Touched (9 page)
The clipped edge to his voice betrayed his anger. “I got that distinct impression when you were willing to die for him. What were you thinking, Remy?”
He’d returned to insulting me. My voice sounded thick as I tried to put some space between us. “I was thinking my friend would drown if I didn’t try to save him.”
“Why didn’t you let go of him when you realized you couldn’t pull him up?”
“I couldn’t—”
One hand slammed the steering wheel, and he glared at me. “Of all the stupid, reckless actions . . .”
“If you’d shut up, I’ll explain.”
The dark muttering halted, and I continued, “When I touched him to pull him out of the water, his wounds jumped out and grabbed me. It was like I was drowning, too, and I couldn’t save myself.”
His hollowed cheekbones worked as his jaw clenched. “Has that happened before?”
“Not that bad,” I whispered. “I’ve never been in a situation where someone else’s injuries could put my life in jeopardy before I could heal myself.”
It was odd talking about this, especially while resting in his arms. These were my deepest secrets that not even my mother knew.
“You take on whatever illness or injury you heal?” He sounded horrified to have his theory confirmed.
I rolled my head away to stare out the windshield. “But you already guessed that.”
“And the pain? Do you take that as well?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
Asher remained silent for a full minute taking that in. Then he sucked in a shaky breath, and I knew comprehension had dawned when he shook me lightly. His voice burned with raw emotion. “My hand. You healed my hand. I would never . . . I would
never
have asked.... What were you thin—Why would you do that, Remy? Why?”
never
have asked.... What were you thin—Why would you do that, Remy? Why?”
“You were hurt.”
He laughed with disbelief. “I was hurt? Are you crazy? You let your guard down, knowing you would take on that pain, and I let you do it. And then, I thanked you for it by attacking you.”
I needed distance to think. When I pushed against his chest, he seemed to understand and helped shift me back into the passenger seat. The cold returned without the warmth of his body against me, until he tucked his jacket around me again. I almost regretted moving. Dangerous or not, Asher was the first person to take care of me after a healing.
His jaw tensed, and his eyes took on a flinty look.
I hadn’t answered him and didn’t know what to say.
In a flat tone, he said, “Did it ever occur to you that I’m not like you? That, in fact, I’m the opposite of you? You feel too much. Your power even works by feeling—by touching.”
“And yours doesn’t?”
“Remy, I can’t
feel
anything. This car, the water in that pool, my wet hair, the air coming out of that vent.”
feel
anything. This car, the water in that pool, my wet hair, the air coming out of that vent.”
My body stilled. “I don’t understand. You were in pain when you burned your hand. You can’t deny that.”
“I’m not denying it.”
Frustration sharpened my tone. “You’re not making any sense. Either you feel things or you don’t. When you’re touching me, you . . .”
I remembered how he’d looked on the beach. How he looked at school. Laughing and surrounded by people, he somehow managed to look alone. Detached. Unreachable.
Until I lowered my defenses and sent my energy arcing at him. Until he touched me.
Then he looked in pain.
I shifted in my seat until I faced Asher.
He reacted with a humorless laugh as if he could see my expression in the shadows. “Got it in one. I don’t feel anything,
except
when you’re near me.”
except
when you’re near me.”
“How can that be?” I whispered.
As if he spoke to himself, his voice lowered. “I’m walking on the beach, and you appear out of nowhere looking so damned fragile. I wanted to know who had hurt you, to tear them apart. When I took your picture, I hoped you would look up and speak to me. Instead, you came after my camera, and I realized how wrong I’d been. You may have been covered in bruises, but I would never call you frail. You’re a warrior, Remy, and I had to know you.”
“But something changed. I felt you change.”
“You’re right. Until that moment when you dropped your defenses, and I felt your power, I didn’t know what you were. I could’ve killed you. You’re my enemy.”
He used the present tense. He still considered me an enemy, after everything that had happened. “You started this,” I snapped. “Why keep coming after me? Why follow me here tonight if I’m from the dark side?”
