Torn (Devils Wolves Book 1) (39 page)

Leaning down close to my face, he pushes my hair to the side, and presses his lips against the spot just behind my ear and whispers in an evil, suggestive tone.

"It
does
make me smile."

He lifts himself off my back and pulls me up so we're both sitting in the dirt driveway.

"You hurt?" He asks.

I brush my clothes off and shake my head. "No, I'm fine."

"You shouldn't have run. And you shouldn't be out here in the fuckin' dark, either. You got any brains in that pretty head of yours?"

"My car died and my phone doesn't work. I didn't know what to do."

"Evil lurks in the dark, waiting for girls like you. I could have just raped the shit out of you. Or worse. Don't think it didn't fuckin' cross my mind."

I blink at him, frozen with fear. I'm alone in the dark with a lunatic who just admitted he thought about raping me.

"You should've stayed in your car."

"You're right." I peek over at him in the dark, grateful the moon is bright enough to throw off enough light for me to be able to see him and attempt to gauge his actions. "I thought you didn't talk anymore." On television the victims try to make small talk to calm the psycho down, so maybe I should try that, too.

He turns to face me and I catch a hint of his blue eyes under the moonlight and the jagged scars that run down the side of his face. "I don't."

"Then why are you talking to me?"

"I guess I'm feelin' fuckin' chatty."

He stands and tugs me up with him, pulling my arm so hard I'm afraid it will snap. "Now you're going to get on the back of my fuckin' bike like I asked and we're going to get a container of gas. You think you can hold it without falling the hell off?"

I nod my head. "Yeah."

"Or if you really want to put a smile on my face, you could come home with me and let me slam you into my headboard for a few hours." He suggests, his eyes roving over my body in a way that makes me feel extremely vulnerable and dirty.

"Ty...I'm in love with your brother."

He nods and makes a clicking noise with his tongue. "Figures." He starts to walk back towards his bike. "Move your ass, Sugar. Consider this repayment for all the fuckin’ smiles."

* * *

I
finally get
home at one a.m. and breathe a massive sigh of relief when I get into the sanction and safety of my own bedroom. This has been the strangest night of my life. While I'm glad that Tyler came along to help me get gas, the altercation with him was bizarre and frightening. I feel like I should tell Tor about it even though Tyler asked me (
more like told me
) not to. His elevator is definitely not going to the top floor and he probably needs to be on some meds if he isn't already.

After changing out of my clothes and into yoga pants, I walk down the hallway to my father’s room. I'm glad to see he's not home as I slip inside and go straight to my mother’s night table, which hasn't been touched since the accident.

Opening the wooden door at the front, I grab the journal on the top of the stack of about ten handmade journals my father has made for my mom over the years that she religiously wrote in.

The leather journal has a lock and the key is around my dad's neck, so I take it over to her jewelry armoire and use an earring hook to pick the tiny lock. I'm hoping there will be some clues in here as to what they were talking about the morning of the accident and if she had feelings for Tor that went beyond friendship. If she did, I have no idea how I'm going to deal with that but it's definitely going to make me feel odd in a lot of ways.

"What are you doing?" His deep voice exploding into the silence makes me jump and I drop the journal. He crosses the room swiftly and picks it up before I have a chance to react. "You picked the lock? Jesus, Kenzi." He gently closes the journal and puts it back where it was in the night table, then turns to stare at me in disbelief.

"I just wanted to read some of it." I say.

"Those are private. I don't even read those. You don't think I want to? You don't think maybe it would help me feel closer to her in so many ways? But I can't, because it's wrong. These aren't our words to read, Kenzi. They're hers."

I stare up at him, feeling guilty because I know what he's saying is true. "I don't know how you do it, Dad. How do you keep your sanity with all of this?"

"With lots of love and faith. That's how. What are you hoping to find in these journals, Kenzi? Talk to me if something is on your mind."

I shrug helplessly. "I don't know. Lots of things I guess. I miss her, and I feel like I should have had more time to get to know her better. But if you really want to know, I was wondering about the conversation you two were having the morning of the accident."

"What conversation?"

"Mom said that
Tor understands and why can't you?
What did that mean?"

He sits on the bed with a distant look on his face, like he's trying to rewind back to that day. I sit next to him and wait.

"Mom wanted out of the band life," he finally says. "She wanted me out, too. She was tired of both of us traveling all the time, never having privacy or enough time with you, and she wanted to have another baby. I guess she and Tor had talked about it and he was supportive of it. And I get that. There's been a lot of times when I wanted out of the band, too, but it's hard to give up. It's been my entire life. All my blood, sweat, and tears. I love the rush of the audience, of writing and singing new songs. You and your mom have always been more important to me, but leaving the band...it's just such a hard thing to even think about. It would affect my brothers, and my cousins, too, since they're in the band. I have to think about everyone involved, ya know? It's not easy."

"I understand, Dad."

"That morning we were talking about it again. Sometimes your mom would mention that Tor was always so understanding, and he is. That's just who he fuckin' is and what we all love about him. But sometimes I got sick of hearing it. Nobody wants to hear that another guy understand his wife better than he does sometimes. That's all it was."

He grabs my mother’s pillow and holds it against his chest. "I'm sorry I yelled at you about the journal. It's just private and I try to respect her personal things."

I feel ashamed of myself for prying into her journal. "I'm sorry I tried to read them. I've just been moody and confused lately."

"I can take you to see her, Kenzi. Maybe if you just sit and talk to her, you'll feel better. That's what I do. There's a good chance she can hear us, the doctor said so."

