DALE: Well, I mean, that’s not all I lived on. We got normal food, too.
GRACE: I know, but . . .
DALE: Not like we were living in cardboard boxes or anything.
GRACE: All I’m saying is that the people who are coming in now—a lot of them are different—they’re already Westernized. They don’t act like they’re fresh off the boat.
DALE: Maybe. But they’re still FOBs.
STEVE: Tell him who I am!
DALE: Anyway, real nice dinner, Grace. I really enjoyed it.
GRACE: Thank you.
STEVE: Okay! I will tell myself.
DALE: Go tell yourself—just don’t bother us.
GRACE
(Standing, to Steve)
: What would you like to do now?
STEVE: Huh?
GRACE: You wanted to go out after dinner?
STEVE: Yes, yes. We go out.
DALE: I’ll drive. You sent the hearse home.
STEVE: I tell driver—return car after dinner.
DALE: How could you...? What time did you...? When did you tell him to return? What time?
STEVE
(Looks at his watch)
: Seven-five.
DALE: No—not what time is it. What time you tell him to return?
STEVE: Seven-five. Go see.
(Dale exits through the kitchen.)
(No accent)
Why wouldn’t you tell him who I am?
GRACE: Can Gwan Gung die?
STEVE: No warrior can defeat Gwan Gung.
GRACE: Does Gwan Gung fear ghosts?
STEVE: Gwan Gung fears no ghosts.
GRACE: Ghosts of warriors?
STEVE: No warrior ghosts.
GRACE: Ghosts that avenge?
STEVE: No avenging ghosts.
GRACE: Ghosts forced into exile?
STEVE: No exiled ghosts.
GRACE: Ghosts that wait?
STEVE
(Quietly)
: May I... take you out tonight? Maybe not tonight, but some other time? Another time?
(He strokes her hair)
What has happened?
DALE
(Entering)
: I cannot believe it...
(He sees them)
What do you think you’re doing?
(He grabs Steve’s hand. To Steve)
What... I step out for one second and you just go and—hell, you FOBs are sneaky. No wonder they check you so close at Immigration.
GRACE: Dale, I can really take care of myself.
DALE: Yeah? What was his hand doing, then?
GRACE: Stroking my hair.
DALE: Well, yeah. I could see that. I mean, what was it doing stroking your hair?
(Pause)
Uh, never mind. All I’m saying is...
(He gropes)
Jesus! If you want to be alone, why don’t you just say so, huh? If that’s what you really want, just say it, okay?
(Pause)
Okay. Time’s up.
GRACE: Was the car out there?
DALE: Huh? Yeah. Yeah, it was. I could not believe it. I go outside and—thank God—there’s no limousine. Just as I’m about to come back, I hear this sound like the roar of death and this big black shadow scrapes up beside me. I could not believe it!
STEVE
(Speaking with accent again)
: Car return—seven-five.
DALE: And when I asked him—I asked the driver, what time he’d been told to return. And he just looks at me and says, “Now.”
STEVE: We go out?
DALE: What’s going on here? What is this?
STEVE: Time to go.
DALE: No! Not till you explain what’s going on.
STEVE
(To Grace)
: You now want to dance?
DALE
(To Grace)
: Do you understand this? Was this coincidence?
STEVE
(To Grace)
: I am told good things of American discos.
DALE
(To Grace)
: You and him just wanna go off by yourselves?
STEVE: I hear of Dillon’s.
DALE: It’s okay, you know.
STEVE: In Westwood.
DALE: I don’t mind.
STEVE: Three—four stories.
DALE: Really.
STEVE: Live band.
DALE: Cousin.
STEVE: We go.
(He takes Grace’s hand)
DALE: He’s just out to snake you, you know.
(Dale takes Grace’s other hand. From this point on, almost unnoticeably, the lights begin to dim.)
GRACE: Okay! That’s enough!
(She pulls away)
That’s enough! I have to make all the decisions around here, don’t I? When I leave it up to you two, the only place we go is in circles.
DALE: Well...
STEVE: No, I am suggesting place to go.
GRACE: Look, Dale, when I asked you here, what did I say we were going to do?
DALE: Uh—dinner and a movie—or something. But it was a different “we,” then.
GRACE: It doesn’t matter. That’s what we’re going to do.
DALE: I’ll drive.
STEVE: My car can take us to movie.
GRACE: I think we better not drive at all. We’ll stay right here.
(She removes Steve’s tie. To Steve)
Do you remember this?
DALE (
Assumes Grace is talking to him)
: What—you think I borrow clothes or something? Hell, I don’t even wear ties.
(Grace takes the tie, wraps it around Dale’s face like a blindfold.)
Grace, what are you . . . ?
GRACE
(To Steve)
: Do you remember this?
DALE: I already told you. I don’t need a closer look or nothing.
STEVE: Yes.
GRACE
(Ties the blindfold, releases it)
: Let’s sit down.
DALE: Wait.
STEVE: You want me to sit here?
DALE: Grace, is he understanding you?