“Curiosity? You’re not like other Healers.”
He shrugged, and I wanted to punch him. My emotions had been stuck in a spin cycle, and he’d simply been curious about my abilities. “Really? Then, why jump in the pool after me? That’s taking curiosity to an extreme, don’t you think?”
His eyes dropped. “I reacted without thinking. When you’re near, I feel too much. I didn’t want to give that up, but it has to stop now. You’re affecting my judgment, and I can’t have that. I’m not the only one involved here.”
His family, he meant. He wanted to protect his family. I couldn’t blame him since my priorities were the same.
“So what now?” I asked. “We tried ignoring each other. That worked out really well.” I waved a hand around to encompass the both of us sitting in his car, our hair still wet from the pool.
“I’ll make it work. We have no choice.”
“We have a choice,” I said. Neither of us was willing to risk our families, though, to choose differently.
He turned, and I sucked in a breath at the rage I saw staring back at me. “Don’t you get it, Healer? I still could kill you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” The shivering started again, but it had nothing to do with being cold. Enemies and killing. The entire conversation sounded bizarre to my ears.
“Didn’t you feel it on the beach when I tried to give you the film? I needed you to trust me because I intended to save you from whoever had left those marks on you. Then I
felt
it. Your power was there between us, and my body
hurt
. I experienced the first physical sensation I’d felt in years, and I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing hold of you to make it last. I don’t trust myself to keep my walls up.”
felt
it. Your power was there between us, and my body
hurt
. I experienced the first physical sensation I’d felt in years, and I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing hold of you to make it last. I don’t trust myself to keep my walls up.”
Finally, an explanation. My voice came out a husky whisper. “If I hurt you, why try to be near me? Why would you want the pain to continue?”
“When you’ve gone without sensation for as long as I have, it can make you desperate. Any feeling is better than none. Even pain. Do you see why I’m a danger to you? Why I warned you to keep your walls up? You must have sensed I was different. Remy, the longer I’m near you, the more I
feel
again. When you’re near me, I stop caring what could happen to you.”
feel
again. When you’re near me, I stop caring what could happen to you.”
“How do you know about me when I know nothing about you? Why are we enemies?” There were others like me. Still others like him. The knowledge should have terrified me, but it seemed too big. Too impossible to take in.
He sighed. “You’re a Healer—your energy . . . It’s like a temporary stimulant for my kind; it makes us feel alive again. Everything about you is designed to give, to sacrifice, but I’m not like you. If I lost control . . . took too much . . . you would die.”
He could kill me, his enemy. What was he that my power to heal people would make him my enemy?
In silence, I contemplated all the times I’d felt his energy zinging toward me. After that first meeting on the beach when my ability had surprised him, he’d treated me with caution—like I had a “Danger” sign painted on my forehead. Even the weeks of testing my defenses had lacked menace. His mental prods
had
been warnings. As if he sought to keep me on my toes with my shield up against possible danger. Against him. And tonight he’d saved my life. Even now, it was his mental wall that protected us both from what he could do to me.
had
been warnings. As if he sought to keep me on my toes with my shield up against possible danger. Against him. And tonight he’d saved my life. Even now, it was his mental wall that protected us both from what he could do to me.
I knew what danger felt like, what it felt like to be hated. Asher wanted to harness my energy to feel human again, but he would not sacrifice me to do so. His own actions belied him. He couldn’t be my enemy.
“I don’t believe you.” Still cuddled in his jacket, I inhaled his scent.
“What do you mean you don’t believe me?”
It was my turn to laugh. “You heard me.”
I was certain I was right.
Asher’s protecting me. He’ll never hurt me.
Asher’s protecting me. He’ll never hurt me.
Asher groaned, his expression bleak. “Damn you, Remy, for making me do this.”