My heart does the lurch and freeze like it does every time we talk about my mother. I don't know if I can sit by her bed, hold her lifeless hand, and chatter on about my day while she lays in a bed, trapped in sleep. A few times I've tried but it doesn't feel like she's there, and it seems cruel to talk to her when she can't respond. What if she can hear us and she
wants
to respond and she feels trapped and scared? What if she is really petrified, wherever she may be mentally? Or is there just nothing there anymore? These are the things that drive me insane and make me sick with worry. All I know for sure is I miss her smile and her amazing eyes that once held so much life and happiness.

"I'll think about it." I say.

"Kenzi...what's going on with you? You've been acting so off lately. You were totally preoccupied with Sydni being at the hospital with Tor, and you've been distant and distracted. Even the trip to Katherine's was sudden. You never just do things like that, you always plan. You're not flighty."

I struggle for the right words. "I don't know. I guess just basic life confusion after graduation." I offer weakly.

He shakes his head and turns his body to face mine. "I'm so good at reading everyone else in this family. I can
feel
what's going on with all of them, like a deep intuition, if that makes any sense. It's always been there. But with you....it's so hard." He sighs and hugs the pillow tighter. "I know this will sound crazy, but since the accident, I dream about your mom, and she shows me things. Like things that are going on with people we love. Like the day Uncle Talon got married. I dreamt that your mom showed me his wife all alone, with no one to walk her down the aisle. That's why I walked her." His eyes close and he leans his chin on the pillow. "I sound like a head case."

"No, Dad. You really don't," I reply softly. "You sound like someone who has an amazing connection with their wife and the people they love."

He studies my face some more. "Where were you tonight? It's late. Actually, you've been coming home late almost every night. Chloe's in New York, so where are you every night? Who are you with? I feel like I have no idea what you do anymore or who you spend time with, and I don't like it. I don't want to lose you, Kenzi."

Swallowing hard, I refuse to lie right to his face.
I can't.
"I was at Tor's. Watching movies."

His stare deepens and his expression changes to one I've never seen before. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his cell phone.

"That's funny. I sent a text to Tor earlier asking if he wanted to grab a drink and he wrote back that he was spending the night with a chick. Did his plans change?"

My heart goes into ballistic overdrive. "Oh. I'm not sure." I stand up and my legs wobble with shaky nervousness. "I'm going to go to bed. It's late."

"Is something going on?" He asks, with a touch of suspicion in his voice.

"No, Daddy. I'm just tired."

He follows me down the hall to my bedroom and my panic escalates with each step. His radar is tuned directly at me and that is definitely not a good sign.

"Why are you hovering?" I ask him. "I just want to go to sleep." My cell phone beeps from where it's laying on my bed and his eyes immediately go to it. I reach for it but he grabs it from my hand.

"Dad-"

His jaw clenches and his eyes go wide as he stares at the screen.

"What. The. Fuck." He says with agonizing slowness, his gaze shifting to mine. "Is something going on with you and
Tor
?" He asks in disbelief.

I snatch the phone away from him and quickly read the screen.

Tor: I love you, Angel. I can't stand the way you left tonight. Please call me. Any time tonight, I don't care. I just want to hear your voice.

"
D
ad
...he always says he loves me." I try to brush it off casually and roll my eyes a little for added effort but his eyes take on a dark anger that tells me he's not going to let this go.

"No," he says, shaking his head. "This is different. What the hell is going on? Why is he texting you at almost two in the goddamn morning, asking you to call him so he can hear your voice?"

"We had an argument."

"About what?"

I stare at him, frozen, unable to think fast enough. I'm not a liar. I don't know how to do this. I don’t
want
to do this. My lips quiver and tears brim in my eyes as I watch the truth settle in his, making him take a deep breath. His hand goes to the center of his chest, as if he's in immense pain, and his eyes shut for a long moment before opening again, revealing tears.

"Dad..." I whisper. "I'm so sorry."

He doesn't move. He just stands there, taking deep breaths, clutching at his chest. Fear grips me like a vice at the thought of him having a heart attack from the shock and stress of what he's just pieced together.

I gently touch his arm. "Dad...are you okay?" I ask softly.

"No. I'm not okay." He replies, rubbing his chest. "Did he
touch
you?"

My head shakes back and forth. "It's not like that."

"What does that mean?"

I don't know what to say, or how to say it. How do I explain what Tor and I have to my Dad? I was never supposed to go through this alone. Tor and I were going to tell him together and try to explain what happened in a way that he would understand.

I just have no idea how we thought we were going to do that.

"Kenzi?" He urges. "Answer me. What the hell does that mean?"

"We love each other." I say, my voice shaking with a myriad of emotions. It seemed like the best, most honest answer. I thought it would cover everything that needed to be said.

"What?"
The word rips out of him in a tormented roar that shakes the walls.

"Daddy...let me call Tor and have him come over so we can all talk together," I say, hoping he'll agree and Tor will be able to calm him down and then everything will be okay.

"I'll kill that motherfucker," he seethes. "This is why you were so upset about Sydni at the hospital. Isn't it?"

I cringe away from him, wishing I hadn't had such a meltdown that day in the hospital. This is all my fault. I should have been more careful.

"Isn't it?" he bellows.

"Yes," I answer. "Please stop yelling.
Please.
"

A crazy grin crosses his lips, so foreign compared to his normal handsome, charming smile. "Stop yelling? You want me to stop yelling?" he asks, his voice only rising with each word.

"Yes. Please let me explain."