Trouble (20 page)

              “He is cheating on me. You were right. I have been so blind and stupid. All the signs have been pointing right there and I’m too blind to fucking see it.” I close my eyes not wanting to see her face, she will give it away.

              “Lannie, he isn’t cheating on you. I thought that, but he isn’t. Just worry about how hot you will look tomorrow. And drunk.” I open my eyes and this was why I didn’t want too. She isn’t a very good liar to me. I nod as I take my drink and walk away. I debate whether to grill Gage or not. He will take her side and then there conversation hits me like a ton of bricks and I can’t breathe. I can’t ever speak. I start choking on my drink, but regain it. Gage is staring at me as Ashley walks over. I shoot her one look. In that single look she knows that she just fucked things up, that she lied to me, and that I was on to them. She looks terrified and she better be, because once Gage was at Brandon’s it was going to be grilling 101. We board the plane and I’m thankful we all are sitting together. Once we are in the air I turn towards her.

              “Why did you tell me you suspected Jake of cheating last night before we left? I mean that is what you said right? I want to know your theory on this.” Gage is now focused on our conversation, I see her start picking at her nail polish.

              “Well I just assumed after all the late trips to work, not calling or texting, and the way things happened last night at dinner. I just assumed until Gage did tell me there was a big mess up and as CEO he had to work hand and hand with the VP to fix it before he loses his company. I am sorry Lannie. Once he told me his name I backed off. I thought maybe it could be a girl, but the name is so a dude.” I’m now eighty percent sure that I am being cheated on. Ashley doesn’t know the little secret that Jake told me last night about the VP being a girl not a dude.

              “What is his name?” Gage is watching my reaction and I wait for him to answer.

              “Joey.” Was all he said? I turn to Ashley as she was smiling, but damnit what was the conversation this morning? We spent the next hour in silent as the realization went over and over in my head.

              “I can’t fucking take it anymore. Ashley the VP at work is a girl not a dude. Jake did mention the VP being a girl. I couldn’t let you think that it was a dude because I would never lie to you just like you would never lie to me. Right?” She is shifting her eyes back and forth between Gage and me.

              “Right.”  I nod not satisfied that my best friend just lied to me. We land in Florida and I couldn’t be anymore happier than I was to be home. Rhonda said she would pick us up, but when we exited it was Brandon and Mark standing by his Jeep waiting on us. Damn. I can still think he is just hot as hell right? In this situation he is wearing board shorts, flip flops, and a nice white plain shirt with his hair tasseled. I think he feels my eyes burning holes into him, because when he looks up my breath hitches. Those damn dark eyes, the grin that spreads across his face, and finally the way the world silences when we stare. I want that. I don’t have it with Jake, just Brandon. Lannie he is getting married in twenty four hours. Get it together. He slowly makes his way towards me and stands inches from me.

              “Hey there.” The words that leave his mouth are the most intoxicating words I have heard in a while. Now why can’t Jake be like this? He has changed so much since I have moved there.

              “Hey, thought Rhonda was picking us up?” He laughs as he grabs my luggage and throws it in the back. Once Ashley, Mark, and Gage where all nestled in the back he wrapped his hands around my waist and hugged me. The hug was different. It was sweet mixed with hurt. Then it hit me that he was marrying someone who wasn’t me. Someone who has always had a hate for me in some way whether she was able to admit it or not.

              “She said she would be at your house tonight, something came up.” I smile. I walk back to the jeep and hop inside. I say hi to Mark and he goes on and on to Gage about his girlfriend. I hear the ding of my phone and check it to see it is from not Jake, but Brandon.

             
Brandon: Before I am no longer a single man I thought I would let you know something. I wanted to send it via text so you could cherish it forever. Lannie, since day one of meeting you nothing has been the same. I found our lives involved more than one way and it has been wonderful. I do not regret any of it. The only thing is I wish you weren’t my student during the time. A part of me wishes it was you walking down the aisle tomorrow, but it isn’t and I am okay with that. Rhonda will never be you, but at least it is someone. XOXO B.