One hand curved to my cheek. At once, his wall dropped, and his energy blasted me. It didn’t build up like mine, unfurling a little at a time. It arrived without warning, overwhelming me until I couldn’t breathe. The icy sludge flowed through my veins, and like before, my heart beat faster in distress and then slowed until I thought it would stop altogether. With my senses wide open and my defenses down, I felt everything. And it hurt.
Unconsciousness loomed, and the pain worsened, more intense than healing Anna and ten times more intense than healing his burned hand or Brandon’s head. Everything blackened, and a droning sound filled my ears that I realized was the sluggish rhythm of my heart. With my last shred of awareness, I focused on it. I concentrated on each beat, each measured thump in my chest until one corner of my mind cleared.
The pain didn’t ease, but I struggled to get my barricade in place to block the onslaught of energy still pouring from Asher. He reached inside me with his power, as if he scanned me. Only he wasn’t healing me.
This
was the danger he’d warned me of. As he stretched his senses through my limbs, his energy grew and expanded, while mine weakened. I understood, then, what he’d tried to tell me.
This
was the danger he’d warned me of. As he stretched his senses through my limbs, his energy grew and expanded, while mine weakened. I understood, then, what he’d tried to tell me.
He didn’t just hold my energy hostage, he could
steal
it. He was a thief.
steal
it. He was a thief.
Rage consumed me. My body grew weaker by the instant as he strengthened, and I couldn’t stop him.
Even as this realization struck, his energy receded from me. I sensed the tight rein he had on his power as he pulled his hand from me and resurrected his mental barrier. The pain disappeared along with his touch. Control of my limbs returned, and I recoiled into the passenger-side door.
Asher flipped on the interior light. He twisted to face me with a ferocious hunger glowing in his eyes. He looked dangerous. And full of self-loathing.
I’d let myself trust him. Stupid, stupid girl.
Through his teeth, he said, “Do you understand now? Stay the hell away from me.” He glanced away. “I can’t be the one to hurt you.”
I said nothing. He’d reminded me of a lesson I’d learned early in life, one that I’d forgotten since coming to Blackwell Falls. A string of memories played through my mind. Dean striking Anna in the face, and then knocking a twelve-year-old version of me into the kitchen counter when I tried to stop him. He’d broken my arm that time. And later, Anna’s horrified expression when I healed her by accident for the first time, and her pleading voice when she begged me to keep it a secret. Then, I was a defiant fourteen-year-old, and Dean crushed his cigarette into my arm, furious because he couldn’t make me cry. Last, Asher sent that energy wave barreling at me when I’d decided I could trust him.
Everyone you care about betrays you in the end.
Asher put out a hand to touch me. “Remy, please.”
I wasn’t sure what he asked, and I didn’t wait to find out. Tossing his jacket away, I reached behind me for the handle to open the car door and scrambled out, almost falling to the ground. I looked back once into Asher’s pained expression. Then I ran into the house as fast as I could.
C
HAPTER
N
INE
HAPTER
N
INE
I
n my room, I crawled under my down comforter, not caring that my wet hair smelled like chlorine, and curled into a ball.
n my room, I crawled under my down comforter, not caring that my wet hair smelled like chlorine, and curled into a ball.
Tonight had been a good lesson. I’d forgotten what happened when you trusted people. At the pool, I’d allowed my past to sneak up and harm someone I cared about. My mistake had been getting involved. Luckily, the mistake could be corrected.
My dry eyes burned. Things couldn’t continue on like this. I needed to start cutting the ties that bound me to this place. I’d let Brandon know my swimming lessons were over to keep him safe from me. As for the rest of my new friends . . . I’d find a new place to have lunch.
Without question, I would avoid Asher. His actions tonight had proved how dangerous he could be. It burned that I’d been stupid enough to develop feelings for him. He knew about my power and could betray me to others at any time. Already, he’d intimated that his family knew about me. Gabe’s interest in me made frightening sense, and I’d bet my new car he had power similar to Asher’s.
What to do, then? I’d have to be on my guard around the Blackwells until I could leave town.
And Asher?
I thought, as I focused on healing my injuries. I couldn’t be weak again. I would not be.
