Unbreakable (Accidental Crush #3) (2 page)

“Anyway, I really did care about her, and I still do, I guess. I mean, she’ll always hold a special place for me. I know I said this before, but it wasn’t the same with her, Ash. I cared about her a lot, but I’m not sure I ever loved her. She was crazy. Older. Daring. She pushed me to do things I would never have done on my own. She was wild, and it was contagious. We did a lot of things I would never have done.”

He ends it there, but I need to know more. I’m not sure why I need to know. I’ve waited for so long.

“Like what?”

He takes a deep breath, his reluctance evident.

“Like, I went to a rave with her, and we both tried molly.” His eyes connect with mine. “I never even thought about doing drugs before. When we did it, I felt so full of life and love. It scared me, but it was exciting, too. I knew it was wrong, but I never felt like I could get into trouble with her.” He leans his head back against the headrest as his gaze shifts back to the outside. “We snuck onto the golf course at the country club in the middle of the night, and let’s just say we were doing more than getting drunk on the green.” He shakes his head with a smile at the memory.

“But these are things I would never have done without her. That was where I worked. I wasn’t a member, and I needed that job to help save money for college.” He looks back at me and gives me another small smile. “There is no guarantee on scholarships, so I need to save as much as I can.”

He takes a deep breath. “You know Ryan, Bri, and I have always been daring, but she pushed me out of my comfort zone, and I liked it. I hung out with Casey a lot last summer, too, and I got to know him. I liked him. He was tight with Ry and Brian since we were all working at the club. He’s a cool guy, and that’s what scares me the most with him.” His eyes meet mine, showing the same anger as every other time he mentions Casey, but there is also love for me in them.

“I mean, I get it. Their parents suck. They’re never around, and they couldn’t care less about their kids. It’s obvious they make up for their absence with their money. Casey and Dylan act like they own the world, and they kind of do. It was fun for the summer, but not forever.” His eyes come back up to meet mine, and my stomach does a flip at the sincerity in the word forever. It’s clear he thinks we could be forever just by the way he’s looking at me.

“Dylan had to go back to college early because of her sorority or something, so we had a few weeks of work left at the club after she left. I knew long distance with her wouldn’t last. Like I said, it was always fun, but I knew it was just for the summer, for me at least. So, before she left, I told her I thought we should break up.” He looks up to the ceiling of his car and takes a deep breath. He’s in a storytelling trance that I don’t dare interrupt.

“She was really upset, and I didn’t expect it. I thought she felt the same way I did, but she didn’t.” He shakes his head, and my heart breaks for her a little and for him, too. It’s apparent he still feels bad and maybe a little guilty.

“I knew something was off. I knew she was depressed. Then she started calling me all the time, which wasn’t really like her. I mean, one of the things I liked the most was her confidence. She’s a lot like Casey
—
the world is hers, and she’s always in control.” He shakes his head again. “But this was a different Dylan. She would leave so many messages it would fill up my voicemail.”

I smile to myself at the stabbing reminder of trying to reach Todd this summer and doing exactly the same thing—filling up his voicemail, trying to talk to him.

He looks back over at me, the pain of retelling this story written all over his face, but the guilt is clear now, and that’s something I haven’t seen before.

“I didn’t want to lead her on, Ash, so I didn’t call her back. Not once.” I see the glisten in his eyes.

My heart sinks. I now know why he’s never wanted to talk about it. There is raw pain there, something he tried to hide for so long. I’m mad at myself for wanting to find out the truth this summer and for making him relive this now.

“Todd, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anymore.” I reach for his hand, needing to touch him, needing him to know I’m here for him.

He takes a deep breath and presses his lips together. I can tell he’s fighting to keep it together.

He shakes his head again. “No, I should have told you months ago. I need to say this. I’ve never really talked about it with anyone.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing. “The day it happened, I was at work. We all only had a few days left. I just finished caddying for one of the bigger guys at the club when I saw Casey walking up. I knew something was wrong. He didn’t say anything; he just pushed me in the chest and screamed, ‘She’s in the hospital, you asshole.’ I knew exactly who he was talking about, and I didn’t know what to think. Casey was ready to fight, and I was trying to absorb what he just said. ‘She’s on a ventilator, and it’s your fault’.” Todd’s voice cracks, letting me know his emotions are winning the internal battle.

I reach for his hand again and squeeze it. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

When he glances over at me, I can tell he still has more to say. “I asked him what happened, and he just started screaming again, saying, ‘What do you think happened? You broke up with her and then fell off the face of the earth.’ Then it all clicked for me, I knew what she tried to do, and he was blaming me.”

I run my hand along his arm, but he is deep in thought. “What did you say?” I ask gently.

His eyes quickly land on mine then refocus on something outside the front window. “I was so mad. I couldn’t believe he was blaming me, and I couldn’t believe she would do something like that to herself. Casey was right up in my face, and I didn’t care anymore that we were at work or that we were surrounded by people. And trust me, everyone was staring. That place is a cesspool of gossip.”

He’s so focused it’s like he’s traveled back to that day, reliving every detail.

“I pushed him back. This was not my fault, and I knew it. Dylan had a lot of issues, and I might have been one of them, but I knew this wasn’t because of me, so I shouted back in his face, ‘This is not my fault. You know why I didn’t call her back.’ ” He looks at me to explain, “I talked to him about Dylan, and we both thought it was best not to return her calls, and then he was standing there, blaming me? I couldn’t even be upset for what just happened to her or to even find out if she was going to be okay. Instead, I wanted to kill Casey, so I pushed him back harder, and he launched at me. That was it.

