Tragedy's Gift: Surviving Cancer (11 page)

I was also nominated for an ACM award and a few other awards that year. I didn't win any of them, but my radio single, “Nobody Knows,” was the most-played country song on radio and it won the BMI song of the year. That honor made up for the agony of defeat in the other categories. I was having too much fun to feel sorry for myself about a few awards. But I will say that it felt like being up for a great job promotion in front of all of your co-workers and then your boss telling you that you didn’t get it. It does hurt some, particularly when millions of viewers know you didn’t get it. However, I was doing concerts for thousands of fans that knew the lyrics to my songs by heart. I was singing duets and on stage with musical greats like Barry Manilow, Barbara Striesand, Celine Dion, Richard Marx and Josh Groban and I was writing songs with some of the worlds best writers. I was on top of the world.

As my career was on the rise so were exciting events. I was invited to be a guest on Regis and Kathy Lee. I was so excited because I was positive that Kathy Lee would truly "get me.” I felt sure she would understand my struggle and excitement of reaching my dreams and the show would be fun. However, in true Kevin Sharp style, the day I was scheduled to be on the show, Regis had a substitute co-host; Joan Rivers. She didn't get me even a little bit, and admittedly, I didn’t get her either, but I still had fun and felt privileged to be there. Maybe next time Kelly Rippa will be there to "get me!”

I was asked to be among the entertainers for one of Hollywood’s "A" list parties. It was the 25th wedding anniversary of a movie studio bigwig. The performers were Faith Hill, Brandy, Michael Crawford and I. The guest list was something out of a dream - Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and Jim Carey to name a few. I was a nervous wreck. After my performance, all of the "beautiful people" complimented me and thanked me for being there. Then a really amazing thing happened. I needed to be back in New York for another show the following day, so the nice folks at Time Warner lent me the corporate jet to get me there in time. Michael Crawford asked me if he could hitch a ride to Las Vegas on the way. (I graciously agreed to let him share my jet.) It was incredible. A personal chef prepared a great meal and the flight attendant showed me to my room where I slept until we reached New York. I felt like Elvis getting off that plane, even though I could see the disappointment in the faces of the people anxiously awaiting the arrival of a mega star. They were looking at each other saying, "Who is that?" I knew then that I was definitely in New York! It was evident that I had more work to do in the publicity arena. Even so, it was the greatest flight of my life and it made it hard to go back to commercial flights after that!

Duty Calls

Recently, I was asked to sing for the President of the United States (George W. Bush) and thirty thousand military troops. When I said yes, I was told that the performance was the next day. I didn't realize that the President’s whereabouts are not common knowledge, and everything is done on the QT. The next day, I found myself traveling from Cincinnati, Ohio to Fort Polk, Louisiana. The government did a background check on me using my social security number and birth certificate. I didn't think I had a shady background, but if I did, they seemed the type of men who would find it, and I was about to find out!

John Berry was also asked to perform. As it turns out, both John and I had family members stationed at that base to help make our appearances possible, so it was really special for both of us. When we arrived at the base we were met by very professional military personnel who escorted us to our destination, briefed us on protocol while in the company of the President, and passed us through metal detectors. It was very unnerving. Then we waited for hours until it was time to sing. Imagine how long it takes for thirty thousand soldiers to go through metal detectors! It’s not a quick process.

I had performed in front of thousands of people many times before, but this was different. Seeing that many people in military uniforms awaiting their opportunity to see the Commander in Chief, not to mention the many snipers on the rooftops of each building, was awe-inspiring. Even though I was fully aware that the snipers were there for the safety of the President, and there was probably no safer place on the planet at that moment, I still felt uneasy. Because I was nervous, I said a few things that I thought would be funny, like “I hate the Marines,” but soon found out that the Armed Forces don’t have rivalries with other branches like college football teams. They weren’t amused. Oops, now I know.

After I sang, I couldn’t tell if they liked me or not, but I could tell that I felt a sense of pride and gratitude for every person serving our country. I will never forget that feeling of overwhelming appreciation for the troops. After the President began his speech, he stopped to thank John and me for our performances. I was once again, overwhelmed and filled with joy.

Because John and I had a background check, we were able to meet the President. Our guests were not allowed to come with us and we were not permitted to bring our cameras either. We were reminded not to make any sudden movements and to move down the reception line quickly. After he took pictures with a few military and government officials, it was finally our turn to say hello. I was silently practicing being brief. Then he took pictures with me and continued to talk to me for seven minutes!! I was shocked. He asked about my health, told me he was a big country music fan, and we talked about my career. I was very impressed with him as being a kind and wonderful man regardless of politics and world events. I was so nervous I couldn’t remember half of the details of our conversation.

As we were about to leave, I asked a secret service man if I could give him my address to send me a copy of a picture of me and the President. He just looked at me and said, “Don’t worry Mr. Sharp, we know where you live.” I think he was trying to freak me out. A few months later a picture arrived in the mail. I guess secret service men don't lie!

Would You Like Fries With That?

There is no doubt that being in my position as a country music artist has given me opportunities for exciting and excellent experiences. I cherish every good time, compliment, and pat on the back. However, it also opens up my life to many people who aren't so nice or those who feel it is their responsibility to point out my faults and weaknesses.