And Asher?
I thought, as I focused on healing my injuries. I couldn’t be weak again. I would not be.
I woke when a hand shook my shoulder, and I scanned the owner of the limb before my eyes opened.
Ben.
Ben.
“Remy, wake up, hon.”
He sounded upset. Sitting up, I shoved my hair out of my eyes. Ben turned on my light and eased down next to me on the bed. He couldn’t look at me. Laura hovered in the doorway with her tired eyes pinched with concern. They both wore robes as if they’d come from bed. They hadn’t appeared so distressed since I’d arrived in Blackwell Falls.
“Hon, it’s your mom. Anna’s in the hospital.”
I heard the words, but they didn’t penetrate right away.
“The manager at your apartment came to collect the rent and found her. Apparently, she suffered a head wound in the last week that went untreated. She collapsed today and is in a coma.”
He squeezed my hand, but I pulled away. I’d known it was a matter of time before Dean hurt her, and I’d left her behind. In a cold voice, I asked “Will she be okay?”
His expression turned bleak, and I had my answer.
“How did you find out?”
“The hospital. Anna listed me as her emergency contact for some reason.”
That made perfect sense. I was too young, and she would never have chosen Dean. Not when he was the reason she needed help in the first place. If something happened to her, she would have wanted Ben to know for my sake.
Ben and Laura stared at me, most likely concerned with my unnatural composure. They didn’t know how I needed to lose myself in the details so I wouldn’t crack apart inside. I didn’t try to reassure them. Their worry took a backseat to Anna’s pain.
“You have to take me to her.”
Ben stood. “Of course. I’ve already called the airport. You and I are on the eight a.m. flight out of Portland.”
They left me alone to dress when I nodded.
That afternoon, Ben and I took a taxi to the hospital, the reverse of the trip we’d taken a month ago. Such a small amount of time, but my life had changed in a radical way.
My thoughts focused on Anna. I wondered when Dean had hurt her and if the police knew who to blame. I’d guess not since Anna had been such a good liar when it came to her husband, and I’d aided and abetted her by limiting the number of trips we’d made to the ER.
We were directed to the Intensive Care Unit when we arrived at the hospital. A doctor told us Anna’s condition hadn’t changed. Untreated, the swelling in her brain had increased, and she’d lapsed into a coma. They didn’t know if she would wake up.
They let me in Anna’s room first. A nurse cautioned me to stay no longer than the allotted fifteen minutes and left in cushioned shoes. The only sounds in the room came from the machines that monitored Anna’s vital signs.
I was glad to be alone with her. The reckless action I contemplated would not bear witnesses. If I managed to heal Anna, I could end up in a coma my body couldn’t heal. And for what? For a mother who’d let her husband use me as a punching bag.
At her bedside, I scrutinized her faded features. Her brown hair had been smoothed from her face, and her fair skin was pale. Deep black half-moons rested under her closed eyes like upside-down eyebrows. Week-old green and yellow bruises colored her jaw.
Taking a deep breath, I laid a tentative hand on her forearm. I had thirteen minutes left according to the clock on the wall. I let the energy build within before sending it spiraling outward into her. First, I healed the visible bruises on her jaw because I couldn’t stand seeing Dean’s mark on her. Then, I moved on to the head injury, expecting it to be difficult to heal, but it was impossible. Her unconscious mind had become a snarl of black nothing that I couldn’t penetrate. The injury was invisible, and what I couldn’t see, I couldn’t heal. This had never happened before. Panicked, I aimed a wave of energy at her head in a random burst of blue sparks. Exhausted, I held on to the railing of her bed with my free hand to stay upright.
Her eyes flickered open.
I stepped back reeling in shock, but she grasped my hand.
“Remy.” She closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed. I tried to pull free to get a nurse, and she held on tighter.
“Mom?”
I scanned her again, to see if my last-ditch effort had wrought a miracle, but her head proved impenetrable. She wasn’t healed.
