I have Kanlin guards," Tai said. "He wouldn't have gotten near this room. I recognized your footfall, Song. I do know it by now."
"Oh," she said.
"I thought I barred the door this time."
"You did. This is an old inn. The wood shifts, too much space between door and wall. A sword can be used to lift the bar."
He was still looking out the window. "Shouldn't I have heard it?"
"Probably," she said, "though someone trained can do it quietly. This is why you need guards."
He was tired, but also amused. "Really? Why would an assassin bother with me? I am apparently of no use to anyone, in wartime."
She was silent a moment. "I was angry. I didn't mean that."
"It is true, however. Once the emperor has the horses."
"I don't ... I don't think it is true, myself. I was trying to be persuasive."
Her footfall, moving into the room.
A moment later one of the lamps was blown out. The one closest to him, illuminating his writing table. And because she'd come nearer he caught the scent of perfume. She never wore perfume.
He turned.
She had already crossed to the second lamp. She bent and blew that one out as well, leaving only the one by the bed. She turned to him.
"I'm still trying to be persuasive," Wei Song said, and let her tunic slip from her shoulders to the floor.
Tai stood up quickly. He looked away a moment, then his eyes were pulled back to her. The lithe form. She had a long, shallow gash across the ribs on one side. He knew how she'd received that wound.
"Please forgive my shyness with the lights," she murmured.
"Shyness?" Tai managed to say.
The single lamp beside her lit one breast more than the other, and the left side of her face. Slowly, she lifted both her hands and began unpinning her hair.
"Song, what ... this is to persuade me to go north? You do not have to--"
"It isn't," she said, hands lifted, exposing her body to his gaze. "That wasn't true, about persuading. It just sounded like a clever thing to say. A pleasure district remark? They are clever there, I know. And beautiful."
She set one long pin on the table by the bed, and then removed and set down another, moving slowly, the light falling upon her. "This is a goodbye," she said. "We may not meet again, since you will not come north."
Tai was mesmerized by her movements. She had killed for him, he had seen her do it at Chenyao, in a garden. She was barefoot now, wore only thin Kanlin trousers, nothing down to the waist.
The last hairpin slipped free and she shook out her hair.
"Goodbye?" Tai said. "You were hired for ten years! You are mine until then!" He was trying to be ironic.
"Only if we live," she said. She looked away, he saw her bite her lip. "I am willing to be yours," she said.
"What are you saying?"
She looked back at him, and did not answer. But her wide-set eyes were on his, unwavering, and he thought, yet again, of how much courage she had.
And then, for the second time that day, Tai realized that within himself something had already happened, perhaps some time ago, and that he was only, in this lamplit, after-thunder moment, coming to know it. He shook his head in wonder.
"I can leave now," she said, "and be gone before morning, to collect the horses."
"No. I have to be there, remember?" Tai said. He drew a breath. "I don't want you to leave, Song."
She looked young, small, almost unbearably exposed.
He said, a roughness in his voice, "I don't want you ever to leave."
She looked away again, suddenly. He saw her draw a breath this time, then let it out slowly. She said, "Do you mean that? It isn't because I have been so ... because I did this?"
"I have seen women unclothed before, Song."
She looked up. "I know. And I am thin, and have this new wound, which will be another scar. And one more on my leg, and I
know
I am insufficiently respectful and--"
She wasn't very far away at all. He moved forward and put a hand, gently, over her mouth. Then he took it away and kissed her, also gently, that first time. Then he did so again, differently.
He looked down at her, in the one light left burning. Eyes on his, she said, "I am not greatly experienced in these matters."
SOME TIME LATER. Her left leg across his body where they lay in the bed, her head against his shoulder, hair spread out. The lamp had been extinguished some time ago. The rain had stopped dripping from the eaves. They could see moonlight, hear a night bird singing.
Tai said, "Not greatly experienced?"
He felt more than he saw her smile. "I was told men like hearing that from a woman. That it makes them feel powerful."
"Is that what it does?"
"So I was told." One of her hands was playing at his chest, drifting down towards his belly then back up. "You were on Stone Drum Mountain, Tai. You ought to remember what happens there at night. Or did none of the women ...?"
"I don't think I'm going to answer that."
"Not yet, perhaps," she murmured.
The moon laid a trail of light along the floor of the room.
"You seem to always be coming into my chamber," he said.
"Well, once I was saving you from a fox-woman, remember?"
"She wasn't a fox-woman."
"She was a trap. Extremely pretty."
"Extremely," he agreed.
She sniffed. "Even if it wasn't a
daiji
, Sima Zian and I agreed you were not in a state to resist her that night, and bedding a governor's daughter would have put you in a very difficult position."