              Another ding.

             
Ashley: I see the smile and can only mean that the person who texted you was Brandon. Just in case we are never alone for me to say this. I am sorry that your happy ever after wasn’t with him. And for the record I do believe that Jake isn’t cheating on you, now. That isn’t saying he ever was, but maybe when we return to New York you should have a serious talk with him. I love you Lannie more than you think. Brandon isn’t marrying you tomorrow and I know it hurts. It has too. XOXO A.

              We pull up to my house and I can’t wait to be inside. Brandon and Gage get the bags while Mark runs in the opposite direction a few houses down. I see this cute little girl, well teen walk out and I wave. That must be Lexi. I go into the house and I see Brandon not wanting to leave, but has no choice as it’s about five or so and Rhonda is due to arrive any minute. He hugs me a little longer than it was supposed to be, but at this moment I need it and don’t care. He leaves. It will be the last time that I see him as a single man, next he will be marrying her. The one that made it not happen. I can’t believe I’m a stupid bridesmaid too. An hour later I hear a knock on my door. Rhonda was already here with her other three ladies. I pause the movie we are watching and make my way to the door. I open it and my world is suddenly spinning out of control. I am face to face with the man that never wanted me. That abused me. My uncle. He looks up and sees the anger in my face, but what catches me off guard is the look in his eyes. Remorse maybe? Hurt? Good. He regains his voice as he speaks.

              “Lannie, we need to talk. There is a few things that you need to know.” It is the first time my name came out of his mouth in a calm matter.

              “I already know everything. Turns out that daddy kept a little file on you. Not only do I know that my dad is more of man than you, but that you never wanted me. Hope you have fun with that one.

              “God, I am trying to make amends and you’re still a little bitch. This is why I will never be a father to you. No blood of mine could be this cold bitch.” He is in my face. I’m not sure how he knows, but Brandon is behind him in seconds dragging his ass to the lawn. Everyone is out of the house pulling them apart, that is except Rhonda who looks mortified that this is happening. I feel bad for her. 

              “I told you that you needed to stay the fuck away from Lannie and here you are. On the day she returns talking more shit. She will never be your daughter. A man like you could never have the same gene as a woman like here. She is nothing compared to you. Her father is buried and will never be here. You can leave before I finish what I was going to start. It’s up to you.” He looks at me in disgust. There was no way we were the same. Rhonda takes me in her arms as I realize that I am crying over someone that hasn’t changed. She mumbles something to Brandon. I am not sure what is being said as I feel completely numb. She takes me back in the house.              

              Everyone is passed out throughout the house. That is except for me. I haven’t had a cigarette and I need one. I haven’t been in my back yard in months. I walk through the door and stop as I feel the little shattered pieces of my heart stabbing back into place. I walk up to the one thing that wasn’t there before and I know who did it. I have a hammock in my back yard. I get in it staring into the night sky. I can’t believe that Jake hasn’t called or texted me.

              “I was hoping that you would like it.” I startle until I realize that Brandon is standing there by the gate.

              “Aren’t you supposed to be home in bed?” He smiles at me and I miss it. I miss everything. If I could go back I would have fought for him to not be with her, but me.

              “I couldn’t sleep then I remembered a little someone never sleeps. So I took a chance and sure enough here you are.” I smile as I move over and he climbs on and holds me. We sit in silence, but it isn’t just silence. It’s the ending to something that never could have been a beginning. I hate this. I hate that I spent the last nine months hiding my real feelings and now it can never be.

              “Are you scared?” I hope he understands my question. I almost broke while asking and if I have to clarify then I know I will.

              “To be honest I am. Not about the idea of marrying, but afraid that it isn’t the right person. I guess all couples think that.” I nod unsure how to respond. I am too scared that he isn’t marrying the right person.