I have run into fans from all walks of life and most of them are wonderful and I am blessed to meet them, however, sometimes there is a character that makes me suspect that I am on a hidden camera reality show. For example, this one time after a long drive home from a visit with my wife Traci's family, I was at a fast food restaurant drive-thru and the girl at the window told me I looked like Kevin Sharp. I didn’t know what to say besides, “I am Kevin Sharp,” but without missing a beat she said, "No you’re not. He's not that chubby.” I was in a state of shock, so I replied, "He is now.”

Meanwhile, Traci was snickering in the seat next to me, and if that wasn't bad enough, the girl says to me, "I am one of Kevin’s biggest fans. His teeth aren't as crooked as yours and he has blue eyes.”

Now Traci was doubled over with laughter, calling her Mom on her cell phone to tell her what was happening. At this point I was so frustrated, I pulled out my wallet to show her my driver’s license to which she replied, “You had that made.” I could not believe that she would suspect someone of going to the DMV to stand in line to get a fake Kevin Sharp license. By this time, Traci was laughing so hard she could hardly breathe. I was so caught off guard by this gal’s insistence that I was trying to dupe her, that I took a CD and picture from the back of my car and autographed it and gave it to her. I was sure this would prove my identity and she would finally believe me. I was ready to calm her embarrassment by being very friendly to her. This was not the case. As we were pulling away from the window, she yelled, “If you were really Kevin Sharp, you would be driving a nicer car."

By the time I left that window I was so beat up and felt two inches tall. A "fan" had attacked my appearance, my character and worst of all, my Lincoln LS, which until that day, I was very happy with. Traci howled with laughter all the way home. Ain't fame great?

Lemonade

Everyone knows the adage, “When life hands you lemons - make lemonade,” and for the most part, I believe that the theory behind it is a great message. It is very important to walk through life with a positive outlook using one’s ability to make the best of a bad situation.

However, I have to admit that there was a time when I thought I would drown if I had to swallow any more lemonade. In fact, I could write a recipe book when it comes to lemons! Sometimes I have been bombarded by them from every side. My ability to see the humor, blessing, or lesson in some of my “situations” admittedly has eluded me.

Sometimes I have felt and still feel down right angry - angry at the world, angry at God, angry at my family, angry with my doctors, and many times, angry with myself. I am enraged at the fact that there are no answers to unfair and mind-boggling circumstances.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do families have to suffer the loss of a child? How can we discover so many things through science and technology, but still have no ability to save a child from an illness or accident?

All of these questions plague me. However, I have come to the conclusion that if I need to find answers or have a desire to help in some small way, I must first accept the fact that sometimes there just are no reasons, and life just happens.

I was under the impression from a young age that if I was a good, moral and upstanding person striving to achieve what is right; I would never come face to face with disaster. I was wrong. No one is exempt from the trials in life. Some trials are big and some are small, but there will always be trials.

Cancer hit me like a ton of bricks. Losing Kelley and Matthew and so many others affected me in ways that no words on paper could ever describe.

But, I press on, and no, that does not mean I make lemonade. I have learned to juggle! Sometimes I find myself having to juggle several lemons at one time. Many times I drop them and just sit among them and cry.

I have chosen to wake up every morning seeking a chance to lend a word of kindness or encouragement to someone in a bad situation. I don’t do it out of some noble gesture toward mankind. I do it out of a desire to keep my sanity. Most of my opportunities have been with people fighting or surviving cancer and I am grateful for that. I try to administer a little hope along the way and usually find a lot of hope in return. It is the hope that allows me to keep juggling.

Most cancer survivors share a common bond not only in “war stories,” but also in after-effects of chemo and in the reality of chronic pain. My leg has been in pain since before I was ever diagnosed and to my recollection the pain has never gone away. The cancer is gone, but the pain remains. My radiation treatments had not only killed the cancer, but also the surrounding tissue. My pain is permanent. Those lemons wait for me at the foot of my bed every morning, and follow me around all day, every day.

For those who have never dealt with chronic pain for at least a year, there is no way to explain the shadow it casts on every day life. Living with pain becomes a lifestyle. Daily events are planned around doses of medicine, the distance from one place to the next, and a body position that will cause the least amount of discomfort while sleeping in bed; are crucial considerations.

After a while if I let my guard down, I could suffer from depression and despair. I have that right. After all, I am carrying a bushel of lemons around with me all day.

I choose not to. I have been down the depression road and it was ugly and much more difficult to travel that anyone can imagine.

I was fortunate enough, with the help of understanding family and friends, to come through it. Going back is not an option for me.

Instead, I am constantly seeking ways to use my familiarity in the public eye as a tool to help those who, like me, need support. I am blessed to be able to record my songs and to have a chance to make my mark in the music industry. I never take that for granted or assume in any way that I did anything to deserve the recognition. That is why I never use the word “famous” to describe what I am or ever want to be. Famous conjures up thoughts of being some untouchable, self-absorbed icon that keeps everyone at arm’s length. That is not who I am. I strive solely to be familiar. Someone who is approachable and friendly, that wants to know people, not waiting for my ovation, but wanting to applaud those who press on through tough times. I want a person to recognize me as someone who cares deeply about the well-being of others and who wishes to help. I am no different from anyone else who makes it through the day that is fraught with twists and turns. I just happen to be a familiar singer that can juggle lemons!