GRACE: Have you ever played Group Story?
STEVE: Yes, I have played that.
DALE: There—there he goes again! Grace, I’m gonna take . . .
(He starts to remove the blindfold)
GRACE
(Stopping him)
: Dale, listen or you won’t understand.
DALE: But how come
he’s
understanding?
GRACE: Because he’s listening.
DALE: But...
GRACE: Now, let’s play Group Story.
DALE: Not again. Grace, that’s only good when you’re stoned.
GRACE: Who wants to start? Steve, you know the rules?
STEVE: Yes—I understand.
DALE: See, we’re talking normal speed—and he still understood.
GRACE: Dale, would you like to start?
DALE: All right.
(By this time, the lights have dimmed, throwing shadows on the stage. Throughout the following, Grace will strike two pots together to indicate each speaker change, and the ritual will gradually take on elements of Chinese opera.)
Uh, once upon a time... there were... three bears—Grace, this is ridiculous!
GRACE: Tell a story.
DALE: ...three bears and they each had... cancer of the lymph nodes. Uh—and they were very sad. So the baby bear said, “I’ll go to the new Cedar Sinai Hospital, where they may have a cure for this fatal illness.”
GRACE: But the new Cedar Sinai Hospital happened to be two thousand miles away—across the ocean.
STEVE
(Gradually losing his Chinese accent)
: That is very far.
DALE: How did—? So, the bear tried to swim over, but his leg got chewed off by alligators—are there alligators in the Pacific Ocean?—Oh, well. So he ended up having to go for a leg
and
a cure for malignant cancer of the lymph nodes.
GRACE: When he arrived there, he came face to face with—
STEVE: With Gwan Gung, god of warriors, writers and prostitutes.
DALE: And Gwan Gung looked at the bear and said…
GRACE: .…strongly and with spirit . . .
STEVE: “One-legged bear, what are you doing on my land? You are from America, are you not?”
DALE: And the bear said, “Yes. Yes.”
GRACE: And Gwan Gung replied...
STEVE
(Getting up)
: By stepping forward, sword drawn, ready to wound, not kill, not end it so soon. To draw it out, play it, taunt it, make it feel like a dog.
DALE: Which is probably closely related to the bear.
GRACE: Gwan Gung said—
STEVE: “When I came to America, did you lick my wounds? When I came to America, did you cure my sickness?”
DALE: And just as Gwan Gung was about to strike—
GRACE: There arrived Fa Mu Lan, the Woman Warrior.
(She stands, faces Steve. From here on in, she no longer strikes the pots together.)
“Gwan Gung.”
STEVE: “What do you want? Don’t interfere! Don’t forget, I have gone before you into battle many times.”
DALE: But Fa Mu Lan seemed not to hear Gwan Gung’s warning. She stood between him and the bear, drawing out her own sword.
GRACE: “You will learn I cannot forget. I don’t forget, Gwan Gung. Spare the bear and I will present gifts.”
STEVE: “Very well. He is hardly worth killing.”
DALE: And the bear hopped off. Fa Mu Lan pulled a parcel from beneath her gown.
(Grace removes Dale’s blindfold.)
She pulled out two items.
GRACE: “This is for you.”
(She hands blindfold to Steve)
STEVE: “What is that?”
DALE: She showed him a beautiful piece of red silk, thick enough to be opaque, yet so light he barely felt it in his hands.
GRACE: “Do you remember this?”
STEVE: “Why, yes. I used this silk for sport one day. How did you get hold of it?”
DALE: Then she presented him with a second item. It was a fabric—thick and dried and brittle.
GRACE: “Do you remember this?”
STEVE
(Turning away)
: “No, no. I’ve never seen this before in my life. This has nothing to do with me. What is it—a dragon skin?”
DALE: Fa Mu Lan handed it to Gwan Gung.
GRACE: “Never mind. Use it—as a tablecloth. As a favor to me.”
STEVE: “It’s much too hard and brittle. But, to show you my graciousness in receiving—I will use it tonight!”
DALE: That night, Gwan Gung had a large banquet, at which there was plenty, even for the slaves. But Fa Mu Lan ate nothing. She waited until midnight, till Gwan Gung and the gods were full of wine and empty of sense. Sneaking behind him, she pulled out the tablecloth, waving it above her head.
GRACE
(Ripping the tablecloth from the table)
: “Gwan Gung, you foolish boy. This thing you have used tonight as a tablecloth—it is the stretched and dried skins of my fathers. My fathers, whom you slew—for sport! And you have been eating the sins—you ate them!”
STEVE: “No. I was blindfolded. I did not know.”
DALE: Fa Mu Lan waved the skin before Gwan Gung’s face. It smelled suddenly of death.
GRACE: “Remember the day you played? Remember? Well, eat that day, Gwan Gung.”
STEVE: “I am not responsible. No. No.”
(Grace throws one end of the tablecloth to Dale, who catches it. As Grace and Dale chase Steve about the stage, waving the tablecloth like a net, they act out the roles of Steve’s parents.)