              “I’m scared too. I’m scared that I will never be able to feel this again. This perfect space and silence with someone. I’m scared that Jake is cheating or has been. I’m scared I won’t make it thru the ceremony tomorrow.” I feel a wet drop, looking up to the sky I see no indication that it is supposed to rain. I look up and see that it is coming from Brandon’s eyes. Oh my god he is crying. Shit.

              “I know.” We lay like this until I feel the heaviness in my eyes and am out before I’m able to retreat back inside. I dream about Brandon that night, but I feel like it was the closure that I needed. I’m jolted awake though. I see the sun shining and squint my eyes. I’m trying to figure out why it’s so bright. I hear the moan of my name and realize we both feel asleep on the hammock last night. I shot up just as Ashley walks outside.

              “Lannie, where the hell have you been? Rhonda’s freaking out up stairs.” I start laughing when she slides me over and sees Brandon sitting up just as confused as I was.

              “Lannie?” I shake my head no. She sighs a relief.

              “Brandon you may want to go home and get ready for your wedding.” He nods as he walks towards the gate and me to my house. I stop and run over to him. Ashley just shakes her head as she heads back inside. I need on more hug. He doesn’t want to let go neither do I as we both know when we do it will be different. We finally pull apart as I catch the tear sliding down his cheek.

              “Lannie, I will always love you.” With that he walks out of my yard to get ready for his wedding. I do the same. Today was going to entitle a lot of drinking that was for sure.

              The flowers line the middle of the aisle, the ribbon hangs so beautiful draped on the pews. I stare in a mirror that is showing me a girl that I have not seen before. The dress is stunning; my hair is done in a way that I didn’t know hair could be done. And as for my makeup it’s a natural pink look. I look fake. I roll my eyes as I go in search for the box that contains my shoes. I told Rhonda I would be back, but really I need fresh air. She’s gorgeous in her dress and I still couldn’t believe that it was her and not me. I just have to keep my cool. It shouldn’t be hard standing behind her staring at Brandon as he says the vows that will bind there love together forever.

              “Lannie?” I jump at the voice. I was so busy in my own world that I didn’t hear footsteps. I turn to see Gage there.

              “Hey, have you seen a box with my name on it? It contains my shoes.” He laughs and hands me a different box.

              “This isn’t mine.” He chuckles again.

              “Yeah it is. I purposely hid the other box. This is a birthday/sorry/I’m a jerk gift, from Jake.” Is he for real? I open the box and I can’t believe that this is the second time he remembered.

              “Marc Jacobs sliver glitter pumps.” I whisper. God they were stunning. I slip my feet into them and it wasn’t like normal heels it felt like heaven and my feet were made for these. I then turn to look in the mirror.

              “Now who is a pretty bridesmaid? Those shoes are killer. Lannie can I ask you something?” I’m scared. A simple nod was all I could do.

              “What does it feel like? To stand here and watch the one person who has always held your heart, marry someone that isn’t his true love? You look so brave and I know you have Jake, but deep down I see the sadness in both of you guys eyes. When I say both I am talking about Brandon and you, not Jake.” It’s already been emotional day. This is the cherry on top.

              “I would be lying if I say I’m not scared. What can I do? It is what it is. We can’t choose the path that our lives go down, but we can only control it.” He shrugs his shoulders and then pulls me into a hug.

              “Well better get back to the groom. See you at the alter La.” I laugh as I walk in with my new heels back to the room. I walk slowly back to the room afraid that I’m going to be early and have to hear everything. I step into the room and Rhonda glances down at my feet and isn’t impressed. I look around and see all the other girls in sliver heels so what is wrong with mine. She walks to me and stares.

              “I thought you said that you have shoes like Ashley?” Wow bridezilla is for sure.

              “I did, but then I lost my box and ran into Gage. Jake bought these for me to wear. There silver. They just have a little bling. I can bling the top of your dress out and that way it matches if you want. This brand of shoes means something to me and for my boyfriend to make sure I have those means a lot to me.” I don’t want to ruin her day. She looks back at her friends and Ashley is by my side holding my hand.