“I really wanted to hurt him, Ash. I couldn’t believe someone I thought was my friend—someone I talked to about everything, and we both decided it was best for Dylan not to return her calls—was standing there, blaming me for something so terrible. I knew he had to be hurting. I know I couldn’t handle it if something like that ever happened to Sid, but none of that mattered.” He stops himself when he realizes how much he just said, but it’s clear he has needed to talk about it for a long time. Once he started, everything just poured out.

He gives me a small smile. “I don’t really remember what happened next. I lost control in that moment. I know I did.”

He looks back out the front window. “The next thing I remember is Brian shouting in my face and pushing me back. I remember looking over at Casey, who was a bloody mess, and I knew I wasn’t much better, but I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything. I got suspended from work, which I still hate.” He squeezes the steering wheel in front of him.

“What happened to Casey?” As soon as the words spill out, I regret it. But for once, there is no hate from Todd when I mention him.

“Nothing. His dad got him off because they’re members. He went to work as usual. His dad threatened to get me kicked off the football team, though. I guess they donated money for our field a few years ago
—
tax deduction or something
—
so he even has power at our school.”

“But when Dylan woke up, she told them it wasn’t me; it was them
—
her parents. And of course, they couldn’t handle that, so they still blame me, but Dylan wouldn’t let them do anything.”

“Did you talk to her, see her?”

“Yeah, I drove up to see her. We’re cool. She told me it had nothing to do with me, but she was pissed I never called her back.” He laughs for the first time, breaking the tension that was filling the car.

Then his eyes finally meet mine again, and the smile is back in them. “She was like, ‘Oh, so is this how I get you to return my calls.’ I honestly think all the calls were just a distraction for her, and the whole thing was to prove a point to her parents”—he takes a deep breath—“but I never wanted to talk about it. It felt private and like it wasn’t something to talk about. Ryan doesn’t even know the whole story. I mean, Brian knows most of it because he saw the fight. They both knew I got suspended for the last week of work, and they knew what happened with Dylan because it was all over the club. But they were cool, asking if I wanted to talk about it, and when I said no, it ended there. Only my parents know about the football thing.”

He looks down at my hand as his fingers run over mine. “I still blame myself a little, though, deep down. I should have called her back. Maybe just talking to someone would have stopped her.”

“You were right before; this is not your fault.” I pull his face toward mine, needing him to see how serious I am about this and how grateful I am that he is opening up to me. “Todd, it is not your fault. She chose to take those pills. She told you herself. She stuck up for you.”

His eyes travel back down to my hand as his fingers move up to the bracelet he gave me on my birthday. “I know,” he whispers. “Thanks for listening, Ash.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I just need you to understand why I can’t stand him. And then, when I got that picture of you both and I knew you were with him every day at the pool, all of my hate for him came back.” His eyes meet mine again. “I trust you with everything, but I don’t trust him.” His look changes from filled with love to harsh and hard. “Now do you see why?”

I take a deep breath, which may be the first time I have actually breathed since we started talking. This is a tough one. I do fully understand, yet at the same time, I know Casey, and I’m sure he wasn’t thinking straight when he found out about his sister. They only really have each other, so he must have lost it, and it was easy to blame Todd.

Suddenly, there is a loud fist slamming on my window.

“What the hell?”

“What’s up, jackass?” Todd says as he rolls down his window, looking past me.

I turn to see my brother Ryan standing there with a wide grin on his face. “You scared the shit out of me, jerk!”

“Ash bug, language.” He makes the tsk-tsk motion with his finger. “What are you two doing in here? You’ve been out here forever, and we’re going to be late for practice.” He stops almost mid-thought. “Better yet, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know,” he says as he notices our hands intertwined. “Come on, Todd; we’ve got a fancy dinner date.” Ryan gives me a smirk. “He’s mine tonight, Ash. Come on, Toddy; we don’t want to be late for our date.”

“You truly are an idiot.” Todd says with a laugh. “You’ve been hanging out with Brian too much,” he shouts out the window to Ryan who is walking backward to his car.

“You were mine first,” Ryan shouts back before he points to me. “I saw him first, Ash.”

“I’ll see you at practice,” Todd yells back. “I just need a minute. Cover for me with Coach if I’m late.”

“I’m not running laps for your ass, so hurry it up,” Ryan shouts back as he throws his gym bag in his car.

“I love you, too,” Todd calls to him as he rolls the window back up. Then his eyes lock with mine. “I guess I’ve gotta go.” He shrugs.

“Yeah, it seems that way.” I smile. “Thanks for telling me everything. I’m sorry about Casey and Dylan and the whole thing. I know that had to be really hard.”

“It wasn’t easy”—he smiles—“but it’s done, and she’s fine, and it all worked out. I just don’t think I can ever forgive him for blaming me when we were friends. I mean, we talked about Dylan before it all happened, and he agreed I shouldn’t call her. Then, for him to turn on me like that …” He shakes his head. “It’s over with us. I’ll never trust him again, especially with you.”

His hand caresses my jaw as his thumb runs circles over my cheek. Then he leans in and kisses me, really kisses me, and the feeling of his soft lips on mine reminds me just how right we are for each other.

He finally forces himself to pull back. “Okay, I better go, or your brother is going to kill me.”

“Love you. Have a good practice,” I say, opening the car door to leave.

As I watch him drive away, I’m so happy he finally told me everything.
No more secrets.
I have no idea what to do about Casey, though. I get Todd’s side, but I also understand Casey’s. He freaked out and needed someone to blame. I wish Todd could understand Casey’s side, too. I wish Casey would just apologize, but I know he never will. They are both too proud, although of what, I have no idea.

Casey!
I never checked his text.

Hey, Ash. George said he wants to keep the summer swim team together for fall/winter swim. Want to do it?

I can’t believe it. My first thought is that this is amazing. Then my second thought is Todd.