Her brown eyes focused on me, and she started crying. “He’ll come after you.”
She sounded terrified. It didn’t come as a surprise to find Dean meant me harm. On top of an oversized ego, he had a vicious streak that would demand vengeance for hurting him. I held tighter to her hand with both of mine and whispered, “It’s okay, Mom. Let’s concentrate on getting you out of here. Then we’ll worry about Dean.”
That made her cry harder. I started to pull my hand free again to get someone to help, but the strength of her grip shocked me. “He knows. All my fault. The journal.”
“Mom, what journal?”
Lost in her memories, she seemed far away when she continued, “Tells truth. About you.”
Her cryptic response made no sense. Was she admitting to knowing about me? “What truth?”
Wrinkles formed as her brow furrowed. “Danger. Find it, baby.”
“What are you talking about?”
No response came from the bed. I wondered if the pain had clouded her reason. This was the first I’d heard of her keeping a journal. Her words made no sense.
She needed a doctor. I forced her hand loose from mine, and her eyes fluttered closed. The instant I freed my hand the machines in the room beeped a shrill warning. Anna’s heart skittered and stopped beating.
“Mom?” Panic streaked through me as I leaned close to listen for her breathing.
No answer.
A group of nurses and doctors rushed into the room. Impersonal hands shoved me out of the way as they set to work, ripping the bedding from my mother and shoving her gown open. Paddles were charged like I’d seen in movies.
“Mom! Please let me . . .” If I could touch her . . .
A doctor with brown hair, the one who’d explained my mother’s injuries in the hall, glared at an unknown person behind me. He shouted, “Get her out of here!”
Someone pushed me from the room. I registered the new set of hands that gripped my shoulders to stop me from running back in. Ben pulled me into his chest and wrapped an arm around me. We stared in joint horror as my mother’s body leaped into the air as the paddles sent volts of electricity into her chest. Then the door closed, cutting off our view.
It didn’t take long for the doctor who’d shouted to come out of the room. His defeated expression told me what I already knew. She was dead. My mother was dead. She had been weak and cold and broke my heart a thousand times. I shouldn’t have loved her.
The emotions roiling through me threatened to send me to the floor in a heap of twisted grief and rage and guilt. Like I had done with the nerves in my burned hand, I cauterized my heart to blunt the pain. I couldn’t stop the flood of obscure details pressing themselves into my memories as I watched the doctor walk up to where Ben and I sat in matching plastic chairs.
“Mr. O’Malley? There wasn’t a lot we could do. The injury was too severe. We knew there was a possibility she wouldn’t regain consciousness.”
They didn’t know. They had no idea she’d woken up and spoken to me, and I couldn’t tell them because of the questions they would ask. I felt the doctor’s eyes on me and wondered if he’d noticed the absence of bruises on Anna or the similar ones on my jaw, but he only said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
He nodded at Ben and turned to stride down the hall.
Ben reached for my elbow, but I stood and called, “Wait!”
The doctor hesitated and looked back. “Yes?”
My voice strengthened as I took a step toward him. “My stepfather. Dean Whitfield. Have the police arrested him?”
He shook his head. “Your mother was alone when she was brought to the hospital.”
“This happened because of him. He killed her. Dean killed her.” His name tasted like poison in my mouth. “He hurt her so many times, and we came here for help. You should’ve stopped him. Why didn’t you stop him?”
My voice sounded harsh with unshed tears. The doctor didn’t respond, and I knew he didn’t have an answer. It wasn’t his fault. He’d never met Anna before. I should have protected my mother, but I’d abandoned her.
The doctor said again, “I’m sorry.” He walked away, and I let him go this time.
Ben tried to embrace me, but I shoved his arms away. I would shatter if he comforted me. “I can’t, Ben. I won’t cry.”
My words upset him, but he allowed me to put space between us. “Tell me what you need, Remy,” he said.
It was an echo of something he’d said when I moved to Blackwell Falls.
“Help me plan the funeral.”
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